"Are you okay?" Chae-rin's eyes are attentive and looking in mine, trying to read what emotions are going through my mind right now.
Am I okay? If she had asked me that two weeks ago, I would say no. I'm not okay. Now, though? Especially since I've seen her and we've made up... I think I might be. Maybe? "I don't know. I mean, no, I'm not, but yes...I guess I am?"
There's a softness in her eyes and she gives me a small smile before moving forward to wrap her arms around me. She pats my back lightly and I close my eyes, letting my head rest in the crevice of her neck. "I'm sorry, Joon. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. I'm here if you want to talk."
"I know," I mumble. "But, I think...I'm okay." I pull away and give her a smile and her eyes turn into crescents before she starts smiling again.
She lets go of me and nods. "Okay."
For the rest of the day, Chae-rin and I spend it together. I have a lot to make up for and I feel horrible for treating her the way I did. To top it all off, I even bruised her last night when we had that intense night. I don't know what overcame me! I just needed to show her how much I had been craving her touch and her body. I wanted to shower her with the affection that I've been wanting to give her. I just didn't realize how...animalistic I was going to be. I can't believe I fucked her raw.
With Ae-ra, I've never been rough like that. I don't know why, but I've never had the need to be so dominant and needy when I was with her. It was more...tender. It was just different. It was sweet, loving and affectionate. There were more soft kisses and feather light touches involved when we were together.
To be honest, a lot of the things I've done with Chae-rin I have never really done more than once. I don't normally have such a dirty mouth when I'm having sex. I don't normally go so hard nor have I ever been so...carnal in the act of sex before. Sure, I've craved my previous partner's body, but never the way I want Chae-rin. There's this raw desire to show her and she responds so well to it.
"Are you listening?" She waves her hand in front of my face and I blink before I see her brows furrowing. "You weren't listening, huh?" She answers herself.
"I was," I tell her. "I really was."
"What did I just say then? Tell me."
"You said," I reply, racking my brain, "something about...Eun-ha?" Honestly, that's the last thing I remember.
She frowns and folds her arms over her chest. "No. What are you thinking about that you zoned out?" And then she gasps. "Oh, are you okay? Are you thinking about Ae-ra? Are you okay? Do you want to talk?"
"N-no," I shake my head. "I mean, yes, I was but it's not what you think. I'm okay."
She leans in slightly closer. "Talk to me, Joon. It's okay to tell me what you're thinking. Express your emotions."
"Really, it's not-"
"Just tell me," she cuts me off. "You are known to hold in your feelings. Just tell me. It's not healthy for you to hold things in. It's-"
For whatever reason, I feel like fine, maybe I should tell her. "I was thinking about how sex with you is so exciting and how it's not the same with my past partners."
Her jaw slacks and she scoots away from me as she clears her throat. "O-oh," she hums. She bites her top lip and looks away, flustered.
"You told me to tell you," I say, amused.
"So," she clears her throat again, "um, what do you mean by that?"
Her question actually takes me by surprise. I was not expecting her to ask me to elaborate. A little stunned, I let out a chuckle before answering her. "I just feel like with you, I do a lot more stuff."
Her eyes finally meet mine and she raises a brow. "Like what?"
"Like...dirty talk," I give her. "I'm not normally so vocal when it comes to having sex, but for whatever reason, I can't keep my mouth shut when I'm with you."
She scratches the side of her neck and nods. "Hm, okay. So, are you usually so dominating in bed?"
"Er, I mean, I usually will take the lead if that's what you're asking," I say.
"No, I meant are you usually rough like that? I mean, don't get me wrong. I like the roughness and it's not too much. There's still some...I don't know, some gentle moments? I don't know how to explain it."
I laugh and tell her, "I know exactly what you're trying to say. And to answer your question, no."
"Oh," she breathes out. "Well, then..." she lets her sentence trail off, looking away.
"I don't know why sex with you makes me like that," I confess. "There's something about you that makes me...I don't know, act like that. I think it's also because you like it."
She snorts and her head snaps back to my direction. "How do you know I like it?"
"Because you do, don't you?" I raise my brow, knowing the answer already. "You respond to all the things I do so well and you always finish more than once."
She presses her lips into a thin line before rolling her eyes. "Fine," she exhales, "okay. I like it like that because you know what? I've never had it like that either. I'm not normally as loud as I am, but for whatever reason, I can't help it when I'm with you."
I don't know why, but that really boosts my ego. I sit up, just a little straighter and I let out a small laugh. She knows that and she rolls her eyes at me, shaking her head. "What?"
"Don't let it go to your head," she tells me.
"I'm not," I lie.
"So, you were thinking about all of this while I was talking to you? That's why you weren't listening to me?"
"Uh, yes?" I don't know if she's going to be mad or not, so I was hesitant to answer her. I really don't want to fight.
"Weirdo," is all she comments before standing up and walking to her bedroom.
I don't know what to do with that! Is she upset? There wasn't anything in her tone that indicated she was, but I don't know! Why did she just get up like that and walk away? She didn't even smile at me. I quickly follow her, one step behind her. She pivots swiftly and I seize onto her as I crash against her body.
She lets out a small yelp before saying, "Why are you following me so closely?"
"Why do you stop like that?!" I haaaaaate how she does that. It's my biggest pet peeve of hers. "I hate when you pivot like that!"
"Because I heard you so closely behind me!" She swats my hands off of her and continues to her room as I follow, but a few steps behind this time. "Why are you following me?" she laughs.
"Because I thought you were mad at me," I say.
She turns around from searching through her dresser and laughs. "Mad at you? Why would I be mad for?" She pulls out a shirt and then digs around before pulling out some jeans.
"I don't know? Because I wasn't listening to you?" I actually have no clue why I'm acting like this. I don't know why I feel so anxious for.
"I'm not mad at you." She pulls on her bra underneath her shirt before she strips off her pajama shirt. I gulp as I watch her bra cup her breasts so perfectly as she slips the strap on and readjust. "I was just saying you're weird." She catches me staring and she shakes her head. "Pervert." She quickly tosses on her shirt and smirks. "We can't do anything today. I am too sore for you to be rough." She quickly pulls her shorts down and though I love the lace undies she wears, there's something even more sexy about her wearing just those seamless panties. She pulls up her jeans and tsks at me. "You like what you see?" she teases.
"Always," I lick my lips.
She laughs and shakes her head. "No, Joon. Seriously, I am too sore. Must I remind you of the bruises you left on my ass?"
I wince at the thought of it and shake my head. "No." I walk over to her and rub her butt cheek, like I did this morning. "Again, I'm sorry."
She grins and pulls away from me. "I told you, I'm okay. I'm just a little achy." She moves around me to grab a light jacket before zipping it up.
"Where are you going? Why are you changing?"
"We are going out," she tells me. "Hurry and change. I'll wait for you in the living room." She walks out of the room, leaving me to change in private.
---
"You could have warned me that we were going to see your brother," I hiss, slightly nervous. "Is he still mad at me?"
"What makes you think he's mad at you?"
"Because I ghosted you for two week and the fact that he almost beat me up at the campsite," I say. "If it weren't for Jungkook, Yoongi would have for sure punched me."
"Yeah, he mentioned that to me," she nods. "Of course, at the time, I almost didn't care." She shrugs. "But don't worry, you'll be fine. I won't let him hit you."
"Hey may not hit me, but he will still attack me with words." I shift in my seat, contemplating if I want to leave. Is she doing this on purpose? Am I still getting punished for what I did? Sure, last night was pleasurable even though it was punishment and slightly torturous not being able to feel her up, but I also suspect she would plan this meeting too just to get me to squirm.
"Joon, trust me," she bumps into my arm playfully.
Just then, Yoongi walks through the doors of the restaurant and his eyes are sharp and dark as he focuses on me. His usually stoic face is completely readable right now. He wants to murder me for hurting his sister. I gulp down nothing, my throat dry. Oh shit. Yoongi may be smaller than me, but he can kick my ass. I know it.
"Chae-rin," he says, sitting across from her. "Why are you sitting next to this fucker for?" His eyes cut to me, glaring. "Why are you sitting next to my sister? You think you can just casually come back like that after making her-"
"Oppa," she cuts him off. "I invited you here because I know you two also have not been talking. Please, can you two make up?"
"Hell no," he retorts quickly.
"Oppa, I forgave him," she tells him. "We talked and everything is okay. Please, can you two get over it too?"
Yoongi takes a deep breath in before sighing. "You think that you can just ditch my baby sister like that and be forgiven? You've lost my trust and respect, Namjoon. Especially because you just ignored her for two weeks, skipped out on her graduation, her graduation party and made her cry!"
She cried? I made her cry? I mean...I saw her cry when I went to apologize, but I didn't think she had cried before that. The guilt that I thought had disappeared is back and it's eating me alive again. My heart pinches as well as my stomach as I imagine her crying at her own graduation because she thought I wasn't there. I ruined her happiest day.
"Oppa!" she hisses.
"What?! Are you going to lie to him and not tell him how sad you were? He should know that you were so upset you barely wanted to go to your own graduation party!" Yoongi's voice is sharp and I can hear an edge in his tone. "You don't deserve my sister or her forgiveness after what you did."
"You're right," I breathe. "I don't." It's not a lie.
"At least we agree on something then," Yoongi huffs.
"Oppa, either way, Namjoon is going to be a part of my life. He's my best friend, okay? He's not going anywhere."
"Hyung," I finally say, looking at him. "I am so sorry. I have apologized to your sister profusely and I feel like the biggest asshole in the world. Trust me, the opinions you have of me are the same I have of myself but mine are probably worse. I didn't intend on hurting your sister and I understand that you're upset at me for hurting her. You're her brother and you want her to be safe and obviously...I didn't do a good job at protecting her since I'm the reason why she was so sad." I sigh, running my hands through my hair. "I am sorry, hyung. Please, at least consider accepting my apology."
Yoongi presses his lips into a thin line and just stares at me and then his eyes cut to his sister before moving back to me again. "You better not fuck up again," he mutters before opening the menu. "So, are we drinking or what?" His voice is lighter and I feel like this is his way of saying it's water under the bridge.
I relax my shoulders slightly and I feel Chae-rin relax too.
Hours...hours have passed and I am still here, drinking with hyung. Chae-rin has been sipping on soda the entire time and she has this look on her face. She's so cute. She's so serious. I let out a small laugh and hyung starts laughing too. He's tipsy and so am I.
"Namjoon, you know I've always known you liked my sister?" He's leaning in as if he's telling me a secret. "I knew it."
I smile and nod. "How did you know? When?"
"Three years after you guys became friends. I saw you look at her and I knew. I just knew that you had feelings for her. You had these puppy dog eyes, heart eyes for her." He snorts. "It took you long enough to ask her out."
"Me? I had heart eyes for her? Me?" Did I? "Is this the look that Jin hyung was talking about?"
"Look?" Yoongi looks just as confused as he looks.
"Yeah," I grin, staring at Chae-rin who is just staring at the both of us, frowning. "Why are you not smiling?" I say to her.
"Because I want to go home," she complains.
"You're giving her the heart eyes right now," Yoongi chuckles. "It's gross. She's my sister."
"I can't help it," I shrug. "I have heart eyes." I lean in to her, resting my head against her arm. She shrugs me off and I pout. "Chae-rin," I whine.
She rolls her eyes and stands up. "I'm going to go pay. It's late. We should get going. Oppa, I texted Se-yeon unnie to pick you up since your car is here. She said she's taking a cab here to drive you home."
When she disappears, Yoongi's smile drops and his face turns serious again. Oh no. What now? Was this all an act to convince Chae-rin that he's okay when he really isn't?! My throat becomes dry and I take a sip of water to ease my nerves. I have a feeling whatever is going to come out of his mouth next is not something I want to hear.
"Do you love my sister?"
That is definitely not what I was expecting him to ask me.
"Um, of course I love-"
"No, I mean do you love my sister?" He folds his arms across his chest. "Are you in love with her? Do you see yourself falling in love with her?"
"W-what?"
"It's a simple question, Namjoon." He raises his brow at me, his eyes piercing.
Is it? I don't think it's as simple as he thinks. "Hyung, it's still so early... We've only-"
"It hasn't, though," he cuts me off. "You've known my sister for over ten years, you've been infatuated with her for seven or more of those years and you already love her as a best friend. So really, the answer should come pretty naturally to you."
"I've been infatuated with her?"
"Well, haven't you?"
"I, I-"
"Are you guys ready? Se-yeon unnie is outside waiting," Chae-rin comes in, smiling, unaware of the conversation her brother and I were having.