Fade in to Grif and Simmons looking straight down.
Grif: Yep, that's a hole alright.
Simmons: That's what I told you!
Grif: Huh. And Sarge's body is gone.
Simmons: Right. I think it fell through that hole in to the cavern.
Grif: Maybe he just disappeared. Dead things do that when you bury 'em. That's part of the circle of life, you know. It's a miracle when you think about it. No reason to go randomly exploring caves which may or may not contain hundreds of evil bats, that would just be interfering with God's divine plan.
Simmons: Okay, A, Sarge wasn't dead; B, decomposing takes months, not minutes; C, his armour would still be here; and D, shut up, you're going down there. Now.
Grif: Why? What do we really need Sarge for anyway? All he ever did was yell at us a bunch and tell us we suck, we'll just split up his duties. You yell at me and I'll tell you you suck.
Simmons: Shut up and get in the hole Grif!
Grif: You suck, Simmons. Hoho man, this new system's already workin' out great! We should have thought of this years ago.
Simmons: Grif, don't you understand that because we lost Sister, we're horribly outnumbered. We already lost Donut and Sarge, now it's four on two. The Blues are probably gearing up for an enormous attack right now. At any moment they're gonna come over that hill, guns blazing yelling "CHAAAARGE!"
Cut to the battleground that suddenly surrounds the Blues as Tex ruthlessly shoots at them.
Church: RETREAT!!!
Tucker: Aaaaaaahhhh!
Caboose: Running, running, running, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.
Sister: Who is that?
Tucker: That's Tex.
Sister: Whoah, he's a badass.
Caboose: (hit) Ow.
Sister: He's kinda hot.
The Blues take cover behind their base, where surprisingly someone was already there.
Tucker: Tex isn't a guy, she's a girl.
Sister: Oh, sorry. She's a badass. She's kinda hot!
Tucker: She's actually Church's ex-girlfriend.
Sister: Oh yeah? Why aren't you guys dating any more?
Church: Are you seriously asking that question right now?
Rayner: Honestly I'm more surprised he ever dated her to begin with.
Church: What the-how the fuck did you get here so fast? I could've sworn you were standing there last.
Rayner: Bitch please, the moment I sensed her there I was gone like the wind.
Caboose: Last time I was shot, I got a Purple Heart. Yeah uh I hope this time, I get a Purple Lung. You see eventually I, I hope to build an entire purple person. And we will be best friends.
Tucker: Maybe you should ask for a Purple Brain.
Caboose: You're just jealous, 'cause you have no friends.
Tucker: Why is she shooting at us?
Church: How do I know? And why are you acting like this is unusual?
Rayner: 'Cause usually she always starts with you before moving on to the rest of us.
Church: Yeah that sounds about right
Tucker: Well, go out there and tell her to stop.
Church: Yeah, I'll get right on that.
Sister: Uh, isn't the leader, y'know, supposed to do something?
Church: Why yes, Mr. Leader. What grand plans do you have to get us out of this situation?
Rayner: Hmm, I think I've got one.
Church: Well what is-
Rayner suddenly kicks Church out into the open.
Church: OW! Oh you mother fucke-
Church is immediately shot in the head, leaving a standing ghost and ugly body behind.
Church: Son of a bitch!
Rayner: Now, let's see if she's satisfied with our sacrifice. Yo Tex-
Rayner pokes his hand out from behind the rock and just barely pulled it back from getting hit by a bullet.
Rayner: Damn, she's more blood thirsty than usual.
Church: Any more bright ideas, fucker?
Rayner: Welp, time for plan B. Yo Tex! If you stop shooting at us I'll pay you!
He holds his hand out again, but this time it doesn't get shot at.
Rayner: Well there you go.
Church: Seriously? That couldn't have been plan A?
Rayner: Hey, I had to make sure if I can or can't solve it in the least wasteful way first.
Tucker: It's times like these I'm really glad you're our leader.
Church: Screw you two. Whatever, I'm gonna go get my body back.
Cut to the inside of the cavern, as Grif falls screaming to the ground and lands on the front of his face
Simmons: (landing gracefully behind him) Tada!
Grif: (standing up) Ugh, you didn't have to push.
Simmons: Yeah I didn't have to, but it sure was fun. I got a cool screenshot from my visor of you flailing too. Guess who has a new desktop wallpaper... This guy!
Back to the Blues courageously behind their base.
Church: Hey Tucker, is my body on straight?
Tucker: Dude I don't even know what that means.
Tex: Freeze! Nobody move. And Rayner, I'm holding on to you for that.
Rayner: Yeah yeah, don't worry about it.
Tucker: We're already not moving. You could have just said "everyone keep doing what you're not doing."
Tex: Shut up!
Tucker: Whatever.
Church: Tex, what is your problem?
Tex: My problem is that O'Malley isn't in Doc any more. He's jumped in to somebody new, and I'm not trustin' anybody until I find out who.
Church: Yeah, we already know all that. We're on top of the situation.
Tex: You are? Then who did O'Malley jump in to?
Church: Oh. Yeah I meant, I meant we were on top of everything right up until that point.
Tex: Typical.
Sister: Who's O'Malley?
Tucker: Eah, it's just some computer program that wants to destroy the Universe. He infects people around here from time to time, but neh, it's no big deal.
Sister: Sounds scary.
Tucker: Naw, it's all good baby, I'll protect you.
Sister: Hyeah, that's what the last guy said, and now I can't stop scratchin'.
Tucker: Okay, never mind.
Church: None of us are infected Tex, but I am a little worried about the tank. She's been actin' really weird lately. Can an A.I. implant in a ... Tex?
Tex: Who's the girl?
Tucker: Who Sister? She's just a new recruit. Since Flowers died command promoted one of us to captain and she's here to replace the guy that got promoted.
Sister: Sup hot stuff.
Tex: Really? Wait who is it?
Rayner: Uhm, me, that would be me.
Tex: Hmm, good choice.
Church: (mutters) I'm still technically the leader...
Tex: Is that so Church? Then why don't you tell me why you asked command for a new girl instead of a guy, huh?
Church: Wait, that's not, um, uhhh...
Tucker: Whoa. Tread lightly dude, tread lightly.
Caboose: You know, I wasn't actually scared, until right, just, now.