3 months later...
{Levi's POV}
I was on my way to see Hange in the Inner City when a familiar face stopped me in my tracks.
The last few months had been nearly unbearable. I spent most of my nights trying to keep myself awake because anytime I fell asleep I dreamed of Mercy. The dreams were so sweet sometimes I wished I'd never wake up.
I dreamed of our wedding day. She wore a pure white dress with a sweetheart neckline while a dainty silver necklace hung from her neck. Her hair was pulled into a braided updo the same way it was when we danced together for the first and last time.
She smiled as the priest asked us to say our vows, and I could still remember her sweet voice as she spoke about our love and her devotion to me. It all felt so real as I held her hands and stared into her beautiful eyes.
The next dream I had we were simply doing laundry, but even that was the most bittersweet task. Her hair was pulled back and she wore a dark grey shirt that hung from her loosely. It was a subtle day, the sun shone bright through the windows and illuminated her like an angel. I remembered telling her how pretty she looked and how sweet her smile was. Anytime she smiled I felt like I could die.
After that came the children.
In my mind, only at night did I have a family of my own. I dreamt of her smiling at me as she sat in the rocking chair in the corner.
She was caressing her pregnant belly and smiling at me warmly. I never wanted kids until I met her. I wanted her to bare my children, I wanted to grow old with her, and every time I woke up I not only missed Mercy but I missed our children.
I tried to stay up as much as I could, but sometimes I crawled into bed and curled up in the covers just so I could see them all again. I'd hold the covers to my face and cry my eyes out until I fell asleep. They still smelled like her, and even a clean freak like me couldn't bring myself to wash them.
Our first child was born on a sunny day. It was a boy. He had my eyes and Mercy's brown hair. I could still see her holding our baby in her arms and smiling at me.
God, how I missed them, but how could I miss something I never had?
Mercy was still with me even if it was only in my mind. I wished I could hold her, to smell her, to taste her again. I couldn't fill the hole, not with tea, not with sleep, not with work. I had a Mercy sized hole in my heart, and it cried and wailed out for her.
I dreamt of her cooking dinner while I took our son out into the woods to fetch fire wood.
He grew up to be a handsome little fella, and I even gave him my hair cut.
Then came our daughter.
She had Mercy's big green eyes and wild black hair and she was ornery. She said the funniest things anyone could imagine, and I remembered feeling my heart swell every time I held her in my arms. I remembered waking up and seeing that my arms were empty and being confused and heartbroken.
I dreamt of Mercy scolding our children while also being the best mother anyone could imagine.
I dreamt that Amelia and my mother were proud of us, as they watched their grandchildren play.
My dreams haunted me in the sweetest way possible, because at least while I slept I had Mercy and I lived an entire lifetime at night.
I hated waking up more than words could describe.
I wasn't sure where they kept Mercy, or if they were successful at wiping her memory of me, but I felt like she was far away. I could feel it in my bones that she was nowhere near, and my chest ached with a longing that could never be satisfied.
I was on my way to the Inner City. I had to talk to Hange about my report from the Marley mission. We had intercepted their ship and even taken some Marlians hostage. One of them was the best cook and Sasha easily took a liking to him. I remembered how jealous I felt when I'd see the two together.
At least someone will get their happy ending, I would think.
I was walking on the street towards the Inner City building when a blue eyed brown haired boy caught my eye. He resembled my son from my dreams, and it didn't take me but a second to realize who he was.
Alexander from the Underground, but what was he doing above ground?
He held his mother's hand as they walked in the street and I felt determined to walk on but something stopped me.
We hadn't put the plan into motion of sneaking the Underground people up, so how did he slip past the guards and live up here?
I was partly happy to see he was safe from Mercy's father's wrath and his 'taxes' but I was mostly confused.
"Hey, kiddo," I said hoarsely as I cleared my throat. Alexander whipped his head in my direction and looked up at me with widened eyes.
"Levi of the Scouts!" He beamed as his mother looked at me with warm eyes. She seemed like a sweet woman.
"How did you get up here?" I chuckled as his mother stared at me with a worried expression.
"The blond haired lady saved us!" The boy smiled as his mother tugged on his hand lightly.
"We aren't supposed to tell people about this, honey," She said shakily as she glanced at me. I held my hands up and nodded my head.
"Your secret is safe with me," I chuckled hollowly. "I was just wondering who brought you guys up here..."
Alexander's mother glanced around her for any higher ups before she leaned in.
"I can't remember her name, but I think it started with an 'm' or an 'n' maybe... She has been sneaking us up here and labeling us as refugees from the last Titan attack. She said a revolt is coming and everyone needs to be out of the Underground, or at least as many as possible..."
A blond haired woman with the name starting with an 'n' or an 'm'?
It couldn't be...
Mary was dead.
"So she-"
"We should get going," the woman chuckled nervously as she pulled on Alexander's arms. "Say bye to your friend, Alex."
"Goodbye, Levi! I can't wait to become a Scout just like you," he beamed. He seemed so much happier as he stared at the sky and took in the sun's rays.
"Well, hopefully you never have to become one," I chuckled as he waved at me and walked along.
For the first time in a long time I didn't think of Mercy. Of course she was still in the back of my mind, but for the first time I started to wonder.
Was Mary actually... dead?
I made my way toward Hange.
"A blond haired woman?" They asked as they stared out the window of the Inner City building. "You don't think..."
"I don't know what to think," I chuckled. My tongue had to hold back it's questions about Mercy as I stared at Hange with tired eyes. "She's dead."
"But was it confirmed?"
"By Vinson and his men, yes," I said.
"What if they pushed the wrong woman out the window?"
"I doubt they'd make that mistake, but it's not impossible..."
"Whatever the case, at least someone has successfully gotten a jump on the situation," Hange said matter of factly as they turned around to face me. "That's one more family saved from the revolt..."
I nodded my head and dropped it as I stared at the table in front of me. My heart started to weep as I thought about Mercy. If her aunt was alive she would be so happy.
Hange tilted their head at me and sighed.
"I shouldn't say anything about the situation but... she still remembers you."
My heart stopped as I heard those words drip from their lips. I whipped my head upward until I stared at them. I opened my mouth to speak but Hange quickly held a hand up to stop me.
"Not in the way you think," They chuckled sadly. "She... still feels you."
"What do you mean?" I asked as my expression became hopeful.
She still remembered me..
"She doesn't remember you or even recognize your name.. I was successful in wiping her memory of you..."
My heart dropped to the floor. She was gone. My Mercy was gone.
"...But she still feels you," Hange said as they took a seat in front of my and leaned back in their chair. "She said she doesn't know how to explain it other than she has a memory of loving someone, of someone loving her, she just doesn't remember who or anything else."
I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to crash to the floor and beg a god for death, but instead I sat still in my seat as my feeling festered.
"I wiped her memory of the target," Hange continued quietly. "She doesn't know of a target, only that her mother is dead and her father is a piece of shit who wants to revolt against the above ground people. She wants to fight him, to fight with us. My plan, i-it worked."
I could hear the sadness in Hange's voice as they spoke. They felt for me, and I felt for me too. I wasn't one to feel sorry for myself but Mercy changed a lot of things about me.
She remembered me...
"What else has she said about me?" I asked. I wanted to ask them if they erased Lee from her memory but I refrained. I couldn't risk it.
"She said she has a person sized hole in her heart..." they said. "She said she misses someone but she doesn't know who. She has a hard time describing it to me. She can feel... colors. She feels a presence and the color blue but I'm not sure how to depict that..."
She remembered my love for her, and even if she didn't remember me that was all I could ask for. I wanted her back so bad that it felt like my bones would break from yearning, like my heart would crumble, but if she knew that someone loved her deeply that was good enough for me.
"I see," I said through a sigh.
I wanted to lay down and go to sleep so I could see her again.
Wait.
If Hange's plan was successful then that meant I could finally see her, right?
I opened my mouth to speak but Hange quickly held a hand up again.
"I know you think you can see her, but you can't. There's no need for it."
"Hange-"
"Levi, it will only hurt you more and you know it. You need to drop it."
I regretfully nodded my head. They were right: seeing her wouldn't have been productive, it only would have made my heart hurt even more.
"I understand" I said as I pulled in a deep breath. I just wanted my Mercy back. I felt like I was a caged animal, and the cage was in the middle of a beautiful rain forest. Freedom, love, happiness just out of my grasp by those damn bars.
Hange sighed and tilted their head at me.
"I'm sorry, Levi," they said softly and I laughed and shook my head.
"You did what you had to do," I said. "At least she's alive..."
"At least she's alive," Hange repeated as they smiled a sad grin. They blew raspberries off their lips and put their hands on their hips. "There's something else..."
I lifted my eyes from the table and stared at them expectantly as I waited for Hange to continue. Hange pulled in a deep breath and sighed as they straightened their posture.
"Her Aunt Mary left her a letter," they said and I quickly perked up.
"How-"
"It was with the blueprints to her device," Hange explained. "I haven't given it to her yet. She's suppose to meet me at HQ sometime today and pick it up, and before you say anything I don't want you anywhere near HQ for the rest of the day."
Hange's words were taunting, tempting even. If they didn't want me anywhere near the HQ building then they shouldn't have said anything.
I tilted my head at Hange and they quickly shook theirs.
"I mean it, Levi."
"What did the letter say?"
"Read for yourself..."
Hange shot me a warning glance before stepping forward and pulling a folded piece of paper out of their pocket. They held it out to me and I hesitatingly took it.
I unfolded the envelope and began reading.
𝗠𝗲𝗿𝗰𝘆,
𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜'𝗺 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗱, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗹𝘂𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗰𝗲... 𝗪𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝗮𝗹𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝗲𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗻. 𝗛𝗼𝘄𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝘀𝗲, 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀 𝘄𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲. 𝗜 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗱 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝘄𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿, 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗹𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘄𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝘄𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗮𝗻𝗲. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗲𝘆𝗲𝘀, 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝘁, 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝘀 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗮𝘀 𝗜'𝗺 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂. 𝗜 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗹𝗹 𝗱𝗼 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗜'𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗼𝗿 𝗻𝗼𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜'𝗺 𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗼 𝘀𝗼𝗼𝗻... 𝗞𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗹 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 (𝘀𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹, 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆). 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗲'𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲. 𝗜 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝗻𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗹 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲. 𝗜 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂, 𝗠𝗲𝗿𝗰𝘆.
-𝗔𝘂𝗻𝘁 𝗠𝗮𝗿𝘆
I couldn't help but let a smile creep across my lips.
"Mercy is going to love this..." I whispered as my heart felt warm. It was crazy how grief worked. One minute I would be swallowed by it and the next it would spit me out. One moment it would be tearing me to shreds and the next wiping my tears. I missed Mercy, I missed Amelia, but as I read Mary's letter I couldn't help but feel peace.
Hange held their hand out and took the letter from me before folding it up and putting it in their pocket once again.
"Don't return to the Regiment until sundown, got it?" Hange sighed as they tilted their head at me again and I regretfully nodded. Despite my own desires I didn't plan on going to HQ to see Mercy. I knew it would only hurt me, and the last thing Hange needed on their plate was to deal with my disobedience.
Besides, I wasn't sure what I'd do if I saw her again anyway.
My heart wept at the thought of her stepping foot in the Scout Regiment and me not seeing her. If I saw her I wouldn't know what to say, or how to feel. I'd want to pull her into my arms but it just wasn't possible.
I rose to my feet as I couldn't stop thinking and Hange headed for the door before stopping and turning around.
"Levi?"
I shook my thoughts away and looked up.
"Yeah?"
"You probably wouldn't want to see her... She's different."
"Well, yeah, she's different. She doesn't remember me," I said bitterly and Hange's eyes fell to the floor.
"She's... bitter."
My eyes narrowed as I listened to their short explanation.
"She isn't the happy-go-lucky, witty girl you remember, Levi," Hange explained further. "She's cold and aloof. She's angry... She... reminds me of you and the way you were before her."
"Oh..." I said sadly but Hange chuckled and it caught my attention.
"I just think that goes to show how much you meant to her, Levi."
"How's that?" I said hollowly.
"This is the way she'd be if she never met you," they said. "She was happy and fearless and at peace because of you and now that you're gone she's a shell of who she was. She's angry and hurt from her father and her childhood. She's got a massive chip on her shoulder. She can't even fake being friendly because she says she doesn't have the time to be nice. She's just... different..."
"Are you saying I've changed since Mercy?" I chuckled as I thought of Mercy's change. Not only was I wiped from her memory but she was completely wiped of herself and my heart ached. She really was gone.
"You're no longer humanity's biggest asshole if that's what you're getting at," Hange chuckled and I couldn't help but laugh along with them.
"Good to know..."
I stayed out of the Scout Regiment for the rest of the evening like Hange instructed. I spent my days shopping for produce at the market and leaving with nothing because I was such a cheapskate. I pretty much browsed and spoke briefly to a man working a tea shop until the sun began to set and by the time it was behind the walls I was back in the Scout Regiment.
Despite what Hange had told me I felt hopeful. Even if the Mercy I knew and loved was gone at least she was still in my dreams. I was almost excited to go to sleep that night just so I could see her again and not have any repercussions.
I was walking towards my quarters as the stars shown brightly up above.
They sparkled and danced across the deep blue sky as if they were taunting me, but I couldn't help but stare.
She's everywhere.
And that's when it hit me.
I was walking past the stables when something stopped me. I my skin tingle and my blood run cold, but my heart... it was warm. My entire chest radiated with heat and I could feel it.
I could feel Mercy.
For the past three months I couldn't feel any trace of her. My blood made me protective over her, made me possessive over her and I couldn't feel her but suddenly my blood raged with knowing and I stopped dead in my tracks.
She was there.
I felt my breaths quickened and quickly stop as I panned my vision to the top of the stables.
A faint silhouette stuck out like a sore thumb against the night sky as it sat atop the stables and stared up at the stars. They had long brown hair and wore a green Scout cloak, and in my bones I could feel that it was exactly who I felt.
Mercy.
A/N
I'm sorry for the late post! I had a busy weekend and completely forgot to post the next chapter. Keep voting and please comment your thoughts! Love you guys
~ J Lee