Chapter 16
Wren.
I know I told my parents that I won't be at the family dinner tonight when they asked, but here I am. Turning off my car, stepping out and locking it.
A familiar car in the driveway. I quietly ascend the stairs to get to my room, so I can shower and change clothes. I make it quick, knowing Kian and dad are bringing food to the dining room from the kitchen.
I'm taking the last steps of the stairs as I button up the last of my shirt, leaving the last two undone.
We haven't agreed to all dress up, and it isn't expected. I do it as a kind of apology to my parents for being the way I am, for doing the shit and being involved in things I shouldn't. Not that looking chick will fix anything.
Mom has laid a dark-gray tablecloth on the dark wood long rectangular table. It's narrow enough so a bit of the longer sides of the table are showing.
Mom, Kian, Carmen and God-damn-Perez are sitting on one side of the table already. On the other side is Uncle Lucas' family- him with his wife Arianna and daughter Aurora.
Dad enters the room just after me, patting me on the shoulder and going to sit next to mom.
I walk past Lucas' family's backs, saying a quiet greeting to everyone and sit next to Aria on the last seat of the row. Just across from me is Perez and next to him Carmen.
I raise my hand to send a little wave and smile to her, her lips quirk up, but Francis Perez is the one who waves back at me excessively, grinning.
Heads turn our way, but I ignore them, brushing it off.
'You chill?' I mouth to Carmen.
She nods.
Carmen is wearing a white sweater that a thousand percent belongs to my mother. They did go shopping a few days ago, but, you know, Carmen's style isn't at all 'family dinner vibe' appropriate.
My Carmen is all short skirts and small tops, patterned tights, lacy bras and cut-up long-sleeved shirts to make them look cooler like the coolest miss she is.
"We got soup," Ma smiles, sending a small basket with bread around the table.
**
I scoop up a small girl walking in front of me from behind her. She shrieks as I cradle her to my chest in bridal style.
"Hi, Rory. I haven't seen you in so long," I grin at Aurora. She's a shy little seven-year-old, but she laughs loudly when I tickle her with one hand, her wavy hair swaying side to side when she shakes her head.
I stop my attack on her, and her bright green eye beam up at me, "I'm doing good, Wrenny"
I grimace at the nickname, and she laughs.
"Got any boys chasing after you at school or what?" I tease her, as I carry her to the living room.
Lucas smack me in the arm, glaring, "Don't even start!"
I send him a kiss and a grin to Aria when I see her crossing her arms from the couch she's sitting on. They both leave for the kitchen to catch up even more with my parents, so I take the opportunity to talk to Carmen.
With the little girl still in my arms, I sit next to Carmen on the corner of the couch.
"Hey, Carmen," I nudge her knee with mine as I sit against the back of the couch.
"That's Carmen," I tell Aurora, "This is baby Rory," I look at Carmen.
Rory raises her small hand to wave at her, hiding her face. Carmen smiles, waving back.
"Hello, Rory"
"Parli italiano?" Rory asks her. [Do you speak Italian?]
Aurora's mother is half Italian, born and raised there. Lucas and she want their daughter to speak Italian too, so they use both languages at home.
Carmen shakes her head, "No, pero hablo español." [No, but I speak Spanish]
I look down at Rory to translate, "She doesn't, but she speaks Spanish"
Italian and Spanish are similar, but not entirely.
Tan skinned girls and Romance languages.
Rory pushes a piece of her bangs away from her face, tilting her head at Carmen, "Okay"
Carmen bites into the side of her lip with a small grin and looks at me, she's cute.
I know.
"Mhm," She nods, "So, do you go to school now?"
Rory perks up, "Yes! I'm in first grade"
"Yeah? How do you like school?" Carmen takes Rory's hand when the young girl extends hers to Carmen.
Rory nods, "I love all! We learn, and we draw and paint. I have two friends!" She holds two fingers up to her.
"Ohh," Carmen tries to keep up with her vibe, "friends are fun, I agree"
"Do you have friends?"
Carmen goes to open her mouth, but her friend sits on the armrest of the couch behind her and leans his elbow on her head lazily.
"Yes," She mutters, elbowing Perez in the stomach, he doubles over, but plays it cool in front of our guest.
"Is Wren your friend?" Rory inquires.
"In fact," She starts, making eye contact with me, "he's my only friend"
Kian scoffs as he just entered the room and plops down next to me.
"Yeah," I nod in confirmation.
"Hey, it's the little Chica who kept looking at me the whole dinner" Perez pushes Carmen to sit in her place.
Carmen huffs and moves over to us until she's right next to me.
Rory goes to sit on her lap, changes her mind and goes to Kian. Still not having made up her mind, she stands and sits in the entirely farther corner next to Kian. We all watch in amusement.
"What now?" Kian crosses his arms, and we look at Rory, who copies his body language.
She shrugs, "Now we all say our favorite colors"
"Why?" I ask.
"So, we could all be friends!"
Obviously!
"You go first," Rory points to Perez, "and then in a row the next one"
"Okay-" Perez gets cut off.
"And say your name. I don't know you."
"You do"
"Not him," she says, meaning Perez.
"Full name?" Perez asks.
"Yes."
"Dad's name too?"
"No!" Rory exclaims, "Now start, please"
Perez clears his throat. "I'm Francis Perez and my favorite color is uhh..." He glances around, seeing Kian's green hoodie, he continues, "green"
Carmen is next, "My name is Carmen Alvarez, and I love pink"
"Me too!" Rory grins, leaning forward. Carmen scrunches her nose at Rory, smiling back.
"Wren Tobias Darden, my favorite ever is blue," I nod.
Carmen tilts her head to the side when I catch her looking at me.
"Kian Alexander Darden. I love all colors"
"No, you don't"
"I do"
"No."
"Okay, errr... Yellow"
Rory nods at him, then finishes the row. "My name is Aurora Arianna Gray, and my favorite color is red"
"You sure it's not Gray?" Perez asks.
Rory frowns, "No"
Perez chuckles, "I'm joking, little lady"
***
Not sure why I did it, but bringing Carmen to the beach tonight felt like the right thing to do.
I lied, I do know.
I did it because it's what Carmen needs, before or now or in the future. We can always come back.
Waterfronts have calming, healing effects. I know that because I have felt that on my own, mom has told me about healing processes and I have read about it a bit.
So, I brought her to the Volando Seafront.
I pray it strengthens her soul. Whatever happened to her, all of it, I hope she feels- here at least- that she can heal. She can get better. I'll make sure of it. I need to.
I hope that in the future, by any chance I'm not by her, she knows that if she has got anything, it's the seas and the oceans. That the nature will hold her when I can't.
In the middle of December, at night it's getting darker earlier. So the light is dim when after the dinner we sneak out and walk by the coastline.
All layered up and warm, protected against the most cold Gamwell has to offer us. Diving into the depth of winter, it doesn't get too cold in here, but enough to have a bit of snow.
Rather thin blanket of white hides the beige of sand from the eye, mixing with it when we step on it. Our footsteps creating obvious signs of life as we walk.
Instead of the dark blue and foams, there is barely any blue. Gray, so close to white where the colors used to be so prominent.
"Wish we could sit down and stop the time so we could enjoy the moment, just for a little," I say.
***
Carmen
"Wish we could sit down and stop the time so we could enjoy the moment, just for a little," Wren says.
I look up at him from my shoes, hands in my pockets.
I swallow.
It is the opposite for me. As much as I love it here, the fresh air to my lungs, I can't wait for everything to end. I want the mess of my life, the fears and pains to pass. The faster I get out of here and to graduation, the better.
Maybe I will be better by then too.
I nod.
That's what he wants.
I get it.
"Yeah"
The Volando sea used to be as stormy as my life, everything inside of me. Now it's quiet and still. Also the opposite to my downhill crashing life. If it is going downhill, if it is, because the earlier wasn't much merrier. Therefore...I don't know, still shitty?
For some reason it felt worse, it feels worse, now feeling and looking more real. Seeing it as it seemed bad. It was a shitshow, not the aftermath feels thousand times as heavy and destroying.
Stopping still like the water to the right of us, I glance at the side of Wren's face.
He has his hood over his blonde waves. And jacket over hoodie. And his hands are also in his pockets.
Feeling my eyes he stops and turns, seeing me staring, he smiles warmly like a fireplace in this Frozen movie (I'm exaggerating).
"You don't want to actually sit down on the snow, right?" I ask.
He's still smiling, but it widens, "No, Carmen. Obviously not. Do you?"
"No"
He chuckles, "Right"
I bite the inside of my lower lip. His smile is infectious. A rare thing though. His smiles aren't common, but they are so damn beautiful. Therefore, when he does grin, at you maybe, it takes you by surprise. Baffling you to the grave, your lips are forced into moving upwards.
Wren's beauty is a tragic force. A sad boy whose sharpness mended into softness engulfs your soul.
"How was your day?" His face sobers, but the warmth lingers, "Was the dinner alright for you?"
"Yeah, it wasn't too bad," I confirm, telling the truth, "I thought it would be a nightmare. Without you there in midst of your family, I saw myself freaking out and wanting to slide under the table and disappear"
I nod, agreeing with my rant, "I forced Perez to stay. Gosh, if I suffer, he has to too"
Nudging my shoulder as we walk, "In the end it turned out fine, yeah?"
I nod.
"Even if you were to survive without me?" He teases.
I grimace, I would have literally died without him. "No, I would have be perfectly fine"
"You believe that?"
"Self confidence is key, Wrennie. Trusting yourself and believing in yourself included in that" I tell.
She snorts a short laugh.
"And your day? Did you survive that too 'perfectly fine'?"
I take a moment.
"My mother called me" That freezes Wren. I broke Wren. Help.
He turns his head to face me with a scowl, "What?" He whispers.
I force a mocked huge wide grin, baring my teeth, "Yeah."
He blinks, "Are you being serious?"
"Sadly"
Clearing my throat I eye the water for a while and breathe in deeply. It's fresher here.
"Tell me about it?" He proposes.
I shrug.
I hate shrugs. They are uncertain and undecided. Yes? No? Don't know? What does that mean? They are weak and plain. They mean nothing and everything. Portraying not knowing when the truth and knowing are hidden.
"Lowkey yelled at me," I'm trying to be honest and communicate, alright?
His face is straight and empty.
His silence makes me tell more, "Almost like disowned me"
Wren pulls his head back and clenches his eyes shut for a second.
I tell him what I told Perez and he takes a hold of my hand, squeezing it.
"Grandma Perez?" He smirks when I add about how Perez promised to be my whole family.
I smile, "Yeah"
***
Perez had left after the dinner earlier before me and Wren went to the beach. Wren did ask him if he wanted to come, but he said he had work. I felt shitty, because I had no idea he had gotten another job beside the county club one.
Apparently Kian had to leave too. I had a fucking feeling that it had something to do with Perez, one eyecontact between them and I was suspicious.
The guests left after the dinner also, so we arrived back at the house to Myles and Alexandra alone in the kitchen laughing together.
I barely caught Alex shutting the door of the small cabinet next to the dry food one where they keep liquor. Myles washes the cups when me and Wren sit down around the kitchen island.
I ain't dumb, I know she did it because of me. She's concerned about my consumption of alcohol. I hate to admit it but she might be somewhat right.
For a while, too long , I found my escape, my peace of mind at the bottom of a bottle.
Feeling the disastrous withdrawals has done me no good. I'm like a little shit. They haven't gotten the rule of me yet, because my body and mind have been too busy dealing with and digesting everything from the past weeks when it got too much. Maybe even my whole life.
She might be right.
I had no problem lying to myself, I knew I always had a bottle at the bottom of my bag or in my closet or under my bed. We all have our own monsters under our beds or in our closets.
"You guys are stealing our thing," Alex says, glancing at her lover before at us after Wren tells her that we went to the beach.
"I don't know," Wren drawls, "you were the ones to move us out here. I wasn't bringing anyone to a beach before I met Carmen. Your fault for making us live by the beach"
Alex nods, grimacing.
Feeling quite calm and at ease in this warm moment where I feel no threats or knives, I feel the freedom to involve myself in this conversation.
"Beach is your thing?" I ask looking between the bassist of my favorite band and the mother of his kids.
"Yes," they grin, uttering the agreement at the same time, perking up sitting across from us behind the island.
Then he kisses the side of her head. I blunge my eyes out slightly and turn my head to the boy next to me.
Parents in love???? What is this???
"Yeah, couldn't forget about that," Wren rolls his eyes.
He thinks I mean the beach thing, but I meant the happy parents thing when I reacted and looked at him.
"That's sweet," I shrug.
"I know right" Myles smirks. I raise a brow.
It hits me like a brick falling from the roof when I were to pass the construction site. Myles and Inez fucking Salvador. In. the. Same. band. My. lord. Myles is in The Sun. My head is spinning, mama save me.
I live at HIS house? The one who works and is friends with INEZ SALVADOR? Dad, the dearest, is that real? Is that correct?
I inhale sharply, hoping no one noticed.
"So," I smirk, "Okay, nevermind." I'm fangirling rn. "Actually, no. I'm not even sorry for that."
They all tilt their head at me in sync. They really do be creeps, huh? They actually think I am creep because of what is going on right now.
"Carmen?"
I nod.
"Is there any way I can meet Inez?" I sit up with my posture straight, arms in front of me on the counter.
This has to be the most unearthly they have and will ever experience/see me.
"Inez?" Wren asks, furrowing his brows, head still tilted.
"Inez Salvador," I look at his dad, right in the eye.
I grin.
He still looks so doable like in the photos from his youth. Same dark hair and deep blue eyes. His face has aged, obviously, and now there is shaved but barely noticeable stubble... like the darker area on his jaw and chin you know.
A fucking dilf. I blink and divert my eyes from him.
Though not twenty anymore, I know from the pictures and media that Inez is still so fucking stunning and heartbreakingly lovely. Still singing, still the soloist singer of the band.
My eyes widen slightly and they meet Alexandra. Rockstar's girlfriend. Staling in the social media, I have seen the photographs form her and Myles. Her at The Sun's shows, always supporting him and his band.
"I'm not a crazy fan, I promise," I am so.
Wren nudges my knee with is, "Yeah, right"
"You want to meet Inez?" Myles asks. Isn't that fucking obvious?
"Yes," I whisper, still elevated.
"Are you sure?" He teases, smirking. What the hell is wrong with him?
"If I'm ever sure of anything, it's that."
He nods, turning his lips to a downwards smile and looks at Alex, arm around the backrest of her seat. She smiles.
"Maybe one day..."
Wren scoffs, "Stop playing mysterious and celebrity-ish, dad. I can call her to ask to go buy me milk and she'll be here in like fifteen minutes."
My jaw is literally in hell as I turn my head and body to gape at Wren. He is casually, relaxed, sitting in this barstool, one arm resting on the counter as he is leaning on it, telling his father that.
Wren shrugs, "She's lovely like that."
When he moves his head a bit to look at me, he pulls his head back in surprise and disbelief, brows furrowing again, when he sees me gobsmacked.
How am I friends with that person? A guy like that? What is my life?
"Are you good?"
"No" I drawl, raising my voice.