I sat on my bed on my macbook, typing out possible recipes to try tomorrow. It just seemed like I wasn't doing enough with the time I had.
A yawn escaped my lips and I moved my cursor up to check the time, which now displayed 10:53.
And the extremely late hour intensified the feeling that I've been wasting my time with this.
I'm constantly going places with Nova and it just feels like I'm getting paid for playing around.
Mr. Zho is counting on me for this.
I really have to focus–
But speaking of Nova...
I haven't seen her since this morning. I quickly tried to shake the thought away realizing that this is one of the reasons I'm behind on work now.
But I couldn't help but wonder what she does when she's off the estate...
I tried to push the thought away once more because the only thing I was doing was further confusing myself.
And after this morning Nova had to be confused too.
And speaking of...I told Ethan and Camilla about what went on and let's say they thought I was in the wrong.
Which I completely agree with.
I should definitely talk to her.
Maybe...?
I knew I had to talk to her, I just didn't know why I was dreading it so much.
It was just going to be... awkward?
What was I even going to say? Hey I'm sorry for avoiding you after we kissed, friends? Because in all honesty I didn't want to be her friend, I just don't know what to do with that information.
I still didn't even know if she liked me back. For all I know I could have kissed me because it was awkward, like what happened to that other girl.
I didn't know what she wanted from this, I didn't even know what I wanted. But the only way to find out is if we talk.
...Which I didn't want to do...
But–
My mini pep talk was interrupted when a few knocks sounded at my door.
If that was Nova then that's extremely ironic.
I lifted the macbook from my lap and forced myself out of bed to get the door, to which my suspicions were easily confirmed.
That really was ironic.
Extremely ironic.
"Can we talk?" Nova asked, furrowing her brows.
No.
I threw away the thought and quickly took in Nova's appearance, starting at the brown khakis she had on, to the white polo that accentuated her toned arms.
I averted my gaze back to her eyes, "-Yeah." I forced out, hoping that she didn't notice me taking a quick look.
"Can I come in?" she asked. Deep down, part of me didn't want to have this conversation, even though I knew it was necessary.
I nodded my head in response and stepped to the side so she could come into the room and once she was in, I closed the door behind her.
"Where'd you go?" Nova asked as I turned around, walking deeper into the room.
"Hang out with some friends, they're the same ones from the restaurant." I said approaching her.
I don't know how she managed to look even better in my room.
"You have fun?" She questioned looking down at me.
I nodded my head, "Yeah it was nice," I murmured, immediately playing with my hands after.
I internally sighed realizing that I was the one already making it awkward.
Upon sensing my tenseness Nova spoke, "Sit with me?" she asked softly.
I glanced over to the foot of the bed weighing my options and ultimately decided to sit down next to Nova.
I turned to face her before she spoke, "What's going on?"
I furrowed my brows, "What do you mean?
Everything's good." I rushed out, trying to avoid the problem.
I thought I was ready but I'm having second thoughts now...
"With us." she clarified, motioning her hand between us.
What is going on with us? and more importantly–
Was there an us?
Upon noticing the long silence following the question Nova quickly spoke, "It's just- you've been acting different since last night and I just... wanted to know if I did anything wrong,"
I quickly shook my head in defense before responding, "No-no you didn't do anything wrong Nova, I..." I sucked in a sharp breath.
Here goes nothing.
"...I just, don't know how to go about this," I trailed off slightly looking down.
No matter how much advice I got, at the end of the day it was up to me.
And me?
I was scared.
"This?" she asked, not understanding what I was referring to
I looked back up to her. "Us, everything– Nova I've never done this before," I admitted "I haven't even had my first kiss up until last night," I whispered, averting my stare from her soft gaze.
I shook my head. "I don't know how to feel– I mean you're going to be a mafia boss in 2 weeks— that just doesn't go away." I breathed out.
"I know Mariah, but we can always figure it out." Nova said, looking between my eyes.
"Figuring it out doesn't change our circumstances." I replied. There was nothing we could possibly work out, that would change her being a mafia boss.
"We could always make the best of it though." she said softly.
Knowing that was true I remained silent, but not breaking eye contact with Nova.
After a few seconds she finally spoke, "I want to make this work Mariah."
"And I do too," I whispered, inching closer to her.
"So help me make it work," she said lowly, "please?"
All of my rational thoughts flew out the window, until I remembered what happened to her and that girl, and with that I slightly pulled back.
"What about you and that girl?" I left a few inches between us, "I can't end up like her Nova." I said, shaking my head.
"You won't."
"But how do I know that? How do you know that this is something you actually want? This can't be something to do just because you're bored Nova," I said furrowing my brows. "You have to understand where I'm coming from."
"I know– and I'm serious about it, this isn't something I'll just throw away," she said gently placing her hand on my thigh.
God.
"I want to do this if you want to." she whispered.
Desire instantly filled my body as I found myself leaning closer to her.
I brought my hand up to her cheek and diverted my attention to her lips.
"Mariah..." Nova warned lowly, quickly picking up on my intentions.
I knew this was wrong, because I still didn't have an answer to all of this.
I averted my stare back to her eyes. "Only for right now," I breathed out.
And after a few beats she finally responded, "Only for right now." She repeated, glancing down at my lips.
And with that I pulled her closer to me, guiding her lips to mine.
Our lips slowly moved against one another as she grabbed my waist and I leaned further into her as the kiss got deeper.
It felt like my body was on fire.
A low hum left my mouth when she guided me on top of her lap.
I wrapped my arms around her neck, and she gripped my hips bringing me closer to her. But before it could go any further Nova pulled away.
Our chests heaved up and down as we tried to catch our breaths.
After a few moments of silence I finally spoke, "Can I think about it?" I asked, looking down at her.
"Think about..?" she trailed off raising a brow.
"This— Us?" I said correcting myself.
"Oh, yeah take as much time as you need, I'll be here regardless." she said, continuing to look up at me.
"Yeah..." I trailed off keeping my eyes on her.
We stayed like this for a moment until Nova cleared her throat, and I quickly realized I was still on her lap.
"Sorry" I said, lifting myself off of her. I began walking to the door in an attempt to hide the embarrassment on my face.
I opened the door for Nova as she approached me.
"You sleep with the dolphin?" she asked and I furrowed my brows as she stopped directly in front of me.
I glanced at my bed which had the dolphin she won for me, from the arcade tucked under my blanket.
A deep blush grew on my face as a small smirk appeared on her lips.
A small chuckle left her lips."Bye Mariah." she said smiling.
But what I wasn't expecting her to do was plant a kiss on my cheek.
She walked out of my room fully and I closed the door behind me, turning around, but not before stopping dead in my tracks, realizing what just went down.
And the already existing blush on my face deepened.
I needed to make up my mind.
And fast.