LAST SPRING
From the start, Sarah knew it wasn't going to be easy to get Conrad to go. He wasn't the prom kind of person. But the thing was, she didn't care. She just really wanted him to go with her, to be her date. It had been seven months since the first time they'd kissed, two months since the last time she had seen him, and one week since the last time he'd called.
Being a person's prom date is definable; it's a real thing. Sarah had this fantasy of prom in her head, what it would be like. How Conrad would look at her, how when they slow danced, he'd rest his hand on the small of her back. How they'd eat cheese fries at the diner after and watch the sunrise from the roof of his car.
Sarah had it all planned out, how it would go.
When she called Conrad that night, he sounded busy. But she forged ahead anyway.
"What are you doing the first weekend of April?" Sarah asked him, her voice trembling when she said the word 'April'. She was so nervous he'd say no. In fact, deep down she kind of expected him to.
"Why?" Conrad wondered warily.
"It's my prom."
Conrad sighed. "Sar, I hate dances."
"I know that. But it's my prom, and I really want to go, and I want you to come with me." She told him.
Why did he have to make everything so hard?
"I'm in college now." He reminded her. "I didn't even want to go to my own prom."
"Well, see, that's all the more reason for you to come to mine." She said lightly.
"Can't you just go with your friends?" He questioned. She was silent. "I'm sorry, I just don't feel like going. Finals are coming up, and it'll be hard for me to drive all the way down for one night."
So, he couldn't do this one thing for her, to make her happy. He didn't feel like it. Fine.
"That's okay." Sarah told him. "There's plenty of other guys I can go with. No problem."
Sarah could hear his mind working on the other end.
"Never mind. I'll take you." Conrad said at last.
"You know what? Don't even worry about it." Sarah said. "Cory Wheeler already asked me. I can tell him I changed my mind."
"Who the hell is Cory Wheeler?"
Sarah couldn't help but smile. She had him now. Or at least she thought she did.
"Cory Wheeler. He plays soccer. He's a good dancer. He's taller than you." Sarah replied.
"I guess you'll be able to wear heels." Conrad said.
"I guess I will."
Sarah hung up. Was it so much to ask him to be her prom date for one freaking night? And she had lied about Cory Wheeler; he hadn't asked her. But she knew he would, if she let him think she wanted him to.
In bed, under her quilt, Sarah cried a little. She had this perfect prom night in her mind, Conrad in a suit and her in a red pastel dress her mother bought her two summers ago, the one she had begged for. She really, really wanted Conrad to see her.
Later Conrad called and Sarah let it go straight to voice mail. On the message, he said. "Hey, I'm sorry about before. Don't go with Cory Wheeler or any other guy. I'll come. You can still wear your heels."
Sarah must have played that message thirty times at least. Even so, she never really listened to what he was saying- he didn't want her to go with some other guy, but he didn't want to go with her either.
As soon as Sarah heard his car pull into the driveway, she launched herself down the stairs and flung the front door open before he could ring the bell. She couldn't stop smiling and threw her arms around him.
"Hey." She greeted happily.
Conrad's arms were around her waist tightly. A small flush of heat built up in her cheeks. The two continued to hug for a moment before they both stepped out of the embrace.
The two of them made their way up to her bedroom. Sarah figured Conrad would be exhausted from the long drive.
The couple laid on her bed, entangled with each other. Sarah laid her head on Conrad's chest. Her left arm was draped across his stomach while his arm was wrapped around her waist, pulling her into his side.
Sarah rested her chin on his chest and looked at her boyfriend. "Did you get your tux yet?"
"Oh, n... I still have time, right? Prom's not until, like, the 2nd." Conrad responded hesitantly.
"Uh, the 1st." She corrected and his face instantly fell. "Oh, um, we have to pitch in our share if we want to get that hotel suite with Hope and her date."
"Mm-hmm." Conrad hummed.
Sarah continued to look at Conrad. A frown appeared on his features as he just stared blankly at the ceiling. Something had changed. She just didn't know what.
"Do you want me to order your tux?" Sarah offered, gaining his attention.
Conrad shook his head. "No. No, I got it."
"Okay." She muttered quietly. She then leaned up against her elbows and ran her fingers through his hair. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I just forgot the date." He told her softly. He then switched them over in bed so that he was now resting his head on her chest. "My mum's doctors are considering putting her on new meds. Which must mean that the current ones stopped working."
Sarah sighed and rubbed her hand up and down his back. "Oh, okay."
"Sorry." Conrad apologized, lifting his head up.
"No, no, no, no, stop it. You can talk to me about anything. Especially Susannah. My mum always gets really down when Susannah's going through it. I'm sure the new meds just means she's doing better and she needs a smaller dose or something." Sarah reassured him.
Conrad's breathing became softer, the pensive look melting into a smile as soft as the morning light. His body squirmed just a little as his muscles relaxed. There was something about that gaze of his Sarah will never find in another man.
"Yeah, I'm sure you're right." He said softly.
Sarah placed her hand on the back of his neck and pulled him towards her. And kissed him. His arms wrapped around her waist, clinging her to him, and she put her hands in his hair, feeling the silken strands between her fingers.
She didn't know it then, but she was already losing him.
Sarah wore a red pastel dress. It was long as it pooled around her feet. She also wore the necklace Conrad specifically got for her. Hope and the other girls were all getting their hair done at a fancy salon. Sarah decided to do hers herself. She curled her hair in loose waves and Jackie helped with the back.
The last time Jackie did her daughters hair was in the second grade, when Sarah wore her hair in braids every day. Her mother was good with a curling iron, but then, she was good with most things.
Sarah smiled as she walked downstairs and when she reached the bottom, she saw Conrad. He looked beautiful in his suit. It was black; she had never seen it before.
Sarah was about to throw her arms around him, when he said. "You look nice."
"Thanks." She said, and her arms fell back at her sides. "So do you."
The two must have taken a hundred pictures at the house. Susannah said she wanted photographic proof of Conrad in a suit and Sarah in that dress. Jackie kept her on the tablet with them.
Conrad stood behind Sarah with his arms around her waist and she leaned back into him. A bright smile appeared on Sarah's features as her mother took the photo.
"Oh, my gosh. You two are the cutest." Jackie beamed.
"Jackie, you-you got, you got a full-body shot, right? And-and I want, I want the back of Sarah's hair, not just the front." Susannah said from the tablet which was placed on the mantel above the fireplace.
Sarah sadly smiled that Susannah had to FaceTime them, especially because she knew how much she would have to be there.
"Beck." Jackie scolded playfully with a small chuckle.
"I'm sorry, Jackie, but you suck at taking pictures. Let me see the corsages!" Susannah insisted.
Sarah had given Conrad an orchid boutonniere. She smiled and stuck out her wrist. The smile dropped slightly when she realizes that there was no corsage on it.
Sarah turned to face Conrad and noticed his face fall, realization and guilt covering it. "Do you, do you...?"
"Shit." Conrad cursed.
Sarah furrowed her eyebrows. "What's wrong?"
"I don't have your corsage. I must have left it in my dorm fridge." He explained.
Sarah shook her head and grabbed his arm with one hand, the other cupping his cheek. "It's okay."
"I'm so sorry I forgot." He apologized sincerely. "I should've remembered it."
Sarah swallowed hard and smiled without really opening her mouth. "What kind was it?"
"A white orchid." Conrad said. "My mum picked it out."
"Don't worry about the corsage. Seriously, it... It doesn't matter." She reassured him with a tight smile.
Sarah wasn't sad or mad. She was embarrassed. All this time, she'd made such a big deal about her and Conrad, how they were some kind of couple. But she had to beg him to go to the prom with her, and he hadn't even remembered to bring her flowers.
She could already feel the night slipping away from her.
The prom was a joint senior and junior prom. That was the way the school did it. In a way it was nice, because you got to go to prom twice. The seniors got to vote on the theme, and this year, the theme was Old Hollywood. It was at the Water Club, and there was a red carpet and 'paparazzi'.
The prom committee had ordered one of those kits, those prom packages. It cost a ton of money; they'd fundraised all Spring. There were all these old movie posters on the walls, and a big blinking Hollywood sign. The dance floor was supposed to look like a movie set, with lights and a fake camera on a tripod. There was even a director's chair off to the side.
They sat at a table with Hope and Davis. With her four-and-a-half-inch stilettos, they were the same height.
Conrad hugged Hope hello, but he didn't make much of an effort to talk to her and to Davis. He was uncomfortable in his suit, just sitting there. When Davis opened his jacket and showed off his silver flask to Conrad, Sarah cringed. Maybe Conrad was too old for all this.
Then Sarah saw Cory Wheeler out on the dance floor, in the centre of a circle of people. He was break dancing.
She leaned in close to Conrad and whispered. "That's Cory."
"Who's Cory?" He asked.
Sarah couldn't believe Conrad didn't remember. She just couldn't believe it. She stared at him for a second, searching his face, and then she moved away from him.
"Nobody." She spoke.
After they'd been sitting there for a few minutes, Hope grabbed Sarah's hand and announced they were going to the bathroom. Sarah was actually relieved.
In the bathroom, Hope reapplied her lip gloss and whispered. "Davis and I are going to his brother's dorm room after the after-prom."
"For what?" Sarah said, not paying attention as she rummaged around her little purse for her own lip gloss.
Hope handed Sarah hers. "For, you know. To be alone?"
"Really? Wow." Sarah said slowly. "I didn't know you liked him that much."
"Well, you've been really busy with all your Conrad drama. Which, by the way, he looks hot, but why is he being so lame? Did you guys have a fight?"
"No." Sarah replied, not looking Hope in the eyes and applied lip gloss across her lips.
"Sarah, don't take his shit. This is your prom night. I mean, he's your boyfriend, right?" Hope said, fluffing out her hair and posed in the mirror. "At least make him dance with you."
When the two of them get back to the table, Conrad and Davis were talking about the NCAA tournament, and Sarah relaxed a little. Davis was a UConn fan, and Conrad liked UNC. Mr Fisher's best friend had been a walk-on for the team, and Conrad and Jeremiah were both huge fans. Conrad could talk about Carolina basketball forever.
A slow song came on then, and Hope took Davis by the hand, and they headed out to the dance floor. Sarah watched them dance, Hope's head on his shoulder, his hands on her hips.
Looking around, Sarah felt a sting in her chest. She saw couples smiling and having the time of their lives together while she sat with Conrad, who looked like he would rather be anywhere else than here.
"Are you thirsty?" Conrad asked her.
"No." Sarah replied. "Do you, um... do you want to dance?"
Conrad hesitated. "Do we have to?"
"Come on, you're the one who supposedly taught me how to slow dance." She said with a small smile.
Conrad looked around for a moment before turning to face his girlfriend. Sarah tried to smile. He stood up and offered her his hand. "So, let's dance."
Sarah gave him her hand and followed him to the middle of the dance floor. They slow danced, and she was glad the music was so loud so he couldn't hear her heart beating.
"I'm glad you came." Sarah said, looking up at him.
"What?" Conrad asked.
"I said, I'm glad you came." She repeated louder.
"Me too." He responded; his voice sounded odd; she remembered that, the way his voice caught.
Even though he was standing right in front of her, his hands around her waist, hers around his neck, he had never felt so far away.
Conrad leaned down into her ear and whispered. "Do you want to go somewhere?"
"Well, um, well, the after-prom doesn't start till midnight." Sarah reminded.
"Right, no, I mean, just you and me. Do you want to go somewhere we can talk?" He wondered.
All of a sudden, Sarah felt dizzy. If Conrad wanted to go somewhere where they could be alone, where they could talk, it meant he wanted to break up with her. She knew it.
"No, let's not go anywhere. Let's just, let's, let's stay here for a while." She said, trying hard not to sound desperate.
"All right." He spoke. So, the two of them continued dancing until Conrad leaned towards her. "I just might go back to school tonight. I have an exam on Monday and everything."
Sarah's face fell. "Oh."
"Is it all right if I don't go to the after-prom? I'll still drop you off." Conrad wondered.
"I-I thought you were, um, I thought you were spending the night." She told him.
Conrad sighed. "Sar, if I stay, I'm just gonna ruin the rest of the night for you. I don't want to do that."
"Did I, did I do something?" Sarah asked, and she could feel the panic rising up in her chest.
Conrad looked away. "Sarah, can we please just go outside and talk?"
"Wha-" Sarah began.
Before she could even ask, Conrad was already walking off. She inhaled sharply and quickly followed him through the crowd, her heels clicking on the floor.
It didn't take long for Conrad to find a side exit and pushed the door, Sarah walking out after him.
Conrad was about to go fully out from under the awning but it was pouring rain. He paced for a few seconds before coming to a stop in front of Sarah.
"I'm sorry." He apologized.
Sarah let her eyes flicker back and forth between his and sighed. "Connie, I know this is hard with everything going on. Please don't shut me out."
"I feel like I just keep disappointing you." He mumbled.
Sarah shook her head and held his face in her hands. "You haven't. And you aren't."
"I have. I have." Conrad trembled, pulling her hands off his face and stared at her. "All I've done today is disappoint you. You don't deserve that."
"Then just stop acting like this and come back inside with me." She insisted with tears brimming her eyes, hating the way she sounded like she was begging.
Conrad shook his head. "I can't. I just can't."
With that Conrad walked away from her and towards the parking lot. Tears began sliding rapidly down Sarah's cheeks as she watched the most important person in her life walking away. She knew he was hurting. She knew he wasn't in the right state of mind, but right now it felt like he didn't want to continue this relationship anymore.
This is exactly what she was afraid of.
Sarah followed him out into the rain. Her hair, her hair that she had spent the whole afternoon curling, was already flat.
"Fine. Then... Then if you won't say it, I will." Sarah began, trying not to let out a sob. As much as it physically hurts to do this, she knew she couldn't be a burden to him right now.
Conrad stopped in his tracks and turned to face his. His hair already stuck to his forehead from the rain.
"Say what?" He asked.
"That we're over? I mean, we are, aren't we?" She questioned. She was crying, and her nose was running, and it was all mixed up in the rain. She wiped her face with the back of her arm.
Conrad hesitated. "Sarah..."
"No, don't." She cried, backing away from him. "Don't say anything."
Sarah hastily wiped her cheeks but because it's raining so hard it didn't do anything. She turned back towards the door, miserably failing at holding back her sobs.
"Sarah, don't leave it like this." Conrad called out.
Sarah turned back towards him and sobbed. "You... you are the one that made it like this."
She then reached up and fumbled with the clasp of her necklace, knowing that she couldn't bear to own it anymore.
"No, no." Conrad mumbled weakly, his eyes were glossy and red.
Sarah now held the cherished necklace in her hands, and immediately grabbed his hand and placed it in his palm. He can throw it out or burn it for all she care. But she didn't want it in her possession anymore.
Sarah started to walk away, as fast as her feet could go in those stupid heels. Then she heard Conrad slam his fist on the hood of his car. She almost stopped. Maybe she would have if he'd followed her. But he didn't.
He got in his car and left, just like he said.
The next morning, Liam entered his sister's room and sat at the desk. The sunlight was streaming, and Sarah was sprawled out across her bed. Tears were still streaming down her face, and she felt empty. She could've have cried more even if she wanted to. She hadn't experienced this feeling before.
The sadness was still present, but not as raw as before. It was now an empty unhappiness, the kind she didn't think would easily lift. Everything around her now evoked no emotion.
"I'm asleep." Sarah told him, rolling over.
"No, you're not." He said before pausing for a moment. "Conrad's not worth it, okay?"
Sarah knew how difficult it was for him to say that to her, and she loved him for it. Liam was Conrad's number one fan; he always had been.
After Liam got up and left, she repeated it to herself. He's not worth it.
When Sarah came downstairs the next day around lunch time, she sat down at the kitchen table and rested her head on it. The wood felt cool and smooth against her cheek.
"Are you all right?" Jackie asked.
Sarah looked up at her mother. "So, I guess Liam blabbed."
"Not exactly. I did ask him why Conrad didn't stay the night like we planned." Jackie responded carefully.
"We broke up." Sarah announced, sniffling slightly.
Jackie sighed and sat down across from her daughter. "I was afraid this was going to happen."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, it's more complicated than just you and Conrad. There are more people involved than just the two of you."
Sarah wanted to scream at her mother, to tell her how insensitive and how cruel she was, and that she couldn't see her heart was literally breaking. But when she looked up at Jackie, she held back the words and swallowed them down.
Her mother was right. There was more to worry about than just her stupid heart.
There was Susannah to think of. She was going to be so disappointed. Sarah hated to disappoint her.
Later, in her room, alone again, Sarah tried to convince herself that it was better this way. That Conrad had wanted to end things all along, so it was better that she said it first.
She didn't believe a word of it. If he had called and asked for her back, if he had shown up at the house with flowers or a stereo on his shoulders playing their song- did they even have a song? She didn't know, but if he'd made even the tiniest gesture, she would have taken him back, gladly.
But Conrad didn't call.
When Sarah found out Susannah was getting worse and wasn't going to get any better, she called him once. He didn't pick up, and she didn't leave a message. If he had picked up and called her back, she didn't know what she would have said.
And that was it. They were over.
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PUBLISHED: 26.02.24
A/N: I hoped you liked this chapter!
Votes and comments are very much appreciated!