"What would you like to talk about today?" Edda Kristjan, Thierry's psychologist asked him.
"I don't know". He answered.
Thierry had been going to a psychologist since he was called Aidan. As Aidan, his relationship with his family and the world in general was complicated. Since he was a child, he was noticeably different from his peers. He had a hard time dealing with emotions and wouldn't play with kids his age. He was visibly smarter than the others his age and would easily solve even the hardest problems, but his interpersonal relationships were a mess, if they even existed. After lots of therapy, his relationship with other people got better, but it was still complicated. As an adult, he didn't have many close friends, and depended on his sisters to have a relationship with people his age. Even if he was successful academically, and had a good job, he felt a failure because he couldn't understand social rules that were obvious to everyone else; and people would constantly treat him as an aberration.
Arriving in this world was, at first, a shock. Even now, he couldn't remember what happened before he became Thierry. And, for many years, he still believed he could come back to his original world and couldn't accept his new parents. He was, from the beginning, a difficult child. Having the mind of a 30-year-old but the brain of a baby; knowing facts about the future that he couldn't change; being trapped in a new world that for him was just a book. For a long time he was really temperamental and gloomy, thinking only about going back to his own world. He would have explosive tantrums in the moments he came to realize that he probably won't go back to his original world. When he turned four, he resigned himself to this future, still it was hard to accept this world as his reality.
His parents were happy as he developed faster than other kids, even though he seemed unresponsive to emotional stimuli. They would constantly tell him "He will be such a great alpha" or "We are so proud of our little alpha baby". But I'm an omega, he would think, That's not something I can change. It didn't take him long to understand how important the second gender was in this world. And how unfair it was the treatment people received based on their gender, and that it limited his life a lot. Omega's were just wifes that stayed at home - his mother a proof of it - and popped out children. And as soon as he was found out as an omega, that was the world he would be relegated to.
"Eleven-years-old", he thought to himself as he played with his toys. "I have seven years to prove myself before everything becomes about my gender".
Even if this world wasn't his, and even if he was living as somebody else, he was still the one dealing with the consequences of this story. So he tried to do his best, to make his parents and brother trust and love him so even when they found out he was an omega, they wouldn't mistreat him. But it was too much for a young kid. He was creating an empire while others just built towers with lego pieces. His brain was underdeveloped for the stress and the responsibility that accumulated. One day, at school, at nine-years-old, he fainted during class, burning with fever and shouting strange things. His parents sent him to a doctor and the doctor recommended a psychiatrist and a psychologist.
He started seeing the psychologist every week, but from a state of burn out, he fell into depression. His eyes were gloomy, and he would barely talk. All he did was work on his projects, and he even won prizes (many of them) for his achievements. But when his parents looked at him, they couldn't brush off the feeling that there was something really wrong. One night, his mom came to talk to him.
"Hey baby", she said, sitting beside him in bed. "Is everything alright? You've been so worried these days. You haven't stopped working for nothing, and you barely ate. You're still growing, you should eat well".
"I know mom", he answered.
"Only like that can you grow up to be the big and powerful alpha that we know you'll be".
When she said that, he cried profusely, and he wouldn't stop. His mother tried everything, but all she said only made it worse. She called his father, but she couldn't do anything either. He cried himself to sleep, and when he woke up the next morning, he didn't talk to anyone. He ate his breakfast and went to school; came back home and worked on his projects. He followed this path for some days, and his parents decided to call the therapist. In the beginning they were really reluctant to send their son to a psychologist, but little by little they understood the need for her support.
Friday, when he arrived at his therapist's office, his parents decided to wait for him outside the office. Normally only one of them would come, and leave soon after, coming back only to get him. He understood that they were really worried about him.
"How are you today, Thierry?", Dr. Illiana Laurens asked.
"I'm fine". He said with a monotone voice.
"You don't look fine. Mrs. Bélanger and Mrs. Garnier told me that you've been working a lot, and that you haven't eaten well. That's not being fine".
"I know. But I need to".
"Why?"
"If I tell you, you won't believe me. So what to do?"
"Why wouldn't I believe you?"
He sat, pensively, his hand on his chin.
"I'll tell you. I have nothing to lose. And I'm protected by doctor-patient confidentiality, right?"
"Right". Sometimes Illiana forgets that it's a 9-year-old who is talking, as he uses mature words and speaks of mature contexts.
Thierry told her all his story, even his medical story from his past world. She listened to everything attentively, worried. When he finished, before she could say anything, he said.
"I'm not schizophrenic, nor delusional or paranoid. And if you try to diagnose me as that, I'll leave this door and never come back. You can see the evidence that shows that it's real. No 9-year-old acts as I do, or have the knowledge that I do".
The psychologist tried to act normal in this strange situation.
"And how is that affecting you now?" She asked.
Thierry was surprised by the lack of judgment or questions, and felt welcomed to talk.
"I have a deadline"
"A deadline?"
"Yes. Until I turn eleven".
"Why until then?"
"Because that's when they'll find out I'm an omega. And when they find out they will..." He started to cry and couldn't finish it. Iliana gave him some tissues, and asked.
"You think they'll abandon or abuse you?"
He nodded.
"Why?"
"Because that's what they did in the book. And they love alphas. They want me to be an alpha. I don't know what they will do when I disappoint them".
Iliana didn't know if his story was true or not, and he asked her many times not to tell anyone. But, still, his feelings of fear of being abandoned and his idea that he would be mistreated by his family for being an omega, were valid and were tormenting him to the point of making him depressed and driving him to exhaustion. The therapist called Thierry's parents to talk the next week and scheduled a family session with the whole family.
Everyone in Thierry's family were alpha, so she could imagine the pressure for him to be an alpha too. His parents were both female alphas, and his older brother was recently found out to be an alpha too. They were from a rich family whose money dated back many generations, and that defended the alpha supremacy. Just accepting that their son needed therapy was a hard battle; accepting that the whole family needed therapy would be a war.
Next Friday, the whole family was reunited in the small room. The parents were clearly uncomfortable, and Emile, Thierry's older brother, was just playing around - like any other child. Thierry just sat beside, looking at the floor.
"Mrs. Belanger and Mrs. Garnier, your son confided in me last session that he believes he has a deadline, until he turns eleven and you find out his gender, to work as hard as possible in order to gain your trust and love. Otherwise he would be abandoned and mistreated. Can you understand the reason for this fear?"
"I can't see any reason", His father, Mariel Belanger, answered, "Of course we would love our handsome and bright alpha son".
Thierry's father smiled, and his mother nodded in agreement.
"But it's not certain that he is an alpha", Illiana answered.
"Are you doubting that my son is an alpha?", Mariel asked, offended.
"I'm not an alpha!", Thierry cried, "I'm an omega. And you're incapable of loving an omega. That's just how you are. If not for your reputation or the potential of using me in a political marriage, you would kick me out and let me die on the streets".
"You are an alpha! You hear me? You are an alpha!", Mariel said back, "Stop with such stupidities".
"Stupidity? You say that because I'm telling the truth. You'll love to abandon me the moment you find out I'm an omega. No matter how much I've done all these years, no matter how many prizes I won. The moment you find out I'm an omega, you'll despise me and wish I wasn't your son".
"Baby", Angèle, his mother, said gently. "We are just stating the obvious. You are a smart, strong and handsome child. You are definitely an alpha. We have no doubt about it. So you don't have to stress that little head thinking about such things".
"You never listen. I should just leave home now, so I could avoid your disappointment and you could be happy with your real alpha son".
"I have nothing to do with it, little bro", Emile answered.
"Thierry, if you brought us here just to talk about idiocies, then I think we're done".
"Mrs. Belanger, I think you need to take into consideration Thierry's fears. The matter here is not if he is or is not an alpha, but that he is so afraid that you'll stop loving him if he is not one that he would rather overwork himself to prove himself and gain your recognition than eat or sleep. That is not the behavior you'd expect from a nine-year-old, and it's clearly causing damage to his health, mental and physical".
"But we are sure that he is an alpha. Why should he fear being anything else? Me and his mother are alphas, his grandparents are alphas, his brother is an alpha. And he is the living description of an alpha".
"Still, there is, even if small, a chance that he is not. That's enough to validate his fear. And we need to take that into consideration. And even if there wasn't a chance, his concerns translate to his fear of being abandoned or mistreated for being different or not what you expect".
"Our Thierry is the perfect son. Why would we not love him?"
"It's not fair to love him because he is perfect. That is the realization of his fears: will I be loved if I'm not perfect?"
As she said all that, Thierry went back to looking at the ground. He was afraid of seeing his parents' reaction to the psychologist's words. That they would already reject him without even knowing the truth.
"Of course we will love him if he is not perfect", his mother answered.
Lies. Thierry thought. No matter how much she repeats it. I know they are all lies.
"You won't", he whispered.
"What did you say?", his father confronted him.
""You won't love me. If I'm not the son you desired and dreamed, I won't be nothing to you. You will probably wish that I was never born".
"That will never happen", his father brushed it off.
"Yeah, baby, that will never happen", his mother agreed.
"What if Emile turned out to be an omega? Would he still be here? Or you'd have excluded him from the family?" Thierry asked.
"Why are you cursing me?", Emile said with disgust.
"That would have never happened", Mariel said harshly.
"Imagine if it had happened. Just imagine, dad. Please". Thierry pleaded.
"Then we would have sended him to a regular school and... tried to find your brother a good marriage".
"And if he didn't want to get married?"
"What else would he do?" His father said, rhetorically.
"That's the best option for an omega, darling". His mother complemented.
"Because omega's only reason is to marry and have kids?". Thierry said abruptly. "You'll give up on your son and raise him only to get married, so you could get rid of him. And even if he married a good person, he would be treated as a slave instead of a spouse, having to fulfill all his partner's desires without saying no. For people like us, who only see the worth of alphas, omegas are just pretty objects that can be used any way they want and have as many kids as they want for the chance of having at least one high quality alphas. But that's okay, because now that he has been sold in marriage, he has nothing to do with our family. That's what you think of an omega. And the moment you find out I'm an omega, my life will be over. Even if I want, I won't be able to escape this. Because, in the end, I only matter to you if I'm your perfect alpha son".
"That's what you think of us, baby?", his mother asked, scared.
"That's what I know". Thierry answered, in an ominous tone.
Deep down, Mariel knew that her son's words were true. She never stopped to think deeply about it, but that has been the destination of all the omegas born in her family. They would be raised as if they were not part of the family, and then sold to the highest bidder. Many times they wouldn't even get a marriage and instead would become a lover of some rich folk. Her brother had this fate. Her brother... She hasn't thought of him in decades, and would have probably forgotten him completely in a few years. If not for this moment. What happened to him in the end?
For a long time, the office stayed in silence, but they were able to continue the conversation. It took many sessions for Thierry's family to accept that even if he turned out to be an omega, they would love him, take care of him and let him choose his own path. And when they found out that he was really an omega, it became easier to accept when his words echoed:
"I might be an omega, but that doesn't make me less capable than any of my pairs. And them being alphas doesn't make them capable of doing even a third of what I can do. I don't know why anyone should be unhappy about being an omega. If the estrus is the problem, why don't they say the same thing about the rut? Even so, I can pay the best doctors to develop the best drugs. So where is the problem?"
It was not only his confidence that his family wouldn't abandon him, but that, at the end of the day, he had a choice. And more than that, he had the power to change the world for people like him. Make it better and give omegas like himself a new fate. One controlled by them.
Although he was much better, more stable, self-confident and better at communicating his feelings, he continued with his consultations with Illiana Laurens, and later with Edda Kristjan, who was recommended by Illiana.
"Something important happened this week?", Edda asked. Thierry, who was lost in thought, was brought back to this moment.
"Yes", Thierry confessed. "I asked many people for forgiveness this week".
"Forgiveness?", Edda asked, interested.
"I asked Dev for forgiveness for keeping him in this messy relationship, and involving him in this messy situation".
"And what did he say?"
"That he was the one to choose to be in this situation, and that I can't take away his responsibility for it. He said he was my accomplice". Thierry laughed at the idea of an accomplice.
"And what about your relationship? You've been together for a time, haven't you?"
"I can't say we were together, but at the same time I can't say we weren't. It was such a complicated situation. And I was afraid of any change, so I left him in this yes-no state for four years. It wasn't fair with anyone".
"Yes, it wasn't. And what you decided to do about it?"
"We will figure it out ourselves. But now we decided to talk about it".
"That's a good start. And the others you asked for forgiveness?"
He stayed in silence for a few seconds, and looked to the ground.
"Cael. I asked Cael for forgiveness".
"Your children's father? The one who was the toxic alpha in the book you talk about?" Edda also knew about the book. It was needed in order to talk about the constant detachment Thierry felt with this world, and the constant feeling that people and things were not real.
"That one. I told you that he was different from the one from the book. He is a much more sensible and weak person. A person that I could, and that I hurt. A lot. I kept a good man away from his kids for three years. Made him miss important parts of their childhood. Their first steps, their first laughter... So many special moments. And now he is back and there is all this mess".
"You feel guilty for keeping his children away from him?"
"Yes. But I'd do everything again if I have to. Even if I feel guilty now".
"Why?"
"I'd rather ask for an apology for being wrong, then let my children suffer for doing nothing when I was right. If there was even a remote chance that he was the guy in the book I read, I would do anything in my power to protect my sons".
"And what will you do now?"
"I don't know yet. I know it's not enough to say I'm sorry. That probably barely accounts for it. And helping him have a good relationship with the kids is the minimum I should do. But I don't know what else I could do".
"Do you want a relationship with this man?"
"I wish we could be friends, I guess. For the good of the kids. He deserves a chance to be with the kids, and the kids have the right to spend time with their father".
"Maybe those are your first objectives now. You should still think about what you need to do to compensate him, if that is what you want. But, first and foremost, you need to think about the kids, how their relationship with their father will be and how to maintain an amicable relationship with him".
"I'll think about this".