i feel good today. five of my children are here with me and its the best feeling. honestly i can't remember the last time i had so many of them at once.
what's even crazy is that they suggested they come over here. i didn't have to ask or anything. onika didn't make them.
asia still has this little wall up but she's breaking down. thankfully. i'm guessing she's starting to see that she's literally me. take a quick glimpse and i'm sure she'll think she's staring in a mirror.
it's insane. not a lick off onika in her.
"what you doing?" i flopped on the couch next to kaila. she quickly closed her book and i slightly mugged. why can't i see? she's been sitting here for the longest writing and thinking.
i've caught her staring into space a couple of times. it's a diary for sure so i'm starting to think she does have a little boo. i'll get to the end of it. trust. onika already told me about the sleeping on the phone thing.
"mama.... privacy please?"
"mcht. you're literally in the living room." i chuckled. that's like the most unprivate place ever. any and everyone can come through here.
"but....i was here first." she mumbled looking in her lap. i sighed ruffling her hair before going about my business. guess it's not the time to bother her.
i went to the twins and they were watching tv. forget it. just got in the bed with them and watched whatever they were watching on youtube. some weird shit but very watchable. it was entertaining in some way.
i could hear kaila on the phone but it's not who i thought it was. it's tasia. i've been ear hustling. only because i miss my children. the most i'll get to tasia is this. it sucks but.... it is what it is.
whatever they're talking about is serious tho.
"but i want it to touch yaknow? it's very emotional for sure."
"you wanna make them cry?" kaila chuckled. i scrunched my face some. who is they, and why are they crying? "it's a song that'll make them think about things. so i would say make sure you're ready to yaknow...talk to them."
"i'm grown, i don't have to talk to them."
"well, if that's how you think."
they have to be talking about onika and i. but why are we crying to a song? is she gonna diss us or some shit? i can come back at her ass. talk about how she threw up everywhere and shitted as a baby.
that wouldn't be fire though.
"just listen to the music." tasia sounded annoyed before playing something. i really wanted to hear so i made myself seen. putting my finger to my lips at kaila i tip toed to the couch.
it sounded like a country beat. i like it.
"is it too slow?"
"no. i think it's perfect. especially for the lyrics you're doing. i could definitely hear that. your voice is beautiful too tasia."
"thank you. ok, i'm about to add the lyrics and i'll let you hear everything first."
"ok, bye bye."
they hung up and kaila gave me a little look. she shook her head at me.
"is she making a diss song about us? with that kind of beat she's gonna bore-"
"she's not writing a diss song mama." she laughed at me and i frowned. i'm serious and she's laughing. i wanna be prepared to get that shit wiped off the internet. deadass.
"so what is it?"
"i can't tell you. but i will say, her voice is beautiful mama. she sounds like you. a lot."
"that's the only thing she got from me. she's your mommy all over again."
"yea. it's like you each have a kid that resembles you sooooo much. you have asia and mommy has tasia. sometimes antoine."
that's true. the rest are like mixtures. sometimes they'll look like one but if you look closer they'll look like the other. especially the twins. it's creepy.
most of the kids have my height though.
"sooo...the song-"
"no mama. she would kill me if she knew you even heard what you heard. no one is to know."
"when are we gonna know? i'm excited. she's finally taking that step into her music career. i wanna be apart, especially because this is my specialty." i criss crossed my legs on the couch. kaila giggled at me but i was begging. "please?"
"i don't know anything mama, if i did i wouldn't tell you. all i know is what you heard as well. it's an emotional song. that's it."
"well i can tell its country. does her voice sound really beautiful with country?" i felt like a little kid being told a bedtime story. excitement ran through me like never before.
"yes it does. like i said she sounds like you. so much. it'll shock you. even when she's talking it sounds like you."
"really? i always thought she sounded like onika."
"yea when she's being all loud."
i chuckled. yea onika can be loud at times. and don't let her be upset....lord. then she's starting up the whole house.
"mama can i curl your hair?"
"curl it? this is a lot of hair kaila."
"i know."
"you sure?"
"yes."
i nodded getting off the couch and she followed me. i'll let her do whatever to my hair but i'm scared she'll burn me. that's it. ptsd is real. my mama used to get the back of my ear like crazy. surprised i don't have a permanent burn.
"these are professional flat irons...so be careful please. not even with me, be careful so you won't burn yourself. don't touch this-"
"ma...i have these exact ones. i promise i got it."
"do you need anything else? hair products, a snack?"
"no thank you, i see everything here." she looked across my dresser. i nodded before sitting at my vanity and watching her start. as gentle as she was being, i wouldn't have thought she was doing anything if i couldn't see.
she took my hair piece by piece and curled it. i was surprised at how they were coming out. ok she's doing really good.
"can i put music on your tv?"
"yea, the remote is somewhere."
i wonder what her musical taste is like. she gives a different vibe. like she's not a rap girl, probably taylor swift or katy perry. maybe jill scott.
a little smile crept on my face when she played a jill scott song. that's my child. her musical taste has to be like mine.
us vibing to the music was nice. she was getting closer and closer to being finished with my hair. the outcome looked better and better. made me excited.
"so...have you like, found anything you're really interested in?"
"ummm....i like writing. a lot. i've written a couple stories and songs."
"have you tried to sing yet?"
"of course. i can sing, i just don't care for it much. plus my voice isn't all that, but it's kinda pretty." she shrugged. i chuckled i'm sure her voice is amazing she just doesn't want me to ask her to sing. i'm gonna do it anyways.
"sing something."
"oh god, please no. i can't."
"you have stage fright?"
"little bit. i'll start laughing."
"goofy." i chuckled shaking my head. i'm not gonna force her to sing but i'm sure i'll hear it one of these days. "i really wanna hear tasia sing."
"oh! i have a video of her singing with amira and asia. they were kind of playing around but their voices are serious." she sat the flat irons down and grabbed her phone. i watched her until she was showing me a video. they were in pajamas and honestly looked crazy.
i could hear kaila giggling in the background. the video has to be maybe a year or two old.
"if you hear a curse word, let's ignore it. they have potty mouths."
"and you don't?" i gave her a look. i'm sure if one does, they all do. onika told me about how they're always cursing. it's never hardcore bad words but still.
"no mama. i don't curse like them. maybe a word or two but not how they do in front of mommy and stuff."
"good. ok let's listen."
i was really excited.
"your hair looks so good. now you should put on a cute shirt and let me take some pictures of you."
"when did this turn into a makeover?" i looked confused but still went to my drawer grabbing a random black shirt. she went inside my closet and went through some stuff while i changed form my comfortable top to this extra one.
it had my boobies out.
"ouu cute. here. put this necklace on and these rings. that's gonna pop." she couldn't stop smiling. i wonder where asia is to save me. she's somewhere around this house. as quiet as she's been i wouldn't think she was even here.
"kaila i wanna change my shirt."
"nooo, it's cute. it's giving sexy mama." she shook her shoulders making me roll my eyes. the hell does she know about that? i sighed letting her dress me up before sitting at the vanity.
"if they could see the pants i had on." i laughed. cute at the top and sleep at the bottom. they won't see it anyways.
"ok do something cute like play with your hair or give a stare. i don't know. something."
"ok." i chuckled. she's trying to direct me and not even using the right words. but it's cute i guess. i did what i knew she meant and she was just snapping pictures in my phone. that storage is about to...whew.
it felt like forever that she was snapping photos. i was getting tired of looking like a "sexy mama."
"you look tired of posing." she laughed and i nodded. "you can stop. let's look at them."
the fact that she said let's look and she's the only one that can see. but okay. i waited until she was finished before she showed me. they were cute.
"i can fix the exposure and stuff and they'll look professional. learned that in media class." she smiled walking away with my phone. thank goodness that's my work phone so nothing will come through. and i mean regarding her mother. nasty woman.
i went to look for asia. she's honestly way too quiet. either that or i just don't hear her. this house is pretty big so i wouldn't be surprised.
hearing the twins i followed their voices. they were on the third floor. them and antoine. seeing one of them run past me i stepped back so i wouldn't knock him down. that's definitely leon.
he flew into the couch and bounced to the floor. goodness. these boys are so rough and onika doesn't seem to believe it's not me.
"boy you better be careful."
"mama! they trynna get me!"
"who?"
"ahhh!" he screamed out a laugh as heavy footsteps were made. i saw lele and antoine hit the corner. they flew to leon and tackled him.
"y'all where's asia?"
"the room!" they all yelled and i went down the hall to check the four rooms. she's gotta be in one of them.
there she was in the last room on her phone. i walked in and sat on the bed next to her.
"hey mama."
"hey. what you doing?"
"nothing. i was playing with them at first but they started tackling."
"mmm. you need anything? hungry?"
"no im fine. i think they're hungry though."
"ok. i'll have to order them something. you like my hair? kaila did it."
"yea it's pretty. but why are your...yeas out?" she gestured to my boobs. i cringed forgetting that they were even popping like that. wow.
"she wanted me to take pictures and said i needed to change my shirt so....sorry." i tried covering them, it was literally so pointless. she laughed at me.
"kaila always want somebody to be her little doll. you're the only one that'll go for it i see."
"well...it was fun. we listened to music and stuff."
"yea it's fun until she's constantly taking pictures."
"i was kind of tired of that part, yes."
"see."
"i was just checking on you. you're quiet as hell thought you might've snuck out on me."
"oh no. what are you guys doing now?" she got out the bed as i stood up and followed me out. we went down to the first floor where my room was and saw kaila in my bed. "you too big."
"i am not too big."
"why you all in mama bed like this?"
"cause i would like to be. is that a problem?"
"mm."
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asked for a double update y'all better turn it up. i mean it !🫵🏾