A week later:
We were all sitting in the living room, clearly exhausted from the mission we had just come back from. I collapsed with a thud on the plush couch so did the rest of the Avengers on either the beanbags or the floor itself.
Seeing as everyone was so tired, I decided to have a bit of fun and try to read their minds. Sure, Loki hadn't taught me just yet but I could give it a shot.
I took a deep breath and let my magic course through my body to my eyes. All the Avengers were too tired to notice my eyes slowly turning golden.
I decided to start with Tony's mind, carefully. I measured out my breathing and power so he doesn't notice. Softly, I manage to enter it as discreetly as possible.
God I'm tired. But honestly wasn't I badass when I kicked that agent and then the blast. Yeah that was cool. Got to add a few things to the team's suits though. I was feeling like the nanoparticles effect could be smoother. Maybe we should add another function with titanium making it...
Bored, I slipped out of his mind as stealthily as I had entered. He was a genius for sure. However his scientific monologues after a five hour mission and six hour time difference were too much for me to handle. I let my mind reflect a bit on what he said and made a mental note to ask him to help.
Then, I slid over to Steve's mind. Steve was splayed over a beanbag, his arms drooping to the floor and occasionally coughing.
Memory playing:
"Awww, Steve, you're such a true sweetheart." Riley coos as she tiptoes to kiss him softly on the lips. They were both under her porch, rain softly pattering around them but sunny glows on their faces. In her hands was a bouquet of orange and white flowers. Riley had wavy brown hair and brownish green eyes. She seemed so sweet and loving. They exchange heart eyes and he holds out one of his arms for her and the umbrella in the other.
END OF MEMORY.
I think I might be in love. Maybe. Does Riley like me? Does she think about me? Did she like the flowers? Did I call her yesterday?
I chuckled lightly before imprinting in his mind "Relax Cap'." Steve suddenly jumped up and looked around to see who said that. Seeing all of us passed out around him, he shrugged before collapsing once more on his beanbag in fatigue.
I moved on to Thor, who oddly enough seemed full of energy and was playing about with Mjolnir.
We been doing all this late night talking
All this late night talking ...
I have to admit this Midgardian song is very good. Very catchy. Nines, I'm so hungry I could eat an ox. Let me go and grab some snacks. I wonder if-
LOKI IF IT'S YOU IN MY MIND I WILL MURDER YOU!
I quickly left the blonde god's mind and suffered greatly to stifle my laughter. Thor had this energy in him that no one else had.
Clint, Bucky and Nat were actually asleep so I decided to leave them alone for now. Dreams are often chaotic and can reveal trauma and secrets. Both of which I didn't need anymore of.
This left Sam and Loki's minds.
I entered Sam's mind and left it the next second as he was thinking of some stupid memes he showed me yesterday. This guy seriously.
Around Loki, I was twenty million times more careful, my mental steps measured. He had such a strong mind and sharp skills, he'd probably notice me in a second. With all the precautions in the world, I slowly stepped in. He was softly reciting verses from a poem.
Loki- "Her eyes like stars, skin like sun and smile like moon.
Her smile awakes the Northen Lights
To her, the Universe looks and watches,
Bowing and curtsying to the princess of light.
Princess of realms and life.
Princess of my heart."
Well hello darling. What are you doing here?
I quickly look up to see his two green eyes who bore into mine, as if linked.
Y/n - I'm bored.
Loki - I know. I was with you in Thor's and Tony's minds. I'm so sorry to say this darling but you're very obvious when you mindread. Whereas me... no one ever suspects a thing.
Y/n -Shut up.
Loki- Why? You're most clearly enjoying this. Did you like the poem?
Y/n - It's truly beautiful. Never heard or read it before.
Loki- That's because you can't find it anywhere.
Y/n - Why? I want the rest!
Loki- Because I wrote it darling.
Y/n - For who?
Loki - You'll find out in due time.
Y/n - Seriously tell me.
Loki- Ah, ah, ah.
Y/n - Do you like somebody?
Loki - Why?
Y/n - I - I- I Whatever Loki.
I snapped out of his mind and turned my gaze away from his perfect eyes, lips, cheeks, hair, armour, everything. His beautiful seductive grin, his eyes bright like cut gems. The fact he could like someone else destroyed me. Maybe I had feelings for him. Maybe he didn't for me. My heart, mind and soul were in knots.
I stood up and made way to my room, locking the door behind me. I slid to the floor and tears slowly fell down my dusty cheeks.
Why was I even crying?
My heart was messed up, crying for something I couldn't have. The world had already stripped me of so much, was it not enough already? Now the person I like is infatuated with someone else.
My sobs got slightly louder so I locked myself in my walk in closet, bolting the doors. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. It would embarassing to be seen and to have to explain the reasons for my state.
I didn't know why I was crying. I guess it was the build-up of emotions and events that just needed to be let out. I felt raw, burned, singed. My mind jumped from one source of pain to the other, twisting and plunging the knife deeper into the wound.
No parents anymore, no family.
No normal teenage years
Not a normal person
Being a monster
Not being loved
Having these powers
Having been a killer and exploited by HYDRA
Being alone.
The thoughts spiralled more and more out of control. My mind shook, threatening to burst. I gasped as I cried my heart out. Me and my broken heart. My broken mind. My broken soul. My body shook uncontrollably as the sobs bounced off the walls. I was all alone. Crumpled into a ball, crying uselessly in my closet. Me and my broken heart...
I heaved, unable to breath, shaking, tears and clothes covered in tears. Tears I couldn't explain. My mind had gone on a rampage, creating chaos all round, conjuring a cyclone, a typhoon.
I felt stupid for feeling like this. For even hoping the kiss meant something between Loki and I. We were best friends but I should have known. He just needed support at that time. He probably didn't even like me. Me and my broken heart...
There I lay on the soft, plush carpet letting my crazed mind roam and plunder.
Until my body toned down the rivers coming from my eyes and let my breathing become regular once more. Falling into dark and bliss.
LOKI'S POV:
She severed the tie before leaving my mind and the room. She didn't look at me, didn't turn round, didn't smile.
My body and mind were exhausted from the mission so I payed it no heed. I hadn't actually been allowed on the terrain. I had to stay in the tower and help out over comms. But my job was useless overall.
I fell asleep quickly, beside the rest of the team members strewn all around the gathering room.
A few hours later:
My eyes snap wide open as I hear a few shouts, pulling out my dagger from habit. Stark looks worried as well as the rest of them. That's when I hear her name. My hold on the hilt of the dagger tightens and I clench my jaw.
"What in the Nines is going on here?" I ask the Avengers who have gathered in a circle.
"Y/n came back from the mission right?" Natasha asked round
"Yeah." Barnes answered
"So where the hell is she and why can't JARVIS locate her here then?" Tony shouted in exasperation, seemingly worried. Interesting, Tony is attached to the girl then?
"She's in her bedroom probably." Natasha shrugged her shoulders and didn't seem to share the other members' worries.
"Confirmation JARVIS?" Tony tapped his earpiece
"It seems miss Y/n Y/l/n is indeed in her quarters. However I am unable to access it for obvious privacy reasons."
"See? You had nothing to worry about Tony." Sam clapped lightly Tony on the shoulders before leaving the room.
"I'll go see her." I announced to the team. They all turn to face me dumfounded. "She's the only one tolerable around here so it'd be a shame if she disappeared. Y/n seems to be the sole person in this tower who can deal with my greatness."
"Yeah, yeah Reindeer Games but don't hurt her alright?"
I spin round, swishing my cape and hair behind me. Tony scoffed.
Once at her door I knock softly. No response. I knock several times more, louder and louder each time.
"Y/n, are you okay?" I ask through the white wood. When she doesn't answer, I chanell my powers to try and feel her presence. It's in the room alright but it's so distant. And frail.
She's not well. Something is wrong.
I take a few steps back as burst through the locked doors, banging it open. Guess Stark will have to fix it. I enter the room and look around hastily. Her bed is still neat, everything is clean and in place. The windows were closed. Y/n's distinctive scent intoxicated me for a few moments, messing up my mind. Gods, how she drove me crazy.
Scouring the room thoroughly, I start to grow worried as I don't see, hear or feel her. Her presence was diminishing. For any magical entity, if their aura, also called presence, diminished temporarily, it meant they were mentally weakened or in a dangerous state of mind.
My heart pounded frantically against my ribcage.
I focused on her energy, her soul. She was here and I knew it.
Suddenly, I pick up on something. In her wardrobe.
The door was locked so I had to burst through it once more; not letting neither wood, lock or walls stop me from reaching her.
The sight in front of my eyes broke my heart in a thousand pieces. She was laying on the floor, clothes surrounding her, gasping and writhing in her sleep whilst silent tears continously slid down from her eyes. I crouched down next to her and moved a few strands of hair behind her ear. Her forehead was burning and I could feel her magic boiling inside her veins. I'd have to tap into her mind to understand what's wrong.
"Do forgive me Y/n." I whisper as I delve into her head.
As soon as I'm inside it's as if I'm being stabbed by a million needles everywhere. Her inner turmoil and pain is so excruciatingly strong that anyone who entered her mind would be subject to it as well. Everything was havoc like sharp shards of glass scattered everywhere, memories strewn askew, inner walls crumbling. And the emotions that raged on were so painful and strong that they were fighting against me. Fighting to kick me out of her mind. I see her hunched figure inside her mind. She breaks at my touch. I feel sadness, hurt, anger, jealousy, love, loneliness all tangled in a massive knot. I couldn't explain what happened without looking at her memories.
I took a deep breath and dove in.
A few memories later, I was torn between sadness and joy. Sadness because I had caused this. I had hurt her like I thought I would. Sadness because I saw everything she endured throughout her life. She had suffered so much, often alone. My heart welled even more when I saw how powerful she was and how she always kept going, no matter what. But there was also a tiny hint joy because her heart rung true for me. The gold thread materialised in front of my eyes once more. It was huge and strong, connecting me and her. It disappeared as soon as I tried to reach it, making me unable to study it further.
After, I went to fixing her mind carefully and softly. I appeased her and I could feel her dark clouds dissipating satisfyingly. Clear skies.
I left her mind and saw she was starting to awaken. Her soft, vulnerable gaze as it turned to face me. As she gave way into my arms. As I felt the calm washing over her like sea over sand.
"Thank you Loki."
"You're welcome darling. You're going to be alright. I'm here."
"You're here..."
Her heartbeat had disappeared, melting into mine.