𝓒HAPTER EIGHTEEN.
In The Face Of Struggle, We Discover Strengths We Never Knew Existed. When Shit Hits The Fan, You Find Yourself Doing Things You Never Saw Coming. Tough Times Rewrite The Playbook, Revealin' A Gritty Strength You Didn't Know You Had.
- 𝒥uan Collins
𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐈 | VOLUME ONE.
❝ TROUBLE IN PARADISE. ❞
[ HARLEM, NY ]
Jade skillfully reapplied her lip liner, making sure to perfect the contours as she admired herself in the mirror. After giving her lips a delicate touch with her fingers and subtle lip movements, she neatly stowed the lip liner in her makeup bag, which then went back into her purse. Glancing at Yolanda, who was doing some quick hair touch-ups, Jade observed the synchronization of their routine. After restoring everything to order in their bags, the inseparable friends, Jade and Yolanda, held hands and left the girls' bathroom during their school lunch break, embodying the essence of true besties. Wherever Jade went, Yolanda was sure to follow, their bond resembling that of sisters, connected at the hips.
As the talk of the school, Jade and Yolanda formed a striking duo, seamlessly complementing each other with their distinct but harmonious styles. Yolanda exuded boldness, while Jade radiated a sweet and soulful charm. Regardless, they undeniably stood out as "THE" duo. While navigating the hallways, they encountered Regina, who, alongside Shantae, cast disapproving glances at Jade. Regina's indecisiveness and tendency to align with whoever suited her at the moment made things complex. Despite finding Regina and Shantae peculiar, Jade remained unfazed, knowing that as long as she had Yolanda, her true friend by her side, she was content. Suddenly, a tap on her shoulder caught Jade's attention, revealing Travis.
"Hey, how are ya!" Travis, aiming for humor with an enthusiastic tone and a broad smile, garnered a disgusting look from Yolanda, who found his attempt cringe-worthy. In contrast, Jade, finding such gestures cute and adorable, responded with a smile on her face. "It's been a min, where you been?" Jade, connected through their parents' business ties, reciprocated the positive energy. Despite her intimidating appearance, she possessed a sweet and kind soul. Yolanda, unable to bear the cringe, sighed in disbelief and walked away, leaving the two alone. Seizing the opportunity, Travis cleared his throat, having harbored a crush on Jade since childhood. Convinced they were meant to be, he believed he had everything to win over her father's approval. Which was true. "You know, been around the corner."
Travis picked up on Jade's nod and maintained a smile, but sensing the awkwardness, Jade didn't have much to say. After a moment of silence, Travis decided to break the ice and gathered the courage to finally ask her out. "Actually, I wanted to ask if you were fr-" Travis's sentence was abruptly interrupted when a hand passed him some paper files, resembling homework. As he looked up, he discovered Juan, whom he hadn't seen in weeks. However, Juan appeared markedly different, devoid of any visible emotion, wearing a blank stare. Despite hearing about Juan's grandfather, the way he was regarded felt unsettling, creating an atmosphere of unease as if they were now adversaries. "Where have you been?!" Jade expressed surprise at Juan's sudden presence, a sentiment shared by those around them. However, Juan maintained a fixed gaze on Travis until he took the papers from him. Travis then shifted his attention back to Jade, who appeared genuinely interested in Juan's presence.
Juan, turning to Jade, felt a warmth seeing her in front of him. Her caring nature and effort to reach out touched him deeply, making her truly one of a kind. Unbeknownst to her, her uplifting spirit brought some light into his darkened world. Overwhelmed with gratitude, Juan leaned down to her height and embraced her without uttering a word. Jade, recognizing it as something he needed, accepted the hug, her arms around his neck as his encircled her waist. Witnessing this, Travis scoffed and shook his head in disbelief at Juan's unexpected impact. As they pulled away from the hug, Jade looked into Juan's eyes, sensing the depth of his pain, realizing that he appeared profoundly empty. "Look, I know I haven't been paying you much attention but I'm really tryna make it up to you now. Let's go out to eat tomorrow if you free, I'll pick you up." Juan softly proposed an idea that sounded like a sweet melody to Jade. It was something she had been longing to hear for the longest time – a chance to get to know him better. "Yeah, of course."
Juan offered a slight smile as Jade accepted his offer to take her out. This was a serious commitment for him, and he was determined not to disappoint her again, sensing that time was running out. Juan's interest in Jade was always deeper than any superficial desires – it was a profound connection that went beyond anything else. "Aight shordy', I'll hit you up." Juan gently touched Jade's chin before turning to Travis, giving a soft hit on his shoulder as a goodbye gesture. As he walked past them and into the office, Jade kept her eyes on him until he disappeared from her view. Travis, understanding the situation, felt a pang of sadness in his eyes. He realized that Jade was everything he wanted, and witnessing her look at another guy the way he wished she could look at him was crushing. Once Juan vanished from sight, Jade's eyes returned to Travis, prompting him to mask any signs of his feelings with a forced smile.
"I'm so sorry, what did you say?" Jade asked with a sorrowful expression, feeling bad about cutting him off mid-sentence. However, Travis simply shook it off, focusing on the papers Juan had given him. "Nah, it's fine. Forget about it, nothing important." Travis calmly told her with a masked expression of calmness. Jade responded with a warm smile, ready to join Yolanda. However, her departure was interrupted when Travis held onto her hand, indicating he had something to say, and she looked back at him. "Just... be careful." Travis told her with sincere words coming from the bottom of his heart. Jade immediately understood he was talking about Juan. It wasn't hard to grasp, and Travis had gathered details about Juan's deep involvement in the streets from his background, something Jade was unaware of. Travis felt the need to warn her from how clueless she is, "I will." He let go off her hand.
Watching Jade walk away, Travis felt a heavy heart, his eyes revealing a sense of sorrow. Suddenly, a clearing throat interrupted his thoughts, prompting him to turn around and see Shantae standing alone with a messy look on her face. "Trouble in paradise?" Shantae blurted out, her tone suggesting an attempt to start trouble, followed by a grinning smile. Travis squinted his eyes, his anger evident as he reacted to her provocation. "Fuck you, Shantae." He told her straightforwardly, clutching his things and ready to leave. She responded with a laugh before adding a parting comment, "You know, it's never going to be you. You can genuinely forget about it and those little fantasies of yours." Those words caused him to pause before turning around and looking back at her. Trying to remain calm, but feeling provoked, something stirred within him as he walked back to her. She crossed her arms, ready to hear what he had to say.
"I have to say, you're quite bold for saying that. You see, I'm happy regardless. I can live with the fact that there's chances I can't have her, because you can't have everything you want in life. But you? You're miserable over a person that wouldn't even sneeze your way on their worse day. Don't try to project your insecurities onto me, because I promise you, it'll end with you." Travis, not interested in a prolonged exchange, cut to the chase and confronted Shantae directly. Each comment he made elicited unexpected reactions from her, leaving her shocked as Travis walked away after concluding the discussion. Shantae stood there with a blank expression, unsure of what to say. Despite getting humbled, she refused to admit it, driven by her pride and ego. In reality, she lived to cause chaos and be bluntly rude without reservation. However, her personal life was far from ideal, facing pressure to excel as the top track racer with her father as the coach. Stomping away, pushing everyone aside, she sighed heavily. Travis's words had served as a reality check, impacting her in a way that reflected the underlying misery in her life.
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❝ — BEYOND THE WALLS
OF INTELLIGENCE, LIFE IS DEFINED.
I THINK OF CRIMES WHEN I'M IN A
NEW YORK STATE OF MIND. ❞
- N.Y STATE OF MIND, NAS.
ALBUM; ILLMATIC. 1994.
[ OPENING SEQUENCE— ILLMATIC I. ]
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The urban lights dimming in his gaze, his leg restlessly shaking from prolonged anticipation, worries about the plan's success haunting him, he focused on staying composed. Shutting his eyes, taking a deep breath, he steadied himself before donning the black ski mask. Glancing at his watch, he knew it was only a matter of time until things unfolded. Sosa had meticulously arranged the details, explaining the operation and the assistance he'd receive. Currently in phase one, he sat in the rear of Sosa's chauffeured car with BJ beside him, peering out the window, waiting for the opportune moment outside the club where they were parked. The plan was straightforward: Sosa had orchestrated a call with Sincere, feigning interest in a false investment, leading him unsuspectingly towards a fatal outcome. "Here they go." BJ discreetly gestured to the back exit, spotting Sincere and Bourgeois leaving together, possibly for a brief smoke. Juan felt the weight of Sincere's eyes on the car, a silent signal that it was time to proceed.
Without signaling BJ, Juan swiftly exited the car and approached them directly. Bourgeois noticed the masked figure in black approaching, armed with a gun. The cigarette slipped from his fingers as he locked eyes with Sincere, realizing the setup. Attempting to run from it, he was abruptly thrown to the ground by Sincere, while Juan proceeded to deliver a series of kicks. "Please, stop!" Bourgeois pleaded in English, his French accent fading, as he curled into a ball under the relentless kicks, ribs breaking. Groans and hisses escaped him, but Juan, consumed by rage, saw only red. Lifting Bourgeois by the shirt, he raised his head before rendering him unconscious with a forceful slap from the gun. Bourgeois crumpled, falling into unconsciousness amidst the onlookers.
"The fuck?! Nigga, you were supposed to hit me with a signal and go with the plan!" BJ's shouts fell on deaf ears as Juan, indifferent, secured his gun and started moving Bourgeois' feet. Sincere scanned the surroundings for witnesses, ensuring the coast was clear while awaiting BJ to carry out his role. "Is you gon' help me, or not?" With a serious tone, Juan questioned BJ, who responded with a dismissive sound, joining Juan in lifting and moving Bourgeois toward the car trunk. Securing the body in the trunk, they swiftly entered the car with Sincere taking the passenger seat. Juan glanced at his gloves, noticing blood from Bourgeois' mouth. He shook it off, closed his palms, and prepared to leave. Amidst BJ's shocked gaze, Juan remained indifferent. Unbeknownst to him, those around him sensed a change, except Juan himself, oblivious to the transformation he was undergoing.
The car silently traversed toward its destination – a secluded river lake straddling New York and New Jersey, rarely scrutinized due to its immense size. The plan involved executing Bourgeois there, a place unnoticed by passersby. The drive was somber, each occupant lost in contemplation. Parking discreetly, they prepared to carry out the grim task. Juan and BJ efficiently unloaded the body, moving toward the river. Sincere lingered, allowing them time to handle the initial steps before bringing the necessary equipment for disposing of the body. BJ retrieved tapes from his belongings, securing Bourgeois's hands and feet to prevent any escape attempts. As the tape job concluded, Juan exchanged a glance with BJ, signaling for him to revive Bourgeois. Awakening to the strong scent of alcohol, Bourgeois coughed, spitting out blood as he surveyed the scene. His taped and prone body near the river, flanked by two masked figures, mirrored the unsettling image he glimpsed before losing consciousness.
"Help! Somebody help me!" He screamed in desperation, struggling to free himself. In reality, he wasn't cut out for this illicit lifestyle; he wasn't a mobster. Just a man with a business, using his wealth to ruin the lives of those less fortunate than him."Make him stand up." Juan instructed BJ, who took hold of Bourgeois's arms, aiding him in standing. Despite his efforts, Bourgeois continued to cry out for help, witnessing Juan don gloves in preparation for the inevitable. The impending threat seemed to make his life flash before his eyes, and before he could vocalize more pleas, another forceful punch to his stomach silenced him, eliciting a painful groan. "Shut the fuck up!" Juan unleashed a scream at Bourgeois, following it with a ruthless kick to his knees. As Bourgeois lost his balance and crumpled to the ground on his knees, BJ distanced himself, recognizing that Juan had the situation under control, standing by as a silent witness to the grim scene.
"Listen, I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'm sorry. I just want another chance to be with my son, I'm all he has and he's all I have." Bourgeois pleaded once more, desperation and sincerity lacing his voice. He expressed a willingness to give up anything to reunite with Travis, gazing into Juan's eyes with blood on his lips. Juan remained unmoved, convinced that pleas were only sincere when someone realized they'd been caught, not when inflicting harm. BJ, however, felt a pang of empathy, the scene echoing his own past with his mother's desperate pleas. Wanting a chance for others, even if he couldn't have it for himself, he watched as Juan drew his gun, loaded it, and aimed at Bourgeois's head, poised to end it all.
BJ, sensing the urgency to intervene, rushed towards Bourgeois and forcefully pushed him into the river. A distant scream echoed as Bourgeois plunged into the water, creating a sizable splash upon impact. Juan, who had been ready to execute Bourgeois, stood in shock at BJ's unexpected move. Both of them hurried to the edge of the hill, scanning for any signs of movement, but none were evident. The uncertainty, compounded by the absence of a gunshot, fueled Juan's rage. Removing his black mask, he grabbed BJ by the shirt, frustration and anger evident in his expression. "Fuck you just did that for? Huh?! That's my fuckin' money right there! My fuckin' promise to Sosa, nigga! Fuck!" Juan unleashed a scream at BJ, releasing his grip on his shirt with aggressive force, causing BJ to stagger. It was clear that the person before him was no longer just Juan; the intensity in his eyes revealed that he had delved too deeply. It was no longer solely about money but had transformed into a dangerous game and a matter of his standing in this dark world.
"I know you, Juan. You're no killer. Killing him would've brought you nowhere, pushing him down the river we're at least giving him a second chance to live." BJ attempted to ease the tension, seeking to make Juan understand his perspective. However, Juan, pacing furiously and fixated on the river, showed signs of increasing stress. When he heard the words uttered by BJ, it only served to intensify his anger, halting him abruptly in his tracks. "Fuck giving him a second chance! This was not the plan, we had one mission and you managed to fuck it up. You ain't no fuckin' guardian angel! What happens if he manages to get away, we're doomed, fucked nigga! Fuck am I supposed to say to Sosa? Or even Sincere? This is on you, but somehow will fall on me." Juan's true emotions erupted, his words laced with genuine anger, evident in his intense hand movements. The fury within him was palpable, reaching a point where he couldn't stand BJ any longer. Despite BJ feeling a sense of remorse, his Christian beliefs reinforced his conviction that he had done the right thing. His intention was to assist Juan in shedding the dark energies pushing him towards a path of death.
"Who are you? And what have gon' into?" BJ, genuinely concerned, asked the question, recognizing that Juan had endured significant challenges since a young age. While understanding the presence of rage within him, the issue arose when it was openly directed at others. The Juan they knew had always prioritized others' feelings, caring more about them than himself. The probing question struck a chord, leaving Juan standing there, staring at BJ, contemplating how to respond to such a profound question. Rather than responding, that question intensified Juan's disbelief that BJ had the audacity to ask such things at that specific moment. It only fueled his anger, and he scoffed at BJ's comment before gathering his belongings and walking away, disregarding anything BJ had to say. Despite BJ calling his name, Juan didn't look back. He decided that it was better to walk away than risk regrettable actions. He entrusted BJ with the task of informing Sincere about the situation and why the body wasn't where it was supposed to be. In this moment, a whirlwind of emotions churned inside Juan. The truth was, he was gradually losing himself, ignoring his true feelings instead of addressing them, making the situation even more challenging. This marked just the beginning of his descent.
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©𝐆𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐔𝐃𝐄
PRESENTING; — ILLMATIC I.
𝓒HAPTER EIGHTEEN.
Nas once said ; Time is Illmatic.
A phrasing to emerge through illmatic. — that death is all around you so you shouldn't waste a minute of your time on earth, while acknowledging that time is always moving forward and it's easy to get stuck in a rut in your life.
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— 01/03/24.
- sincerely, gianna. 𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪