The next morning, I approached the bedside and gently nudged Dokyeom's sleeping figure.
"Hey, wake up. Coffee is ready," I whispered, caressing his face gently . Dokyeom stirred, opening his eyes slowly and blinking away the sleep.
The sight of me sitting beside him brought a smile to his face. "Did I oversleep?" he asked, his voice still heavy with sleep; and scooted close to me resting his head on my lap.
"No, it's 9:15 I just thought I'd surprise you with coffee in bed," I replied, pointing at the mug.
Dokyeom sat up, rubbing his eyes. "You're the best, you know that?" he said, accepting the coffee and taking a sip.
"What do you wanna do today?" I asked and drank a bit of coffee from Dokyeom's mug that he passed me.
"Let's go on a date. I might have an idea or two." He suggested. We were trying to doing fun things again to get back on our relationship completely.
Dokyeom's suggestion intrigued me, and I couldn't resist the mystery of a surprise date. We finished breakfast, and he led me to a quaint ice rink nestled in a nearby park. Suddenly all excitement in me was lost and my feet lowered their pace.
As we approached the rink, memories of my past flooded back. The last time I was here, everything had crumbled. I hesitated for a moment, but Dokyeom's excitement was visible.
He guided me to a bench overlooking the ice rink as we wore our skates. We sat there, watching and enjoying the skaters' graceful movements. I couldn't help but feel a mixture of nostalgia and anxiety as the echoes of my past reverberated through my mind.
"Is everything okay?" Dokyeom asked gently, sensing my quietness.
I took a deep breath shaking my head, and answered his question. "I used to skate a lot when I was younger. It was my passion. But then things changed during a competition. I was almost sure I'd become a figure skater." I answered, looking at my skates and then at the rink.
Dokyeom's expression softened, realising the weight of my words. "I'm sorry, I didn't know." He spoke gently, rubbing my hand "Do you want to leave?" he asked and I shook my head. "What happened? If you're okay with telling me right now." He asked, there was no force or curiosity, maybe just a way to understand me better.
"It's okay," I reassured him, forcing a smile. "I used to skate since I was 6, and I got up till nationals and I was 14 when I had this huge competition for nationals training selection and I slipped and crushed my ankle pretty badly. I had not been on the ice since then. Until about 4 years back, my ex-boyfriend, DoYun, took me on a rink and said I could still do it. I got on the ice but I couldn't do it. I couldn't even slide through the entire rink smoothly. I wasn't allowed to at first, then I wasn't ready to do it, I guess I still am not."
He nodded understandingly. Instead of pushing, he stayed by my side, offering silent support. We continued watching the skaters twirl. Dokyeom then talked about various topics meanwhile, unlike his usual way of making me giggle and laugh from his silly tricks, we were engaged in a simple conversation. After sitting around for about an hour or so, gradually, I began to settle in the environment around me. The place started feeling harmless-er; not completely, but it was definitely better. Not a danger zone that brought my eyes to see only red signs of 'BEWARE DANGER' like it used to every other time before.
After a while, I surprised myself by saying, "Let's give it a shot."
Dokyeom looked at me for a second to confirm it but then grinned, helping me up. He didn't let me change my mind, he didn't ask if I was sure twice or thrice that would put me into a never-ending overthinking cycle. He let me go with my own flow. Checking my skate laces he gave me a hand and we stepped on the ice.
The ice felt both foreign and familiar under my skates. We started very slowly, hand in hand, and the memories of joy and freedom flooded back along with anxiety and my ankle wreck.
"Look at me, '' Dokyeom added every time I'd glance down to my ankle as if images were flashing back.
Gradually, as we skated, I felt a newfound exhilaration, realising that I could overcome the haunting spectre of the past.
At first it felt like a fawn learning to walk, Dokyeom held my hands and guided me throughout the circumference slowly and steadily as I slowly gained confidence over my footwork. It was as if he was the expert and I was the new learner.
Dokyeom and I laughed in between little distance slides, enjoying his company but mostly, support and the simple joy of gliding on ice. The weight that had burdened me for years began to lift, replaced by the warmth of the present moment.
Slowly I let go of his hands and paced up my movements very little by pushing my comfort levels that I had been sitting under all these years. It felt like breaking open an old time capsule that had been buried. But it was like flying and floating all at the same time, my smile grew as I tried to twirl and turn that I had been taught decades ago. I saw Dokyeom recording me and taking my pictures on his phone with a wide smile plastered on his face. I skated towards him and he quickly caught me in his arms, swirling me around. I was truly, purely happy. 12 year old Choi Hana would have definitely written it down in her diary.
By the end of our time on the ice, I felt the trauma unwound. Sometimes I wondered what exactly Dokyeom was, he always knew his way through me. I was a lucky woman to be loved by a man like him. As we left the rink, hand in hand, I couldn't help but be grateful for his understanding and the unexpected healing the day had brought.
"How do you feel?" He asked as we drove towards a nearby town market to get hot streetfood to warm up from the snow and cool outside.
"I can't explain it. I feel like a newer but also the older of myself again, does that make sense?" I asked while chuckling and he nodded.
"You looked really happy out there, honey." he said, glancing at my side before paying attention on the road again.
"Dokyeom-ie~" I beamed calling him lovingly and he giggled, surprised.
"Dokyeom-ie" I called out again and he burst into a small fit of laughter.
"What's with all the love?" he asked, taking my hand into his. "Wah, your hands are ice cold." he exclaimed as his warm hands engulfed mine.
"You warm them up like you warm up my heart" I said and he gasped laughing
"Choi Hana being all corny and cheesy? Man I earned myself something today" He spoke proudly and I nodded.
"Anything you want, you'll get anything you want" I offered, being high on adrenaline.
"Anything?" he asked, raising a curious eyebrow.
"Absolutely."
"Alright then can we go meet my family? Mom's been asking for a long time to meet you now." He said casually and my smile dropped.
"Yah" I answered, alarmed at his request. My lowest voice register coming out.
"Why? You're not ready?" he asked, concerned. I could see his head running in circles trying to find a possible answer to my reaction.
"Of course I'm not! I d-don't know how to cut fruits good enough to make a zoo out of it, I don't even know your sister's favourite things, I don't know your parents favourite things, I have no idea what to do, what do you mean 'lets go meet my mom'?" I stuttered nervously counting the list on my fingers and he chuckled.
"You don't have to know how to cut fruits into anything, she just wants to meet you. My dad's really excited too, he wants your opinion on these pants I got him, he thinks they are out of fashion." He lightens up the mood and I nod slowly.
"Okay, I mean it's fair, you've met my parents, it's fair I meet yours. But you need to tell me every little thing about them and we need to go shopping before we go meet them." I tell him and he nods agreeing.
"We'll do that, but can we get some hot fish cakes and rice cakes? I haven't had them in so long because of my diet." he pleaded with a puppy face and I chuckled, nodding.
We got down at the local traditional market and got our favourite foods from different stalls. Being a traditional market the major population was filled with forty plus ever so busy working class and grandmas and grandpas, nobody cared enough to look at our faces so Dokyeom and I walked around in the market without hiding our faces much, but still cautiously.
"Hana, you remember the first time I asked you for dinner? After the photoshoot, I told u Wonwoo hyung said he felt like he'd be intruding and all that?" Dokyeom asked all of a sudden and I remember the moment when he had asked me out for lunch right after the first photoshoot as we blew on the hot fishcakes.
"Yes?"
"I lied, Wonwoo hyung said nothing like that, he wanted to come along, he was even ready to pay for the entire meal, frankly he was excited to get to know you, that doesn't happen a lot." he revealed, a sheepish smile on his face and I gave him a knowing look.
"Huh, and you just made it up, he would have been so upset had I said yes that day for just us going for dinner, sneaky little- " I teased, not surprised about his sneaky ways.
"Sneaky little what? But anyways I would have convinced him somehow, you know" he shrugged proudly.
"With those puppy eyes" I pointed towards his eyes and he nodded and then took another bite of fish cake.
"Correct" he answered, chuckling.
"Shameless"
"Anything for you" he spoke, mouth full making him sound funny and I shook my head laughing.
"By the way, speaking about your sly tactics," I started, arching an eyebrow, catching his curious gaze.
"Mmm?" He responded, eyes wide with curiosity but cheeks inflated with fishcakes as he munched on them.
"When do you plan on giving up the habit of popping that top button of your shirts?" I inquired, noting the mischievous glint in his eyes as he tried to feign innocence.
"What button?" he countered, attempting to play innocent.
"The top one, Dokyeom, the one that always seems to make a surprise exit whenever I'm around. Then I have to step in and fix it while you're still wearing the shirt," I reminded him, a smirk playing on my lips. He shrugged, and those familiar puppy eyes made their appearance.
"It just happens, not my fault. I swear, I'm not that mischievous," he insisted.
"Oh really? Considering you're into high end luxury brands, those buttons aren't supposed to surrender so easily, especially not the top one. How does it manage to escape from all your shirts when I'm around? What would you have done if your girlfriend wasn't someone who knew how to sew it up?" I teased, pushing him further.
"You're overthinking it," he said, nonchalantly swiping a tteokbokki from my plate.
"Alright then," I conceded and stole a kimbap from his plate.
"Next time, I'll break the bottom one," he leaned in and whispered into my ear, and we both erupted into laughter, making the customers of the shop look at us. We buried our faces in our scarves and laughed.
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