Over 100 comments in last chapter yall crazyas fuck i like it
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The two days passed peacefully, however, the nights were terrible. I felt bad and my nose bled several times, I was also either nervous or extremely amused. My pallor didn't go away same as the bags under my eyes because I practically couldn't sleep for those two nights. I was sweating, fidgeting, and pulling my hair. There were so many thoughts running through my head like never before. I couldn't bring myself to cry, but I went out onto the balcony, pacing back and forth, wondering if I should jump. Out of frustration, I was hitting the back of my head against the wall to the rhythm of even more depressing music than usual. I smoked a whole pack of cigarettes because of all the stress I had.
I know it won't leave me so quickly. After all, drugs leave a lasting mark, as I have experienced many times.
Jill didn't say a word, which was fine with me. I thought about the situation with her and I know I shouldn't have run away with Tara then. Ultimately, Jill will be with me whether we like it or not, so I can't let anyone hit her with a bouquet of flowers. My excuse is that I was angry at her for her rude behavior. She deserved it anyway. I admit that I felt great satisfaction when Tara did it. I don't know if she did it for herself or for me, it doesn't really matter. Maybe I just needed this view of a girl standing up for me. Especially this girl.
I feel like these two days brought more to my life than I expected. The entire group broke off contact with Wes after Tara explained the situation to them. That's the big plus of all this. After all, seeing his face every morning in our place won't tire me out.
We did not discuss the issue of my "relationship" with Tara. Mindy tried to bring it up but Liv quickly silenced her. And I am eternally grateful to her for that. I'm not ready for such a conversation, especially in a group of people. This is my and Tara's business. But I'm glad Mindy is more excited about this than mad. I thought she would be offended that we were cheating on her a bit, but she wasn't. All her attention is focused only on the fact that Tara is a lesbian and she has always suspected it. This is nothing more than a lie. If there is such a thing as a gay radar, Mindy certainly doesn't have it.
I got out of the chauffeur's car and stood in front of the school entrance. This will be another day of this torment again. I don't like the attention I get. Because these are not looks of envy or admiration like before, now they are curious and judgmental. Because on Saturday the whole school found out that I loved Tara Carpenter and that I overdosed after an argument with her.
"Amber, I'm glad you're okay, I was so worried!!!" Cool, fuck off. "Are you really in love with Tara? I thought she was with Wes!" You'll stop thinking like that when I knock out yours crooked teeth. "You look bad, do you feel well?" No bitch, your voice is giving me a migraine.
Suddenly an arm wrapped around me making me jump. Luckily it's Mindy.
- Can I borrow five bucks? - she asked
- You don't borrow from me, you take - I replied, taking out my wallet
- If you call it that.
I just sighed, gave the girl the money and followed her to our table. On the way, I put my hood over my head. Lately I haven't had the energy to dress up for school, but I can at least hide who I am a little in sweatpants and a hoodie.
- It's not even nine o'clock and you're already begging for alms - Chad commented
- Detail - Mindy shrugged and went to kiss Anika
Her brother just rolled his eyes and laid back on the table. Liv is nowhere to be found, I only have a seat left next to Tara.
- Hi, Amber - she said and I looked at her
It's awkward between us lately. And the worst thing is that today is Wednesday, so we have classes together. Sit next to each other for the entire lesson? Will be hard.
- Hi.
I sat down on the table next to her and she didn't take her eyes off me. Trying to ignore it, I started looking for cigarettes. I popped one into my mouth, paying no attention to the conversation at the table next to us. Mindy, Chad and Anika are talking about upcoming exams that I'm not ready for at all.
- I don't have a fucking lighter - I said annoyed, literally tearing the entire pocket of my jacket
- Here.
Tara held out the lighter to me and lit it. I looked at the girl and then at the burning flame. It's not starting well already.
I leaned over with the cigarette in my mouth and put it in the fire, dragging on it to ignite it. Unable to stop it, I made eye contact with Tara for a few seconds. I quickly moved away and looked at the rest of my friends. That was weird.
- Thanks - I lisped with a cigarette between my lips
- No problem.
But that's the problem. Because that eye contact caused a strange movement in my lower abdomen. This is the last time someone lit a cigarette for me.
- Fuck, if I fail these exams, I'll lose my sports scholarship.
- I don't believe if they don't want you after the last match - Anika told him - You were amazing.
I missed it because I didn't have the strength to go and be in the crowd of people.
- I'm sorry I couldn't come - I told him
- Don't worry about it. You should rest now.
I smiled gently and took a long drag. I blew the smoke out of my mouth and glanced at Tara. She was already looking at me, so she looked away. I too looked up at the sky, trying to force my body to stop tensing up. It's a damn pity that I can't do it. I would like to feel at ease in her company again, but that's probably impossible. It's hard to be around the girl I love and can't touch or kiss.
- I don't know anything for exams - I said to start the topic and not focus on her
- But your grades are better than last year, and you studied with Mindy - Chad said
- I wouldn't call it learning. Well, unless it's biology - Mindy laughed and Chad and I laughed along with her
Anika just poked her girlfriend in the stomach and Tara sighed and shifted in her seat. Well, it didn't work out as it was supposed to.
- I can help you with your studies, Amber - she told me and I looked at her immediately
No.
Say no.
- Thanks, sure - I said and Tara smiled
I fucked up.
- What's up, little lovebirds? - Caroline said as she walked over and stared right at me and Tara
I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes in irritation. And that's how it has been since Monday.
- What's up Caroline? - Mindy asked in her overly sweet voice - Maybe you'll just walk away from here?
- That would be great, because you don't fit our awesomeness - Chad said and the girl just rolled her eyes and walked away - It was cool, high five! - he shouted and stuck his hand up
- No. No way - I denied it
- It sounded like a thirteen-year-old's sentence - Anika told him and Mindy laughed
- Screw you. Tara, high five!
- That's not happening - she replied
- You are all ungrateful.
He removed his hand and the bell rang for class. I sighed heavily and jumped off the table. I glanced at Tara and waited for her to collect her things. I stuck my hand into the pocket of my sweatpants and bit my lip. Maybe at least art will give me some relaxation.
...
We're sitting next to each other in silence. Victor is posing and the rest have to draw him. It's not difficult, but it would be better if he didn't constantly change positions, trying to flex his barely visible biceps. Wesley walks among the students checking how they are doing. He already praised me today, delighted with the details. He told Tara to correct something, but I don't know what he meant. I've been trying not to look at her, so I didn't see her drawing.
I drew the last line and put the pencil aside. I leaned back in my chair and glanced at Tara. She's not doing well at all. She's probably not focused because she keeps closing her eyes or looking at the wall somewhere. She can't control her hand.
- Everything okay? - I asked and leaned to her
I placed my hand on the back of her chair, causing my fingers to touch her back. She immediately moved forward and didn't even look at me.
- I'm good.
I frowned and removed my hand. Wesley stood over me and looked at my drawing.
- Amazing. A.
- Thank you.
- If only you were as smart as you were artistically talented...And Mrs. Carpenter? You're completely unfocused. Are you daydreaming?
Tara blushed a little and put down her pencil. I'm staring at her, curious about what's going on in her mind.
- She'd probably prefer a girl to pose for her - Martin said - Especially the naked Freeman.
Some in the class laughed and Tara looked at me horrified. I gave her a worried look and I bit the insides of my cheeks. They have been starting to hurt me lately.
- You're a bunch of assholes - I told my classmates - And don't act like you don't want to look at me yourself - I turned to Martin - The difference is that you wouldn't even have a chance.
- Tara probably had a lot of chances - his girlfriend Victoria, added
I rolled my eyes and gave her the middle finger.
- Shut up idiots - Blaise said
Finally someone smart.
- Hey, enough! - the teacher admonished them - It's none of your business, so don't comment. Especially in my presence...
Tara rose from her chair and quickly left the classroom. I watched her go and bit the inside of my cheek.
- Wait! - Wesley shouted and then sighed - Freeman, go after her now that you're done with your work.
I rose from the chair and headed for the door.
- Freeman, sorry, we just wanted to make fun of her, not you - Martin said as I grabbed the handle
- Yeah, we like you - Victoria nodded
- Then don't laugh at my friend, you dickheads!
- You both get attention - Wesley announced - Freeman, you don't, which is strange.
I left the classroom and slammed the door. I took out my phone and called Tara. I feel sorry that they make fun of her. It was so hard for her to come out and they are bullying her.
- What? - she asked and I hear her voice is trembling
- Where are you?
- Storage.
I turned towards it and started walking.
- I will be there in a minute - I said worried
- Why? - I heard when I was about to hang up
I'm wondering and I swallowed hard. I just don't want her to be alone now.
- I don't know.
- Okay.
I quickly ran there and opened the door. When I went inside, I saw a girl sitting at a table and playing with her fingers.
I sighed, closing the door behind me and then walked over to her. She isn't looking at me, she's focusing her eyes on the floor.
- Martin has a little dick and even smaller brain, don't worry about him.
Fuck...I really can't comfort people.
- Easy to say.
- I know - I agreed and leaned against the wall
I don't know what to tell her. I can scare a few people who are not nice to her, but I can't change the whole world. There will always be someone who says something wrong.
- I was stupid to tell about us. Especially since "us" no longer exists - she said and I felt bad about it
I scratched my head and narrowed my eyes. I don't like the way that sounds. Okay, it didn't work out in the past...but...but we'll never have a chance anyway.
- It's not...I mean...- I stopped speaking and she looked at me
I feel her gaze but I can't look at her. I love her but I can't tell her that it's not over, because it is in fact over.
- Listen, I'm not longer mad at you for that guy - I told her and closed my eyes for few seconds - I understand that you were scared. It did hurt but it doesn't matter anymore.
She slid off the table and stood in front of me. I had no choice but to look into her eyes. There are tears in them. I looked at her lips for a second but did nothing. Our eye contact is stressful. I want to reach out and grab her hand, but I can't.
- I know I didn't show it then but... - she started and I tensed - I love you, Amber. I do. I loved you from the moment we talked on the bench in your garden.
My heart skipped a beat and my lips parted a little. I'm looking at her not knowing how to react. I licked my lips and Tara lifted her hand and placed it on my cheek. I immediately felt warmth in this place.
Before I could stop myself, my hands landed on her waist. Tara loves me. This is something I wanted to hear so much... But why does it seem terrifying to me now?
- I love you too - I whispered and I felt a twinge in my chest
Tara leaned in and kissed me, pressing me more against the wall. This didn't surprise me. I saw in her eyes how much she needed me. I won't resist her.
I pulled her towards me and kissed her back. I know I'm doing something wrong, but what can I do if I fucking love her? It's a kiss, just a kiss.
Before I could react, she pulled me behind my back and pushed me onto the table. I leaned against it without breaking the kiss. She's pressing against me even more and I'm trying to keep my balance and not lie down. It's hard because my knees literally went weak.
She moved her hands down to my sweatpants and grabbed the fabric. I remembered that we were already in a similar situation in this place which made me wet.
But I can't make love with her if I'm with Jill. In a certain sense.
- Wait - I told her when she wanted to put her hand in my underwear
- What? - she asked and smiled
She took her hand from the hem of my sweatpants and wrapped it around the back of my neck, waiting for more. I know her eyes well enough now. I know when they want what they want.
It's just a pity that I can't give it all to her anymore.
- This will sound weird but...I'm getting engaged soon.
Can you hear anything worse while kissing? Especially when you're in love?
- I know. Jill told me in the hospital - Tara said, panting slightly - But Jill isn't here.
I'm looking at her in disbelief and nodding. She smiled evilly and bit her lip. I feel it's getting harder to breathe. I ran my tongue across my teeth, thinking about what I should do. Tara's fingers running over my stomach, so I can feel them through the fabric of my hoodie, don't help me make my decision...
- So? - she asked and hooked her fingers into a strand of my hair - Let me touch you even if it's the last time.
- It's just a contract and I don't have to be faithful - I told her
That must have been enough, because Tara leaned down and sucked her lips against my neck. I tilted my head back, sighing. I put my arms around her shoulders, wanting her to be as close to me as possible. It's just stronger than me.
She slowly slid her hand down my sweatpants and started touching me through my underwear. I know she's going to leave a big hickey on my neck. But that's not a problem for me, Tara can mark that I belong to her. If I could, I would announce it to the world myself.
She moved her head a few centimeters and looked at me. I gathered myself and looked into her eyes. The movements of her fingers simply throw me off my rhythm. I smiled at her gently, happy that we were close again, without arguing or crying.
- I can show you lower how much I love you - she said in a hushed voice and one of her fingers ran slowly across my lower lip
- Fuck, Tara...
I burst out laughing with my excitement and quickly kissed the girl. I have never been as horny as I am right now. I have never kissed her so hard and hungrily.
But the problem is that we're in fucking school.
- Are you not afraid to do it here? The bell will ring soon - I said just to make sure
I shuddered at the sudden rush of pleasure on my clit. I want to go further, but I don't want to pressure her.
- It doesn't matter, Amber.
Tara suddenly knelt down on her knees and, looking at me, began to take off my sweatpants along with my underwear. I parted my lips, staring at her as if she were some kind of goddess. Well, she is to me.
I felt a momentary gust of cold against my vagina, but her lips quickly restored the warmth as they touched there.
- God...
I gripped the edge of the table tightly with both hands. How am I supposed to stay calm?
I stared at the wall, letting her please me. It's hard for me to just look at her because how good she makes me feel intimidates me. She literally controls my entire body without even having to make an effort. I feel these shivers and electricity running through my body. I feel it all.
- I love you - I gasped and realized how harder it was for me to say anything now
Her tongue is just too great. Makes it difficult for me to think.
She pushed me harder onto the table with her hand and threw my thighs over her shoulders. I feel completely dominated and this is unusual for me. She has dominated me few times, but this time I am completely weak. Tara can do whatever she wants with me because I'll agree to anything right now.
I am unable to stop the soft moans that escape my lips despite my will. She squeezed my thigh which stimulated me and I placed my hand on her head, pressing her closer to me.
- Tara...fuck - I hissed, feeling how close I am to orgasm
I was clutching her hair with one hand and the table with the other so as not to fall on my back. My body simply became like jelly, I felt like I had no control over it.
Before I knew it, I came in her mouth and it tired me like never before. I looked down, breathing heavily and a bit in shock. When she licked it all off and stood up, I quickly pulled on my sweatpants. I jumped off the table to pull them on and the girl leaned against the wall, looking at me.
- So I guess we're all good now? - Tara asked while wiping her mouth with her fingers
I smiled, a little embarrassed by how much I needed her.
- Even better than good...- I replied, trying to normalize my breathing
I glanced at her still in shock at what she can do to me. I leaned back and let my back fall onto the table. I ran my hands over my face, feeling happy and sad at the same time.
- Let's go to the toilet. We need to clean up a bit before the rest of classes - I said
- Right - she said but didn't move from the wall
I got up quickly, full of adrenaline and exhausted at the same time. I approached her and placed my hand on the wall next to her head. I can't control my happiness or hide it. I placed my fingers under her chin and smiled. She grabbed my hoodie and licked her lips.
- I have no idea what to say - I admitted - I'm sorry my family is so fucked up. If I don't marry Jill, I will lose everything.
- I don't want you to sacrifice anything for me. Just...stay close, don't cut off contact. I need you in my life.
These words, although positive, hurt me like hell. I feel like it's a breakup, even though we didn't even have a chance to be in a relationship.
I kissed her slowly, very slowly, wanting to feel her lips carefully in case it was the last time. Suddenly, we were interrupted by a loud bell, making us jump away from each other in fear.
- Fucking heart attack - Tara laughed
- We'd better get out of here - I said satisfied
I quickly opened the door and put the hood over my head.
- See you later - I told her and I went the other way
Not a moment later my phone vibrated. I reluctantly took it out of my hoodie pocket, but when I saw the notification from Liv, my reluctance disappeared.
the real one: did you just left the storage with Tara?
I smiled and bit my lip.
me: I got a head as an apology
the real one: wtf freeman