___________
"TAKE ME BACK!!"
"Send you back? Dumbledore asked, the kind smile dropping from his face, "I thought that you wanted to return, (Name). If I remember correctly, you kept asking when you would come back almost every day."
"Yes! I know! And I appreciate that you summoned me as soon as I finished the task just as you said," you explained, trying not to shout at the great wizard for tearing you away from your happiness, "but I had some things that I still needed to do!" You dropped your gaze to the time turner in your hand, fingering it lightly before holding it out to the headmaster with an angry huff.
Dumbledore took the pendant from you with an appreciative nod, gently placing it back into the pocket of his robes.
"I am sorry to have disrupted...what you have been doing, However, you have stayed there longer than you should have been," he said softly. "But I trust that you understand the importance of this mission and why this matter is so crucial."
"YES I KNOW! And I understand that Professor, but please just send me back, even for an hour! I haven't said a proper goodbye to my friend!" Your voice was raised as you frantically pleaded for a chance to say goodbye.
"Now that the time turner has been fixed, I can only send you back a few fours back. Sorry."
You felt your blood pressure rising, if looks could kill, he would have been dead by now. You could barely hold in your anger as your face contorted into an ugly grimace.
"What if...I break it again?" You seethe silently, making a sudden attempt at taking back the fixed time-turner which was now in the deep pockets of the headmaster. If you break it again, you might be able to go back. "GIVE IT!"
"Woah woah, careful there." Dumbledore moved away as you tried to attempt to pull on his robes to take the time-turner. Dumbledore could almost thank the large desk that was a barrier between him and you.
"I NEED TO GO BACK!" You practically screamed into his face. The anger on your face was almost palpable, when he looked down at your reaction, he detected something other than anger. Sorrow and regret.
"Let me go back..." You slammed your fist down onto his desk. He was about to say something yet stopped himself when he saw your body relax, resting your face on his desk before he saw your shoulders tremble. After everything that had been said that night, after how open and fragile he had been with you...the thought broke you, and silent tears began to roll down your cheeks.
It took him a few seconds to break the silence. "Even if I thought it was a good idea, (name), the time turner is repaired now...I could only send you back a couple of hours." The professor placed a consoling hand on your shoulder as you silently sobbed, your eyes now fixed on the wooden surface in an attempt to hide your emotions from the great wizard.
"I'm sorry that I unknowingly robbed you of the chance to say goodbye," the professor sounded genuinely apologetic as he spoke, "but if my memory is serving me correctly...I believe one of your friends is only a short walk away."
"Huh?" You blinked and perked up- tears still streaming down your face- eyes wide at the fact he still remembered after twenty years and you blushed lightly, embarrassed that you were now just a student with a crush on your professor.
"Although personal relationships of any kind between students and professors are strictly forbidden...I'm sure that what I don't see can't hurt me." He squeezed your shoulder before removing his hand from you, flashing you a knowing smile before taking a step back. "Besides, I'm sure that particular professor could use a friend."
You stared at him before letting out a scoff. "What are you talking about, old man."
Dumbledore let out a chuckle, He knew how close you and Severus were in the past, and he was offering to turn a blind eye so that you might rekindle that bond.
"Sorry. I shouldn't have acted that way." You apologized, wiping your tears. "Sorry. Again. I have to go."
You turned and quickly went to open the door leading to the exit, shame flooding you to the core to how disrespectful you had just acted. You pulled the door open and paused, turning to meet the headmaster's eye once more. "Thank you, Sir," you said with a smile before swiftly taking your leave.
Surprisingly, he smiled. "This has been a lovely chat, (Name). Be sure to take a rest, now hurry along, you have to get going."
■
You stood outside the door of the Potions Classroom as you had so many times before. Your breathing was laboured and you were allowing yourself a moment to get it back in check. Your heart was racing, you had assumed from practically running to the classroom, but even as your breathing steadied, your heart continued to pound.
Although it had been less than an hour since the professor had last seen you, it had been three months since you’d last seen him. Technically, you’d seen him every day for the past three months, but not like this.
The anticipation of seeing him again was nerve-wracking. You knew things about him now that you hadn’t before. He had told you about his family life, about how he had grown up poor with a shitty father. He had poured his heart out telling you how much you meant to him, how you had changed him and how he knew what love was meant to be because of you.
But two decades had passed since that boy had known you. You hadn’t been able to say goodbye and you never got the chance to explain why you had to go. You thought about how you would feel if that had happened to you. If you confessed that you loved someone, even a teenage version of love, and they disappeared without a word the same day. Would he hate you? Most likely. And then, you remembered something all of a sudden.
"—You remind so much of her..."
his words echo through your mind. The person you reminded him of…it was you. How...fascinating. Everything was connected. The past, the future and the present. And, even the fact that you travelled here, was connected. Although it was fascinating and amazing at the same time, you felt something similar to sadness. Why, you wondered. You felt like crying for some reason. You were so unsure about seeing him after all this time, but you couldn’t think of anywhere else that you wanted to be after three months. You let out an irritated sigh before knocking on the door and letting yourself in.
As you entered the study, all of the comforts of home filled your senses. The strong smell of parchment hung in the air like the specs of dust that danced through the streams of light beaming through the windows. The fire crackled steadily in the backdrop of the room, the sound joining with the scratching of a quill was music to your ears. You scanned the familiar room, relishing in its warmth and comfort until your eyes met what you were looking for. Behind the desk, sitting as always, was Professor Severus Snape. You’d only seen him moments ago, but twenty years had passed, and it showed.
When you last saw him, his skin was taught around his cheekbones, making them look almost sharp. Now, his skin wasn’t so tight, and his face appeared softer. Still defined, but more welcoming in your opinion. His skin bore wrinkles around his eyes, forehead and mouth, marks of a life well lived over the years. Though many things had changed, his eyes didn’t dare. They were so black that they consumed all that they looked upon. They always had, and you wagered, that they always would. The weathered face of the boy you knew was looking up at you from behind stacks of papers. His eyes, as per usual, spoke on behalf of his heart. His lips had the slightest hint of a smile playing on them, but his eyes were clouded with confusion.
"I have returned, Professor." You gave him a small smile. It has been a while since you had called him that.
"Welcome back, Miss (Last Name)." He quirked an eyebrow, “Whatever the headmaster had in store for you didn’t take very long.”
"..." It took you a moment to respond. "Yeah...“It was just a simple delivery errand. Nothing too time-consuming.” It wasn’t a lie, it was a delivery errand and for him, it hadn’t been but a moment.
“As it seems, you even had time to change.” You glanced at your outfit following his comment. You were still wearing your uniform from the end of the day when you’d gone straight to the jetty after dinner. You had changed your outfit when you went out into the snow. Obviously, you didn't have a scarf, gloves and your hair styled the last time the Professor had seen you.
"I think you're paying too much attention to my outfits, Professor."
“I prefer to think of it as being observant…besides, I find it somewhat amusing that you changed into a fresh uniform on a Saturday.”
A nervous bubbled up in your throat. remembering that it had been Saturday when you left “My mind was on other things.” That also wasn’t a lie, although you obviously dodged the comment. You decided to move the conversation on quickly, “So…where were we? Before the headmaster interrupted us."
Snape raised a brow. "I'm sure I don't remember."
You frowned at his response, wracking your brain trying to remember what you did last time you were here before the headmaster turned your life upside down. You scanned the room, looking for some sort of clue when your eyes settled on the shelves.
"Right. I remember now." You let out a sigh. "I was arranging these." You walked to the shelves and began to continue your assigned task. You couldn't help but glance at him. "You have a lot of papers to mark." You commented, noting the high stack of tests on his desk.
Severus only let out a hum, His eyes were furrowed in his classic professor scowl as he concentrated on his work. "Be quick to arrange the shelves. You will be helping me grade these papers after."
"But—"
A stern glare was thrown towards you.
"Okay..." You muttered. You guess you weren't getting out of here soon. The task wasn't that hard, especially since you already had some work done before. As you quickly fixed up the last shelf, you went to his desk, took a seat, leaned forward and reached your hand out to grab one of the tests to mark. As you brought it back towards you, you were startled by the large hand of the older man seizing your wrist in a bruising grip. You dropped the paper that you had plucked from the pile and it floated down to the desk below. You shot your gaze to the professor, shock written all over your face but his eyes were on your hand.
“Where did you get such an ugly ring?” his voice was low and steady as he twisted your arm to look at the ring more closely.
You tried to pull your arm free from his grasp, a little angry that he’d held you so hard. It didn’t look like you were going to enjoy that moment of peace after all. Your heart quickened at the realisation that you were going to have to confront the past. You wanted to, of course, but the dynamic between you and the professor was completely different from what it was back then. With Severus, you held most of the power, but with the Professor, he held all of it.
"Don’t say that!” You gasped, a little offended, “It's not ugly. Someone very special gave me this ring and I think it's beautiful.” You looked down at the ring with a soft smile, rubbing over the metal with the thumb of your other hand.
"I assume it must have been your mother?" the professor asked and your eyes shot up to him. What was he talking about? You let out a sound of confusion in return.
“Your real mother, the one I assume you’re named after,” he replied. His face was as blank as ever, but you could see anger and sadness in his eyes. You thought for a moment.
"No?" You turned bitter when he brought up your parents. "My mother wouldn't give me something as pretty as this."
His angered expression turned into one of confusion. He remained silent while you calmly looked at the ring and smiled. You hum in thought before deciding to take a chance.
"I met this boy a while ago." You began, "He was arrogant, short-tempered, and kind of a prick. But he was smart."
As you spoke, your heart was pounding, fearing that this would be the end. You would never see the boy you cared so much for again, and admitting everything to the professor could have ruined everything you had at that point. But...You were willing to risk everything to give him something.
This is your chance to tell him how and how much he means to you...how much he still means to you. You felt you owed him this. You paused, taking a deep breath before you felt yourself smile.
"But I cared about him so much that I would not have altered a thing about him. He was my friend when I was far away from home, and he made every day bearable, genuinely enjoyable." You fiddled with the ring on your finger. "I was the happiest I’d ever been and I didn’t think anything would compare to that. That was until I was sitting on a hill in the snow with him and he gave me this ring…he told me that I was beautiful before he called me insufferable and reckless," you chuckled, "but then he told me that I was the kindest witch he'd ever met…that he cared so deeply about me and that I'd shown him what love was truly meant to be…I felt like my heart had wings…just when I thought I'd known happiness, he showed me what happiness truly was…he showed me what love truly was…and it broke my heart knowing that I couldn’t stay there with him. But he said he’d wait for me."
You looked up and met his eyes.
"I wonder if he did."