10k reads special!!! Thank you all so much for your love and support, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!!
April 28th - 30th, 2021:
I was a little startled when my teacher walked up to my desk in the middle of class, telling me Miss Orchid wanted to see me.
I didn't argue. I simply took the usual path toward her office, my mind set on getting back to class as soon as possible.
I knocked on her door and waited until it swung open.
"Hello, Moon," Orchid greeted, making room for me to shuffle in. "I know it's been a while since we last talked, but I think I have something that may help your situation."
"My... situation?" I echoed, clearly confused. "What do you mean?"
"Your cutting," she clarified, and I internally groaned. "Before I try my method, I want to make sure you're comfortable with talking to some of your peers who have previously struggled with self-harm."
I blinked at her for a second.
"Of course, if you aren't, you are more than welcome to go back to class."
I debated on it for a few moments. Maybe there are people who can actually relate to me.
"I'm fine with it," I finally said, nodding. Orchid smiled before leading me to a part of her office I had always wondered about. The door behind her desk surprisingly led to what seemed like a conference room. There was a wide, elliptical table and chairs encircling it, but it was the faces that surprised me.
There were four other people there.
Sora. After everything she had been through, I could understand why. Fjord. Wow. Turtle? My eyes slightly widened at the sight of him.
And Qibli.
I turned to Orchid, and she gave me a gentle smile.
This is not real.
Orchid beckoned to a seat far away from everyone, and I took it, staring at my hands.
"I'll let you guys talk," Orchid said, backing toward the door. "Remember, the goal is to get comfortable with each other so you can all help each other, alright?" She looked at all of us for a second before sternly eyeing Qibli and Fjord. "And I know you two had a few issues, but I am asking nicely for that not to be a problem." With that, she finally left, closing the door behind her.
I looked up at Fjord, who shrugged innocently. I sighed, resting my head in my hands.
"Moon—" Qibli started.
"So, you used to hurt yourself, too?" I demanded, lifting my head. "And it didn't once occur to you to tell me?"
"I wanted to," Qibli admitted, "but that was more than a year ago, and there were already so many things wrong with me."
I turned to Turtle. "You. No wonder you understood me the most. You were always there, which makes sense, given the fact you went through the same thing. But of course you didn't tell me either. Figures."
Turtle sat calmly beside Qibli, searching my expression.
He was the first one to realize my arm wasn't injured from a chipped bookshelf. He talked to me calmly and was always reassuring. Why didn't I catch it sooner?
"Moon, I didn't tell you because it wasn't a factor in my life anymore," Turtle calmly said. "It wasn't crucial information. It was a depressive stage. Almost everyone goes through it."
I stared at both him and Qibli. "But why? What happened that made you want to..." I stopped short before taking a small breath. "Does Kinkajou know?"
Turtle slightly cringed. "Not exactly."
"What about Winter?"
"No."
"So, what?" I asked. "You guys are just keeping this little secret from them? They deserve to know, and if it's so irrelevant, then there shouldn't be a problem."
"Moon," Qibli gently said. "I get why you're upset. I just thought—"
"You're right," Fjord suddenly interjected, and I shot him a glare. "They should have told you. It may have helped you when you were at your worst."
"This doesn't concern you," I said firmly. Sora sat beside Fjord, quiet and keeping her gaze pinned to the table. Fjord stared at me for a moment.
"We're alike, you and me," Fjord pointed out. "If I was your boyfriend, I would have told you. Just saying."
I let out a long, aggravated sigh. Qibli had a look on his face, but this time it was a look I didn't recognize at all.
"But you're not," I finally said, responding to Fjord. "And you never will be."
At this point, Fjord just seemed fed up. "Look, I get Qibli's a great guy and all, but I am right here. I literally fought him for you. Doesn't that say anything to you?"
"I hit first," Qibli said, glaring. "So technically I fought you."
"We fought each other," Fjord snapped, glaring back.
"I think it's sad that you have to chase after a girl who doesn't like you in the slightest," Qibli declared.
"Well, I find it sad that you have to try so hard to keep one," Fjord countered. "Guess you have competition, huh?"
Turtle and I exchanged an exasperated glance.
"You're not even half as good-looking as I am," Fjord remarked, leaning back against his chair.
"That's not even a valid argument," Qibli scoffed. "Your head is too far up your ass for you to realize how pathetic you sound."
"How pathetic I sound?" Fjord demanded, throwing his hands in the air. "At least I'm not self-conscious all the time and have to punch a guy to prove a point!"
"I punched you to get your brain working, but it clearly didn't work."
"You punched me over a girl because you knew you were losing her and I was winning, so you got mad."
"Y'know, you have a lot to say for a guy who—"
"My first time," Sora suddenly blurted, breaking the argument, "was when my sister died."
Silence fell in the room as everyone turned to her, that being the first time we'd heard her voice.
"It's a weird feeling," she continued, fidgeting with a lock of her hair. "When she died, all I did was feel angry. I didn't even give myself time to mourn. I was just mad. I needed to find a way to let my anger out other than wrecking my room, so when I found a lighter in the far corner of my shelf, I lost complete control."
She didn't say anything else after that. She didn't even lift her gaze to look at us. We sat there in silence for a few moments.
"It was like that for me, too," Turtle calmly said, which slightly caught me off guard. "I was mad at my mother, but mostly at myself. I had formed the mindset that it was my fault she hated me so much. But then I realized that holding in all that anger was slowly eating away at who I was, so I found different ways to let that anger out."
He also avoided our gazes, and I wanted to go over to him and pull him into a tight hug, but I didn't. He seemed as if he was thinking hard about something, and then he sighed.
"It was the same thing for me growing up," Qibli also said. "I wanted to know why my mother just gave me away. I was mad, too. But then I got mad for being mad because I remembered I had Thorn and she was and is always amazing to me. So then I..." He stopped before looking up at me. "I didn't tell you because I thought that would change how you looked at me. Or thought of me."
I let his words sink in for a moment. "That's the same reason why I didn't tell you." And then it hit me. Qibli and I were the same. We always cared what others thought, we both had mommy issues (for the most part) and most importantly, we were always afraid of losing each other.
I looked around the table. We're all the same. Different stories, but it all comes down to one pinpoint that has all of our names on it.
Qibli's face turned slightly gentle, and then he gave me a small smile.
In one slow movement, we all turned to Fjord, him being the only one who hadn't shared an experience.
At first, he didn't notice the expression on our faces, but when he did, he rolled his eyes.
"What, you think I'm going to share a sob story?" he asked, scoffing. "I'm not joining this pity party, thanks."
I rolled my eyes, turning away.
Sora looked like she was about to cry, and as I opened my mouth to call out to her, Orchid was already walking back in.
She gave us all gentle looks. "I hope this was enjoyable, or at least inspiring, but we unfortunately ran out of time." She clasped her hands together. "Should we do this again sometime?"
We all exchanged glances before shrugging.
"Alright, then," Orchid said. "Thank you for your time and head to your next class."
"*"
"So, are you going to tell them?" I asked both Qibli and Turtle as Kinkajou and Winter started walking over to us.
Turtle and Qibli both seemed extremely hesitant in doing so.
"I mean, Kinkajou deserves to know, right?" Turtle tried.
"That's the spirit," I encouraged just as Kinkajou and Winter made their way over to us.
Kinkajou looked calmer than usual, and she looked extremely shiny as the light shone on her hair and skin. Turtle definitely noticed because I watched his eyes trail up and down her body, clearly checking her out.
"Hi!" Kinkajou called out to Qibli and me before planting herself by Turtle's side and letting him kiss her.
Qibli sent them a nervous wave.
Winter clearly was catching on to their awkwardness and eyed Qibli and Turtle curiously.
"What's going on?" he asked suspiciously, eyeing the three of us.
"What do you mean?" Kinkajou asked as she pulled away from Turtle.
I cleared my throat importantly. "These two need to tell you guys something." I waved dismissively to Qibli and Turtle.
Kinkajou's eyes widened and she suddenly gasped. "Are you two secretly dating?"
"I—no," Turtle muttered as Qibli snorted, both of them slightly exasperated as I tried to hide my smile.
"They would not make a good couple," Winter commented, slightly amused.
"You're only saying that because you want me all to yourself," Qibli pointed out, to which Winter rolled his eyes.
"I don't 'want' you," he bristled, "you're just a person in my life who claims to be my friend."
"I could be more," Qibli offered, acting as serious as he could, and then he ruined that by grinning.
Winter didn't even try to object. He just pulled out his phone and started scrolling through social media. "So, are you guys going to tell us what's up or can I go?"
Qibli's grin faded.
"What's wrong, then?" Kinkajou asked, now getting worried. She suddenly grabbed my arm, gasping again. "Oh my God, Moon, do you think they're breaking up with us?"
"No—" Turtle and Qibli started, but Kinkajou was already talking over them.
"Or are they moving away? Or changing schools like Anemone? Or maybe my first idea was right—that they are secretly dating. I mean, they're both really good-looking and have super sweet personalities, so I wouldn't really blame them. Then again—"
"Kinkajou." I gently rested a hand on her shoulder as she stopped talking. "Let them tell you."
Kinkajou slowly looked up at Qibli and Turtle, clearly afraid of what their answer might be.
Qibli and Turtle glanced at each other, having a non-verbal conversation with their eyes to decide who would speak first.
Then Turtle started.
"*"
Kinkajou stared at the both of them for the longest moment, and I thought she had been physically frozen in place. Finally, she looked away, tucked her hair behind her ear, cleared her throat, turned, and walked away.
Turtle opened his mouth to call out to her but stopped himself at the last second. I wanted to chase after her and explain everything, but I remembered the depressive state she had been in when she saw me cut myself, and now that she found out both her boyfriend and best friend had done the same...
I looked at Winter. He hadn't said anything. He hadn't made a reaction. Finally, he sighed, suddenly looking tired.
"Alright," he calmly said. "I appreciate that you told me. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go talk to Kinkajou." He sent one last look at Qibli—a look that said he finally saw a side of Qibli he hadn't known existed. But he seemed sadder about it as if the happy, funny, and flirtatious guy he's been friends with for many years had an alter ego that showed what he always tried to cover up with jokes and smart remarks.
And the look he sent Turtle was filled with mostly confusion—if anything at all.
Finally, he turned and walked in the direction Kinkajou had disappeared in, leaving the three of us alone.
I turned to Qibli and Turtle.
"Winter took that better than expected," Qibli pointed out, running a hand through his hair, "which is scary."
"Kinkajou's heartbroken," Turtle mumbled, and for the first time ever, he seemed genuinely sad about something instead of calm or thoughtful. "I knew I shouldn't have told her. She can't stand the thought of... the reality of..." Turtle stopped, lifting his gaze. "I'll see you two after class." He walked in the opposite direction of where Winter and Kinkajou had gone in, and a few moments later, Qibli and I also followed.
Kinkajou will understand, right? She'll get over it eventually and forgive them for not telling her.
Right?
"*"
A day after Kinkajou found out, she still wasn't talking to anyone. We all tried to get in contact with her, but there was no way to reach her. I had even tried getting to her through Glory, but even Kinkajou wouldn't talk to her.
I started getting worried but I knew she just needed time to think, so I left her alone.
I sat at the kitchen table as Thorn busily made dinner, Qibli coming over and sitting down beside me. She had also made us tea and I was quietly sipping on it as I sat.
Her baby bump was now very visible and she often got tired quickly, so we all tried to help her out as much as possible, but she always insisted she was fine, which Qibli and I were both skeptical of.
Suddenly, Sunny came walking into the kitchen very glumly as if that day in particular was the worst.
"What's up, Beetle?" Thorn asked, immediately seeing Sunny's unhappiness. "Why the long face?"
"I broke up with Starflight today," she blurted, which caught me off guard, causing me to choke on the tea. Even Thorn and Qibli both seemed a little startled.
"What?" Thorn asked. "Why?"
"I just see him as a brother," Sunny admitted. "I thought we could make it work, but then I realized I only agreed to date him because I wanted Starflight to be happy, but I wasn't, so I broke up with him. And now he's sad and I feel so horrible about it."
"It'd be worse if you were with him only to make him happy and not yourself," Qibli pointed out as if he was talking from experience. "You have to be with someone who you equally care about and genuinely think they're right for you."
Sunny thought about that before sighing as Thorn rested a hand on her shoulder. "You were always good with words," she said to him, painfully smiling. "Thanks anyway." She left the kitchen as Deathbringer walked in in her place, and he surprisingly carried Ostrich.
Since being on the Ferris wheel and having no choice but to babysit her, Deathbringer and Ostrich have been pretty much inseparable.
I thought it was funny but Thorn thought it was pretty cute.
"Oh, lookie, the inseparable duo," I teased, and Deathbringer shot me a well-deserved glare.
"Hi, Mommy!" Ostrich loudly said, waving frantically at Thorn.
"Hey, baby," Thorn cooed lovingly, but she couldn't take her hands off the food to take her from Deathbringer.
"She spent an hour doing my makeup," Deathbringer said tiredly. "Which I wiped away after to, y'know, avoid the chances of me being bullied by you."
"And exactly who's makeup did you use?" I demanded. He got awfully quiet and I sighed in exasperation.
"Hey, uh, Qibli," Thorn said, not turning to look at him in the slightest. "Just wanted to let you know that, uh, Smolder's going to be moving in soon." She didn't say much more after that, pretending to be occupied (even though she really was) and choosing not to see his reaction.
I did, though, and it wasn't the most pleased expression.
Qibli eyed his tea for a moment. "Okay," he finally managed, but I could tell there were a lot of things he wanted to say to convince Thorn out of letting Smolder move in.
It is his child, too, I remembered, and from the looks of it, Smolder wanted everything to do with it. Will they also get married? If so, when?
I could tell Qibli's response slightly surprised Thorn because she chanced a glance at him, and Qibli (very clearly forcefully) sent her a smile.
"Okay," she breathed, turning back to the dinner as if she was relieved there wasn't an argument.
Qibli very slowly let his head fall onto his arms.
Deathbringer and I exchanged a look before Deathbringer walked around the island and sat Ostrich on a chair with her tablet.
Daisy ran across the kitchen floor, and Qibli raised his head to acknowledge her.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and Thorn asked Qibli to open it. He sighed, slipping out of the chair and heading for the door. After he opened it, there was a bit too much quiet for my liking, so I got up and peeked out of the kitchen.
Kinkajou stood in the doorway, tears piercing her eyes and staining her face.
Qibli winced. "Kinkajou, I—" Kinkajou stepped into the house, resting her head on Qibli's chest as she sobbed. He instantly embraced her tightly, gently apologizing.
A small smile tugged on my lips as I turned and walked back to my seat.
"Who was it?" Thorn asked.
"Just Kinkajou," I said, but I felt warmer inside.
"*"
Kinkajou was mad at us again. Not because of the cutting situation (she had forgiven Qibli and Turtle a day ago and chose to move on with her life instead of caught up in the past) but because we were all in the middle of pretending we had forgotten her birthday.
But of course we didn't—April 30th.
"You guys have any plans after school?" Kinkajou asked us during lunch, trying to act casual and totally uninterested in the conversation.
"No, I don't think so," Qibli replied, not pulling his gaze from his phone.
"I don't, either," Winter agreed, and I forced myself to keep a straight face.
"I think I'm going to take Auklet out today," Turtle said, off in his own little world.
"I'll probably continue helping Thorn with the nursery," I said and chanced a glance at Kinkajou as she stared at us in disbelief. "It's going to be a boring day."
"You guys don't think you're forgetting something?" Kinkajou asked, frowning.
"Oh, right," Qibli said, and Kinkajou's face brightened. "It's going to be Bandit's birthday in a month."
Her face immediately fell.
Winter genuinely seemed surprised. "Why do you know my dog's birthday?"
"I know everyone's birthday," Qibli said, shrugging as he draped an arm over my shoulders.
"Clearly not," Kinkajou scoffed, standing up and walking away from us.
"Don't you guys think it's a bit too soon to be getting her upset again?" Turtle asked, watching her as she walked away.
"The amazing party we're throwing for her will make up for it," I insisted, grinning. "Thorn rented a whole place and everything. Besides, everyone's in on it."
"Who's idea was this anyway?" Winter asked. Everyone turned to look at Qibli. "Of course," he scoffed.
"*"
We rented a huge place for Kinkajou's party. It looked pretty similar to where we rented Qibli's party, but this one had an indoor pool and jacuzzi.
And of course, even with all this, they put me in charge of distracting Kinkajou.
How wonderful.
I sat cross-legged on Kinkajou's bed as she lay flat on her back, staring at her roof.
She turned her head to me. "So, you still don't remember?"
I blinked at her. "Remember... what?"
She turned back to stare at her roof. "Never mind."
We had been sitting in awkward silence for a while now, which I tried to fill in every now and then. To my relief, Glory barged into Kinkajou's room, invading her belongings.
"Glory!" Kinkajou cried, sitting up as Glory dug around in her makeup. "You're messing up my things!"
"Relax," Glory muttered, "I'm just borrowing your bronzer. Where is it, by the way?"
"You can't just come into my room uninvited and take my stuff," Kinkajou remarked, frowning.
"Whatever," Glory scoffed. "It's what sisters do. Get over it. Now where is it?"
"No!" Kinkajou cried. "Get out!" she stood up and started pushing Glory out of the room. As Glory was being shoved, she and I locked gazes.
Not yet, I tried to tell her with my eyes, and she seemed to understand.
Kinkajou slammed and locked her door, already mad, and flopped down onto her bed face first, groaning in annoyance.
I opened my mouth to say something but then my phone screen lit up. Qibli texted me.
❤️💕Qibs💕❤️: we're almost finished decorating
❤️💕Qibs💕❤️: can you try to get her makeup done? We have the dress, heels, and jewelry here
I glanced at Kinkajou before replying.
Me: I'll try. Lmk when we can start coming
"Who are you texting?" Kinkajou asked, and I noticed she had lifted her head and was watching me.
"Just Qibli," I said, turning my phone off.
"At least your boyfriend texts you," Kinkajou said glumly. "I haven't gotten a single text from mine all day."
I hesitated for a minute before testing out an idea. "Can I do your makeup?"
Kinkajou looked at me suspiciously. "Why?"
"Sunny has been giving me some tips recently," I lied, trying to make my expression excited and hopeful. "I would try on myself, but my hand-eye coordination is awful, especially in a reflection, so I was wondering if I could practice on you. Just for, like, fun."
Kinkajou seemed so over it that she shrugged carelessly.
"Sure, fine," she said, sitting up.
"I brought my own makeup," I said, reaching for my bag that was on her chair. To say the truth, I had worked my butt off to learn how to do a cool makeup technique that could make anyone look like a literal princess.
I was hoping it'd be good in real-time.
"Alright..." Kinkajou slowly said.
I got her to get seated in front of a mirror and scattered my makeup products everywhere. I was going for a matte makeup technique, but I'd make it extra lighter and softer around the darker edges.
Kinkajou was too bummed out to ask what I was doing, and frankly, she didn't seem to care. She just wanted to get it over with.
It took me thirty minutes, and when I was finished, I was beyond proud of the finished look.
Even Kinkajou seemed impressed.
"Woah, Moon," she gasped, peering at herself through the mirror. "Where'd you learn how to do this?"
"Just got a few pointers," I said, relieved that I didn't mess anything up. "Do you like it?"
"You might just be a natural," Kinkajou said, and she actually looked happy. She grinned at me. "Teach me sometime, okay?"
I smiled back at her, choosing my next words carefully. "I mean, if it's that good, why not stop by the mall to show off?"
Kinkajou thought about that deeply, and I could tell she was getting sad again.
But she also needs something to distract herself.
"Fine," she said reluctantly, standing up.
Gotcha.
"*"
I texted Qibli asking if they were ready for us, and he gave me the okay.
Kinkajou sat in the passenger's seat, her gaze pinned out the window. If she ever thought we'd remember her birthday during the day, that thought was certainly gone now.
She really believes we forgot? Wow.
"Hey, before we stop by at the mall, can I quickly check out this library I found the other day?" I asked, forcing Kinkajou to look at me for the first time during the ride. "It'll be quick."
"Whatever," Kinkajou said, turning away again.
I took a left and stopped in front of a large building. I was grateful that the outside didn't hint at what was on the inside.
She was completely clueless.
"This doesn't look like a library," Kinkajou observed, eyeing the building as I parked.
Okay, maybe not completely clueless.
"It's old," I said, eagerly leading her toward the entrance. "You'll like it.
"Looks more like a boutique store to me," Kinkajout mumbled. She looked around. "If it'll be quick, can't I just stay in the car?"
"Please?" I wheedled. Kinkajou let out a dramatic sigh, and we approached the door.
"Do the honors?" I asked, beckoning to the door handle. Kinkajou eyed me but reached for it anyway. She twisted the handle and pushed open the door.
The warm air hit us harder than I expected, but what hit harder was the sudden shouting and confetti-throwing and the lights shining down on us.
"Happy birthday!"
Kinkajou's hands flew to her mouth as she let out a muffled shriek with excitement. Everyone started pouring out from their hiding spots to go greet her.
"You guys didn't forget!" she said and I could tell she was trying not to cry so she wouldn't ruin the makeup I spent so much time doing.
"Of course we didn't forget," Turtle said, approaching her along with a bunch of other people. Kinkajou ran over to him and threw her arms around his neck.
Turtle hugged back, looking slightly relieved.
"If you're still mad," Winter said from behind Turtle, "it was all Qibli's idea."
"Thanks for having my back," Qibli said skeptically as he offered Kinkajou a hug.
"Anytime," Winter responded, grinning.
To my surprise, Anemone was also there, fingers intertwined with Tamarin's. I hadn't seen either of them for a while, so I assumed Turtle planned that.
People circled Kinkajou to get a look at the birthday girl, complimenting her makeup and bombarding her with hugs.
I was just happy that Kinkajou was happy. I was also exhausted.
"But wait," Kinkajou blurted, stepping away from the crowd. She eyed herself. "My outfit and my hair... I didn't know that—"
"We got that covered," Thorn said, draping an arm over Kinkajou's shoulders and leading her off to the changing room. "And I'll do your hair."
"You guys are seriously amazing!" Kinkajou exclaimed, and I sank into a corner, letting out a sigh of relief. Qibli came over and sat down next to me.
"You did a great job," he said.
"Not as good as you," I countered. "I mean, look at this place. And wait until Kinkajou hears about the pool and jacuzzi. She'll freak."
Qibli kissed my cheek. "You were crucial in the process, too."
I paused before asking, "You bought the bathing suits, right?"
Qibli laughed nervously. "Uh, I handed that off to Deathbringer, but I'm not sure if he fulfilled that duty."
"Out of all people," I sighed.
Qibli gave me a lazy grin. "They'll just get in the pool fully clothed. It'd be more memorable that way."
I rolled my eyes. "Men."
Qibli matched my attitude. "Women."
I laughed.
<3
10k reads shoutouts!!
Thanks to you guys that I found the motivation to update. I appreciate everything you've all done for me and love that's been sent out. 10k reads means a lot to me and I hope to attract more people in the near future.
With that being said, I love you all and have a great night/day!! <333