Fade in to a distant shot of the Blues, yet their voices are just as loud as they normally are.
Rayner: (standing in front of a suitcase) Alright, I've packed all your meals for the next two days. Tucker you make sure Caboose doesn't eat his all at once. There's extra clothes as well. Your toiletries are in the small dark blue bag in the corner. Oh, I also put some band aids and disinfectant in there just in case one of you hurts yourselves. You got all that Tucker?
Tucker: Yes mom...
Church: Well, good luck guys. Don't forget to change your underwear at least once a day. Tucker, that goes double for you.
Tucker: Why? I'm the second cleanest guy here.
Church: No, it goes double for you because now you're in charge of changing Caboose's as well.
Tucker: I hate you.
Crunchbite: Blorgh!
Andy: He doesn't wear any pants.
Tucker: Yeah, we noticed. If we meet anybody on this adventure, that might have to change.
Andy: Why, we're used to being naked. Free-ballin', come on! Commando.
Tucker: Let me just put it this way; I felt less threatened when Tex was staring at just the sword.
Tex: Huh what- oh, fyeuh uhm, yeah, uh- I was just admiring his… his alien… muscle structure.
Tucker: Yeah one particular part of his muscle structure.
Tex: Well that's just a matter of penis- I mean opinion.
Church: Smooth.
Rayner: Don't worry Tex. I won't judge your sexual preferences.
Caboose: You told me it was another arm...
Crunchbite: Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh!
Andy: Hey Caboose- high five!
Caboose: (Quietly) I don't want to do that any more...
Church: Tucker come here, I want to talk to you for a second. Listen, just drop off this weapon, and get back to Blue Base as fast as you can.
Tucker: What if I have to kill stuff, dude? I'm a lover, not a fighter.
Church: Hey now, Tucker, I'm the same way. That's why we get along so well. We're both just a couple of lovers.
Tucker: ...That sounded kinda gay dude.
Church: Yeah it did. Uhm... I feel obligated to say something encouraging as your boss.
Tucker: Our Captain died. You're just the guy pretending to be my boss. Rayner seems more like our boss. Y'know, since he's taking care of us.
Church: Well, you know in our given situation technically you could be seen as one of my employees.
Tucker: Except that I'm not.
Church: Echch, whatever! Listen, I just, as, as someone in an employee/manager relationship-
Tucker: Which doesn't exist.
Church: Heuhhhhhhh...
Tucker: Why did you pull me aside again?
Church: You know I'm sure it was to say something inspiring, or... something, but now I just don't care.
Tucker: I'mma go, man.
Crunchbite: Huuuuur!
Andy: Hey lady! Come on, hustle up! If you gotta use the bathroom, do it now 'cause I'm not pullin' over.
Church: You know I have to say I'm a little surprised that you're not goin' with them Tex.
Rayner: Hyeah, I was sure you'd jump at the opportunity to go with them.
Tex: Why? Quests are dangerous.
Church: Yeah but they usually have some kind of big reward at the end, you know, like some, big treasure chest or, an entire room filled with gold and art. It's not really like you to pass up on something like that, Tex. ...Tex? ... She's gone, isn't she. ...Huhhh, I really shoulda seen that coming.
Rayner: Well at least now they're gonna be a little bit safer with her tailing behind.
Church: You sure you don't want to go with them Rayner?
Rayner: Nah, now that Tex is gone there has to be someone to take care of you.
Church: I'm not a baby. I can take care of myself just fine.
Rayner: Yeah, but if you get shot at by an enemy you're gonna need someone that can actually shoot back.
Church: Hey up yours, jackass! My aim is fine.
Rayner: Ahahaha!
Cut to Sarge scoping Simmons walking Grif to Blue Base through the sniper rifle's scope
Sarge: Well, this is a tough one. Simmons appears to have captured Grif. Which means we're down a man. And now that man has taken Grif prisoner. So does that make us even? What's one plus a turd? Dammit, only Grif can screw up math!
Cut to Simmons walking Grif down the ramp into Blue Base
Simmons: Hurry up Grif.
Grif: You know Simmons, you don't make a very good hostage-taker. My last prisoner experience was much cooler.
Simmons: What?
Grif: You haven't even yelled at me one time.
Simmons: You're doing everything right. I think yelling should be reserved for only the most critical of situations. (tersely) Like when someone drinks milk out of the carton!
Grif: Come on, Simmons, I'm a prisoner. You should be jabbing me in the back with your gun and saying “get moving scum!”
Simmons: (jabs him in the back with his gun) Get going!
Grif: Louder!
Simmons: (jabs him again) I said move!
Grif: Yeaheaheah, that's it!
Simmons: (jabs him again) Move it soldier!
Grif: Okay, seriously? That hurts.
They arrive in the middle of the base
Grif: Man, these guys really like blue lights. I mean, I know this is Blue Base and all but come on, you don't have to beat us over the head with it.
Simmons: Get in the hole.
Grif: You have a hole? Whoa, now that's cool. I take back everything I said, this is much creepier than my last time in the joint.
Simmons: (hits him) Move!
Grif: Dude, if you keep doin' that, this is gonna get old quick.
Simmons: I said in the hole! (hits him and he falls in the hole)
Grif: Ow!
Simmons: Who's the bad hostage-taker now, bitch?!
Grif: (materializing behind him) Um, I think I found a design flaw in your hole.
Simmons: What? Get back in there! (hits him)
Grif falls down the hole, then is propelled back up through another hole behind Simmons.
Grif: Woohoo! Look who's back.
Simmons: God this sucks.
Grif: Seriously dude, you have to try the hole. It's really fun.
Simmons: Ugh, what're you doing? Get back down in there. (hits him)
Grif: Wheee! Look I came out backwards this time!
Simmons: You're supposed to s- you're the prisoner, stay down there!