May 17th
Beyoncé
6:00
"What time will you be back?" I asked laying in bed still slightly falling off asleep. Shawn had a meeting with the song writers and agents about our tour that gonna be coming up in the next few years. He had to completely take over that while I was working on the renaissance album but ever since I finished it he been still working on it and I started to feel that's why he's stressed the way he is.
"Umm late this afternoon I know it won't be too long because I don't feel like being their long" i nodded my head with my eyes closed barley hearing what he was saying I heard him chuckle. " what you doing today?" I sat up and bit my lip some.
"Ummm" I broke into thought "I honestly don't know I might call the girls and go to mamas somethings up with her"
"She alright?" i shrugged slightly "I don't know she just seems off she keeps zoning out in moments and solo said she been crying" I snapped my head to him quickly "do you think something's wrong, like really really wrong?" I started to slightly panic he shook his head.
"No I think she just might have something going on but whatever it is it can be fixed she probably is just stressed and tired you Knowles woman seem to have that a lot" I chuckled as well as he did. "Yeah maybe your right" i laid back down sighing looking at the ceiling "we just gotta keep and eye on her" we went silent until he walked over to my Side of the bed standing hovering over me
"Ok I'll see you later" I nodded and he kissed my lips. "I love you" he pulled back I smiled "I love you too" he kissed my head and pulled back waking away grabbing his things
"I'll be home later on" he yelled out I have a quick ok and continued looking at the ceiling lost in my thoughts. What was really up with mama? The crying the zoning out she's barely talking and she's nonchalant lately. Then when we ask her she brushes it off of acts like nothing happened.
Then on top of that I've notice Amariana she just keeps getting smaller at this point her ribs are showing. Literally showing. Something up with her as well but it's only when it comes to food. I don't k or what's going on but my mother and my child are out of it. And now Shawn see-
"Beybey?" I turned my head seeing Amariana standing in the door way I sat up and got a full glimpse of her.
"Amariana" I said in a awe smiling slightly until she lifted her head and I saw tears in her eyes my face quickly formed a frown in confusion on why my child was crying.
"I-i had another nightmare" she cried i awed and patted the spot next to me she quickly ran and hopped on the bed I pulled her into my side and covered us up and laid back with her head in my chest and my arm around her stroking her out of her face since it was down. I felt her body tensed up and shaking in my arms. I kissed her head
"Relax baby, your ok and safe" I spoke softly I heard her taking a few deep breaths and her body began to lose tension as she took breath after breath.
"Bey?" Her soft voice trailed out with a slight of hoarseness from waking up. "Yes?" I asked with my eyes closed feeling my sleepiness kick in
"Have you ever felt this" she said referring to herself. " I mean like something happened and it just took over you and caused pain" I sat up some and cleared my throat
"Actually I have" I finally replied she looked up at me and I nodded "yeah, um when my father left your grandmother he left me and solo as well but for a moment he had a heart to come see us sometimes but one day he just stopped coming" I cleared my throat feeling the feeling I felt when he left us the way he did. "I was devastated I didn't know if we did something or if he just was over us" I felt tears slipping down my cheeks but I just let them.
"I remember when I turned 13 I waited for him to come for my birthday, I sat in the window in the kitchen waiting for him to come mama would try to get me to have fun with your aunts but I didn't want to leave from the window I didn't budge." My voice cracked as I felt the sobs building and burning up in the inside. " I sat there for hours not moving until it was getting late and the people slowly started to leave when I finally decided to give up I cried mama tried to calm me but in that moment I was out of it. And I remember I cried myself to sleep.
"Something i obviously often to sometimes" I chuckled bitterly in a cynicism wiping my eyes. "What did you do to realize it wasn't your fault and you didn't deserve it?" I actually didn't think about that I just realized he was gone and I move don from it.
"We'll actually I didn't have time to think about that it just sort of happened in the moment after that day I stopped giving my force and just knew this was the new life for me." I expressed. " but I know now that I was just a little girl as well as your auntie Solo and what he did to us hurt but I knew if I stayed in that headspace that I was in on my birthday I knew it would chew me alive on the inside" I expressed as she nodded once in a while letting me know she was all ears in.
" and I didn't want to hurt like that not for anyone but for me, it's okay to be sad or hurt but it's not okay to sit in it and let it tear you especially without getting help or talking to someone" I said finally we went silent as I was still playing on her curls.
"Is that why you forgave daddy as well?, you didn't want us to go through that?" I froze my fingers in her curls and bit my lip. "Actually yeah" she moved back some to look at my face fully.
"I knew it would hurt and by the feeling I had I didn't want that for you girls. Especially you, you had enough on your plate already witnessing it and I didn't want to build up that hurt or add it" I spoke softly. She looked at me one more time before turning back to lay her head on my chest. I knew why her question got asked and she was referring to herself and pain she in right now.
"I think we should get you in therapy alot is going on for you at once and it shouldn't" she didn't reply I knew she was scared of it she barely wanted to go through it with Kelly.
"I'll do it" she mumbled I was taken back and shocked. "Yeah?" She nodded her head. " I just don't want to feel like this anymore and I want it fixed before school lets back in I don't want to be humiliated and embarrassed by anything". She was right kids take anything as a joke now days and are so cruel I wouldn't want that to happen either. "Ok I'll look into it" I spoke into her hair before kissing her head she yawned and snuggled closer into to me. "Go to sleep baby" she nodded and closed her eyes as well as I closed mine.
10:33
"Amariana let's go" I yelled out. Before I went to mamas I decided to go to rehearsals to set up some things for the tour even though I know i don't have time I still want to get it ready for whatever year comes. Solo was here yo tag along to keep the girls occupied. I hear her coming down that stairs. With her hair wet.
"I didn't have to do my hair" I rolled my eyes and turned to the coffee pot grabbing my cup. "It to late now baby we gotta go"
"Ok,I am not going anywhere with my hair like this" she pointed to her wet curls. "Well then your not going anywhere ever again" I smile matching her tone she huffed and grabbed her shoes. "Great I get to spend all day looking like a chia pet" she mumbled
"Oh stop it your curls are long and beautiful" i said walking over to her brushing her hair back with my palm. It was pretty wet, soft but wet. "Yeah until it dries and get all frizzy" i sighned I didn't have time for the attitude
"Go throw it in a ponytail" I tapped her shoulder "quickly" I added she nodded and ran upstairs and hugged and friend to see solo looking at me.
"What?" She shrugged and smirked "nothing" i rolled my eyes and went back to getting things together.
"Mommy" I heard a high pitched voice yell out I shook my head. Where not gonna make it out of here in time. Blue came running in with one shoe on. "I can't find my other shoe" I huffed "did you check your room?" She nodded "ok go ask your sister to help you" she nodded and ran back upstairs
"These kids are gonna be the death of me" I mumbled to myself I heard soldo chuckle
"Their your daughters" she smiled I smile as well realizing that s slips off at the end. "Yeah they are" I smiled we went silent and I looked over at the clock "shit" I yelled out quickly grabbing everything I went to the bottom of the stairs
"Girls let's go" I herd feet i looked up seeing both of my daughters rushing downstairs Amariana hair was in a high ponytail with her curls flowing down her back and blue had both her shoes on her feet. "Feel better now?" I brush Amariana baby hairs back she nodded and I did as well
"Alright let's go"
Shawn
10:45
"And you heard Candace Moore are you sure?" I came to Benny's to get this all cleared out before I go crazy and tell bey anything that's not sure.
"Yeah man Kenny and Candace Moore" he nodded surely. I slammed my hands on the table and stood up
"Fuck" I yelled I ran my hands over my face sighing. "Bey was just strewing over this shit when we found out they were related" I sat back down holding my head in my hands.
"Who is she?" He asked I sat up and looked at him as he looked back at me giving a confused look. " she- umm she is the woman who kidnapped Amariana" I spoke softly.
"Oh shit" he replied I nodded. "Damn do you think she'll come back i men's you showed Kenny Ass but her?" I shook my head I laid back in the seat and groaned. My wife and kids have been through enough as it is and it's frustrating because it makes it seem like I lied about my promise. This shit won't stop.
"Man I don't even know, but she ain't coming near me or my family" I spoke with base in my voice of surely. He nodded his head I sat back and gazed off just thinking how the hell am I supposed to tell bey All of this but then I got into conclusion I sat up quickly and looked at Benny
"What?" He spoke i fiddle with my fingers thinking. "If I can get proof that Kenny is still alive they'll drop the case" I spoke he scrunched his face
"I thought they did that already when they found you not guilty" i shook my head.
"Nah they said that his lawyer came back and had a few good arguments but since we had good arguments they pleaded me as not guilty but since he had good arguments they said they'll leave the case open until it's solved" he nodded
"But if I have proof he is alive and walking into a damn empire that shit will be closed and I don't have to worry neither does the girls" he nodded slowly
"Ight so what you thinking?" I sat up and thought the only way to get this proof.
"We go find this Nigga"
Amariana
10:52
We been in this rehearsal for a while blue was on her iPad I was on my phone here and there and solo was helping with cousin Angie I just met her she Beybey manger as well. I huffed tossing my phone on the couch
I looked around and saw everyone was occupied I signed out of boredom i looked over out the window that showed other dance rooms and rehearsals. I saw a crew dancing and I was actually interested in the routine I got up and went out to the hall to get a better look I heard the music and they were dancing to Aaliyah one in a million I smiled as I watched the routine.
"Hey" i looked back and saw a girl who looked about my age she was beautiful light skinned perfect shaped beautiful hair and she had pretty greenis brown eyes I smiled before responding.
"Hey" i replied she gazed my face and her smile fell and she dropped her jaw. "Wait you came out that room" she pointed to Beybey da rehearsal I nodded
"Holy shit" she muttered i wa s confused on what's happening. "Your Beyoncé daughter?" How the hell. I nodded my head "umm- yeah" I smiled
"Wow I've heard about you" I gave a "really" look. "Really?" She nodded. "My aunt is Ashley she one of Beyoncé backup dancers" I nodded
"The one with the red hair?" She nodded and laughed slightly and I smiled at her laugh it was so cute
I'm Amya by the way" she spoke I nodded my head " Amariana" she smiled and followed my gaze
"I see you like our routine" i looked back at the dances and nodded. "Yeah, you dance with them?" She nodded "yeah my aunt brought me here a while ago since they had teenage dancing" I nodded " i can teach you if you want to?" I looked over at her and she was smiling and i slowly formed one and nodded.
We began to walk around the long railing that led to the dance room. " so do you guys peform?" I asked I don't know why but a wave of nervous hit me. Maybe because they're really good.
"We have a few times we've performed at school assemblies and things like that nothing major" she shrugged i nodded and we walked in the dancers were alls tiring around drinking water and talking. We approached them
"Hey girls this is Amariana" she introduced me they all smiled and said hey I felt a bit comfortable.
"You dance?" One of them asked smiling I smiled and nodded slightly." I know a little bit" I chuckled
"Her mom is Beyoncé" they all's gasped and looked at me. I was fiddling with my fingers getting nervous that all eyes were on me.
"Oh you gotta k ow how to dance" one girl said I laughed lowly and nodded. "We'll come on show us what you got" I smiled and we all went to the center of the room. Thank god I wore a simple sweat suit. We all began to dance as I slowly started to catch on to the moves.
Beyoncé
11:05
Me and my crew were going over outfits and probs for the tour. It's actually turning out well now that I think about it I'm glad I decided to wait if we rushed we would've have had it to look the way it does.
"Ok so for the mix of the songs do you think we can place diva in the middle of bow down since it's longer?" Angie asked fiddling with the keyboard odor the music
"I mean we can but I thought to remix a few of my old songs you know for it to be a bit more details and energy for the dance break because we do dance break there" she nodded her head
"Well we could do a remix if you want?" I never thought of that. I smiled and nodded "that good, really good actually"
"Maybe on that exact part we can add some type of silver lights you know for the theme"
"What exactly is this tour about?" Solo asked sitting down next to me.
"Well, escapism, hedonism, self-assurance and self-expression and a unique representation of dance music history and Black art that imagines a more inclusive pop future". she nodded wanting a bit more I knew she was confused which made me chuckle.
"Basically a way for us Creoles and whatever race to express ourselves to let people know our ghetto and our skin and our way of dancing and movement is beautiful and there is nothing wrong about it so this tour is giving self expression weather it's blacks, Mexicans, people express with their sexuality it's about appreciation and expression." She noded her head and smiled
"I don't know what half of it means but as long as the people have fun" I rolled my eyes playfully as her and Angie laughed
"So we have a few mixes down, lights, probs and a few choreographies" Angie nodded I smiled and clapped. "I'm so excited" I cheered.
"This tour is gonna be it" solo cheesed and smiled and I looked over a few more things. "I'm hungry" I heard solo say. I looked over at the clock and it was 5 minutes til 11:20. The girls haven't ate and neither have I we all woke up late so I didn't get to cook.
"You can take my car to get some food with the girls" I suggested she nodded and I did as well bending down to my purse grabbing my wallet. "Mini, blue" come here" i said grabbing my card i looked up seeing blue but not Amariana.
"Where's sissy?" I asked she shrugged "I don't know she left" i looked back at the seat and she wasn't their. My heart sunk as my chest began to quickly lift and fall back down due to my hyperventilation I looked over the room and everytime I looked or turned my head my vision became blurry. this point I knew I was at a panic.
I got up out my seat slowly feeling my knees going weak I began to sweat and my palms shaking I was still looking around but she was nowhere in sight. I looked back at Angie and Solo and they had the look of confusion. "Sh-she's gone" I stuttered out.
"No beyonce I'm sure she's here somewhere she couldn't have gotten to far" solo spoke I nodded my head and got the idea to grab my phone I dialed her number and waited for an answer but it went straight to voicemail
"She not answering" I tried again and it was ringing for a while I heard shuffle and music playing.
"Hey Beyb-" she started
"Where the hell are you" I gritted out now I'm pissed she sounds full of joy and I'm here about to pass out.
"I-I'm across the hall at the dance room" I got up and went to the window seeing her waving her hand.
"You got 2 minutes to bring your ass back here Marie" I hung up and plopped down on the couch and took a view breaths solo handed me my water and I took a view sips. We sat in silence and I heard the door I looked back and she came in all sweaty.
I stood up quickly marching to her as she was slowly backing up fiddling with her fingers i grabbed her hand and pulled her back to the hall
"What the hell is wrong with you" i gritted "have you lost your mind" she looked down and didn't saying anything. "Look at me and answer me" she snapped her head up with tears in her eyes. Here we go but it's not working I'm too damn mad
"I-I'm sorry I got bored and I went to watch the dancers i didn't think it would matter I know it was stupid and I-I didn't mean to make you upset or scare you" she sobbed my face soften in a awe. Ok maybe the tears did work she's my baby and she made a mistake. I pulled her into my chest and kissed her head
"Your right that was stupid, it may have seemed like nothing because it's just right across the hall but you can't just get up and leave like that without telling someone Amariana Marie. You scared me you can't do that ok?" I pulled back to look in her face I pulled her chin up by my index finger. "Okay?" I repeated she wiped her face and nodded
"Okay" I pulled her back in and kissed her head. "Ok let's go back inside" she walked in front of me and I followed her back inside. "Everything okay? Angie asked coming to us i nodded my head and she did the same.
Shawn
11:15
"Where is this black eyes Nigga ate?" Benny huffed. We went into empire and told them we were Kenny's cousin and we had a family emergency they said he should be here at 11:00. So we've been waiting on the car across the street.
"I don't know but I gotta hurry up bey and the girls should be home soo" I responded looking around to see if I seen him .
"Man this if 15 minutes later" I sat back looking out his window. I nodded and sat back as well shifting my leg side to side with my hands in my pocket. My phone began to ring and I pulled it out it was bey.
"Shit" I muttered Benny looked at me I showed him my phone and he gave me a really look sinking his shoulders. I swipe over
"Hey baby" I spoke calmly clearing my throat. "Hey I was calling to let you know we might be a bit late we had an issue. I sat up in my seat
"Y'all good?" I rushed out.
"Yeah,yeah just nothing too much everything is fine solo took the girls to get some food so that's why we'll be a bit late something happened in the mist of that" she explained I nodded as if she could see my presence. I felt Benny nudge.
"Shawn" he whispered I looked and he pointed out the window where Kenny was walking down the street. My saw slightly dropped this Nigga really-.
"Baby you there?" I blinked and cleared my throat. "Yeah,yeah bey I'm here listened let me call you back i love you" I hung up before she could respond and I quickly went to my camera snapping a picture as he turned his head in our direction.
We heard a female voice calling him and he stopped and looked back
"Who is that?" Benny asked glancing at me i shrugged. The woman jogged to him and they met each other and hugged. By the woman's height and shape I kinda started to get a feeling.
"Wait move up a spot" i told Benny he began to slowly drive foward as I was eyeing them he stopped the car and the face I never thought I would see slightly turned.
"Onika?"
Ahh shit y'all
Thoughts
Amariana leaving without telling?
Beyoncé tour?
Kenny and onika?