Fade in to Tex overlooking the Reds
Tex: See? They're down there, messing with the radio.
Church: Oh, so that's what they're doin'.
Tex: Yeah. They must be plotting something.
Church: Or, maybe they're just listening to the radio.
Tex: I know plotting when I see it. That's plotting.
Tucker: Maybe they're scheming.
Tex: No scheming looks different. That's definitely plotting. They're gonna try something.
Rayner: I doubt they can come up with anything that bad. Probably just another plan to attack us, which, let me tell ya does not have a good track record.
Tucker: Why? I already told them Red and Blue are the same, it's all a conspiracy.
Church: And I told you that's not true. Vic just made it up to confuse us.
Tucker: That just means he's part of the conspiracy.
Church: But he's the one that told you Red and Blue are the same.
Tucker: Exactly.
Church: Wait are, are you talking about a conspiracy that Red and Blue are the same, or a conspiracy that Red and Blue are different?
Tucker: Exactly.
Church: You just keep saying exactly, do you have a theory or don't you?
Tex: Look, I don't care about Red, or Blue. All I know, is that those guys are up to something down there.
Tucker: Maybe they're planning to use the radio to beam secret messages to the fillings in my teeth.
Church: Secret messages about what!?
Tucker: Exactly.
Caboose: They are probably trying to tune in to the distress signal they heard on the radio.
Rayner: Hmm? What makes you say that Caboose?
Caboose: Oh, I know all the details. They were in their car, the Boss Hogg, when Simmin, heard a distress signal, on, the radio, and Gruff was in the back seat. With a monkey.
Tucker: Hmm, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that some of that is wrong.
Church: How do you know all this Caboose?
Caboose: Andy told me.
Church: Andy, who's Andy? (to Tucker) Are you, are you Andy?
Tucker: I'm not Andy, I'm Tucker.
Church: No, I know, what's your first name?
Tucker: Lavernius.
Church: Lavernius, well then who's this Andy g- wait a second... are you black?
Tucker: Me?
Church: Yeah.
Tucker: Does it matter?
Church: No. I'm just curious.
Tucker: Well if it doesn't matter then why are you curious?
Church: I don't know, I guess that's just something I should have picked up on after all this time.
Tucker: You know what else you should have picked up on? My fucking first name!
Church: (to Rayner) What about you? Are you Andy?
Rayner: Nope. Kyle. Kyle Rayner. Andrew is my granddad.
Church: Well who the fuck is Andy?
Cut to the Reds, with Grif sitting in the Warthog
Distress Signal: Distress, distress, help, we don't need any more distress, distress, whoah man, it's a lot of distress.
Simmons: That's all it says, it doesn't even say where or who.
Sarge: We know who it is, it's on the Red Army open channel! That means the Reds have survived in to the future. Doncha see what this means?
Grif: Hughhhhhhh, that we have absolutely no hope of ever getting out of this army.
Sarge: No, it means we must have beaten the Blues! Otherwise there wouldn't be any Reds left. Finally, victory is ours! Wait a minute, this means I missed the entire war, aw dammit!
Grif: Yeah, everything must be great. That's why they sent out a distress signal.
Donut: Maybe it's not a distress signal. Maybe it's an open invitation to some formal ball!
Grif: Oh-kay, let's go with Sarge's version.
Sarge: Simmons, have you tracked the source?
Simmons: Well sir, all I can tell is the direction, I have no idea how far it is.
Sarge: Why not? I thought you were our Unofficial Science Officer.
Simmons: That just means I'm smart. If you want me to multiply two big numbers in my head, that I can do. But I can't measure radio signals with no equipment!
Grif: What's thirty-two times, fifty-six?
Simmons: Thirty-one thousand, four hundred fifty-two.
Sarge: Is that right?
Simmons: Yes.
Sarge: That's pretty impressive.
Simmons: Eh, you know, it's a gift.
Cut to a shot of the unexploded bomb, and Caboose talking to the Blues.
Caboose: This, is Andy. Andy, this is Rayner, Tex, and Tucker. Uh, the white one is Rayner, the black one is Tex, and the other black one is Tucker.
Tucker: Andy's the bomb?
Caboose: Uhhh, Andy prefers the term "Explosive American."
Tucker: Are you making fun of me?
Caboose: He told me all about what the Reds are up to. Didn't you Andy...
Andy: ...
Caboose: Yes, and then we talked about all our adventures, did you know that he used to know Sheila? Isn't that right Andy?
Andy: ...
Tucker: Ehm, Caboose, are you hearing the bomb talk right now?
Caboose: Say something Andy. You are embarrassing me in front of my friends.
Tex: Caboose, I think you're losing it.
Tucker: Also I wouldn't really call us 'friends,' we're more like acquaintances or, people who work with other people they hate.
Rayner: I don't hate you guys.
Tucker: You don't?
Rayner: Ye-I mean, sure you guys annoy the fuck outta me sometimes, but I think of you all as my good friends.
Tex:...
Tucker: ... Woah dude careful there. You started like Captain Flowers for sec.
Rayner: *gags* Yeah you're right. Fuck I feel creepy.
Cut to Church talking with Gary
Church: Gary, I need you to tell me some more about the alien race that needs Tucker's sword.
Gary: I do not know anything about them.
Church: You don't know anything about the aliens that programmed you?
Gary: Correct. Instead they filled all my memory banks with information about the great destroyer and his race.
Church: You mean humans.
Gary: That is not what they call you. but correct.
Church: Why, what do they call us?
Gary: ...Shisno.
Church: That's an insult, isn't it.
Gary: Perhaps this can best be explained in the form of a knock knock joke.
Church: (sigh)
Gary: knock knock.
Church: Who's there.
Gary: You are.
Church: You are who.
Gary: You are a dirty dirty shisno. ha ha ha.
Church: Alright, what does it mean?
Gary: What is the most foul-smelling animal on your planet?
Church: Uhm, a skunk. Wait so Shisno means skunk?
Gary: Not exactly. does a skunk defecate?
Church: Yes...
Gary: And does the skunk's defecation in turn produce its own excrement?
Church: Ew, no!
Gary: Then there is no equivalent for shisno in your language.
Church: Gross.
Gary: Like you would not believe.
Church: Hey, does that bomb, ever talk to you?
Gary: The bomb? No. Never.
Church: Yeah, I didn't think so.
Gary: Andy and I are not on speaking terms right now.
Church: Heh heh yeah. Wait, Andy?
Gary: Correct. He is kind of a jerk.
Andy: I'm not the jerk, you're the jerk, jerk!
Gary: That was very rude.
Andy: Ah, shut up ya Shisno!