Warnings: Mature Language, Drug Misuse, Drug Addiction, Alcohol Misuse, Crying, Slut Shaming, Anger Issues, Cocaine, Prejudice, Slurs, Threats, Effects of Drug Use, Mental Health Issues, Trauma.
I'm back besties <3
Unedited chapter x
𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭..𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞..~𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐄~𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐧
𝐈 𝐬𝐧𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐬 couch, he had a nice apartment all things considering. "You have a nice place, by the way." I complimented as Brian smiled handing me a steaming cup of coca. I smiled and accepted the cup, "Mm thank you Bri." He'd even put whipped cream and marshmallows on, it was one of my comfort drinks. "No problem Als." He smiled back to me, sitting next to me on his couch. "Thank you for looking after my plants, Barbara gets mad if no one does." He smirked and I sniffled licking the cream and marshmallows. "It's no problem." I softly said enjoying my hot coca, I admired his apartment. It was cozy, it was his safe place. "I can't believe you're having a black coffee at this time." I teased softly, trying to make light of my own situation.
Brian shrugged, "I have a show later, I need it to function." I sighed softly and placed my coca down on his coaster. "I'm sorry I called you without warning." I apologised gently. "Hey Als, I'd rather you be here than turn to drugs. I'm always here for you mama." Brian told me gently, as soon as he said that I felt myself break down. I started to cry and told him all that happened with Chuck, it spilled out of me. I told him all about our night, about him needing me, about our chats, about me saying I loved him. Brian rubbed my back and comforted me, "Shh it's okay Alex, you deserve someone so much better than him." He softly said to me, letting me cry into his chest. "Oh Bri, you don't know the real me...I do deserve it, Chuck's the only one who knows the real me." I sniffled to him. He sighed, "Maybe that's the problem.."
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[𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐖𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐬 𝐋𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫]
𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 elevator. I was sweating, I was swaying, I was out of it. I'd still not moved out yet seen as mom fucked off to Paris for three weeks, how nice for her. I started slurring my speech and giggling to myself as I made my way through the dark foyer, it was dimly lit. I stumbled to the stairs and tried to climb up them but everything started spinning, I fell up the stairs and started to cackle. "Alex! Oh Christ, what are you doing?" Blair hissed from the top of the stairs. I laughed, "Why are you whispering? No one else is here!" I shouted with a giggle, trying to get up. Blair huffed and stood next to me, she grabbed my arm and helped me up. "Alex what are you doing?" My twin sighed heavily as she helped me upstairs and led me to my room. "Don't worry about it B." I assured my sister with a slur as she opened my bedroom door.
"Why are you up?" I slurred softly as she sat me down on the bed. "You woke me up. Put your arms up." She sternly instructed and I obeyed, lifting my arms up. This is how it'd been the past couple weeks, I was waking Blair up at random times of the morning when I'd stumble in and she'd take care of me. "Everything's fine Blair..Just go back to sleep." I mumbled to my sister, she sighed as she got me into my nightgown. "I thought you were past this Alex, you told me a few nights ago that you were over this now hmm?" Blair sternly said, smoothening my hair out for me. She was stern but comforting, that was my sister for you.
"It will be, this was the last time I swear." I slurred to her, empty promises. Blair didn't answer me for a moment, she went to our joint bathroom and I sighed. She came back a minute later with a glass of water, forced it into my hand and gave me that stern look that said "drink bitch." And I drank, big gulps of ice cold water. I placed the glass on the bedside and laid back on the bed, "What brought this on A?" She softly asked me, pulling the duvet over me. "Chuck Bass." I muttered as she softly stroked my hair. "Oh A, get some sleep okay? We're off to Yale in the morning, remember?" She gently spoke to me. "Go Bulldogs!" I cheered jokingly, she giggled slightly.
She kissed my forehead and whispered, "Go to sleep Alex." I closed my eyes and mumbled. "Mm love you B." "Love you to A." She sighed. "I'll get better I swear." I softly told her. "Sure you will." Blair sighed gently, caressing my hair as I fell asleep.
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𝐌𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 my room and shot through my head. I groaned loudly and slapped my clock to shut it up. I stumbled out of my bed, rubbing my eyes. My head pounded and I groaned, it was nothing new though. I walked downstairs towards the dining room and sat opposite Blair who looked like she'd been sat there for ten minutes. Her hair was perfectly straight, her makeup done yet she looked a bit worried. "You look like hell." Blair softly commented. "So do you." I retorted gently, running my fingers through my hair. "Morning, Miss Blair." Dorota chirpily said bringing Blair her breakfast, "Oh, morning Miss Alex, you okay?" She asked softly. I loved Dorota. I nodded and sipped on Blair's coffee, she wouldn't drink it anyway.
"Oh Dorota, can you believe that in just three short hours we'll be stepping through the gates of Yale?" Blair beamed to our maid, sure it'd be nice to go look around Yale but I'm nowhere near as excited as Blair about all this. "Miss Blair, you used to sleep in fathers sweatshirt all night until it tore apart. Miss Alex, I go get you drink and food from cook." And with that Dorota went to the kitchen. "I'll be able to get a new sweater after I attend the Dean of Admissions' private reception, you're still coming to that right?" Blair asked me, picking at her blueberries. I sighed softly, "Let's just see how the interview goes B." I told her gently. Before Blair could say another word Dorota came in with a small fried breakfast, she placed it in front of me. "Chef do the usual for you when you like this, Miss Alex." Dorota stated, no malice in her voice.
"I don't know what you mean." I replied, clearly in denial as I picked at my breakfast. Dorota walked out the room towards my room to clean up. "She means you coming home early hours of the morning with random people. You need to get it together for us today." Blair sternly said to me, I rolled my eyes. "Look, you may want to go to Yale Blair, but I wanna do to Princeton. So I'll put on smiles for you, I'll speak to the Dean, I'll put in a good word for you I'll-" I started to sternly assure her when one of the maids placed the newspaper on the table. It was Serena on page 6, I felt anger rush through me. How is it that she gets in all the newspapers? I shrieked and torn the page to shreds throwing it on the floor, Blair looked up to me. "I'm so fucking sick of Serena! Once I'm done with her it'll be bad fucking press she gets." I snarled having a bite of my fried bread then storming off upstairs to call Georgina.
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"𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 visits. The schools you will be visiting, Harvard, Yale, Brown are among the best in the world alongside Princeton." The headmaster at St Judes declared, B and I shared a smirk. The Princeton visit was last week, I smartened myself up and actually impressed the Dean. "You are ambassadors of Constance Billiard and St Judes as well as your own families. We urge you to present yourselves in the best possible light. Good luck." He said once more, then he left the courtyard. I checked my face in the compact mirror, I looked presentable thanks to makeup and coffee.
"I wonder what lucky school will be the subject of the next nursery rhyme penned by Brooklyn's lamest fiction writer?" I heard Chuck snark to Dan, I froze as I heard his voice. The memories of a couple weeks ago rushed through me, I had to destroy him. I walked up to Dan, Chuck and Nate a smirk on my face, I went to sass Chuck went Dan stopped me. "Actually Chuck, the Dean of Admissions at Yale will appreciate my ability to write about damaged characters." Dan retorted, I stood next to Dan and snorted. "Ha! Look at that, Humphrey making my day once more." I smirked, glancing to Dan who smirked. "Did I miss something?" Nate wondered, looking between the three of us perplexed. Chuck finally looked at me yet I didn't let him speak. "And lets be honest sweet Charles, Dan's writing wasn't all fiction was it..Charlie Trout?" I snarled to Chuck, his eyes narrowed to me.
"I don't seem to recall when this conversation involved you, Waldorf." He sneered yet I grinned, it was clear I had gotten under his skin. "You made it involve me sweetheart when you rang me up-" I went to say when he cut me off, not wanting Dan or Nate to know he begged for my help. "It looks like we'll be spending the weekend together, how nice." Chuck hummed to Dan who sighed and walked off for the bus, he turned his attention to me. "Don't you have somewhere to be? A substance to snort, a person to throw yourself at?" Bass hissed to me, I didn't let his insult bother me because I saw Blair talking to Serena. I had to help my sister, I glared to Chuck, "Least I have friends you lonely piece of shit." I seethed, I smiled to Nate before barging Chuck and walking off.
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𝐈 𝐠𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫 continued to insult Serena's choice of wanting to go to Brown, I stood next to her with a smirk. "Brown is an Ivy League too." She retorted as I giggled, "Oh sweetie, everyone knows the only real Ivies are the holy trinity." I began smugly. B and I listed them together, "Harvard, Yale and Princeton." Serena scoffed, "As if you'd get accepted into Yale Alex, your social life is dirtier than the rest of the schools." She snarked to me, Blair scowled and was quick to defend me. It was clear she was still angry with Serena over the fashion show. "Actually, Alex has great grades and attendance unlike you. Which is favoured by those at proper Ivies like Yale and Princeton." Blair snarked. "You both may find this hard to believe but not everyone wants to go to Yale because not everyone wants to be the Waldorfs." Serena sassed, faking a smile. "Not everyone can be." We both retorted to her. "Since we're not friends anymore, let me speak frankly. You're not that smart. You lack focus and discipline." B bluntly told her and I chipped in.
"Charm's good in the real world, when you're playing with boys, being a slut and all but knowledge is power. You'd not make it past admissions not matter how hard you tried. You could get into Brown though sweetie, I'm pretty sure they take attention seeking whores." I innocently cooed yet there was a bitterness to my tone. Serena glared at me, "I'm a whore? I'm not the one who bounces between guys, it's no surprise that even Chuck doesn't want the likes of you." She seethed. That was it, that was when I snapped, I went to swing for Serena. "Woah Alex!" Blair said going to pull me back yet I lunged for Serena. "You dare fucking mention him! I'm gonna-" I seethed yet a pair of arms pulled me back, "Bloody hell Alex come on." Tony huffed and dragged me away from Serena and Blair.
𝙎𝙥𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙙: 𝘼 𝙥𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙜𝙜𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙒𝙖𝙡𝙙𝙤𝙧𝙛𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙄𝙩 𝙂𝙞𝙧𝙡...𝙇𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙨 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙎 𝙥𝙪𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙 𝘼 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙥 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙛𝙖𝙧, 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙎, 𝙥𝙨𝙮𝙘𝙝𝙤 𝘼𝙡𝙚𝙭 𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙝𝙚'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙜𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙖 𝙛𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩...𝙇𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙎, 𝘼𝘽 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝘼'𝙨 𝙠𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙧..𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩'𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙨𝙚𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙩? 𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙨 𝙢𝙚 𝘽 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾 𝙬𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙞𝙩..
"Let go of me Tony!" I huffed and he put me down. "Shit Alex, you can't do stuff like that. Come on, let me take you in my limo. We can get to Yale early, see about that Skull and Bones stuff yeah?" Anthony gently said, his arm around me as he calmed me down. I nodded, I knew all about Skull and Bones thanks to Chuck's pillow talk. It sounded interesting, I wanted to be one of the first few girls to join a club like that. He opened the door to his limo to reveal Chuck sat in there, I looked to him and we both scoffed. "I'm not going in there with him." I refused like a child. "Like I want you in here anyway." He retorted. "It's tough luck, get in." Tony ordered shoving me in. "Hey you ass get off!" I shouted as I almost fell into Chuck, he caught me with his tight grip as Anthony sat next to me, shutting the door. "Easy there..Being that close anyone would think you love me." Chuck taunted and I glared, I freed myself from his grip and huffed. This shall be fun.
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𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 office nervously, I had my meeting with Dean Beurbe in a couple minutes. I drank my water and took more aspirin, hoping to get rid of my hangover for a few minutes. I didn't even want to go to Yale, not really. I was just disappointed of letting my family down, maybe that's why I've been using so much blow recently. My leg was shaking, my head was pounding, I looked like shit. And as much as I wanted to blame my parents, Chuck and Serena it was all my fault. "Alexandra Waldorf, the Dean is ready to see you now." The Dean's secretary told me, I nodded and offered her a smile. I took a deep breath and stepped into the Dean's office, "Alexandra, please take a seat." He professionally said, I nodded and took a seat in front of him. "It's Alex, I don't really like Alexandra." I softly replied.
For about ten minutes the Dean had questioned me all about myself, my grades, my social life. My legs kept bouncing under the table but I continued to fake my happiness and act like everything was okay despite clearly being hungover. I entertained the Dean for another ten minutes when he gave me a look, a look a that my mother and father gave me when they were disappointed in me. "Look, as lovely as this chat has been Miss Waldorf, I just don't think you're the right candidate for Yale." He tried to sternly yet softly tell me, as if he was letting me down gently. I didn't really care- well no I did, but I was more worried about failing my families legacy by not even getting waitlisted.
"Sorry, Dean Beurbe I don't think I understand. All my predicted grades are A*'s and I'm currently working at a-" I tried to say, in my professional tone but he cut me off. "You're currently working at a C Alexandra." He sternly said, my eyes widened. What? No that's not possible! "That's not possible..I-It can't be." I refused. "That's what it says right here, and I can smell the alcohol on your breath. Look, let me be frank with you here. The only way you'd be able to get into this college is if a large sum of money to the college." The dean sternly said to me. I scoffed, what an ass, "I'd not hold your breath. If you excuse me." I hissed getting up and quickly walking out the office. I can't believe I wasted my time on that to get told I'm a wreck basically, I walked out of the building and towards the lawn to see Chuck laid there with his hat over his head. Oh well, suppose I can have some fun. I walked towards him with a smirk.
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"You're blocking my light." Chuck commented, taking his hat off and looking up to me. I smirked, "I see Nate got bored of you then, now you're with all your friends..No one." Chuck scoffed and smirked bitterly, "Actually, you're here..So, you must be my friend." He smugly pointed out. I rolled my eyes. "Do you ever stop?" Chuck finally asked me. "Stop what?" I scowled, folding my arms across my chest. "With the little angry act, we both know you're not angry at me. You're angry with yourself." Chuck smirked, I didn't speak for a minute but I laid next to him. Despite everything he'd done, we'd done to one another we still found ourselves coming back to each other. I turned around on my side to face him, he did the same. "You didn't have to leave." I softly said, looking him in the eyes. "I'm sorry." He whispered softly. "You're not sorry, or you'd not keep hurting me." I quietly mumbled.
"It's what we do." Bass stated simply, I nodded, he was right. "So, kitten, why aren't you chasing your supposed dream? Why are you here with me?" He asked me, tucking a curl of my hair behind my ear. His voice was a little smug but mostly soft, he was so gentle with how he spoke it almost gave me butterflies. "It's to my dream, just like Skull and Bones isn't yours. Whilst I'm trying to please my family you're just chasing the need of freedom now I can't give you it. We both know you're trapped.. I know you well too." I smugly stated, caressing his jaw. Chuck looked down to me, he didn't answer for a minute. The silence wasn't uncomfortable though, I rolled back, flat on my back playing with the daisies on the grass. I didn't feel weird after confessing my love to him, I just..It felt... I can't explain.
Chuck was clearly thinking for a minute, we went from snarking to one another to silence to caring. He reached to grab the daisy I had a hold of and our fingers brushed against one another. "Maybe you're right." He whispered softly, glancing to me. "But you need to stop." Chuck commented, slowly running his fingers up mine. I smirked, "Stop what?" I asked softly, batting my eyelashes. "You know what." Her sternly replied. "Why should I?" I smirked, Chuck rolled his eyes and went to open his mouth, firing back some cocky remark when an irritating British cheer interrupted us. "Come on you boring fuckers, screw lying around let's go see where these Skull and Bones twats are at." Tony cheerfully said standing in front of Chuck and I. We both rolled our eyes and got up, "Someone got laid last night." Chuck smirked as I giggled, looking to him with a raised brow. The three of us walked along the lawn to head down the street to go to the cafe. "Oh who was the lucky girl huh?" I questioned, slightly defensive for my sister. "Guy, lucky guy." Tony corrected causing Chuck and I to smirk.
"Well that's-" I went to say when suddenly something got pulled over my head, I could hear the boys grunt too, I clung onto a hand.. Chuck's as I was trapped in darkness..What the fuck was going on?
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A/N: Hi readers! Sorry it took me so long to update, I often write my chapters based on my eras/things I'm obsessed with at this moment and I always love Gossip Girl but it's very on/off at the moment, as is my inspiration with all my published works. So my updates may be staggered as on top of this I have a lot of work on with college but thank you for the votes and comments! I know there wasn't much Chalet in this one, but there'll be more in the next few chapters especially with them both in the Skull and Bones stuff. Let me know your thoughts on this chapter too :)