I lay on my bed, shutting my eyes. My heart beats rapidly in my chest. Nothing, I meant nothing to her.
It kills me because I should've known.
Exist. Her word echoes in my head.
How could a person be so cruel? If I would have done something so bad I would've understood the reason for her words. But I didn't, at least I don't think I did. If so, she won't tell me what I did wrong.
I can't physically fall asleep like this, it hurts.
I suck in a breath, standing up from my bed.
I walk towards my door, blinking repeatedly.
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
I exhale the breath I've been holding, walking to Lina's room. I stare at her door, afraid of the words that hide behind it.
I lift my hand up, gently knocking on her door. I hear someone, Lina, clear her throat. "Come in." She says, her voice laced with no emotion whatsoever.
I bite my tongue, feeling my breath hitch. I'm scared.
I slowly reach for the door handle, opening her door. As soon as I walk in, her eyes scan my figure.
She shuts her eyes, dropping her hands. "What is wrong with you?" She breathes out.
My eyes drop to her sitting figure. Her jaw clenches, "Get the fucking hint, Nicolas. No one wants you."
My heart drops at her hurtful words. "Just—" I swallow the lump in my throat. "What did I do?" My voice comes out hushed.
"For fucks sake, I just don't want you!" She raises her voice, her words echoing the room.
My throat feels dry, my heart beats faster, I blink repeatedly. "Okay." I rasp, breathing heavily.
"I'm sorry." I add.
"I don't give a shit about you, or your fucking opinion. Everything I've done with you was a mistake that meant nothing."
"Oh." My voice cracks.
She laughs, "What? Did you really think I'd love someone like you?"
I blink.
I suck in a breath, turning around and making my way out of her room.
It's okay, It's okay.
I physically feel my lungs close in, my vision slowly blurring.
I walk to my room, shutting my door. I hold onto the drawer next to my door, trying to focus on my breathing.
I can't breathe.
I walk towards my bed, sitting myself up against the headboard.
I open the drawer of my nightstand, reaching for my pills, pouring two onto my palm. I take them and swallow them with the water on my table.
I sit myself correctly, throwing my head back. My breathing grows heavier.
I can't, I'm going to— I can't.
I'm not a strong person, I know that. Especially when it comes to words, because they're the most hurtful. You can never take them back.
I tense when I feel a tear slip from the corner of my eye.
It doesn't stop.
I try to hold in the sobs that want to escape me, but I cant. I shut my eyes, and I let go.
I can't think. I don't know what to think, it's empty.
...
longest chapter i've ever written bye😔
wish me a happy birthday rn. i cant say, "I'm only 14" anymore, end of an era. fifteen tv is on repeat rn.