Ticking in the background as it fades in on Grif and Church.
Grif: Guys I'm a red too, I'm a red! I don't even know this guy! Come on, let me out.
Church: Thanks for the support, Grif. Way to be a team player.
Grif: Hey, I gotta think about myself here.
Church: There's no "I" in team, Grif.
Grif: Yeah, there's no "U" either. So I guess if I'm not on the team, and you're not on the team, nobody's on the God damn team. The team sucks!
Church: What I can't figure out is why the reds are still here. Tex already wiped out all the blues. Why wouldn't they just pull out?
Grif: As someone who's taken orders from Red Command for the last three years, trust me, it's not that surprising.
Cut to Sarge, Caboose and Simmons in the janitor closet.
Simmons: Okay, we traced the bomb activation signal to Sidewinder. How much time do we have left Sarge?
Rayner: (through staticky radio) Alright. The teleporter's ready.
Donut: (through staticky radio) Everyone here is set to transport.
Tucker: (through staticky radio) I'm not going through that thing. I'm serious.
Sarge: We need to get there as soon as possible. Did you set their teleporter to take them straight to Sidewinder?
Simmons: I told that blue guy, Rayner, the coordinates. He says he did everything right, but also said there's a fifty/fifty chance they end up in Sidewinder, or in the middle of deep space.
Sarge: What about us?
Simmons: I programmed ours myself. We're fine.
Sarge: I find the risks acceptable.
Rayner: Eh, it's been awhile seen I've tampered with the teleporter. I'm a little rusty.
Tucker: Yeah. Screw this, I'm walking.
Sarge: Alright, then saddle up! Don't worry Grif and Church, here comes the cavalry! Hyaaaaa!
Sarge runs through a teleporter, and emerges from another behind Caboose.
Sarge: Hyaaaaa- oh!
Simmons: Uh sir? The teleporter I reprogrammed is over there.
Sarge: Oh well, heads up evil-doers; here we come to save the diya-ah forget it, let's just go.
Cut to Grif & Church
Grif: (singing poorly and totally out of tune) Nobody knows, the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows but Jesus.
Church: Will you shut up?
Grif: You just can't face the fact that I've adjusted to life on the inside! I'm hard now!
Church: Please, give me a break.
Grif: As the prison bitch, I would not expect you to understand.
Cut to a firefight down a hall somewhere.
Church: What's going on out there?
Grif: Oh man, maybe our crew's come to bust us out of the joint. I don't know if I can live on the outside though any more Church. I'm all institutionalized and shit.
Church: I don't know. Sounds like whoever's fighting them is winning. That can't possibly be our guys.
Grif: (to a salmon-colored guard) Hey screw, aren't you gonna go help your buddies? Oink oink?
The soldier runs around a corner and gets punched out. Church and Grif listen to the sound of invisible approaching footsteps.
Wyoming: (decloaking outside the bars of the cell) Hello Church.
Church: Wyoming? What're you doing here?
Wyoming: Been hired to do a job with your little friend Tucker. Seems he's discovered some information that someone else isn't happy about.
Grif: Who's this kracker?
Church: Ah, he's just some scumbag bounty hunter that was in the same division as Tex.
Wyoming: Ah yes, dear Tex. After I take care of your little friend Tucker, I'll be taking care of her as well.
Church: When I get out of here, -
Wyoming: But you won't. Everyone here is dead now. Noone even knows where you are. So I suppose now you'll just have to starve to death. Hu-huh. Cheerio.
Wyoming goes invisible and runs off.
Church: We gotta find a way to escape, Grif.
Grif: If only we had bedsheets.
Church: There's no window. What good is tying together bedsheets gonna do us?
Grif: Who said anything about tying them together? I wanna take a nap. If I have to die of hunger, I wanna do it in my sleep.
Cut to Donut, Tucker, Rayner and Tex on the red base, and Sheila below, looking up at them.
Sheila: Good luck everyone, take care. I packed you all lunches for the trip.
Tucker: Thanks Sheila, that was really nice of you.
Donut: Not really. All my bag had was an air filter and a thermos full of brake fluid.
Rayner: Thank god I already filled up on some steak before I got here.
Sheila: Make sure to wash your exhaust pipes every day.
Tex runs through the teleporter, then Donut and Tucker.
Rayner: Bye Sheila, we'll come back for you soon.
Sheila: I'll be waiting.
Rayner steps through the teleporter. Cut to Sarge, Simmons and Caboose standing around a teleporter receptacle.
Simmons: Okay, here they come.
Tex emerges and runs off, then Donut emerges.
Donut: Yeahah, we're here! Good job blue guy!
Tucker emerges, covered in black stuff.
Tucker: OW, crap!
Simmons: What's all that black stuff on your armor?
Tucker: Just me? What the fuck?
Caboose: Tucker, I am so glad to see you. Here. Let me help you clean your armor off, by rubbing you all over.
Donut: Ooh ooh, let me help!
Caboose: Absolutely, Admiral Buttercrust.
Tucker, Caboose and Donut runs off. Rayner finally steps through the teleporter and sees the three walk away.
Rayner: Where are those guys going?
Cut to Wyoming looking at those three through a sniper rifle.
Wyoming: Hmm, I don't see him. Perhaps they've disguised him somehow. Well played.
Cut to Tex looking at him.
Tex: Gotcha.
Cut to Simmons, Sarge, and Rayner.
Simmons: So what's the plan, Sarge?
Sarge: First, we need to locate Church and get that bomb defused. Then we can find Lopez, download our plans, and get back to fighting the blues.
Rayner: I can diffuse the bomb if we find it-wait, what was that about a plan to attack us?
Simmons: And find Grif.
Sarge: What?
Simmons: And we also need to find Grif. Right sir?
Sarge: Well, not every plan is perfect, so I suppose we could accidentally find Grif along the way.
Rayner: Man, what is your deal with the orange one? I almost feel bad for shooting him in the knee.
Cut to Grif and the still-ticking Church in their cell.
Church: Okay Grif, I've been putting something off that I can do to help us escape, but, I gotta warn you, it might scare you a little bit.
Grif: You want scary, you should try showering in cell block C. Those guys are animals.
Church: Alright.
The bars start rising.
Church: Here goes.
Grif: You opened the doors? That wasn't scary at all.
Church: What? I didn't do that. Somebody on the outside must have done it. Alright, let's go.
They run off.
Grif: Freedom, it smells so sweet! Let's go rob a liquor store on the way home.
Cut to Caboose, the clean Tucker and Donut.
Caboose: There, you are all clean.
Tucker: Thanks, but you didn't need to spend so much time on the codpiece, Donut.
Donut: A three-coat waxing is just my way of saying I care.
Cut to Wyoming looking through his sniper rifle at the newly cleaned Tucker.
Wyoming: Well, there we are, mate.
Tex: (aiming at Wyoming from close range) Hello Wyoming. Why don't you stop pointing that gun at my friend.
Wyoming: Allison, good to see you. How's our good friend Omega?
Tex: You tell me. He hired you, didn't he?
Wyoming: Now how did you know that.
Tex: When someone lives in your head for a few years, you get to know him. Where is he.
Wyoming: Oh, he'll be along shortly.
O'Malley cocks a shotgun behind Tex.
Wyoming: Very shortly.
Tex: Oh crap.
O'Malley: (evil laughter) Only now do you realize the folley of your idle chit-chat! Evil wins! Hahaha! Good sucks an egg.
Doc: I'm really sorry about this sir- I mean ma'am- I mean miss!
O'Malley: Oh shut up.