You fall asleep in your bed after crying the whole night, you thought of the worst and the best at the same time. What if you never be able to be a mother because of someone?
You wanted to be a mother so bad, you always wanted to be the mother of your kids and live in your childhood country with them for them having the same good childhood experience as you had, before everything started to fall apart in your family.
You were only ten when your parents first started fighting, your mom find out he cheated on her and she still stayed. Instead your dad start drinking and being the most toxic person you've seen in your life.
You were the only child, so you got a full trauma from your parents. One of the reasons you didn't believed in love was them. You swear that you'll never be with someone like your dad. Even when he still in your life.
And remind you that every single time.
You felt like you have no choice but to go to your mom house and tell her the full story, even when you knew she will be most disappointed woman in your life right now.
But you didn't have any other options. If she will not let you the help you need, who will?
You woke up early this morning, you put some pants and hoodie on you, you brush your hair and did some mascara on you. You didn't felt like you needed to do your makeup when you're not feeling like this.
Matt heard the noises from your room and left his books aside, he was already ready for his first class but he couldn't avoid your noise and your voice from your room.
He stood at the door and looked at you doing your mascara. He didn't talk he knew how much you hate when he trying to talk you when you doing your makeup, he used to do it when he wanted to annoy you.
"Can I speak now?" He laughed. You turned to see him standing. "Oh, good morning." You said and looked back to the mirror. Matt got into the room and looked at the mirror where there's a reflection of you.
"Yeah, good morning." He said and you turned around to him finally, he was close enough to you that you have to look up at him to talk. "Are you going to your class?"
He asked you but you shock your head. "No. Im going to talk with my mom." You look down. "Oh, why?" He raised his eyebrows. "Um, she need to know, and I don't have anyone to help me, so fuck it." You said.
"Yeah." Matt mumbles. Matt thought of helping you since last night, since you cried in the first time in front of him, how Matt saw you in the last few week's change his mind about you. He always thought you never cared about anything in this world except you.
And when he find out about your pregnancy, he never imagine you as a mom. But everything change. Last night he stayed awake thinking of you sleeping in the other room with a baby on your stomach.
He didn't realise that until yesterday, he knew how troubled you were and how big the situation was. So helping you was in his mind, but he didn't said a word.
"I wanted to make sure that she knows, even though it's not the right thing to do." You said. "Why?" Matt asked. "It's complicated Matt." You whispered and looked up at him.
"It's okay." He said and smiled softly. Even when he wanted to know more about you. A lot about you. "If you need any help with driving there, im here." He offered.
"It's okay. I have a train in 30 minutes, i need to leave actually." You said and took your bags. "Yeah, of course, good luck." He said when he watched your walking out of the house. "Thank you." You said and smiled.
-
Matt went to the compass like every other day, his apartment wasn't that far from the College. Usually he walking alone and then meeting his friends there, but today someone joined him, unexpected person.
"Hey.." matt heard a voice behind him. He turned around to see Phoebe, his ex girlfriend and your best friend standing next to him and starting to walking with him.
"Hey." He answered. "You living with y/n, right?" She tried to play herself dumb. "Don't do yourself like you don't know." He said. "Oh, you are?" She laughed. "It's how you both met, you was my girlfriend back then and she was my roommate." Matt remind her.
Phoebe remembers that, she always remembers Matt and his little things, she don't even knew why she left him, and for what. "So, I wanted to ask.. did you know why y/n not coming to classes or something like that?" She asked about you. Matt eyes was wide open and he tried to clear his throat.
"No, I mean, we are not talking except paying for the dorm or classes at morning." He says back to her. "Oh. Yeah, I know." Phoebe said and stood for A second, Matt did the same.
"Anyways, if you'll know, tell me. And if you ever want to come and visit me, just come." She shrug her shoulders. "I will." He smiled.
She just walked away from Matt and left him alone, Matt sigh and looked down at his phone to see what time is it, but he kinda of want you to text him and say that you okay.
-
You weren't okay. Not at all. You were afraid as hell. You was hunted by your own thoughts. You still was on your car, outside of your parents house, and still trying to figure out what you gonna say to them.
You finally got the right to move and go to the house. You walked all the way, your anxiety was taking over and you felt horrible.
You knock at the door and waited for your mom to come, she opened the door and hugged you closer to her. You just got into the hug and pulled back and smiled.
"What a surprise!" She shouts. "I thought you coming only on the Christmas." She said. "Yeah, no.. I had a day off I thought of coming and say hey." You laughed. "Well, I'm happy to see you here." She said back.
You follow her to the living room and you just knew you have to stay at your moms house for a while, and then you'll told her the truth.
So you stayed, making yourself to the point where you going to tell her everything.
-
Matt was finally after college day. It's was afternoon and you still wasn't at home. He was worried about you. But nothing happened, no texts, no calls, no phone call to ask if he wash your room or anything like that. Just him waiting for you.
After a few minutes of walking around the apartment he got a phone call. He answered it immediately. "Hello?" He asked. "Wow, someone really waited for this call?" He heard Phoebe from the other side.
"Hey." He sigh. "I thought you were my brother, I'm sorry." He lied to her. "Oh, something happened?" She asked. "Nah, just.. a little things." Matt mumbled and bite his nails. "Well, it's sound like you are anxious about it." She said and laughs.
"I'm not I'm okay." Matt said. "Matt come on, I know you too well, let me help you." Phoebe said, she was right about it. "How?" Matt smirked. "Come To my apartment." She said faster than Matt could think about it.
"I don't-"
"No one is here I promise, just you and me." She said. Matt just sigh and laughed at the phone. "I'll be there at five." He said and hung up the phone. Even when he knew he kinda of messed it all up, when he going to his ex apartment again.
-
You finally decided to tell your mother, you both sat on the kitchen, drinking coffee and she was reading a book, you was on your phone. You just sigh and took a deep breathe.
"Mom, I have something to tell you." You said and she picked her eyebrows and looked up at you. "Yes?" She said. "Promise me you won't be disappointed." You said. "What is it? You are scaring me." She laughed at you.
The quite was long and loud, your mom looked at you waiting your for the moment where you telling her what's going on. "What's Is it?" She asked again.
"I'm pregnant." You said fast. Your mom just gasped and stopped moving for a second. She didn't knew what to say, her mouth was wide open and she looked frozen.
"Mom?" You asked. When you looked at her. "Pregnant?" She asked and you nodded. "How?" She asked again. "I.." you didn't knew what to say. "What?" She looked at you finally.
"Hooking up with some boys while you have to be more foucs on your studies?" She shouts. "Mom, I was foucs, we went for a party and it's just happened I guess." You said.
"No! It's someone you've been with him a lot." She shouts and get up from her chair. "Is that your roommate?" She asked after a while about Matt. "My roommate?" You raise your eyebrows. "Yeah, is he a guy right?" She adds.
"He is."
"Is that from him?"
"No! We are not even friends!" You shouts at her and she laughs. "So who?" She shouts back and this time you could saw the anger on her face. "It's my new boyfriend okay! But he broke up with me!" You yelled and felt the tears coming out of your eyes.
"So go to him, ask from him for help!" She shouts, this time you couldn't help but cry. "I thought you want me to be a mother all your life." You said. "Not right now, and I don't want to take care of your child because you can't, deal it by yourself." She shouts.
"But. I have no one." You said crying to your mom. "I don't care, im not going to help you." She said and kept cocking something on the kitchen. You stood there, in shock for a moment. "Go out of this house." She turned around to you. "What?" You asked.
"Go away! I don't wanna see you." She shouts at you and you walked to the front door, she went after you. "Don't you dare call me, until you don't having this kid." She says and shut the door In your face.
And you? You stayed standing outside, in the rain. Crying. Hopeless.
-
Matt went to Phoebe apartment, she opened the door as he got into the apartment. "Hey." She said and closed the door. "Someone is here?" He asked her, first of all.
"No, just me.. and you." She said and smiled, Matt took off his jacket and walked to the living room. She walked to the kitchen and took out two cups and bottle of wine.
"I'm not drinking." Matt said and looked back at her. "Come on, nothing will be bad if you'll drink a little white wine." She rolled her eyes and put him some wine on the cup.
Matt couldn't say no, so he just took the cup and thanks her. "So, matt. A long time ago." She said and sat next to him. She wear her short pants and some undershirt.
"Well, yeah." Matt said and smiled. "How are you? How you and y/n?" She asked him. "Im good, you?" He asked, trying to continue the conversation. "I'll be better." She sipped her wine. "Why? What's going on?" Matt asked.
"Well, just boys being assholes for playing me like a little fucking doll." She said and looked at him. "Someone from the collage?" Matt asked. "Nah." "Roommate?" He asked again.
"He dating tour roommate." She said. "They broke up." Matt said quickly. "How do you know?" She asked, Matt knew good enough why, last night was tough. "I know.. im living with her." He said and she laughed. "Right."
They went back to silence for a few moments, Phoebe just drank more wine and Matt looked down at his cup and at her sometimes, still don't know what the hell is he doing here instead of waiting you home.
"I wish all the boys was like you, Matt." She said. "Excuse me?" Matt looked up when he heard her. "You were a good man, and I lost you." She said. "We always can be friends."
"I don't want to be friends." She said quickly. Matt was nervous. She put her cup on the table and looked at Matt. She get up and sat on Matt's lap. Matt lost his mind.
"What are you doing?" He asked when Phoebe got close to him. "Just one time." She said and kissed his lips. Matt kissed her back, but he didn't want to. He couldn't stop.
Phoebe let him do it, she didn't stopped either. She let him kiss her and he let Phoebe kiss him, even when he knew it's wasn't good. Not at all.
Not because he was her ex boyfriend and he didn't talk to her for almost a year and half, because he had someone else on his mind.
You was on his mind. Her best friend.