(Please comment! It's a long chapter so enjoy!!!)
Thursday -- 8:09 AM
Chaeryeong's P.O.V
It was like my worst nightmare came true.
All the doubts, sorrow, and betrayal that I felt and got over, came rushing back as if it had never left at all. My mind was like a war raging through an unexpected storm, all my thoughts perished underneath the large seed of doubt planted in the roots of my thoughts. Every memory replaying Taehyun and me, us together and us trying to figure out the truth. Although back then I had no problem thinking of him as an absolute villain, now I can't bear the possible fact that it had been him all along.
And I believed him.
The weather hasn't brightened up since the rainy evening on Tuesday. Now it's cloudy and slightly windy as I walk up the cemented rocky steps. The house was humongous but I had no energy to admire it with adoration as the house itself made me depressed at the thought of who grew up here. Mr. Kang suggested that we meet up at his place so that he can explain. I was hesitant as I was supposed to be at the station with Taehyun and Detective Kim but I couldn't possibly go after the medical documents that I read on Tuesday night.
Taehyun even called me yesterday to ask if we should both go talk to Sakura. I declined because I already had and because I couldn't bear to see him smile at me, and talk to me like he was okay.
Like everything is okay.
I finally stand in front of the dark wooden door that has foggy thin glass windows on either side. It allows me to see who I think is Mr. Kang's figure walking towards the door to unlock it. When he opens the door, I already feel the tears well up in my eyes. His features are so similar to Taehyun's, the stern look he gives me reminds me of Taehyun when he's angry or upset. And when Mr. Kang's eyes soften in pity because of the saddened expression on my face, it also reminds me of Taehyun. I blink back tears as Mr. Kang steps aside to let me in.
I do as he gestures and take off my shoes while I step into the house.
I first see a flight of stairs that look cold and still, I notice no one else is in this house except for Mr. Kang. I expected there to be maids and maybe his partner but I see and hear no one.
Silently, I follow him while he leads me to his office and it's different than the office he brought me to when I interrogated him, instead, he brings me to his office which is on the first floor. Before, his assistant had brought me upstairs where he worked in another room.
This one looked more relaxed than the one upstairs but that's where I realize that I'm mistaken.
His shelves hold nothing except some petty trophies that go back to when he was probably in his teen years. All his drawers were closed and had a lock on them. It's less carefree here, everything is carefully chosen for others to see, and everything that is deemed important to him is locked away in a drawer.
"Mr. Kang, I don't know how to say this but could you show me the real documents of Taehyun's medical condition?" I scrutinized, blinking more tears away and hoping he wouldn't notice. Mr. Kang nods before his hand leaves the top of the brown wooden table which I realize is a reoccurring theme in this house. Seconds later, Mr. Kang hands me a skinny pile of papers that explain Taehyun's rare psychiatric disorder.
"So it's true. Taehyun has dissociative identity disorder, DID for short right?" Mr. Kang gives me another slow nod as if confirming this for me will make me snap. And well I don't exactly snap but I turn my head as my face scrunches up to suppress the tears.
However, I completely fall apart.
How had I not known?
"It's okay Chaeryeong, it's not your fault," Mr. Kang clarified, making me look at him in the eyes. "Taehyun got DID because of his childhood trauma. Me and his mother's arguments and fights traumatized him to the point where screams and yells of joy or any emotion cause him to want to hide in fear. If anything, me and his mother failed as parents."
I didn't have the energy to be mad at him. All I could do was listen to try and understand the situation. It all made sense, every time I would get mad at him, I would raise my voice and he'd flinch or ask me not to yell. I always complied but I was still mad back then. The time at Beomgyu's party he was reluctant to go down in the basement probably due to how loud it was down there.
He came down anyway, I realize.
My heart warms at the thought.
"So Taehyun has more than one identity, and why don't I know that?" I question more skeptically now, why didn't Taehyun tell me? Mr. Kang sighs before licking his dry lips, I furrow my brows.
What is he so nervous about?
"Taehyun...Taehyun doesn't know about his disorder."
My eyes widen in complete shock.
"What?!" I shout, I almost stand from my seat but instead, I sit up straighter, more alert. "Me and his mother didn't want him to feel like he was a burden. However, that's not the point. And we shouldn't waste our time with you being mad at me." The same familiar resentment came back as I remembered how much I disliked the man, but he was right, so I slouched slightly. "Taehyun only has two identities so far. The first one is his most dominant one, and the Taehyun you know is his dominant identity. He's kind and sweet, and most definitely my son."
I nod, thinking of Taehyun's behavior, and how normal and likable he is.
"Taehyun's other identity is only triggered when he feels strong or weak feelings of annoyance, anger, or a mixture of both. His second identity is scary, can be enraged, and is possibly a sociopath. His second identity killed your father." Mr. Kang confessed with his head turned in obvious guilt at my reaction.
Tears fall quicker than I can comprehend it.
It's like my world just cracked into tiny little pieces. Everything that I could possibly think could go wrong was never this. I couldn't have possibly predicted any of this. My hands frantically stabilize themselves on my knees as my head hangs low, quiet sobs leaving my mouth as I try to collect myself.
Mr. Kang stays silent, letting me process and grieve the information.
However, I shake my head, wiping my tears as my tongue wet my dry lips.
"What should I do? I was...well we were investigating who the real murderer could be and it turns out it's him this whole time?" I sniffled, the back of my hand wiping away more tears. "Have you ever wondered why Taehyun can't remember anything that happened that night except for the fact that he was near the scene of the crime and then was suddenly in cuffs? It's because his identities aren't aware of each other. Which causes memory loss, and other side effects like delusions." My brows shoot up in understanding, it did make sense.
I remembered many times when I asked if he could retell what happened to him that night if he saw anyone. However, he always responded vaguely not because it was traumatic but because he genuinely couldn't remember what had happened. "Not only that. But there's CCTV footage of Taehyun near the control panels as your father's screams are heard. I suspect that when he stood there and watched your father die, he felt nothing when hearing those screams because he lacks empathy and sympathy."
My vision fades slightly as I hold the handles of the chair I'm sitting in.
More tears blurring my vision, threatening for everything to go black.
"However, since the place their in has soundproof walls due to how loud the machines are. Nobody knew what was going on, just my son. Standing there and listening to your father's screams for help, which were directed at my son. Mr. Lee asked him to turn off the switch on the control panels that stood right next to him. That's when a switch turns off in Taehyun's head, he gets scared of your father's screams and then realizes the blaring alarms that have now alerted the entire establishment that there's something wrong. So I run out of my meeting along with my executives and we run to the scene of the crime with security and everything."
"My son tries to help with the control panels but by then, your father was already ripped to shreds."
It's as if I ran out of tears.
I had no idea how to react anymore.
"After you interrogated me, I knew you needed to know the truth."
"This is crazy" I mumble, my hair in my face as I suddenly dislike the red color, the color of blood. The only thing I could even think of.
"If you want the CCTV footage, I can send the file to y-" I cut off Mr. Kang as I shake my head.
Am I going insane?
Mr. Kang tries to grab my attention, my gaze, to see if I'm okay. "Chaeryeong, Chaeryeong!" He says louder the second time he says my name.
I feel like I'm gonna pass out.
I hate my hair, why'd I dye it that color?
Bile comes up my throat as I think about it.
He was right there.
Dad...
Ring! Ring!
Great now I'm hallucinating.
"Chaeryeong! Pick up your phone!" Mr. Kang's hands are on my shoulders, as he gives me a concerned look. Realization settles deep in my chest when I comprehend that he shook me out of whatever state that was. Gulping, I reach for my phone in the pocket of my jeans and when I look at who's calling me, I feel the vomit threatening to come out.
The large grandfather clock, stationed in the corner, creepily and eerily ticking as if waiting for my body to give up and go unconscious because it feels like it's about to.
Tick! Tick!
I pick up the call after blankly staring at it. Swallowing the vomit down my throat, I put the call on speaker so Mr. Kang could listen in.
My heart jumps at the tone of Taehyun's voice.
"Where are you?" His voice is deep with annoyance, irritated as if someone had really pissed him off. "Uh I got caught up with something, it's urgent," I can practically hear his brows furrow. "We were supposed to meet with Detective Kim" My brows furrowed when I noticed Mr. Kang's fearful expression. Before responding, I silently ask Mr. Kang what's wrong.
He grabs a sticky note and quickly writes something, the silence accompanied by the eerie grandfather clock.
Tick! Tick!
My eyes widen when I read:
This is his second identity, he just switched.
"Chaeryeong!" Taehyun snapped as he didn't appreciate my silence. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm really busy right now," An exasperated groan causes me to flinch and a depressing fear of him grows somberly in my chest. My eyes well with tears once again at the anger and difference from the Taehyun I know.
"Detective Kim said he's busy too? Are you guys lying to me?" I shook my head, more tears falling from my eyes, and some falling right on my phone. "No, no, no. I would never Taehyun. I need to go though" I try my absolute hardest to scrap the sniffles and sobs, gladly it works and I sound only mildly concerned.
Taehyun hangs up, and a breath I didn't know I was holding comes out in a coughing gasp.
Mr. Kang runs a hand down his face as he props his arms on his desk, looking throughout the room in horror at his son's aggressive tendencies.
I am absolutely horrified.
Meanwhile
Taehyun's P.O.V
This is absolute bullshit.
Walking out of the police station, I hang up on Chaeryeong as I scoff at the recall of her petite voice telling me how busy she is.
"No, no, no. I would never Taehyun. I need to go though."
Yeah, right.
Rolling my eyes, I scroll through my contacts, finding Detective Kim and calling him repeatedly. When he goes to voicemail once again, I furiously kick a metal trash can as I get disturbed looks from others. An officer also walking out of the station gives me a warning look and I glare back.
Ignoring everyone's stares, I open my car and slam it shut when another call from Detective Kim goes to voicemail. What the fuck did I do?
Are they meeting together?
Sighing, I check the time trying to remember how ridiculous it is to wake up this early if I don't have morning classes. Going through my notifications, I look at the reminder to go meet Chaeryeong and Detective Kim at his office at the police station. Unlocking my phone, I wonder why I could be meeting with Chaeryeong and some random detective.
I know Chaeryeong but who is this detective?
Looking through the reminders I set, I recognize the reminders to go clubbing with friends, or other activities, but I realize that randomly, I meet with these two at this police station every week.
Going through other apps, I click on the notes app and look at my notes, I click on one titled: Mr. Lee investigation. I chuckle slightly, remembering a man with the last name Lee.
That's when I realize that I need a passcode to unlock the note, I try thinking to myself when the fuck I made this note.
What the hell is going on?
Frustratingly, I don't remember the passcode and toss my phone in the passenger's seat.
Tick! Tick!
I kept hearing that familiar sound when I called Chaeryeong. Tapping my finger against the steering wheel, I think back to where I remember hearing that repeatedly.
My mind goes back to when I was way younger. Mother and father were fighting as usual. Mother threw plates on the floor in an attempt of a temper tantrum. Father stomped towards her to smack her out of it. I remember the maids ushering me into my father's office because the place was soundproof. I heard faint noises of more crashing impact, but what I remembered soothing myself with was...
Tick! Tick!
My brows shoot up, I smirk in shock as I scoff at the idea.
The grandfather clock.
That's where I remember the noise.
Chaeryeong was at my father's place.
Later -- 5:01 PM
Chaeryeong's P.O.V
I stumbled out of Mr. Kang's place with shaky legs and tremors going throughout my body.
Suddenly, I felt cold, so alone and cold at the thought of my trust and warmth coming from the person who took my dad's last breath.
I couldn't even get it out of my mind.
However, Taehyun didn't know he was the culprit. He was looking for someone right inside of him and he didn't know a thing.
Should I tell him?
Who am I kidding, why would I try to justify his actions?
What interested me though was the fact that Detective Kim wasn't there to meet him. He'd always been reliable, diligent, and eager to help us in every way he could. So after Taehyun hung up on me, I got a text from Detective Kim saying he had something really important to tell me and I already knew that he had found out. It was so easy to connect the dots, Detective Kim figured it out right as I had. Afterwards, I got in my car and raced to the address that Detective Kim sent me, I suspect it was his house but I only thought that to avoid the conflict occupying the space in my mind.
After a couple of minutes, I kept trying to find stuff to distract me to the point where thinking was way too useless. I started talking to myself, a couple of tears falling whenever I tried to blink them away.
"You're gonna be okay" I continuously repeated in a quiet voice, a whimper of sadness escaping me.
It's going to be okay, calm down
My hands trembled against the steering wheel of my car and I shook my head to provide full attention to the road. After another few minutes I enter the unknown neighborhood, and by that time, my breathing eventually calms down. My body quivers vaguely and not as extremely as it did. When I arrive at his house, I take my time to admire the greenery outside. The exterior was filled with different flowers and plants that accompanied you until you reached the front door which is a creamy white colour. Pressing on the doorbell, I put my hands in fists to remind myself that I'm going to be okay.
I feel like I'm just gonna collapse in my unorganized mind.
I feel like I'm going to fall apart.
I flinch a bit when I feel my phone vibrate, indicating that I just got a notification.
Gulping, I take out my phone while I wait for someone to answer the door. When I opened the message I received, I read that it was from Ryujin. Furrowing slightly, I wondered what she might need. At a time like this I can't say I'll be able to provide her with anything.
The message read:
Hey Chae, if you want we can hang out, just know I'm always here if you need anything.
My stoic face quickly scrunched up to suppress more tears.
That was practically all I needed to hear to go over the edge.
Just then the door opens to reveal a beautiful woman, she first has a smile on her face until she notices the tears on my face falling quicker and quicker as the time passes. Instantly she wraps her arms around me and pulls me inside.
I cry into her shoulder.
***
I learned to know that the woman who opened the door was Detective Kim, aka Seok Jin's wife. Her name was Jisoo and she brewed me some tea to help me calm down. Detective Kim looked at me with pity as I sat on the couch opposite of him beside his wife who continued to put a soft hand on my back. Soothing me as my breathing slowed.
"So I take it that you already found out." I nod somberly, "Mr. Kang told me everything, and I was provided with proof when Taehyun called me. He was so unlike himself, and his tone was deeper than normal." I faltered, taking another sip of the ginger tea. "Well, I found out when I mentioned it to my wife. She was the psychiatrist who diagnosed him and gave Mr. Kang some treatments for it." Jisoo nods along with her husband whilst I look up to her and give her a grateful smile.
The quivering at my lips causes her eyes to narrow in concern.
"What do we do now? There's no point in continuing this-" I interrupt Detective Kim, "Taehyun doesn't know he has DID. Mr. Kang told me, he loses his memories a lot due to this and he doesn't understand why. He was just as clueless as us."
I hear a short gasp come out of Jisoo's mouth as she shakes her head in disappointment. "That poor child, if he doesn't know then that means he hasn't been given the proper treatments at all. Without any treatments, that means that his condition could get even worse."
We all stay silent for a moment before I realize that deep inside me, I don't want to stop the investigation. My mind drifts off when I think of how broken Taehyun's been over the past years. He grieved our broke up, lost in memories of what happened before he got arrested. He's been lost in his mind his entire life.
His daddy issues and mommy issues impacted him so much that he developed this disorder.
I remember every time Taehyun would lash out or act coldly while we were dating. I assumed it was just his problems at home, but no. It was because he had been triggered into anger and suddenly switched. Although sociopathic tendencies are aggressive, dangerous, and have apathetic behaviors. He still never hit me, he shouted at me but rarely.
I was always there hugging him, kissing him when he didn't want to be kissed.
It caused him to calm down, he wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't hug or kiss back but he would let me and that says a lot.
*Flashback*
17-year-old Chaeryeong's P.O.V
"Taehyun? Taehyun what's wrong?" I asked him as I ran up to him in the school parking lot. I was supposed to go on a quick date with him after school and when he didn't meet me where we agreed, I called Kai knowing that they had the same classes and would most likely be together after school. Kai told me that Taehyun lashed out in class and received an hour's detention for his behavior. I wondered what had pushed him over the edge but I decided not to ask any more questions, whether it was his fault or not.
I don't need any explanations.
As his girlfriend, I'll always be there no matter what.
Taehyun was silent as if he were ignoring me, he was about to open his car and get in but I snatched his wrist, stopping him. "Don't be like that. Come on, talk to me," I urge him as I shift closer to him. He glares at me before rolling his eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be at home studying or something?" I furrow my brows and narrow my eyes at his attitude. "Don't be a dick because you got detention. What's wrong? You don't seem like yourself," Taehyun just shakes his hand trying to get his wrist out of my grip but before he can shrug it off, I wrap my arms around his ribs. Hugging him tight, I don't let go as he doesn't return the action. He looks down at me and groans in annoyance.
Taehyun struggles to get me off of him but I don't let go. It gets like that for a while before he finally relaxes himself. Slowly, very slowly, he wraps his arms around my shoulders. Holding me to him with force and protectiveness.
"Do you love me, Chaeryeong?" Taehyun scrutinized me as I lifted my head from his chest. Looking at him his brows are relaxed and his lips smile as he asks the question but his eyes have a lingering amusement in them and I don't know why but they give me a queasy feeling in my stomach.
"Of course I do. What about you?" My face is skeptical when I ask the question, My heart thundering to seek the reassurance in the 'I love yous' he always gives me.
"I love you, Chae, more than I ever thought I would."
Smiling gingerly, I lean up to kiss him.
He reciprocates the emotion, a roughness taking over him as he kisses me efficiently.
I follow along, not realizing that the Taehyun I was kissing at that moment is a sociopath.
*End of Flashback*
My mind is forced back to reality when Detective Kim says that we should drop the case without Taehyun knowing. Detective Kim tells him that he will inform him and will contact his father to deal with telling him and stuff.
"All you have to do Chaeryeong, is grieve, move on, and forget about Taehyun."
I scoff.
Grieve, move on, and forget about Taehyun.
Easier said than done.
An idea sparks in my head.
Reaching in my pocket, I pull out my phone and find the recording of me and Sakura talking. Playing it, I place it on the transparent coffee table in front of me. Detective Kim gives me a confused look as Jisoo gives a final comforting rub on my back before getting up from the couch, giving me another smile before shooting her husband a warning look.
"What use is this if we already know it's Taehyun?"
"We...We can just go with this, can't we?" I question, no tears blurring my vision, no dizziness, and no need to stabilize myself on anything. It's the moment I realize that when I'm not loving Taehyun life becomes impossibly hard. Like a bat decorated with pretty but sharp nails, hitting my back whenever I turn it against him.
My heart pumps, bleeds, and lives for him.
I know it's the same for him I've seen it with my very own eyes.
We need each other.
We're two broken people that have been together through a lot.
He's the air I breathe in.
I'm the warmth he seeks.
We need each other I repeat in my mind and out loud because Detective Kim responds with, "What?!"
"Are you suggesting that we frame Mr. Miyawaki?" He sounds concerned for me and I can't see myself but I most likely look insane to him. Detective Kim's eyes are wide and his skin pales most likely due to the look on my face.
I look away and face the floor.
No one should know I feel this way
"Sorry...never mind. I think I need to go rest."
Abruptly, I trip when I get up from the couch but catch myself briefly. Bowing to Detective Kim and Jisoo who's standing near the entrance of the kitchen. "Thank you for the tea" I end it off by scurrying my way to the door.
Putting my shoes on before leaving the house.
Murderer, sociopath, whatever he may be flawed with.
I still love him either way.
Still Thursday -- 6:48 PM
Author's P.O.V
Chaeryeong told her everything.
Chaeryeong sat there, her long wavy red hair covering her face as tears could be seen streaming down her cheeks. Her sniffles die down and her hands reach up to wipe the evidence of her sadness, and depression that even Ryujin didn't know was there. Ryujin saw her moods, she knew how off Chaeryeong seemed. It's what prompted her to text her and call her over to her dorm. However, she hid it so well and Ryujin didn't know what to say. Chaeryeong and Ryujin had the same sorrow, though their hearts didn't ache the same, they still knew how it felt to be alone in their consistently working bodies.
With their pumping hearts, multiple cells, and muscles, they still felt vacant. Ryujin could understand her, and it pierced her. For a long time, she wondered how it would feel like to meet someone who knew the feelings or the thoughts that went through her head, and it had given her a shred of the hope she used to have. But now...now she wants Chaeryeong's pain to stop, instantly.
Ryujin doesn't want anyone to have a mind that can bring people to tears.
A broken mind.
Rubbing her back, Ryujin listens to her sobs. Being the shoulder that Chaeryeong leans on at the moment. "I...I don't know what to do, because I miss the good times, but the ugly ruins it all" Ryujin nods despite her lack of knowledge in love. She listens eagerly, making sure Chaeryeong knows she's hear to listen and comfort. "Taehyun and I were so good...so good" Her voice breaks along with her heart, and Ryujin knows the feeling, when it's been shattered, as if saddened hearts grew bones, just to smash and destroy them.
A hideous feeling.
Chaeryeong leaned back on the couch and this time discarded any sign that she was crying, It was madly shocking to Ryujin but she knew that when you have that much emotion in you, you learn to hide it as time passes. She would know. "Thank you, for letting me...vent, to you" Ryujin nods and brings a smile to her face, Chaeryeong also smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "You know whenever you feel that way, just cry, find a private space, and cry it all out, containing it never helps, even if it feels it does."
Chaeryeong nodded, listening to her, but she felt like a liar for not explaining the whole situation. If she told anyone the whole story, then she'd be told to leave him and move on.
It was very unhealthy but Taehyun was her lifeline.
Ryujin leans in to wrap her arms around Chaeryeong. They hold each other. Chaeryeong's head is placed on her shoulder as she leans on the person she can call her friend. Ryujin places her head on top of hers, embracing each other, both of them feeling comfort. A soft grip on one another as Chaeryeong leans on her.
Silence and just the sound of their breathing.
It was seemingly peaceful.
Although, Chaeryeong's mind was still distracted and in turmoil between her morals and values but she knew she was just joking with herself.
She would go against her morals for that man.
She knew it and her heart ached against it.
Her love for him made her crazy.
A knock sounded on the front door.
Chaeryeong flinches hoping Ryujin didn't notice. They both chuckle slightly because Ryujin has noticed. Ryujin gets up to go open the door while Chaeryeong leans back replaying every moment that she suspects she was with Taehyun's second identity. He was obsessive, extra jealous, and protective. That's how she knew that side of him loved her.
However, he could be cold, annoyed, and dismissive with her as well.
And when he needed her, he'd manipulate her into rough exhilarating kisses.
That was his sociopathic persona.
Yet she had never hated him when he switched.
She loved both sides of him.
All of him.
Chaeryeong hears voices at the door and wonders why Ryujin hasn't come back yet.
"Ryujin, who's at the door?" Chaeryeong queries, her voice painted with concern as she walks towards the front door. The moment she arrives and sees the people there, her eyes focus on one particular person. Chaeryeong's heart races as her eyes widen, skin pales, and fists clench.
All of her self-control, emotions, and conflicted mind were gutted and buried.
A tear flows down her cheek and her voice cracks when she says...
"What...are you doing here?"
I absolutely loved writing this chapter!
You guys probably feel really bad for Chaeryeong but I loved experimenting and writing about her inner conflict.
Her emotions at the time really challenged me as a writer.
It seems quite impossible that Chaeryeong and Taehyun's situation was happening at the same time as all the other books including Yunkai's (which is coming right after this book)
Anyway, is the plot twist good?
I switched the course of the plot and decided to showcase a very toxic and quirky relationship 🥰😋
As always, thank you for reading voting, and commenting (I love comments so much)
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