Chapter 68
Standing at the airport with a sign that read Princess Joshua Gilligan Eaton, I waited for Josh to arrive. He'd mentioned he didn't want to be called Torres anymore, so it made sense to give him the right last name.
His flight had landed a little while ago, so he should be coming in any minute now.
As much as it was nice to spent a lot of time with my girlfriend, I was missing my best friend.
And he hadn't been in the best of moods lately, so I felt like I needed to see him soon to feel reassured.
Finally, I spotted him in the sea of people walking out of the terminal.
He smiled when he saw me, but then glared when he noticed the sign.
I walked up to me as I grinned like an idiot.
"My name is not Joshua and you know this," Josh said, making a grimace.
I just kept grinned at him, satisfied with his appalled reaction.
"I already regret coming back. I should have stayed in India," he said, giving me his backpack to carry.
"What? You didn't miss me?" I asked, swinging the bag on my back and heading to the exit.
"Nope."
"Not even a little bit?"
"Not even a tiny-itsy-Blake's-penis-length-little bit."
"Cheap shot."
"Even if you have a MICRO PENIS, I still love you," Josh said making sure that as many people as possible would hear him.
I rolled my eyes at his antics. "Yeah, I probably didn't miss you that much either." We dodged a group of people hugging each other, heading for the exit. "How was the flight?"
"You know, every time I don't get first class tickets, I think I'm better than the pretentious douche bag that do," Josh started to rant, "I don't need a hot towel and a private bathroom. I can sit with the common folks. And every time I fucking do this, I regret it. I could afford it. Why am I sitting with my knees up to my chin in a cramped seat with some random person napping against my shoulder? For short domestic flights, it's fine, but I can't be crossing oceans anymore in economics. I have learned. Never again."
"So, I take it the flight did not go well," I said as we stepped outside, heading to the parking.
"The flight went fiiiine. I napped on the shoulder of the very kind lady sitting beside me."
"Of course you did." I rolled my eyes at him. "Did you have fun?"
"That trip was not for fun-having. It was for spiritual growth."
"And did you grow spiritually?"
"Yes, my self importance grew tenfold."
I guessed this was as much information Josh was going to give me for now.
He was jet lagged and coming back from a fifteen-hour flight. I didn't take it personally.
Josh yawned, stretching his arms over his head. "How was Christmas with the family?"
I smiled at that question. "Really nice. Lexi fitted right in. We missed you though. Grandma would have wanted you to be there," I told him.
I wanted him to remember that even if he didn't feel at home with his own family, he would always have mine to fall back on.
"I went to see them, you know, before leaving," he said softly.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I went to see Jay."
He was the one who mentioned him before, so it felt safe to ask this. "How are you processing. You know. All of it."
We hadn't really talked about it again. I felt like I wasn't being supportive enough.
"Blake." Josh gave me a tired smile. "Jayden has been dead for seven years now. I don't mean to say I'm not sad about it anymore. And I don't mean to say it doesn't fucking hurt still. But if I still couldn't function properly, there would be a problem. I'm sad, but I'm not always sad. I'm more often not sad. And I'm fine."
"Are you sure? I just... I felt like none of us grieved properly, you know?"
"I went to see your grandparents during Jay's death anniversary. I try to do it every year. I've accepted his death."
I said what he didn't say, but I knew he meant to say. "My parents haven't. I hadn't."
Josh patted my back, as we kept walking side by side. "So, don't worry about me, okay? I'm fine. I really am."
"It just feels like you carry more on your shoulder than you let on. You do it quietly. And I don't want you to have to do things on your own."
Josh grabbed my neck in a headlock. "Aw, my little brother is growing up."
I untangled myself from his grasp, laughing. "I am."
"Did you finally get laid? Finally popped that cherry," Josh said, giving my arm little punches.
I swatter his fists away. "You know I'm not a virgin."
Josh rolled his eyes at me. "Might as well be."
"I don't kiss and tell."
"So, still haven't put to good use the French maid uniform." He shook his head, disappointed. "Seriously, I'm getting annoyed at this point."
I ignored his comment, and instead said, "There's no need to rush. Me and Lexi, it's not going to end anytime soon."
Josh gave me a wishful look. "It's good that you see a future with her, but also remember that sometimes you miss the things you wait for, for too long. Sometimes it's okay to be a little impulsive with the people you love."
I didn't really know what to say to that. I just wrapped and arm around his shoulder, to hug him at my side.
Josh automatically pushed me away. "Let go of me you weirdo!" he whined, making me laugh.
We'd gotten to the car at this point, so we both got in and I drove away.
Once we were out of the parking, I cleared my throat. "So. In the spirit of talking about our significant others, and how you're doing good," I started to say.
Josh stopped me. "We're not talking about the Beatles lover."
"Why not?"
Josh let out a loud sigh. "Well, for one thing, me and her, that's a disaster in the making."
I grinned victoriously. "So, there is a you and her?"
"I mean..." he shrugged. "There's something."
"Do you want more?" I asked carefully.
"Right now, I want my bed and to hug Miss Puss," Josh replied, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the window.
"But after that, would you want more?"
"What's with the interrogation?" he mumbled.
I kept my eyes on the road, and explained. "I went out with Lexi and her friends, and me and Daphnee talked, and I don't know. It seemed like you're both confused about whatever it is that's going on between you two, and I just wanted to help."
It had been bothering me for a while now. I know there was something there, but Josh didn't hope up. It was wild to me the way he overshared the most mundane things, but couldn't bother to open up about the ones that mattered.
I couldn't exactly judge though. I was quite similar.
"You don't have to fix everything now that you're better, you know?" Josh teased me.
"I know. And I know it's not a question of fixing. But you said so yourself. You're really good at burying your feelings. I wouldn't want you to do it with another person and miss your opportunity. You just told me that sometimes it's okay to be a little impulsive with the people you love," I remined him, getting on the highway.
"I don't love the Beatles lover. I loathe her," Josh said, fake gagging.
"But you could love her."
He scoffed. "I could also love a mafia boss with a dark past. It doesn't mean it's a good idea."
I gave him a sideway glance. "I feel like you're just trying to protect yourself from not getting hurt, so you're not even giving the relationship a chance."
"Not everyone sees a girl from across a room and suddenly knows she's the one they want for the rest of their lives. Some of us are not even sure what it is we want." Josh took a breath and then in a quiet voice added, "Some of us don't even know if we can truly love again."
"I'm sure you can love again," I said softly.
"It's hard to love someone with only half a heart."
I smiled sadly at my best friend. Still so very hurt, but acting like he wasn't. "Even if Daphnee is not the one, I think you need to give yourself the chance to try to love again. Just because you can't love someone the way you loved Jayden doesn't mean that you can't love at all. No one can be your first love again. But they can be your second love. They can be your last love."
Josh chuckle at my little speech. "Always the romantic, aren't you?"
"I just want you happy. I'm sure Jayden would want the same thing."
He full on laughed at that. "Your brother was like super jealous. He would absolutely disagree."
I frowned. "He wasn't jealous."
"Super selfish too."
"Now, that's a total lie."
"Awful kisser."
I shuddered in disgust. "Absolutely did not want to know this."
Josh wiggled his eyebrows. "Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to."
"I NEVER ASKED THAT QUESTION!"
Josh patted my shoulder, and closed his eyes, leaning against the window again. "Just be a good taxi driver, and keep quiet."
I gave him another sideway glance and sighed. "Fine."
I wasn't going to go anywhere with this today. But I definitely was not done.
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Happy Tuesday my little Pumpkins! :')
For those who didn't see my story on instagram, I wasn't able to post in the last couple of weeks because there's been a lot going on and I was absolutely not in a head space to write. My two months old niece was hospitalized and put on a ventilator, and it was a very stressful time for all of my family. She's all better now, but yeah. Wasn't really in the mood to write.
And just in general, I think I was really exhausted and needed a lil break.
So, sorry for making you guys wait! But yeah, all better now. My birthday passed too, and my resolution is always to have a more constant uploading schedule, so I am working on that. December might still be a lil iffy, uploading wise, but that's because my goal in January is to upload Lil Bitch, Tenth Knot and Virgin and the Whore weekly! So, I'll be planning that and working on that in the next few weeks.
Alright. Gotta go to work now.
Love you guys! See you all next week! <3