April 6th
Shawn
9:26
I was walking into my work place for my meeting today I got up a bit early to settle my self down form the commotion with Amariana and Beyoncé I had to literally get Beyoncé to understand no matter what Amariana does she is our child and she isn't going anywhere after bey said she thinks she should go back. I'm not about to let Beyoncé 11 years of tears go to waste like it's nothing. I did put Amariana on punishment for what she did that's another thing we have to be her parents for her to see we're not just some stranger but she also stayed at mama Tina with solo so things can calm down .I took her phone she won't be getting that back at all as long as that bitches prison number is in there.
I walked inside the meeting room seeing a few my agent and others I looked to my left and saw and nicely curved shaped woman at the coffe stand I looked at her red bottoms hills up to her glowing smooth legs that were out from underneath her skirt that was hugging her curves perfectly she turned around I looked up further at her exposed cleavage I look into her face and she smiled letting her perfectly white teeth shine. Her hair was curled perfectly her eyes brown gazing my face.
"Hi I'm Becky" she walked to me holding her hand out I got myself together taking her hand into mine feeling her soft palm hit against mine
"I'm Shawn" I replied shaking her hand we kept shaking smiling at each other as it was getting awkward we looked at out hands and laughed letting go. I looked at her chest again and the glow popped off of her cleavage I bit my lip looking at them. Me and Beyoncé haven't had sexual activity since Amariana been back and this woman is choking me right now man.
"Mr.Carter you alright" I shook my head bringing my eyes back up to hers
"My bad" I chuckled she smiled and noded
"Alright let's get started" we heard i noded my head sitting down and Becky sat in the seat across from me smiling and smiled back Turing all my attention to my agent.
"Ok so first everyone Becky is here to fill in for Benny so welcome her" my agent said
"Hi becky" they said in union
"Hi" she laughed I smiled and looked at her she looked at me and I quickly turned my head away from her back to the front of the room
"So Shawn you have a upcoming performance in Atlanta in June" i noded my head scheduling all this in my calendar
"Ok and what about me and Beyoncé on the run tour?"
"That's next month right?" I looked over at Becky then at my agent to see if she was right
"Yes it is Becky well done" Becky smiled and i noded getting this in the calendar i looked up slight form my iPad eyeing Becky smooth crossed legs I bit my lip getting higher back to the cleavage.
"Mrs.Carter did you hear me" I shot my head up and looked forward i cleared my throat before speaking
"My bad you said what?" She chuckled and shook her head playfully
"I was saying you and Beyoncé will be on stage for 2 hours each show" i noded my head listening some more to her words I took glances at Becky here and there not being able to control myself I feel like my teenage days are coming back to me I looked at Becky in her face this time and she looked at me and smile before winking at me I shook my head laughing and looked back up at the bored.
I guess this is Becky
Beyoncé
10:00
"How is she" I said into the phone talking to mama after the argument yesterday solo and mama thought to just take Amariana for the night to let things settle down.
"She umm.... Could be better" she said trying to sound positive I chuckled sadly and shook my head
"I didn't mean for it to go the way mama I really didn't" I said on the verge of tears I been feeling like shit since yesterday thinking about it
"I know you didn't baby you just had a breaking point and it's not all your fault she said some things too" i sighed shaking my head thinking about my words to her
"Maybe you should come over so y'all can talk"
"Mama that child hates me she doesn't want to see more and definitely doesn't want to talk to me"
"Beyoncé this has to stop enough it enough if I tell you to do something you do it why because your my child and you have respect for me it should be the same way with this child and your grown. Do you want it to be like this forever?" I bite my lip nervously and shook my head as if she could see me
"No" I replied lowly
"No, you don't earn respect from a child you demand it never let nobody walk all over. No get over here and talk to her if she acts up out your damn foot down" i knew she want playing because her base and her words she never curses for real not even the simplest ones so her saying that made me know it wasn't a joke.
"Ok mama I'm on my way I just have to get blue ready" I said getting out of bed
"Ok I'll see you when you get here"
"Ok" I hung up and huffed going to my bathroom to get cleaned up. Hope this goes well.
Amariana
10:15
I was sitting in the guest room of Ms. Tina's house painting she brought me some paint supplies to help me distract for what happened yesterday. I haven't been really talking to anyone except for Solange.
"Hey kid" I heard I turns around and saw solo at the door leaning on the frame with a mug of coffe I'm guessing I smiled before replying
"Hi" she stood up straight walking to the dresser sitting her mug down before sitting on the bed
"Come talk to me" i noded my head and sat my paint brush down standing from the stool to sit next to her. I looked at her and she looked back at me it was complete silence and she broke into a smile
"You look just like bey" I looked down rolling my eyes. She cleared her throat and I looked back up
"What going on?" I looked at her confused scrunching my face
"What do you mean?" She chuckled raised her eyebrows
"Come on Amariana you know what I mean. This behavior I mean the attitude the back talking trying to run away what's going on up here" she said pouting to my head
"I don't know" I looked down playing with my fingers
"You don't know?" I huffed and look back in her eyes
"I just can't get used to it I guess it's hard to believe my mom did what she did I wouldn't have thought of it she loved me too much like I was hers and I don't know" she hummed nodding her head in understanding
"Well I get it's confusing but Beyoncé didn't cry 11 years for her baby to come back and like the devil towards her I have to say your not being fair" i scrunched up my face and looked at her tilting my head.
"How am I not being fair?"
"Come one Amariana you have a relationship with everyone and talk to everyone except Beyoncé and she is the one who cried for you I would honestly say fuck our relationship and build one with her" i rolled my eyes at her dramatics of the last part. I mean what I'm just supposed to act like this is what I'm ant when I know it's not.
"Listend all I'm asking is to please let up some your better than this, I just think all your hurt and pain turned into hate and anger and your taking it out on Beyoncé because you found out that's your real mother" I looked down feeling a bit ashamed I can't say she was wrong I was angry at the way it all fell out on me them snatching me out of my house doing my mom not telling me in a better way I would've at least been better prepared for it all. I closed my eyes feeling tears burning in the back of my head
"How was she?" I asked with my eyes still closed
"How was she when what?"
"How was she when I was gone" i opens my eyes back up
"Um-I-she, she umm wasn't to good" I heard her whisper the last part in sadness
"She umm wouldn't eat get out of bed or anything w head to force her to eat especially when she got pregnant with blue could have her killing or starving the baby" she shighned before continuing
She didn't want to celebrate her birthday she just cried in the room alone, every Halloween she would light candles and pray and cry in the dark for your appearance since that was the night every thing happened. I noded my head feeling a light of shame take over me I didn't realize it was that bad.
"She would only do one thing" I looked up wanted to know what it was she shook her head and formed a sad smile
"What?" I asked
"August 9th she would make a cake and have a little get together to celebrate you not knowing yo you were alive or ok but she did it anyway and when the night would end she would pray hoping you were alive and fed and healthy and happy god she hoped you were happy. She started to think she was getting signs form god saying you weren't happy and maybe it was for the best we had to get her to stop taking the ways she did but she was positive of it" I felt tears running down my face mad not just mad but mad at myself why did I sit this too her
"That's why you acting like this makes her feel like it was for the best your just proving us wrong telling her that it wasn't for the best and proving her right telling her it was for the best" I listens to her words and while my falling tears nodding
"Ok" I said
"So does this mean you losen up and talk to her the right way" I closed my eye as much as I love my mother she would want me to be happy even if she is in prison. She taught me to be respectful at all times and I have to say I haven't and that's not me I'm not a person full of hate and I don't want to be a person full of hate I guess clearly I'm stuck here so I have to deal with it.
"I guess" I sniffed
"No uhn uhn I don't want a I guess because I guess means im not sure that I won't not do it again I need a yes or no" I took a deep breath and wiped my face
"Yes" she smiled and pulled me into a hug I stuffed my face in her neck crying at the thought of it all my words to her the way I acted and she was just as innocent all this time.
"Ok now get cleaned up she on her way here" I jumped up and looked at her like she had fictive fucking heads
"What I don't want her here now ima till not fully over the argument and I'm mad at myself" i yelled
"What did we just talk about and mad at yourself for what?" She stood up standing inform of me
"For how I acted that's not me"
"Right that's not you so let her know that" she said leaving and my mouth fell open oh my god they want all this to happen now. I huffed walking over to the paint and cleaning it up I honestly don't want tot all today I'll get there eventually but I feel not only bad for how I acted but bad because that's not how I was raised my mama would be disappointed in me right now if she witnessed me acting the way i did. I heard the front door and talking my eyes went wide and I hurried up cleaning the rest of my mess.
After I was done I creeped to the stairs and pecked don't head around the corner seeing Beyoncé blue and Kelly I scrunched my face in confusion on why all them were here.
"Hey Kelly what you doing here baby?" I heard Tina asked hugging her
"Mama you asked me to bring your lemons" she said holding them up
"Oh yeah bring them here"
"Bey what you doing here?" Kelly asked
"Here hoping things goes right with my child up these stairs" Beyoncé said sadly
"How have things been with you guys I haven't seen you guys since the Houston tour we gave" Kelly said taking her jacket off. I kinda felt bad remembering what I said in her old bedroom to her.
"Well remain seeing us that way cuz she still hates me"
"Come on bey it can't be that bad" Kelly said rubbing her back
"Oh but it is you know she almost called Shawn dad yesterday Shawn said some harsh things to her and he apologized and she said it's ok daddy then quickly replaced it with Shawn" she shook her head
"Aww bey I'm sorry"
"I mean she doesn't even call me bey or bb or Gigi I get Beyoncé and I get it out of harsh or anger because she only responds or talks to me when we fight or she has something harsh to say to me" I walked back to the room closing the door hearing enough I didn't mean for her to feel that why. I laid on the bed feeling tears in my eyes.
" how could I " I cried I heard a soft knock and I already knew who it was I sat up and whipped my tears from my eyes
"Come in" the door open and there she was she smiled softly and walked in
"Can I talked to you" she asked innocently just hearing her patients and her softness in her voice made me want to cry I shook my head feeling and
"I know what it's about and I don't wanna talk right now" I can even look at her without feeling ashamed
Please I just want-
"Beyoncé please not right now" she noded her head understanding and walk back to the door she friend around and looked at me sadly
"Umm I'll be downstairs you can pack up your things to go home" i noded my head and she noded leaving I signed and got off the bed and began to pack. My things.
Beyoncé
12:30
After me and the girls left mamas house the car ride was completely silent I glanced at Amariana a few times and she was quickly wiping fallen tears I couldn't help but think it was my fault is she crying because of my words to her yesterday me yelling at her like a dog. We got home about and 1 hour ago and it's been silent blue taking a nap Amariana is in her bedroom haven't came out and right now I'm in me and Shawn room on the floor looking at some old pictures and things of Amariana before she was snatched. I was looking at some pictures and smiled at them feeling happiness in me I wanted to be positive about it and I knew this was a great way of it.
"Hey baby" i looked up and saw Shawn he came over and bent down and kissed me
"Hi"
"What you doing?" He took his jacket off hanging it before coming back over to me sitting down with me
"Oh just going through some old pictures" he started laughing and I looked up seeing he had a picture in his hand"
"I remember this day" he turned the picture around showing me and Amariana on the swings
"She begged you to swing with her and you being a big kid did so" he laughed
"How could I tell my baby no" I laughed with him he shrugged as the laughing sided down
"Man we've missed so much this same baby is now 14" she said In sadness. He was right we didn't get to watch our little girl grow up not only was herself snatched but her life was snatched I felt tears forming and I wiped them away sniffing Shawn looked up with a sad look and dropped the picture coming closer to me pulling me in a hug
"No bey don't cry I didn't mean to say that" he shushed me I shook my head in his chest
"It's the truth Shawn it's okay to say it we missed out on her life" I cried wiping my tears that kept falling after another
"Please stop crying baby you know I hate to see you cry" I noded my head sitting up sniping my face
"How was the meeting?" I changed the subject trying to move passed this.
"It was aight nothing more nothing less our tour is in May" i noded my head sniffling
"Yeah Angie told me" I said messing with the pictures
"Mommy?" We looked towards the door and saw blue with pout
"What's wrong baby?" I asked standing going to grab her
"Sissy is in her room crying and she won't open the door so I can help her" I looked at Shawn and he looked at me I wanted him to talk to her because I knew she wouldn't talk to me
"Please" he sighed and noded walking out I let out a breath and looked at blue on my hip and she was already looking at me she is about to say something smart.
"What?" I playfully rolled my eyes sitting Her on the bed
"How come you didn't go talk to her mommy?" she tilted her head to the side in a wonder
"Well because me and sissy need time to get used to things like her being home it's all new we have to accept it"
"Oh" she said sadly looking down
"But it's ok mommy gonna get her back"
Shawn
1:09
"Hey lefty" i walked into her room she sat up whiling her face before speaking
"Hey" her voice was raspy and a crack came upon her sentence I sat down next to her pulling her into my side
"What happened why you crying?"
"I'm sorry Shawn, I'm so sorry" she sobbed into my chest I lifted her up to look at her
"What did you do why are you sorry?" I was really confused on what the hell was happening yo my baby girl is full blown sobbing
"I didn't mean to treat her like that" I sat up and looked her in her face as she whipped her tears but they kept falling
"Treat who like what"
"Beyoncé I didn't mean to be such a bitch" I smiled a bit knowing she was seeing thing's clearly but I faded at her sobs
"Ok hey hey calm down lefty your gonna get sick and I'm not cleaning ya mama is" she chuckled whipping her face looking at me
"I know your sorry you couldn't help it you let all the hate and anger take over you. You just didn't know how to react I was being patient with you because I knew that wasn't you" I whipped her teary eyes and kissed her head pulling her back into me
"I don't want her to think I'm this hateful person I don't I'm sorry" i noded my head listening to her words
"Yeah but I'm not the one who needs to hear this apology" I said into her head she shined and sat up
"I know. But I just can't do it right now I'm not really to happy with my self" I knew she meant it because her voice brought out a soft soothingness the anger died down every time it was about beyonce there was anger in her tone but not this time
"Ok how about tomorrow please I don't want her to keep feeling like you hate her"
"She shouldn't have to feel that way period but I did this" she said sadly
"Hey don't beat yourself up ok I'm sure she'll forgive you she loves you all she wanted to do was have a relationship with you I know she still wants that" she noded her head and let out a deep breath
"This really is my home and family now huh?" I smiled and noded
"Yeah it is" I hugged her once again and kissed her head
"I love you lefty"
"I love you too daddy"
Wooo shit y'all
Thoughts
Amariana realizing it all?
Feeling sorry to beyonce?
Amariana calling Shawn dad?