▫️ Back to square one ▫️
The two alphas still tangled in a hug, a stream of thoughts flowing in each of their minds. Every decision to be taken now will determine whether they are meant to be.
Their eyes closed, arms wrapped around each other, the intoxicating feeling of warmth seeping through their senses. It is now that the two realize how much they miss each other, long for each other. Yet, their mouth remains shut contrary to their loud beating hearts.
Jungkook slides his head down from the older alpha's shoulder, easing the support, his head cascading down to the other's chest. Arms still partially wrapped around the other, he places his ears near the other's heart. Loud. The heart against his ear beats louder than he gas ever heard it beating. Similar to the one against his ear, his own heart races his anxiousness.
Jk: "Tae.." He whispers, breaking the layer of convenient silence. His tone, in itself, carrying a blend of anxiousness, intimacy, insecurity.
"Hm?"Tae responds, unintentionally sounding lenient, overly soft to ears of the listener.
"Do you feel your heart?" A hand now reached the clothed surface on the heart. The beats increasing even more after his act. Jungkook releases a shaky breathe. He doesn't know, why or how these fast and metrical beats hypnotize him to listen more, lean on to the source further, deeper.
"I do." As if possessed by the beats of his own heart his Tae extends his hand and places it gently on the others where it resides on the beats of his heart.
It feels so addictive to the younger, his mind forces him to encourage the thoughts of being attracted endlessly, getting swayed by this rhythm doesn't make him hesitate to the slightest.
He grabs the elder's smaller hands from the top of his larger ones. Making eye contact with the other, he places the smaller palms on top of his racing pulse. His chest seems as if it will explode of excitement of moment.
Closeness. He feels it properly, for the first time in life. No intimacy in their actions, pure love, saturated passion in their eyes, one mirroring the dark hue the other emits, the pools of darkness reflecting the identical emotions, a paradigmatic creation of infatuation in the hearts of both.
Jk: "What do you feel when they beat so fast tae? Mine is racing your's. Do you know what I feel?"
Jungkook murmurs near the other's ears, his breath fanning the other's sensitive ear shell.
Tae: "Do you?"
He repeats the question in caprice, a leased permission from his already betrothed heart.
Eyes still gazing at the other in pure proclivity, the dark pearls beginning to glaze with tears, tae shakes his head, clueless of what he is being asked, absent in the present, his mind drowning in the dark pools of emotions in front of him.
Jk: "I love you Tae." Snap. His mind snaps back to reality in the speed of lightning. The dreamy ambiguous atmosphere dissipates away.
His hand that resided on the other's pulsating core is quickly retreated. His eyes widen with shock, his posture stiffens. He closes his eyes tightly, hoping that he had heard wrong, it isn't what he thinks it is.
Jk: "You heard it right." Deep voice resonating in his ears, drumming against his senses, tae feels dizzy of everything that is happening.
He tries to to pull himself away, wanting to disappear from the younger's sight, but he is held ever do tightly in the other's strong arms, he can't go away, he can't retreat from what he is in now.
Jk: "Don't move. I am yet to hear your response."
Response. The other wants an answer to this sudden confession. He stops struggling in the grip of the younger, thousand thoughts materialising in him.
Giving the whole thing a good thought, it all seems Nothing but a bad joke. A broken humour thing that he hates, a way to weaken him way more than what he is internally.
Tae: "You love me Jungkook?" He asks the younger, wanting to confirm the words for the third time.
Jk: "Yes." A confident answer follows. The waver in the voice that he wanted to bear doesn't seem to exist. He wants to hear a tone of humour, something that will prove it to be anything but truth. But, he doesn't find any. A hard joke it is then.
Tae: "Do you think it's a funny joke?!" His voice comes out way louder than what he had imagined of it to be, his eyes now burning with fire, a rage hurriedly occupying his previous sense of confusion, limiting the way if any other sense if reality to pass through his barrier of anger.
To say he is angry is an understatement, an incomplete explanation of the range of emotions that he feels.
A strong force is used to push the younger away from him, changing their previous entangled position to the one that has metaphorical distance of ages, miles and years.
Jk: "Tae?" Shocked of the tremendous outburst, Jungkook needs time to cope up with this version of tae, never in his life, has he seen this man as broken as he seems now. The dark eyes taming in them the rays of darkness, hideous shreds if extreme hatred aimed towards him, the calm composure no more existent.
Tae: "So breaking me the way you did that wasn't enough fun?! You want more of it?!"
A broken grin on his lips, a whole image of destroyed man slowly starting to appear on his face, the peel off happiness being ripped off of his true feelings, revealing the broken man he is. Hopeless, destroyed from the very core.
Jk: "I don't mean any such thing!" Jungkook tries to defend himself, not wanting the other to misunderstand his initiative. He proceeds to hold the other again only to stopped by a low growl of loathed emotions.
Tae: "Don't you dare touch me!" Panting heavily, his eyes soaking with tears, face losing the hardly gained complexion again.
Tae:"Don't play me again Jeon Jungkook. If you do, this time I will make sure you regret it." Right. Jungkook compiles with the order. He nods obediently, slowly starting to show that he is conquered. Not oblivious to the fact that everything uttered by the other now is not of hatred, but it conveyed the sadness, dissatisfaction, disappointment and betrayal the other felt. All because of him.
Tae: "You love me right? Where was it when I had to press my ears up stop your voices from coming near me, when you were there making love to someone else?" He has no answer. He has no response. He is guilty, for life and forever. He has tormented the other so much. He deserves worst.
Tae: "Where were you when I suffered of untreated ruts for most of the time? Where were you when I desperately searched for comfort? Why did you not come to me if you loved me?"
He still has nothing to do except stare at the other with pain, enduring the wrench his heart is going through, the tears in the other's eyes just Pierce him deeper, deadly.
Tae: "Why did you not come when I rendered hope of your live, attention and care? Why now that I am scared of you loving me?" The tone raising higher every successive moment, tae begins to lose
his energy of screaming further.
Breathing heavily of exhaustion, his head throbbing of excessive stress, his defense lowers down. Clutching his head in his palms, shutting the eyes closed of the increasing pain in his heart, he falls silent.
Hearing words of hatred is one, to be hated, loathed and shouted at, everything was acceptable. But, the silence scares Jungkook of the other's health.
Forgetting the previous rampant series of words he holds the other again. Raising the now low casted head he gazes at the other's closed eyelids. Concern grows more.
Jk: "Tae? What happened? Does it hurt somewhere? Answer me please!" Tae lightly shakes his head.
Tae: "My heart hurts the most. It doesn't want to beat anymore, it is tired." A meek voice sounds out as a response.
Jk: "Please don't do this tae. If not for me, don't hurt yourself for the sake of your daughter. She lives for you tae. Please don't." As if the words are unheard tae continues to speak, overlooking the growing feeling of pulses in his head.
Tae: "You were the whole World to me kook. You destroyed my World, you destroyed yourself. I lost my Jungkook who loved me like a madman, cared for me and cherished me like he did to no other. You lost me when you lost yourself."
A sad smile now appears on the lips of the other. The tears streaming down his cheeks wetting the whole of his pale face.
Guilty of every wrong thing Jungkook has done to this Alpha in front of him, it pains him to the extreme to see the broken side of him.
How much can a person pull himself together to appear the way tae has been doing? Is it even a normal thing to do?
He closes his eyes, not restricting his tears anymore. He let's them flow freely, his sadness searching a way of being expressed. Tae opens his eyes, his salted orbs gloomy, solemn, lost. He gazes at the younger holding him gently, closing the eyes, crying in silence.
Weak, he feels weak in front of the situation, the present isn't a good one, it's crude, hostile, detesting. Weakness winning him over, he leans on the other's shoulder again, head heavy with stress, dizzy with emotions, he continues his words.
Tae: "I loved you so much from the very beginning, I cherished you from the time when you didn't even know what we were, I tried to gain your love too. Believe me I never hated yeon, but I felt lonely when he was the only one you showered with affection. I was your mate too right? Was it my fault to not beg for love? I'm sorry, I can't beg for it."
He feels the hand holding him tighter, his head, that leans on the wide shoulder for support gets a palm on itself.
Jk: "I'm sorry tae. I'm really sorry." Voice shaking, the sobs hardly held back, Jungkook apologizes, knowing very well that it won't do, he isn't worthy if forgiveness.
Tae: "I've forgiven you. I just can't forget the past. Not so easily."
"Tae, look at me." Jungkook raises the other to face himself, connecting their wet eyes together he speaks, "I know what I did has no chance of receiving forgiveness, I don't deserve it. But, I really do love you tae."
Tae chuckles sadly. Agony visible in his whole demeanor. The response comes calmer but harder this time. "Do I really seem so desperate? Do you think I am dying for your love? You know Jungkook, if you truly loved me then, I would cherish it with heart. But, since you broke me, I have known it doesn't end my life. I am good."
Jk: "You aren't desperate! You have a line of thousands if you want to move on. But you didn't. You might not love me now tae, but since you aren't taken yet, can I beg for a second chance? Please?"
Tae: "You don't understand it do you. To love me now is to love a man without a heart, a man without trust, a man who's life is a white canvass, no colour, no life, no basis. You can get many, go fir someone whom you truly want. Just let me be the way I am."
Jk: "But, I truly want you tae. You say you are a white canvass? I will be your colour, I will paint you with love and life. I will give you a basis. Will that do? You are who you are, I love you for that."
Such loving words, such care and affection, Tae had forever dreamt of being told these by the man who is telling him those now. The dream comes true today. But,
Tae: "I am scared of it. I am scared of trusting someone. What is the guarantee that another person won't be able to attract you again. Will you leave me then? For the second time?"
There is no way Jungkook can prove himself now. He has no guts if asking for trust. But, he can prove himself with time. He will.
Jk: "I won't tell you to do anything. Forget that today happened. I didn't say anything to you. From tomorrow, we will start a new day. And, I will make you trust me eventually. I just need some time. If you can't trust me after my tries, you won't have you utter a word and I will stop bothering you. Deal?"
Taehyung thinks of it. Can this be the way to his happiness? Will he end up hurting again? But, among all the whirlpool of emotional stress and confusion, he can't bring himself to deny his own infatuation or the intent, expectant gaze of the other. A second chance won't hurt...
He sighs hard, making Jungkook hold his breath. A small smile, a nod and "Deal."
His response is affirmative.
No proof reading. Enjoy 😉
Author N-Tk 𐤀