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I wrap the blanket tighter around my body as I stare out at the black sea and twinkling stars above. There's comfort in knowing that the others could be looking up at the same stars as I am right now.
Today was hopefully my only full day with Blackbeard and his crew. It wasn't horrible in the sense that they were bothering me, but I would prefer that I don't have to spend more time than necessary with these creeps.
Last night I luckily had some food that could be used to make dinner without having to leave my room, so I did that to avoid running into anyone while I tried to find the kitchen. Once I was finished with dinner, I waited a long time before I exited my room to find some of the other much needed areas on this ship.
First, I found the kitchen that wasn't as much of a disaster as I thought it was going to be. The dishes were piled up in the sink, but it could have been a lot worse. Then I wandered around until I found the bathroom, so at least there is a private area for me to do my business. With my exploration done, I returned to my room to curl up in bed to try and get some rest.
I wasn't surprised to be awoken by nightmares like I have consistently since Kuma separated everyone, but I'm glad I didn't wake up screaming like I did the morning before. Instead, I just woke up with my heart pounding as I struggled to find the single blanket that was covering me. I know I should try to figure out how I can keep the nightmares away without having to rely on Luffy holding me, but I'm not even sure where to start.
When I think back on the memories that are the basis of these nightmares, I just see a little girl scared out of her mind doing her best to survive. I don't blame my younger self for not doing more to get out of the horrible situation that I was in. I did everything I could to avoid the man that raised me as much as possible, but I still felt like I had to go back to that house. It was the only home that I knew, and I wasn't sure that I could survive multiple years in the treehouse the boys made. I also knew that the man who raised me would just come after me and cause havoc to anyone who got in his way. I'm sure the mountain bandits that were in charge of watching over Luffy would have protected me, but I didn't want to put them through having to make that kind of decision. Thus, I kept going home because there was nowhere else I could go.
Regardless, I can't change the past, and I know that. All I can do is come to terms with what happened to me back then and work towards healing however I can. Except it is the healing part that is the most difficult. Chopper says that it isn't my fault that I have moments like when Luffy and Usopp were fighting over the Going Merry. Where I was uncontrollably shaking and overtaken by fear. That my trauma is triggered by certain incidents, causing unbelievable stress on my body as I revert back to the moment that caused the stress in the first place. I know that healing takes time, but I'm not sure how many more nightmares I can take.
I was able to fall back asleep for a few more hours before my stomach forced me away. For breakfast I had to go use the kitchen, and luckily I didn't have to deal with anyone as I made my meal. The only issue I ran into was when I was leaving, Laffitte was coming in to make some tea, but he only commented on my delicious meal and his own intent for quenching his thirst. I ate in my room to avoid anyone else.
Then came the struggle of the next couple of hours. With my room being as small as it is, it is impossible to train with my shurikens or daggers. I could barely make a full throwing motion. Then I tried to do any kind of exercise in the small space. It worked for a while, but there's only so much time that I could spend doing the same handful of exercises before I lost my mind.
Luckily it was lunch time at that point, so I made some lunch with the food that I had in my boxes. I could hear the others getting loud and shouting at each other, so I didn't want to risk having to go to the kitchen. Once I was finished with my meal, I decided the last thing I could do is try to get some more sleep. It would be a great way to pass the most time without getting bored, and I know that I'm going to need all the rest I can get before we get wherever the hell we're going.
Surprisingly, my nap didn't end with a horrifying nightmare, and I woke up a lot more refreshed than this morning. I decided to risk a run to the kitchen to get started on a hot dinner, and I knew that there would be a high chance I'd run into someone, but I couldn't have another sandwich. I worked as quickly as possible, feeling a shiver run down my spine at every single unknown noise. There was some coughing from Doc Q that I heard in the hallway, and the tap of Laffitte's shoes, but no one came in to try talking to me. It would have been a one-sided conversation anyways. Ever since I locked myself in my room, I've spoken very little. Almost all entirely to myself.
I took my dinner back to my room, avoiding Burgess calling me 'your highness' as we passed in the hall. I tried my best to savor my meal, but nothing has tasted quite as good since being on this ship. Once I was done, I did make a dash to the kitchen to dispose of my plate and silverware. Then it was back to my room to waste some more hours.
First I tried singing any song that I could remember. Next I juggled shurikens for as long as I could stand. After that I listened to Luffy's message on the Repeat Dial a few times before I felt the tears building behind my eyes. By that point, I didn't think it would be a bad idea to head up onto the deck for a little while. I hadn't been outside all day, and I was longing for some fresh air. I snatched the blanket off my bed and headed out.
The only person out on the deck was Augur with his rifle still resting across his shoulders. He didn't say anything, only nodding in my direction as I walked over to a corner of the deck to enjoy the beautiful night sky and calm sea.
"You're going to freeze to death like that," Blackbeard's voice shatters my thoughts as another blanket is draped over my shoulders. "Don't you have any other clothes?"
"Your shirt is completely unbuttoned, jackass," I snap, but I accept the extra blanket for the warmth. "That's why I brought my own blanket." I'm still wearing what I put on before leaving Schmied, even though I did bring other clothes.
"I have my own built-in blanket," he laughs as he takes a seat across from me.
"You didn't have to come over here and pretend that you care about my well-being or something."
"I would have just not come over at all, but you were shivering, and I can't have you died from pneumonia. That'd be a waste."
I roll my eyes, "What the hell do you want then?"
"You've been locked in your room for most of your time here. Only coming out for small spurts. I'd be surprised if you didn't have some questions for me."
I glance at him, seeing that he's looking out at the sea as well. "You're right, I do have some questions, but I doubt that you'd answer them. We're not allies. We are enemies. Why would you tell your enemy anything?"
He shrugs, "I don't have to answer everything, but I thought I be a little generous tonight since we've almost reached our destination. Should be there in the early morning."
"Where the hell are we going anyways?"
"Impel Down."
I blink a few times, trying to wrap my head around that answer. "The maximum-security prison for the worst criminals?"
"Correct. People also know is as the Underwater Prison or the Great Prison."
"I thought I would be done with prisons after Enies Lobby," I shake my head. "Why the hell are we going there?"
"To get new crewmembers. Where else would I go to find the strongest people?"
I scoff, "I can't even say that I'm surprised. Do you even know these people that are on this ship with you? This small crew that you are leading?"
"I know that we have the same ideals, and they are loyal to me. That's all I need to know."
I know that Luffy and all the rest of us Straw Hats aren't typical pirates. Our crew is based more in friendship than anything else. Luffy asked all of us to join the crew because of the skills we'd bring, but also because he liked us as people. Except for Zoro, he knew us for a little while before determining we needed to be on his crew. We've all grown closer as our journey has progressed, and I'm blessed to be able to spend my life with the others.
Blackbeard's crew is the complete opposite of us. He doesn't care about the four currently on his crew in any way. As long as they will do whatever they have to in order to reach his goal, then it doesn't matter who they are. It doesn't matter what their dreams are. He only cares about himself and makes sure that he has the strongest people on his crew to ensure he doesn't have any trouble getting where he needs to go.
"Do you know why a pirate would want to become a Warlord?" Blackbeard speaks up to break the short silence.
"To stop the World Government and Navy from chasing after them? To be able to do whatever the hell they want? Well, at least until a rookie crew comes around to kick their ass," I let myself grin for a few seconds. "Or maybe it's a power thing? To prove to everyone else that they might be a pirate, but the World Government thinks it best they are on their side."
"You're probably right with all those answers. Every single one of us has decided to accept the offer for a different reason, I'm sure. What about me? Why do you think I accepted the offer?"
"You mean you actually had a reason?" I mock. "You didn't just accept the offer because you had nothing better on the table? It really shows how few options they have to fill those positions."
Blackbeard laughs, "I assure you that I did have a plan. I was working towards getting an offer for becoming Warlord. Want to make another guess?"
"I doubt I'll be able to figure out anything that goes on in your head."
"I wanted access into Impel Down."
I harshly chuckle, "Of course. They wouldn't let an ordinary pirate waltz into prison unless led through by marine officers and in chains. You wouldn't be able to easily expand your crew if they arrested you at the entrance."
"It still won't be easy. Just because I can get in doesn't mean they'll just let me take out anyone I want. Still, I'm not going to leave without adding a few more crewmembers."
"I'm so happy that I get to be a part of this," I deadpan.
"If you're lucky, I might even take you down to see Ace."
My head snaps over to glare at Blackbeard who's still not looking over at me. "What the hell did you just say?"
"Where do you think they'd hold your brother before his execution? One of Whitebeard's highest commanders can't be held in anything other than a prison for the highest profile pirates. Anywhere else and he'd easily be broken out by Whitebeard and his men. The closest prison to Marineford where your brother is set for execution, and the only one that can handle such pirates like him, is Impel Down. I'm not sure if we'll make it in time before his transfer, but if we do, I might take you to see him."
"You're sick," I spit out the words, turning my head back to look out at the ocean. "What kind of twisted person are you?"
"Extremely," he laughs.
I pull the blankets tighter around my body, wishing that I could disappear, but I still have questions I want to ask him while he's being so chatty. "My brother was chasing after you. That's what he told us when we ran into him in Alabasta. He said he had to in order to get revenge for you killing another one of the men under his command. What did that man do to you that drove you to kill him?"
"He had the Devil Fruit I wanted. There's a couple of Devil Fruits that I want, and Thatch found the one that I've been searching a long time for. The rule is that whoever finds the Fruit gets to eat it or sell it. I couldn't risk him doing either of those things, so the only solution was to get him out of the way, take the Fruit for myself, and then run. Because killing another crewmate comes with consequence I wasn't going to stick around and deal with."
"You only brought it upon yourself. You have only yourself to blame."
"The same could be said of your brother for not just forgetting and letting me get away. He's the one who decided to come after me, and he pain the price for doing so."
"I've heard that Whitebeard's crew is more like a family than anything else. He calls those in his command his sons, and it isn't uncommon for all of them to call each other brother." I wonder if Ace had taken me with him when he set out to sea, if Whitebeard would have called me daughter, and everyone else would have called me sister. "You killed a man that was your brother, and you feel no remorse?"
"I learned a long time ago that the only one that will look out for me is myself. There are not many people in this world that you can truly trust."
"You had a whole group of people to be your family and find peace in whatever horrible shit you went through in your past, and you threw that all away. I don't feel even an ounce of sorry for you."
"I wouldn't expect you to. I'm just stating the truth of what I know."
"That's where you're so different from Ace. My brother actually cares about those around him, especially if he calls them brother. He was going out of his way to hold you accountable for an unspeakable act that you committed. This is something that I've always seen him do. He's always done whatever he can to make sure that his friends and family are protected. Even if that means he'll put himself in harm's way. Even if he could end up seriously hurt."
"And that's what makes him weak."
I scoff, "See, that's where you're wrong. It's what makes Ace one of the strongest people I know. There's no one else in the world I'd want as my brother. To actively put yourself in danger like he would constantly do for me when we were kids, knowing that he was probably going to get hurt in some way because I wasn't the greatest fighter back then, takes guts. It takes a deep strength that not everyone has. The same is true for Luffy, which I'm sure he got from watching Ace all those years. Luffy will do anything to keep his friends safe, and it's one of the many things that I admire about him. Even when he's at his limit, Luffy won't back down until he knows we are safe. I'm honored to have him as my captain and blessed he's my best friend and boyfriend."
"It would be a waste of breath to disagree with you." He chuckles, "You're probably just as stubborn as he is."
"I've heard that before."
"Your relationship with Straw Hat fascinates me. Why would you let everyone know that you're together? That just puts a larger target on your back. If someone wants to get to him, all they have to do is take you."
"Well, I'm not a damsel in distress. I can take care of myself. I learned to fight in order to be able to protect myself so I wouldn't have to rely on Luffy as much. It wouldn't be easy to take me away." Unless you sneak up on me when I'm having a nice conversation with a new friend. "Anyways, not that you know much about romantic feelings or anything in that realm, when you truly love someone, it's hard to keep it hidden. That's especially true with Luffy. I'm not sure he can keep a thought in his head. Just because we're pirates doesn't mean we should have to hide our love to protect ourselves in some way. I also just don't care who knows. I'd been called his girlfriend long before we even discussed our relationship like that, so it wouldn't have really mattered anyway. Even though I'm more than his girlfriend, I do carry the title proudly. Along with all my other titles."
"Answer this for me though, if your Ace's sister, and Luffy's also Ace's brother, shouldn't that also make you Luffy's sister?"
I scoff, "Can no one see that we have different surnames? Ace and I are biologically related, but that is not true when it comes to Luffy. Their brotherhood comes from a bond that is unbreakable. There's no blood relation between them. That's why I'm able to in a romantic relationship with Luffy. We've been pretty inseparable since we were babies, so it was the natural progress in our relationship to be where we are now."
"Yet I found you drifting in the middle of the ocean without him or any other Straw Hat. Why is that?"
"None of your business," I sneer. "It wasn't something we planned. It just happened. Someone with more power decided that the best thing for us was to send us on our own journeys to figure out some things about ourselves, so that's why you found me all alone on that boat."
"Did you figure out what you were meant to?"
"I'm not sure, but I've definitely made some progress."
"I am assuming part of that has to do with your new hairstyle. I swear the first time we met it was down to the floor, and now it doesn't even touch your shoulders."
"It wasn't all the way to the floor, but it was pretty long. I cut it to make a point. It's something I've wanted to do for a while, and I had the chance, so I took it. I was told that I look even more like Ace now."
"Aren't you afraid that by looking more like him now, people will compare you to him even more? That you've situated yourself directly in his shadow."
"People are always going to compare us now that we are known to be related. Luffy's the one that told the crew not to do that once I told everyone about us being related. I'm still Akari no matter who the hell I'm related to. I haven't truly looked at myself in the mirror, but I don't think I'll see Ace reflected back. I'll see a different me for sure, but I'm sure that I'll like what I see. Siblings are meant to look similar to each other, but I also know that I look like me. I have a distinct look too. Regardless, I'm going to do whatever I can to prove myself to the world and make a name for myself."
"I'm going to guess that you were on your way to try and save your brother when we spotted you."
"I was trying to get back to Sabaody to find someone that could possibly help me get to wherever my brother is. It was a fun challenge being all by myself, sailing towards the last place I was with my friends. I was enjoying it until I saw your ship, and now I'm sitting here talking to a devil."
He laughs, "That's how you think of me? As a devil?"
"I think that's being nice considering you have sent my brother to his death."
"There's going to be a war tomorrow, so I wouldn't write your brother off quite yet."
"I haven't," I hiss. "I know that Whitebeard is probably gathering all those that sail under his flag to join him on a raid against Marine Headquarters to save Ace. Just like Ace took the time to hunt you down for the death of a single brother, Whitebeard will do anything for his sons. I'm sure of it. I've heard a lot about Whitebeard in the past few days. About the islands he keeps safe and what that means to the people who live on them. About the family he's created with all the men under his flag. About what he means for this new pirate era." The grin cracks my face first before I burst into laughter.
"Huh? Did you say something funny? You were getting all sappy there for a second, praising Whitebeard like you've spent a long time with him. I'm the one that used to be part of his so-called family."
I take a deep breath, wiping the tears from my eyes. "Tell me, Blackbeard, was that the only name that you could think of for yourself? When my brother ran into us, he told me that you were now going by Blackbeard, which means you changed your name from something to the exact opposite of your former captain. Are you trying to say that you are completely different from that man? That Whitebeard is good, while you, Blackbeard, are bad. I mean, seriously, did you not even think about that? You just looked in the mirror and saw your beard stood out, so you picked that as your new name?" I snicker, "I should go by Blue Hair from now on."
"You really are a smartass, aren't you? Just like that damn brother of yours."
"Your non-answer is telling enough for me. I mean, I wouldn't expect you to have thought anything through."
"I assure you that everything I've done is for a greater goal."
"Sure, sure," I mumble. "You don't have to defend not having a plan. Luffy's only focus is to accomplish his dream, and to have fun along the way. Besides, I doubt I'd ever believe that you're some kind of mastermind."
"Maybe I should have just left you drifting around."
I scoff, "I wasn't drifting around."
"I don't see a Log Pose on your wrist, and I didn't see an Eternal Pose anywhere. Those are essential to sailing on the Grand Line."
"Just because you didn't see one, doesn't mean I didn't have one. I wouldn't leave something like that out in the open when I caught sight of your ship. I knew I was going in the right direction."
"I doubt you would have made it in time."
"At least I was trying. That's all that I could do. I made the decision to set out, and I was going to give it my best shot no matter what. After everything Ace has done for me, it would have been the bare minimum for me to do."
"Yet you still won't thank me for picking you up and getting you where you need to go on time."
"And I never will," I roughly stand up, letting the blanket Blackbeard gave me slip off my shoulders. Even though the wind chills to the bone tonight, I won't use his gift any longer. "I just have one last question for you. What are you going to do with me tomorrow? Are you going to turn me in for my bounty? Or will I continue to be your prisoner?"
"You don't have to be my prisoner if you agree to join my crew. You aren't as strong as I'd like, but you don't have to be a fighter," he looks over at me with a disgusting grin on his face.
"Its always the same with men like you," I glare. "I'm just an object to be used at your convenience. A pretty little girl that can't be anything more than some toy. There's a reason I fell so in love with Luffy, and that's because he has never thought that way about me. So, to answer your question, no, I will never join your crew."
"Then your fate will be decided in the morning," he shrugs, looking back at the sea. "You better get some rest now, because we'll reach Impel Down early in the morning, and if I have to wake you up, I won't be kind."
"I wouldn't expect anything less," I spit. "I hope tomorrow morning is the last morning I have to spend on this wretched ship." I turn on my heel, quickly walking off without waiting to hear anything more from the repulsive man.
It doesn't take long for me to make it back to my room where, as always, I instantly lock the door once I'm inside. The turning of my stomach forces me to focus on my breathing as I keep the bile down. I'm not sure how I kept so calm sitting next to him and talking for as long as I did, but now the hurricane of emotions are wrecking my body. At any time I could have walked away from him, but I had to get some answers. Even if his brain is beyond messed up and I will never truly understand him. I'm hoping this is the only time that I will have the chance to talk with him like that. I don't think I could handle doing it again.
There was something interesting about talking with him that I can't fully put into words. It reminds me back to when we met Blackbeard for the first time and didn't even know who he was. All we thought was that he was a strange man that still believed in having a dream and chasing after it. The comment that Luffy and Zoro said about there being more than one when referring to that man. I thought it was about the group of men that would soon surround him as the crew that I have found myself with on this ship, but after what I just experienced I don't think that's quite right. I mean, I think in a way it still could have meant that, but I doubt Luffy or Zoro could have picked up on him gathering a crew. There's something different about that man and what's going on inside his head. Within his body even.
I shake my head, tossing my blanket onto the bed, "You're overthinking. Luffy must have meant that he's not just an ordinary man. Nothing more, nothing less."
With the hope that this is my last night in this room, I do my best to get ready for the morning. I get my shuriken pouch ready for all the items that I want to take with me into Impel Down. The items that I'm hoping won't be taken away from me. The backpack from the sweet boy back in Schmied will probably have to be left behind, which breaks my heart, so I search through it for anything that I can fit into my pouch. I find it shoved at the bottom; most likely placed there by Felix when he was helping load up the ship. A small note from the people of Schmied wishing me luck on the journey ahead to save my brother, but also beyond that as I work to accomplish my dreams. Every single person I met has signed it, and I can barely get through reading it before my vision blurs with tears. I might have to leave the food I haven't eaten, the backpack that was made for me, and all the clothes that used to be Eleonor's, but I have gained so much more from them than physical objects.
The little note I carefully fold up and place safely in a scrap of cloth before it settles into my pouch. Once I'm back on the Thousand Sunny, I will find a better place for it, but for now I'm doing what I can to keep it safe.
The only thing left is to set some food out on the desk for quickly grab and eat before we head into Impel Down. I doubt there will be any time to make an elaborate breakfast, and even if I wake up early from a nightmare, it would be best to conserve energy in whatever way I can. I have no idea what we'll run into at Impel Down, so I have to be ready for anything.
Now that all my ducks are in the row for the morning, I flop onto the middle of the bed. The morning will come quick if I just close my eyes now and force myself to fall asleep. My time in this hell will be over quicker if I can just fall asleep now. Except there's a butterfly fluttering around my stomach that makes it hard to do anything.
I'm not nervous about what's going to happen tomorrow, so it isn't anxiety keeping me awake. I'm not afraid of what could happen tomorrow, as I don't think I'm going to be handed over to the authorities for the bounty on my head. Which leaves excitement as the reason a single butterfly is nagging me. An excitement that I can't quite put my finger on. It isn't often that I get these gut feelings, but when I do, I can't help but trust them.
"Whatever it is, I'm looking forward to it as long as it gets me the hell away from this ship and everyone on it," I softly smile, wrapping the blanket around me as I let my eyes fall closed.
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Hope you enjoyed reading! Since this is probably the only chance for a one-on-one between Akari and Blackbeard, I felt that I had to take. Anyways, I hope that you're all excited for next chapter! It has a scene that I've had planned since I watched the anime. Anyways, I would love to know what you thought! :D