// I am sorry //
The clock ticking every moment as intensity desperately searches to find it's own defined limits. The saturation of this unknown feeling in the air, reciprocated by the mind, is currently presented as something which is too much to endure in reality. If it was a movie, Tae would be sure to pause, rest for a moment, re-energize, re-compose and resume to experience the rest part of it. A break is definitely what he needs at this very moment.
But, unfortunately and expectedly the present isn't an illusion, the life isn't a movie. He needs to endure what is given to him, he needs to strive, he needs to remember life cannot be paused. It sometimes amuses him how much mysterious the life can be. The life in itself is a complete cavern of undiscovered secrets, a complicated blend of beginning's anticipation and end's agony.
The younger alpha sitting in front of him stares at him wide eyed, his dark orbs sheltering a string of shiver in his own eyes. He feels exposed, like an open book. It is as if all his thoughts, all his wild confusions are transparent in his eyes, written in round hand, presented to be gazed at. The intense gaze that he receives just unsettles him, it does nothing more, nothing less. The grip on his wrist, it strangles him only to let him fall on quilts, it tortures him only to throw him to the heaven of gentle clouds.
As if his mind is still being read, constantly in a continuous rythme, the dominant alpha voices out, his palm still gently clutching on to the older's frail wrist.
Jk: "I will not say anything that I am not worthy of tae. Please give me this chance. I will tell you what you deserve to know."
Tae:"Hm." A long sigh is let out by the younger. The exhaled breathe expressing his nervousness and at the same time cradling the hint of success that he received by making the other agree.
Jk: "Let me start it from the start."
Tae: "Hm."
Jk:"I....we......" Still, as if his throat is strangled by the invisible air, he fails to proceed. The words clear in his mind, struggling to come out, desperate to see the happening salvation, fails to follow the lead of his tongue.
Tae: "Take your time." Tae: voices out, understanding the other's mental warfare. He can never blame, never judge, he knows what a mind can lead to, he knows the bloody mess that a tired mind can produce, he knows how much it hurts to not be able to voice out one's inner feelings.
Jk: "I really do feel like a piece of shit tae ! It is after the moment you step out of the house, I realized how much you meant to me. I felt shattered the moment you left me. I still do. Taehyung, dear, did you really think you meant nothing to me?" The dark orbs of the dominant alpha flicker for a moment. Is it hope? Is it guilt? Who knows? Glassy with the whirlpool of emotions that currently force their way inside his mind, his eyes show so much pain that he has never portrayed before. His heart that beats fast, faster than what he recalls it has ever run, his lips prominently tremble, not wanting to let out a wail, yet being suppressed under the confusion of which emotion he shall portray.
His mind just desires the other to be soft. A single chance of forgiveness, a lone, stray feeling of desperation crawls up within him. This very feeling is never new to him, it is a habit, that he forever wants to bury, but like a wandering soul it wanders around him, never wanting to let go. But, this time the desperation tends to force it's way up to several knots, leading his chest to tighten, his mind to get blurry his thoughts to get jumbled up.
Every endurance, he faces and qualifies only for the single ray of hope that he has imagination has built in his mind. An illusion of a forgiveness that he has believed so much thay it's pretended existence does not bring any feeling of surprise in him. He doesn't know what he is feeling, yet his eyes never let go of the older one, he continues to stare hoping for a response that is taking longer than he wants it to.
The answer is finally given, but it doesn't resemble any of his wild and stupid expectations, it comes out as a complete opposite pole to what he wants to feel.
Tae: "Did you try to make me feel any other way?" A crack drums in his ears. This tone, these words, this cold aura is not what he is used to see in his Tae. Change, he is seeing it. An unwanted, unexpected change in attitude and approach.
The older says so less, yet it conveys so many meanings. It says out loud the tough and cruel journey of being what the older today is. The changes that shock him now from the very core, he reconciles, he is the reason behind them. True, has he ever tried to make his mate feel the other way? Never marking him, fucking another omega beside his room, ignoring......no forgetting that his ruts hurt like hell, never trying to join in together after the arrival of the omega.
Jk: "No. I didn't." He defeatedly conveys his feelings. He is a fucking idiot. An idiot who stops showing love to his mate out of an overwhelming feeling which he considered love. Was it even love? Was it even true when he said he loved the other. No, it wasn't. It was pure attraction, it was a trance that he mistook as a period.
The feelings were attraction that came disguised as love.
He was a fool, a fool who thought that love is permanent, it is a durable a birthmark is in itself. But, one needs efforts to keep love the way it shall usually be. He did nothing but worsen the tug on the strings of love that he had woven with his Tae. It shattered ultimately. It broke apart, breaking his life, heart and hope along with it. He is to blame for that. He is the one responsible.
Jk: "I am sorry Tae." His voice trembles in front of the hard and strong frame of the older alpha. His eyes betray any restraint, letting go off all the tears that he wished would remain sealed. His hand stretches out, holding the other's free hand in his own. He brings them closer to himself, so tenderly, ever so lovingly that the hands in his grip don't show any signs of protest.
Holding the frail wrists firmly in his hands, he continues to sob, he continues to cry out loud.
Jk: "You shall hate me, you shall abandon me for everything that I have done to you. I am sorry Tae. I really am. Please, just please forgive me." A sequence of sobs follow his plead. His heart wrenching in pain, striving in guilt. He repeats the apology as a rhyme, hoping for it to work, hoping to get the response he wants.
Tae: "I forgive you Jungkook. I had forgiven you long ago."
These words, he craved these to enter his ears. Then, why do they bring him pain? Why do they seem like the silence before a massive storm? Why is everything so blur? Why? The hard, restricted gaze, those listless orbs, unchanged facial expressions don't seem to help his situation. He shall feel relieved, he is forgiven. But, why does he still feel as if nothing is correct?
Jk: "And?" He voices out his question.
Tae: "But, I cannot and will not forget the past."
Right to forgive doesn't mean to forget. Does this not make everything worse? He will be considered knave, unwanted and useless. What he has done will not be forgotten. Never.
His mind gets the meaning of these words. He understands that he deserves this. He deserves this cold treatment, he is not worthy of forgiveness, yet the other is kind enough to let him go with the eased burden of sins.
Tae: "I have no grudge against you, but you have broken my trust Jungkook . It cannot be mended that easily. Not for me at the least." Reluctant, yet with ample desperation the older voices out. He feels it is too rough, too early for these talks, but he somehow wants to let the other know that he is hurt.
Tae: "It is very normal for you to get attracted to an omega. You are an alpha and it is your nature, it is supposed to be your nature. As much as I do believe it, I cannot forget that I was once your mate too. My dreams of life and love too were woven neatly. But it is past." All these silent endurance of years shatter just in the spur of a moment, his self restraint goes off. He knows how it has affected the young alpha.
Hell, he just wanted to open up. apologize for what he considered mistake.
But, something in him can't be stable anymore. He finds his throat in pain, his heavy tongue, strict hard frame of his face, he tries to not kash out.
Tae:"Let's not talk about these now Jungkook. Thank you for opening up and going to the limits of apologizing. I accept your apology." Retraining his figure from the bed he slowly untangles his enveloped wrists. With maintained steps, he starts going away from the bed.
Jk: "Taehyung?" The voice, the tone the emotions in the words being called stop him from forwarding.
He knows he has hurt the other. How he knows this younger alpha will spent the night crying alone in the pillows, he knows the apology is real, more sincere than anything the other has shown or felt. He has readily and happily accepted it. But, it is not easy to forget his pain, is it? It is too early even if his restraint has limits.
The voice which calls him from behind still hasn't given any other words as a delivery to his acceptance of listening.
Still, the air in the room is heavy, too much for his own good. He needs to go out, he needs to rush out of the room and just let out his own emotions. He doesn't turn back, he doesn't dare. But, he needs a response, a word from the other to know why he was stopped in such discourteous manner.
Tae: "I am listening." He rambles hoping the other to finally say the words he wanted to.
Jk: "Am I too late for a second chance tae? Do I not-?"
Tae: "You are. You are too late for anything between us. We have gone our separate ways long ago. Live your life the way you want to. Let me do the same."
A shout, a plea, a scream, something that expresses sadness, he wants to hear that. And somehow he receives it, it doesn't give him the pleasure he thought he will get, never, but he is sure the other feels pain.
It is just a simple "Hm." But he knows he is addressed out of angst by the other.
Well, that seems a good ending to their incomplete chapter of life.
A perfect ending for their own distorted story that was still being unnecessarily written.
The time to stop the pen has finally arrived. It is a happy ending then?
He ambles out of the room, leaving a messed up alpha in the boundary of four walls, left to cry alone, repent and feel pain.
The End.........
Sorry 😂 it's not ended yet don't worry ....... do you want a sad or happy ending?