!! It is not a game !!
Mention of suicide/ blood ‼️ Read at your own risk our u can skip
Today is tiresome. After the whole night of artwork, the submissive alpha finds himself going in the oblivion of heat in the early hour. Excessive endurance, he has mastered it. He needs just very very high doses of suppressants to help him cope up with the endurance procedure.
He is not addicted to the drug, he convinces himself. Although he finds himself sneaking in the medicine even when he is not in heat, he knows it is not addiction. He can't be addicted. Unlike before, the smell doesn't disgust him, he seems to lean into it for comfort. His doses has increased, so has the frequency of his intake. No one needs to know that. He is self sufficient.
The night falls after the tiring day. The submissive alpha stands in the living room, gulping down the medicine in the glass. 9 pills together, in a glass of water, lucidifies the clarity. Like the lost purity of the water, he finds his heat swaying away with each gulp. He needs more. It seems he needs more.
Another glass of water follows, another batch of 9 pills are about to be dissolved. But, his hand stops mid way. This is wrong. 3 pills are reduced, but he cannot sacrifice more. Dissolving them in a hurry he gulps them down rapidly, as if his speed will not let his brain count his second dose.
A sigh of content is released. Finally, life is in his hands. Proceeding towards the kitchen counter he tries to find the cold water in a fridge. After the successful find he drinks up another glass again. Whenever in heat, his thirst increases by 5 knots. Which inturn increases his water intake for the certain days.
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Having completed his works in the kitchen he dawdles to his room, peeking inside to check on his baby. The young omega sleeps peacefully like an angel. Pure and untainted. How he wishes her to never grow older. The life of adults is so complex, complicated and abusive. He feels his baby will break down if introduced to such rude realities.
Kissing her a silent good night on the forehead.
He goes to check up on Jungkook. The door of the pink room opens up, revealing a dark room. No lights, no aircon, the place suddenly looks so shrink, his insides churn with a sudden weird feeling crowding his senses.
Ambling aimlessly to the switches he tries to turn the lights on. But, his orbs suddenly trace the bathroom door open, a thin and weak streak of light is caught spying in the heavy darkness of the room. He trudges to the bathroom door, holding the knob tightly preventing it from opening further to respect the other's privacy and knocking on it.
On a que a loud crinkle of a metal crashing on hardly on the floor is heard. The closed walls in the bathroom horribly echoes the resonation. And concern hits him. Pushing it away he enters the the bathroom. The scene to greet him fills his heart and sense with utter dismay.
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The clock ticks 1:00 in the morning. With slight movements the dominant alpha wakes up from his slumber.
Slowly opening his eyes, he adjusts to his surroundings. The room unfamiliarly familiar, he recalls he is in tae's house.
Slowly trying to get up his eyes find the submissive alpha holding his head in his hands, sitting by his side, looking utterly distressed. He is back in the room, with tas by his side, he has no confusion to why the present is the way it is.
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On opening the bathroom door tae had seen the most horrible thing he had ever seen in his life. There stood Jungkook with his wrists flowing streams of dark red crimson fluid unendingly, a blood smeard knife lying on the floor. Fortunately enough not much blood was lost. Dragging the dominant alpha to the room he had urgently started dressing the deep wrist cuts.
There was no time to panic, no time to waste, he could not let even a single moment go without the proper use. After dressing the wounds carefully, he had gently laid the unconscious alpha on the bed.
The time for wait was the time of his senses to loose apparent guard. Holding his heavy head in his palm's he had tired relaxed his stiff form. Waiting for the other to gain consciousness, he tried to think where he was lacking, what he was doing wrong in the healing procedure.
The time was spent in distress.
Jungkook tries to properly sit, adjusting his position, he habitually presses on his wrists to have some support. And a loud hiss brings the other back to his senses.
Tae: "You are awake!" Tae says almost maniacally. His eyes tired with holding tears. He can't cry now.
Jk: "Why did you bring me back?" Was the question that greet him back. Jungkook looked at him with his cold lifeless eyes. Cold as snow,his behaviour is, his form stiff like a doll.
He has no answer to give. Why? Is this supposed to be a question?
Jk: "Why did you save me Taehyung? Are you not broken enough? Did I not hurt you enough? How many times do I have to tell you that I don't deserve this kind treatment! I want you to hate me for fuck's sake!" Screaming, shouting like a madman Jungkook's outburst is sent out.
Never has he shown such a state of vulnerability, never to anyone. Yet, he cannot bring himself under control. He knows he is doing wrong, he knows his behaviour proves he is a fucking bitch! But, he feels as if he is possessed. He knows he shall be grateful for his life being saved, yet he despises his very own existence. Gripping his hair tightly he pulls them away. He doesn't know what he is feeling, he doesn't know how to react to himself, he just needs to hurt himself, he wants the pain. tremendously.
His hand is grabbed with force, joined together to prevent him from hurting himself. He looks up to find taehyung, staring at him hardly. His chin is held up high by the submissive alpha to meet the other's eye level.
A hard stare, strong gaze, swirl of emotions in those dark orbs of the submissive alpha say so many things to him, but he fails to read them. He is not worthy of reading them.
Tae: "Listen to me, very carefully." A short pause follows, "Understood?". Jungkook finds no way to deny, it is as if those deep pools of emotions are magnetising him. He feels being dragged inside those eyes.
He nods firmly obeying the order.
Tae: "If you are wondering about whether I am not broken enough yet? Then let me answer. No! I am not broken enough. I am not a fragile piece of glass to shatter so easily. There are cracks, yes, I will not deny that. But, they make me stronger. They prove my level of endurance. They say that I can go more, I can take more harsher treatments and still remain in one piece."
The words, or was it the tone? Jungkook felt sparks of fire burning him, scorching him with a torturous intent. Strength, he feels it, he sees it, he savours the pain that those fire eyes serve him.
The pain he receives is desirable. He cherishes it with all his heart.
Tae: "Now tell me. Why did you do that?"
The environment has become normal. The wrists truly hurt, Jungkook will not deny that. The fire that scorched him has it's flames still burning in his heart. The question is thrown to him after a while of silence.
Jk: "I will answer, but will you answer one question of mine first?" Although it took some moments of thought regarding the agreement, he is responded with
Tae: "Hm." The older alpha strides to the window, taking a glance of the sky, keeping his ears up and tuned for the question to be made.
Jk: "Why did you decide to take me in? Why even after what I did to you?"
Tae: "Ziiyi was not available, your parents are still not stable, and I wanted to."
Jk: "You wanted to?"
Tae: "Hm."
Jk: "Why Tae?"
Tae: "I don't stand any obligation to respond you anymore. One question is done."
Jk: "Tae ple-"
Tae: "No." He quietens down. This Kim taehyung is different from what he saw three years ago. As much as he remembers, Taehyung was never this strict, never this strong. He has changed, a lot.
Tae: "Respond me." He fulfills his promise.
Jk: "Because I think........ I think no one cares. They shall not actually."
Tae: "What in the world made you think so?"
Jk: "Look at me Tae! I am nothing but a failure! One life went away just because of my inability to act in life. Everything precious to me went away in just a blink of an eye. Think about yeon, he gave up on me so suddenly, my parents.....they just acted like I am Murder!
I think I truly am so..they acted as if they are ashamed of giving birth to me. I am such a disgrace to my family. And then.."
Tae: "Then?" A long pause settles in. No words, no explanations, no reasonings took place.
Jk: "Nothing."
The submissive alpha moves away from the window. Finally turning to the other, he sits by the bed.
Tae: "Listen to me Jungkook. Life is not a video game, if you lose it once, there is no way you can get a second chance."
Jk: "I don't want a second chance!"
Tae: "You are getting it wrong! Think about your parents. Do you really think it is easy to get over the shock of losing their son in law?" Another pause follows. While the older feels his interiors churning after knowing the whole truth, he keeps steady, he cannot give in to tears now. Not in front of Jungkook.
Blinking away his tears, wishing them to never come back, he decides to continue to talk after a while.
Some rest of time is needed by the submissive alpha. So many words, so many drastic and unknown emotions start to cloud his mind, that he himself needs time for self motivation. The time is spent in silence. Both the alphas hold their own confusions, sadness and pain which ripples UpTo the brim imitating the coffee mugs in their hands.
Tae: "Listen, about your parents. They are sad, they are shocked to lose someone they love. They love Yeon just like their own son, you know that." His memories now start to spy his senses. The reluctance he saw in Jungkook's parents' attitude after knowing their mate bond floats in his mind.
Tae: "Do you remember their smile when you informed them that both of you have mated?" He was greeted with disappointed souls, ignorance, he was unwanted. But, he keeps talking and talking as if nothing wrong is circulating in his mind. He keeps his eyes big, wide open even when his orbs get tired of holding more and more tears.
He smiles to manage the quivers that might slip out if not stretched out wide.
Tae: "Parents are most important gift you will ever have in your life Jungkook. I know that very well only because I don't have them, I never had them." All his actions, all his words leaves uncountable scratches in his own heart, but he proceeds. The listener, although seeming dazed takes a note of all the desperate attempts made by the other only to not break down in front of him.
The last phrase hits him hard. Tae never had parents to care for. He reconciles.
Tae: "Think about my brother. He didn't call me since the day he knew that I went out of the house I lived in before. I know he wants to call me, listen to my words, make sure that I am okay, but he is egoistic. Well, so am I. I don't call either. But even in between this we know we love each other. Parents are just like that. They get angry at you, the say hurtful words, but they keep loving you till their last breathe. So you shall feel blessed that you still have them to correct your mistakes boy."
He rubs his eyes to never let go of any
stray tear. He can't let them out. No way.
Jk: "Taehyung, if I continue living, will i not be just a worthless piece of shit?"
Tae: "No you won't. I am sure of it. Continue living Jungkook, giving up is being coward, you shall be brave and face the life."
Jk: "Mn. I promise I will live. But..."
Tae: "But?"
Jk: "Nothing."
Their eyes lock with each other, several unspoken words, undisplayed emotions play in between their little world of understanding.
The next visit to the psychologist must have positive effects.
I didn't proofread this chapter sorry for the mistakes 🥴
Author N-Tk 𐤀