It is taking SO LONG for me to get that other bonus scene out. The ideas are just barely flowing and knowing that I haven't updated here in a while makes me a little sad so I've decided I no longer want to wait until the second bonus chapter is up to post this. I'll probably end up adding to it but these are like the general facts
I don't remember if it's one or two people I mentioned this idea to but at least one person told me this is cool and I think it's cool to tell you about things I took out, what I planned, perhaps why something happened, thoughts, me remembering/me adding on and possibly over-explaining
In no particular order, just whatever my memory allows
1. I actually don't need my memory for this since this is kind of the base of the book. At least as far as the characters individually are concerned. They're all based off of me and I know like people put pieces of themselves in everything they do, but I've never pieced myself apart like this and I think it was very interesting. It's also the first time I really put a lot of thought in how a character was to come out and though I think I could do it better if I were to write this book again, I don't mind how it is now
Jaemin - people pleasing, pansexual, whatever term means you could be in a committed relationship with one person or more and it makes no difference to you (me from later on: so this last one kind of changed because while I'm still not opposed to more than one partner, I know that I personally wouldn't be able to handle it/would end up not liking it)
I used to be a big people pleaser and was horrified of people not liking me. I was ready to bend over backwards so I would be liked. I'm not that way anymore, just a tad now so I did make Jaemin a little extreme but that was also to match his grandparents and specifically grandmother who is based on my mother
Mark - the breakup, scared of loving in fear that people will find him too much, lacking self-love, thinks he's annoying, I feel like there's more but this is what I can think of off the top of my head
With him, I just really needed a way to express my feelings and let them out to comfort myself and make sense of them. (In more simple terms, I went through a breakup that I wasn't completely over at the time of writing this and I had felt like I didn't get a chance to get all those feelings out and say everything I needed to say). It was also to give me a little bit of hope that I won't be too much for the right person, that eventually there will be someone who loves me and I just really needed that at the time the book started. Sometimes now too but I think this character has done its job in comforting me
Jeno - trust issues, questioning his sexuality multiple times
All that friendship stuff was based on my experiences. His old friends were made up but the way they made it seem like Jeno was the reason why they got distant happened to me with different words. And I think that all of MarkNoMinHyuck has trust issues, but that unwillingness to open up/let in new people is like Jenos main thing. I don't remember the amount of thought going into this so only my past self actually knows what's going on
And then the questioning is just something I do so he got that little trait as well
Haechan - trauma, toxic mother, two siblings, one older, one younger, introversion, asociality, would pick his dad over his mother any day, raised himself and his younger sibling, does not have the most helpful big brother, does not like his mothers husband who he refuses to call his stepdad, would only ever work in a place that's not too busy, friendship issues, close friend treats him better than his mother has since he was fifteen, there might be more, oh yeah, homophobia that his mother thinks isn't homophobia
I feel this gets more obvious the more I mention my family. With Haechan and his problems, I didn't really need to make up a lot of it. It wasn't all real, but sometimes, it was. And when it was fictional, it was based on logic like if the worst parts of them came out, that's what they would be like (didn't have to do too much for the character based on my mother).
My only way of even attempting to deal with things is writing so of course someone needs to have the main issues, but I also wrote Haechans character to give me hope. I made him just like me but he has the things I want. He moves out, gets far away from his mother, has a job that doesn't freak him the fuck out every time he goes there, can actually go to therapy if he wants to, has a support system/people who love him endlessly and are willing to stand up for him and protect him. He's free in a way that I want to be
Jisung - I never actually say anything directly in the book, I just hint things enough for you to know that he struggles a lot with his mental health, experiences anxiety, and his family sucks
What Jisung goes through is what I go through when my mental health is low and though his character handles things much better than I do, the struggles and sensitivity are still similar. I was going somewhere with this but I took a break and now I can't remember the rest of my explanation.
I decided on a whim to make his family suck and obviously I'm never done projecting my feelings. I'm aware that it might seem out of nowhere since everything seemed fine in chapter 78 or 79 (wherever they first appear), but the way everything like switches and kinda floods to the surface in chapter 90 or whatever it is, is kind of how I am with my family. From experience, my parents never talk about anything, they don't understand and have refused for a while. My dad made a tiny bit of progress recently but that's basically all I got from them. Mental struggles are basically unheard of to them and they just dismiss everything.
And the sibling thing of course. Just like how Jiho was Jisungs terror, my brothers are sometimes mine and they aren't the best to me but nothing really happens. I would be in so much trouble if I treated them the way they treat me and my mother thinks I'm being mean or dramatic when I complain about it. And the favoritism is so strong with both of my parents. My dad is closer to a fair parent but he still shows favoritism towards my little brother, whereas my mom just lets both kinda be however and admitted to being tough on me. There's a lot of hidden complaints (well some might be direct)
Renjun - There's not much with him, just a few things that weren't actually that intentional. Being a fashion designer, not having freedom to be himself in this family, and being a book lover. Also confidence.
I wanted to be a fashion designer when I was younger and honestly, it's not off the table now because I'd love to make size inclusive clothing that I think is actually cute and I think all designers should strive to be size inclusive so Renjun is one of those people. I basically added this in just because I could but I think it fits his character. I don't really think I need to explain the second thing. Or the third.
I personally don't have that much confidence, I would never be as bold as Renjun is at least in real life and I kind of just wanted a character who's different me and also somebody I'd kind of like to be. I think Renjun is so fun and great. I also find him very human. They all are but I kind of like the mistakes and the not knowing what he's doing and the trying to fix it and doubting and wondering what's best. I'm biased but I find him great despite that and I just love that.
Everyone else - I just kind of did things without thought. I'll say that I find Johnny to be very sweet and loving, Jaehyun is calm and like one of those people who pretend they hate everything but actually don't, Taeil is observant and somebody you could go to for comfort and just very laid-back. These are what immediately come to mind. Let me know if you'd add anything or disagree or what you think about others
2. It's never stated directly and you just have Johnnys feelings for Mark and Jaehyun to go off of but he's also whatever term means you could be in a committed relationship with one person or more and it makes no difference to you
3. I've dropped pieces of ChenJis love story here and there and you might have a theory of your own about what exactly happened. Honestly, I don't think it's too important so if you'd rather make up your own idea of how they got together, by all means. I'd love to know. This is my version (keep in mind that sometimes the vision is just there but not the explanation):
When Jisung was eighteen, he started working at a community center that Chenle worked at and Chenle told to show Jisung around and stuff and by doing that, Chenle decided he didn't like Jisung that much so they just kept to themselves really. While working sometimes, Jisung would facetime Jaemin and because they're adorable and affectionate, Jisung would say endearing things and in person, they would be affectionate so Chenle assumed Jisung and Jaemin were dating. Haechan visited Jisung and Mark and Jeno visited Chenle (and just so happen to miss each other every time) and so they'd point things out to their best friends. Because they were always around each other, Chenle and Jisung eventually became friends (I imagine Chenle speaking to Jisung out of boredom) and Jisung fell first (you probably guessed that) and Chenle fell just as much, if not harder.
4. I think I mentioned this but Veronica (Alyssas ex-girlfriend) was never gonna be a long-term character. I didn't say it in the story but they did date for say six months and then realized they're better off as friends
5. I'm sure we're all wondering why I made Taeyong an asshole and I'm sorry to say I don't have too much of an explanation. It wasn't like I had to make Taeyong specifically be a jerk but at the first party, I wanted drama and I felt like if Haechan went to Mark, saw who he was talking to and left, that would be perfect. I hadn't decided what to do with every member at that time so I just threw Taeyong in
me from later on: okay I kinda remember what was going on. It's true that I didn't know what to do with every member but at some point (so I'm not sure how much of this is related to this decision), I decided I would like group (most of) WayV + SungTaro + Renjun in as their own friend group for later on in the story, leaving the 127 members as like the first side characters to be introduced and there was a few options like Taeyong, Yuta and maybe someone else to be the one speaking to Mark and I just decided it would be Taeyong for that particular thing so it's still kinda without reason but you can also say he was one of the very few people available to be that person
6. I didn't really plan the side relationships, I didn't even think too much about Chenle and Jisung, so what it is now isn't even the same as what it could've been.
In the rough draft, Yangyang and Renjun aren't even friends. They meet up at a party (kind of late into the story) and they hookup but nothing comes of it, then at ChenJis wedding, Renjun would say that he'll probably go through three weddings and then meets Jaehyun and gets his number.
Honestly, TenYang still could've happened and I just like them so there they are
XiaoKun was literally just because and I'm not mad about it. I love them so much. They are so cute
I like DoTae, I like YuTae, YuDoTae
Fact 19 (I think) is basically the same thing as what I'm about to say but after some deliberation about JohnJae, I figured I should mention them here. I have no problem making things romantic (if you haven't picked it up, I LOVE the friends to lovers trope (especially if they're best friends) but my other reason (ish) is that, while there's nothing wrong being single, I wasn't super satisfied with the idea of Johnny being single because he is my bias and thinking about this now, I do realize that I did kinda put him through it with Jaehyun and it wasn't even intentional *laughs* (this part is funny because Jaemin is my top bias (though he now shares this place with Chenle) and kind of in general but in my one-shots specifically, I have a habit of making him suffer because he is my bias. I use my other biases too (sometimes) but Jaemin is in my head rent-free as a character to suffer)
7. This book was inspired by one of my favorite NCT ffs ever, Midsummer. And the author actually brought crossdresser Jaemin to my attention (the unfinished sequel) and I just went for it because yes
8. I did not at all intend for the book to be this long. Initially, I was thinking fifty chapters. Yes, you can laugh. I nearly doubled that number. Really, what happened is that I asked someone for advice for what to do about like one of the earlier chapters and they said they wanted Jeno and Haechan to talk unbiased and I guess that just sparked ideas. I don't know. Too many things started happening and we ended up here *laughs*
Seriously, we would've been like halfway done at chapter twenty (i know twenty five is half of fifty but I mean that the main couple would've gotten together (at least in terms of "we're all exclusive but will take our time developing relationships with each other, mostly for the sake of NoMin...possibly quite literally just because of them) in chapter twenty)
9. Because of how quickly, I intended this to go, in the rough draft, the MarkNoMInHyuck angst situation happens a lot earlier and it would've spread to ChenJi angst as well. And then ChenJi would've made up during the Halloween party because Jisung was gonna apologize first(I think) and say something sweet and they'd say "I love you" and dance together and be attached at the hip
me from later on: I checked that at some point and it was not, in fact, going to be Jisung who apologizes first. And I don't remember if they'd share a dance but I do know that they'd mention their best friends getting along extremely well and then leave to go cuddle in their apartment/ do something cute at home
I don't remember the original idea for MarkNoMinHyuck but what I did write is close enough, I'm sure. Instead of Haechan trying to talk to Mark in ChenJis apartment, ChenJi would just talk to each other and start getting defensive over their best friends ("my best friends would never hurt your best friends" type of thing but serious enough to not talk for like two days, I don't know. I really don't hate this idea, I think maybe I forgot it and couldn't make it work so I did something else
me from later on: okay so I think I would've just had anywhere from one person to all of MarkNoMinHyuck doubting their relationship with the others and then of course telling one half of ChenJi and then all that above. I think. I don't actually know
10. Another thing that would've happened faster than it did is NoMin and I'm kind of disappointed I didn't use this idea but honestly, it fits better with the rough draft vibe of this book, which is not the exact same as this one.
There would be some party, I don't remember which party or why, I think Jaemin would wear all black and MarkHyuck would still be shipping their boyfriends together and Jeno would be hanging out with Doyoung, sitting on his lap, getting cheek kisses, just whatever you can do make someone jealous (and yes it would be on purpose), Jaemin would ask to talk Jeno outside, admit he's jealous and that he likes him, Jeno would admit the same and they'd kiss (makeout technically but it's like the same process as kissing...I assume)
11. Did I mention ChenJi was always gonna get married? Couple goals
12. I think you might be able to tell but originally, this book was gonna be 99% MarkNoMinHyuck and that 1% would be the one ChenJi chapter that I only put in as a filler 'cause I had no ideas and ChenJis wedding. I just started to love them so I gave insight to other couples too
I don't know if you're happy or disappointed by that. I'm fine with it but I am curious as to what the story would be like had the story revolved solely around the main ship.
me from later on: It would definitely be a different vibe. I feel like this version is somehow fluffier than what it would've been like there would definitely be fluff in the other version but there is like a significant difference that I don't really know how to explain. I think length (so an intended 50 chapters compared to like 150 or whatever amount of chapters there is) also takes part in the amount of fluff I could put in but there's such a stark difference in my head
13. As we've seen, I'd have some different and chaotic ideas that I've scrapped or just forgot basically, and a few things you've missed are cheating (didn't really want that and I felt like it would ruin the story so I kept it something lovable, though I did think about it), extremely depressing scenes, like we have some sad scenes but everything truly could've been so much worse. And if you think I'm joking, I really did think about changing the ship and the only reason I didn't was because I already like this how it is and didn't wanna change something I like
In whatever authors note, I mentioned changing the ship, I said I'd just add something. I also think I'm not that mysterious so you probably know what I was talking about. Any guesses?
(side note: these ideas came about as I was writing this final version so the rough draft is different all on its own cause it didn't have any these ideas, not to say that some chaotic ideas wouldn't come about writing the other version)
14. The amount of characters that have ever even just been mentioned is quite a bit. It's a little hard when the starting number was like 22 (don't talk about it) so it could become a lot very quickly (as if it wasn't already a lot)
15. There's three reasons why I gave the readers an opportunity to be a character. 1) I saw an author do it 2) A specific person inspired me to actually do this and 3) I don't know how to explain it and it's kind of backwards but I've never gotten to be a character in someones story (no shade to any authers, I might've missed it when they asked or just whatever) and because I wanted to, the closest thing I could do is like do this myself. Like you know when you don't have something, you make sure someone else does 'cause you didn't have it? It's one of these type of things
16. You could know this already or have guessed so I'll say it for you, I'm Lace. Unfortunately, I don't have teal hair but I want it. I am also still single *laughs*
17. Another difference between the original and this final version is how people find out Jaemin crossdresses
With Haechan, they get to the point where they have keys to each others apartments or something and so Jaemin is trying on his clothes when Haechan comes in and he freezes and panics and Jaemin enters Jaemins room and find him in a dress and crying. Haechan, of course, comforts him and then assures him that it's not weird, he still likes him, he looks pretty, etc. and asks for a fashion show. Jaemin does it, gets spoiled with compliments and then he asks Haechan like what Mark and Jeno will think or how to tell them. Haechan gets the idea to take pictures and videos of Jaemin in his dresses and then send it to them with a message saying something about how hopefully it doesn't change their feelings whatever. Mark and Jeno would've been together, I don't know why, and just become in awe and say how pretty Jaemin is
With everyone else, Jaemin would've had a birthday party and wore a ball gown (I wish I could've fit this in but it would need a complete rewrite 'cause it wasn't made with this final version of the story in mind and that's a lot and it wouldn't really happen for any reason now) and since it's his birthday, it would just be a huge thing. Renjun would come out asking what's taking to so long, see Jaemin and immediately be like "If anyone says anything to you, let me know" and he has this grand entrance where for some reason, even Chenle and Jisungs parents are there as well as Jaemins own and they're all amazed and the parents take pictures, Chenle screeches and hugs Jaemin and then Jisung hugs him after, smiles and says "I wish you would've warned me you'd cause me to need earplugs. You look beautiful", whatever, and the others like Johnny, Ten, Yangyang, Kun, Xiaojun (wayv members specifically would've been friends and then I just would've added Shotaro and Sungchan to them) would say he looks pretty, but there'd be some distance (you'd be able to tell, I think)
18. Building off of 17, I know everyone does have their own little groups and main friends but they way they kind of merged together and all the mutual friends and whatnot was not going to happen and there would've been less of them because some of them would only appear in specific situations. Like the reasoning every single member would've been at Jaemins party is because Haechan (who would've been in charge of it) insisted on making it a big deal and making sure Jaemin had an occasion to wear a ball gown, which means more people so it can be a big party
19. This is kind of related to what I said about ships earlier but it has a little something to it. If you were reading along as the book got updated and saw that update asking renwinsung, you'd know there's no reason behind it all. Sungchan had just ended up as Renjun and Winwins baby and I'm never really opposed to making things romantic but like they could've stayed friends, it was not a big deal
I would've felt bad though if Sungchan just got unrequited love and ended up with no one, same as Johnny, but people can be single. It's fine
While trying to figure out what do with Sungchan, I did get this one idea where Sunghchan and Jungwoo would've had a relationship similar to a qpr but one-sided so on Jungwoos end, pure platonic intentions and feelings and on Sungchans, he would just be able to express his romantic feelings knowing they're not returned. And I would've made him get sad about it (are we surprised?) and somebody like Yangyang would question him about it and then more angst and I couldn't figure out beyond that. Also, whatever point I thought of this was a point where I was trying to get past sad situations and issues and just keep it on the happier side so I didn't wanna add this and bring it down again
20. In chapter 108, I mentioned the couples adopting kids and what I was gonna do was have all the kids be on the younger side and then have a chapter for the "present" show them with the current ages they are in the story and that would've (in theory) been one of the last chapters and then I forgot/decided to scrap it and things just went a little farther than I thought (it's okay, though)
21. I just remembered another idea I had that I think would work for either version and I'm also not too positive as to which version of this it was meant for. I want to say that it was meant for the rough draft. (My first way of explaining is really just more detailed and now that I've realized I can simplify it, I will tell you both just in case you want all these extra details)
Cannot remember exactly but like 99% sure Renjun would be the one responsible for asking some...interesting questions (see chapter 133 for the definition of interesting) in the groupchat with the other dreamies and because we have the bold/blunt/shamelessness so similar it's hard to tell but I think the questions/comments would be a little bit worse than how he always or let's say that in this version, he has somewhat of a filter. In the rough draft, it's not even there. At least as far as the ideas I had including him...correction: including him speaking
When I was reading through what I could find of the rough draft, I came across this and though I have absolutely zero recollection of writing it, it did make its way there. In chapter 133, there's little part about Jaemin and phrases that he's heard and those types of phrases were mentioned in this one groupchat scene. Not related to this exact scene but I just remembered that Chenle would've also been a little more shameless and Jisung wouldn't be that much different. He'd just be more like "I'd rather give you an honest answer myself than let Chenle say whatever he wants because it's guaranteed to be worse" Is that any different from how Jisung is? I can't tell
At some point, I decided on that Jaemin, Haechan, Jisung love thing situation and so instead of a sleepover where everything comes out, it would be the groupchat of all the dreamies and someone (my guess is Renjun or Chenle) would ask a question and eventually it would lead to more of Haechan and Jisung clearly having something that they're not saying and Jaemin still asking to explain (something like that) and I do remember this specific part where Renjun asks why Haechan and Jisung date and they just say reasons (the reasons name is Jaemin) and both of them say they're glad they didn't date (I can't remember if they say that in the groupchat or just to each other).
The point I was trying to make is that some things come out differently and this groupchat is involved like twice, if not more
I'm not sure what questions you have, if they got answered, if you have more questions now. Feel free to ask, I will happily explain everything to the best of my abilities. Also, if you'd like to ask the characters questions, we can do that too. It's really up to what you want
See you later :)
I love you❤️