I felt my consciousness return. My eyes opened and I saw the bed was empty. Maybe it was all just my imagination yesterday? What if cuddling with Tara was part of my dream? Yes, I had a strange dream again. Very strange. Jill wasn't in it anymore, it was different than the last. If I had to describe this one in three words, they would be: heat, unexpected, peculiar. I can't believe something like this was created in my brain. I had fallen asleep sober so what the hell? What is in my brain?
I got up to sit down. I look around the room trying to figure out if Tara slept at my place or not. I can't see her clothes. I can't see mine either, but I remember that I threw them on the floor. Something's not right here. I got out of bed and quickly walked to the door. I'm in my underwear, but there shouldn't be anyone in the house. Except for Tara, unless I'm crazy.
I opened the door and left the room quickly. I practically ran down the stairs. As I ran into the kitchen, I saw Tara. She is standing at the counter and chopping vegetables. She hasn't noticed me yet. I smirked but then I remembered my dream and felt warmth on my face. Fuck. I shook my head and controlled myself.
— What's up? — I asked and the girl jumped in fear
— Amber what the hell?! Don't be a ghost when you walk.
I laughed and walked over to her. She went back to chopping vegetables and I stood over her. Her hair smells great. I wonder what shampoo she uses.
— What are you preparing? — I asked peeking over her shoulder
— I wanted to make you breakfast — I immediately smiled when she said that. Good thing I'm behind her back and she can't see it — I hope you like salads.
— Of course. I'm like a model.
I moved a little and leaned against the same countertop. Tara's eyes traveled to my body. I know I should have gotten dressed. I'll do it soon.
She knows I see the way she is looking at me right now. She just doesn't care. Good.
— I thought you ran away. Or that you weren't here at all.
— What? — she smiled
— I couldn't find our clothes.
— I put them in the washing machine with the rest of the clothes on the floor in your room.
I am surprised and I slightly raised my eyebrows. That's very kind. If not, they would probably stay there until the next visit from the cleaner.
— You know I have people for that? — I told her
— You know that putting clothes in the washing machine isn't hard?
— Right.
I nodded but I don't really know how to do the laundry. The employees always did it for me.
I'm staring at Tara, not knowing what to say. I don't want silence between us. Silence can be too alluring sometimes.
— Some girl was here this morning — she said — She looked... like after a hard party. I don't remember her name. I didn't let her in. She...doesn't matter.
— Who would come to me in the morning? — I asked
What the fuck? Usually no one comes here. There are cameras everywhere. Sometimes bodyguards too. Friends usually warn that they will come. Of course Liv doesn't, she just opens the door herself and goes to my fridge.
— I have no idea. It was weird.
— Why?
— She said I'll regret sleeping here. That all you care about is my ass. And that as soon as you get up, you tell me to fuck off.
It's probably some jealous chick trying to spite me. Wait...Amanda? She wanted to meet up.
— Well I didn't — I laughed
— She probably thought we were fucking.
I put my head down and started staring at the floor. Something is blocking my throat. I bit my bottom lip lightly.
— Yeah — I grunted — Probably.
There is silence between us. I do not know what to say. I don't even know where my phone is. I haven't used it since I texted back Amanda. Was she really that stoned to come here? How did she get in when all the gates were closed?!
— Amber? — Tara accosted me
— Yeah?
I looked at her and she put down the knife and smiled. She isn't looking me in the eyes. She looks embarrassed.
— Can you get dressed? — Tara asked -You're distracting me and I'm about to cut off my finger.
I can see the red on her cheeks. I understand, I'm very hot.
— Oh. Oh, right. Yeah. I will — I nodded — Now. I'll do it now.
— Okay — she laughed
While coming out of the kitchen, I saw my phone on the table. I quickly took it and left. I nearly ran up the stairs and once I was inside my room I texted Liv quickly.
me: we. have. to. meet.
me: important
me: idk when
me: ill text you
I checked other conversations and saw a lot of messages from Amanda. It explains everything.
Amanda: tell them to get out
Amanda: amber pls
Amanda: im better
Amanda: i have coke
Amanda: come on freeman
Amanda: let's have some fun
Amanda: we can fuck or something
Amanda: come on
Amanda: answer
What a desperate girl.
me: why the fuck did you come here
me: are you dumb?
me: I said someone was with me
I replied and rolled my eyes. Among other unread messages I see a conversation with Anika.
the sweet one: congrats, you did it
me: go get your girl sweetie
I smiled happily. Maybe Mindy would finally give her a chance. I hope so. Anika is a sweet and kind girl. They can be really happy together. Nothing ever happened between me and Anika. She's not a "one time" girl. As far as I know, she's kissed Mindy once or twice. I think she actually loves her. She looks at her the way I will never look at her. She'll treat Mindy better than I do for sure.
Shit Amanda answered.
Amanda: and what the hell??!?!?!?!
Amanda: tara carpenter?
Amanda: you fucking chose tara over me?
me: shes my friend bitch
Amanda: friend that gives you head?
Jesus Amanda not today. Not today...
me: fuck off. she's straight
me: i don't have to fuck with every person i know 💀💀💀
Amanda: since when you are friends? you hated her
Amanda: you were literally bullying her
me: that's not true
me: yeah i wasn't nice but that's it
me: don't be interested
Amanda: if she's so straight, why was she arguing with me over you?
I took a breath and held it for a moment. What?
me: what
Amanda: she told me to leave you
Amanda: and that if I try to get close to you on drugs again, or give you something I will regret it
me: she cares for me
me: i guess
I left the conversation and decided not to enter it again. She pissed me off.
I went to my wardrobe and started looking for clothes. I chose something comfortable and put it on the chair. I put my phone on the charger and went to take a shower.
I quickly took off my underwear. I stepped into the large shower and turned on the hot water. As soon as the water splashed over my body, I felt better. I washed my hair, trying to keep the shampoo out of my eyes. I love hot water. Nothing makes me happier than a warm shower when I'm not feeling well. I started running my hands over my body, smearing the shower gel. I gently ran a hand over my chest.
I need to get all the thoughts out of my head. I'm sick of Amanda and her cocaine. I want to stop thinking about drugs. I don't want any dreams with Jill. And I don't want the ones with Tara even more. Tara...
The warmth of the water. Warmth in the chest. Warmth down there... Shit.
I ran my hand down my belly. I tilt my head down so that the water is running down my neck. I touch my vagina, thinking about what I dreamed. My every move is sensual. I haven't touched myself in a long time. I just put one finger in. I move it slowly. I closed my eyes to get some sense of it. I bit my lip lightly and added another finger.
Maybe I shouldn't do this, but God, this dream...
Heat runs through every part of my body. I move my hand faster and faster. My other hand grips the handle of the sliding door. I grip it tighter and breathe harder and harder. I think about what my head produced while I was sleeping.
We were laying down and I couldn't sleep. Tara ran her hand over my shoulder, trying to calm me down. I told her I was stressed but I don't know why. She whispered in my ear: I'll help you reduce your stress.
I let out a breath that turned out to be holding.
She started kissing my neck. She did it calmly and passionately. I didn't do anything, I just gave myself to her. She went down her lips to my breasts. She kissed and squeezed them.
I bit my lip even harder not stopping the fingering. I moved my other hand from the handle to the wall in front of me. I leaned heavily on it.
Tara was literally dominating me in my head. She kissed my belly, my thighs, and kept touching my body with those wonderful hands.
I feel like I'm really close to orgasm. This dream affected me so much. And the water hitting my back... I wish Tara was there.
— Tara...— I moaned, quickly working with my hand
I quickly pulled my other hand off the wall and covered my mouth, trying not to moan. I can't be loud. Tara's downstairs, but she can always go upstairs to my room. I don't want her to hear me.
The thought of her deeds in my dream made my face warm. She did me good with her mouth and tongue. Think of holding her hair while she licks...
— Fuck! — I screamed as it reached its climax and opened my eyes
I slowly pulled my fingers out. Damn. I feel my juices running down my thigh and I try to calm down. My breathing slowly evens out.
I wash my body under water. I feel fulfilled. When I got out, I quickly toweled off and put on fresh clothes.
I sighed and stood in front of the mirror. I look at my reflection in it.
— What did you idiot just do? — I asked myself and shook my head
I left the bathroom and unplugged my phone from the charger. Amanda's still texting something, but I don't give a shit. Liv also answered.
the real one: what the hell did you do this time
me: bro
me: you will kill me
I went downstairs and ran into Tara in the dining room. I felt stupid as we looked at each other. God.
— Breakfast is ready.
I smiled stiffly and we sat across from each other at the table.
Are we supposed to have breakfast together now about ten minutes after I masturbated thinking about her? This is going to be the most awkward breakfast of my life.
This will be more awkward than having dinner with Jill's parents. At the table where she had eaten me about fifteen minutes earlier.
— Why are you staring like that? — Tara laughed and I came back to the reality
— No.
— No?
— Bon appetit — I said and stuck a fork in my salad
She used all the ingredients I like.
— Love it.
— It's just salad.
— Yeah, my favorite one.
— Seriously?
I nodded and Tara smiled. I smiled awkwardly and went back to eating.
— We won't even make it to the third lesson — she said looking at the clock
— I forgot the school existed.
— Nothing new — she smirked and bit tomato
— Ha ha ha. Funny — I rolled my eyeballs
— I know.
We ate in silence for a while. I was really hungry even though I didn't feel it.
— We're going on a cruise in four days. You still wanna go? — I asked
— If you need me...
— I need you — I said fast
Too fast.
— Then...okay.
— Great. I asked my parents already. They probably think you're my girlfriend now. I'll fix it somehow.
I didn't tell them her name for a reason.
— Don't worry. Nobody would have thought that we had something.
— Right.
I pushed the empty bowl away from me and I'm staring at Tara. It's all kind of weird. We had a fight two days ago, and now? We eat breakfast together. What a twisted...acquaintance.
— Will it bother you if Liv comes by after school?
— Does she know I slept here? — she asked a little dissatisfied
— I didn't tell anything. Not about the situation behind the school either.
Relief flashed across Tara's face.
— Can I hide in a room? I don't want my family situation exposed.
— You can always go out somewhere. To Mindy, Chad, I don't know. Don't feel like a prisoner here — I shrugged
— I don't. It's just...only you and Wes know about my mom. You also know I'm a...
— You can said it loud.
— Lesbian. That I am lesbian. I mean, Liv knows that we...yeah — she smiled for a few seconds and then it fade away — I feel like I'm cheating on everyone around me. Just not you.
I opened my mouth slightly, I am surprised. I don't even know what to say.
— I am sure they'll understand you. I don't usually tell them a lot, but I know, they would accept me and help me if I needed.
— You've known them longer...
— Yeah and I left them. Many times. And I was never there for them and they are still there for me — I said feeling disgusted with myself — I mean... Liv, Chad and Mindy, I hate Wes.
— I know. What was it like before we joined your group?
— They were everything to me. Sam and Jill also — I mentioned reluctantly
— Then why did you leave those relationships?
— I lost Jill because of Sam. And you are her sister. When you joined the pack...I got scared. So instead of fighting for them, I wanted to let it go.
— They never let you go. They missed you.
— I know. They're good — I smiled.
I miss my friends too. But I can't say it out loud.
— I'm sorry I messed up your life like that.
— No. No. No. No — I stand up and I walked over to sit on the chair next to her
She turned more towards me and I placed my hand on her knee. I look into her eyes, feeling like I have to say something.
— That's what I thought at the beginning. But it's not true — I admitted — You didn't know anything. I messed up it all. I fucked up my life the moment I succumbed to Jill and Sam. Nothing is your fault.
She placed her hand on mine, still resting on her knee.
— I feel like me and Sam are constantly destroying you.
— You...You make my life less fucked up, Tara.
— Really?
— Yeah. I know we argue a lot. And that we often hurt each other, not even on purpose. But in that short period of time, you started to mean a something to me.
She parted her lips looking into my eyes. I can't read what's on her mind. She took her hand off mine, so I released her knee. I must have said something wrong. Do I really have to always mess it up?
— I...I'll go for a walk.
— Now? — I asked — If I said something that upset you, I'm sorry.
— No. Of course no.
She got up and put her phone in her pocket.
— So what's up?
— Nothing.
She isn't looking me in the eyes.
— I'll clean the kitchen when I get back, okay?
— I'll clean — I said
— Okay.
She started walking to the door.
— If something's not right, call me — I told her
— Okay.
I can't see her anymore, but I heard the door open and close. I immediately felt empty. Fuck it. I said too much. I shouldn't say anything. Why did I tell her so much about myself? I could sit quiet and let her think what she wanted.
I took the phone and called service. I won't clean because I'll make more mess. Anyway, I lost willingness to do anything. I guess I'll just go to bed. What else can I do now?
the real one: tell me
me: lets go somewhere
the real one: ARE YOU OFFERING ME TO ESCAPE FROM SCHOOL FREEMAN?!
me: I can even pick you up
the real one: SOLD
...
I parked in the school parking lot. I have to wait ten more minutes for Liv. I took a cigarette from the pack and lit it quickly. I was looking for Tara all the way. I haven't seen her anywhere. I shouldn't worry about all this so much. It's out of my character.
I looked at my phone to see if Liv had texted and regretted it. Samantha Carpenter did.
dumb bitch: DID MY SISTER MOVE IN TO YOU?
me: you left her with two alcoholics idiot, was I supposed to let her be alone?
dumb bitch: i had to leave for few days
me: so when you come back you will take her
me: she will be safer with me than with them
dumb bitch: drug addict is a better option, right
me: fuck off.
dumb bitch: sorry, i shouldn't. just don't touch her
me: don't worry
dumb bitch: and don't use drugs when she's with you
me: im on detox
dumb bitch: whatever
What a bitch. I turned off the screen and decided to enjoy a cigarette.
— Hello chauffeur — I heard Liv
— Say that one more time and you'll never sit in that car again.
My friend just laughed and went inside. I started the engine and decide to drive around town. I don't know when Tara's coming home. I don't want to explain everything to Liv. I really don't want to talk about anything. I'm tired.
— So what have you done? — she asked
— Do I always have to do something?!
I am pissed even though I shouldn't.
— Sorry — I said
— What happened? Jill?
— No.
— I saw that bitch yesterday in the shop. But never mind. What happened?
I don't know how to put it so I'll just say it.
— I had a sex dream with Tara.
— Jesus Christ, Freeman! What were you doing? — she asked excited
— Calm down McKenzie. I won't tell you.
— Who was topping?
Oh no.
— I won't tell you anything!
— Tell me.
— No.
— Yes!
— Tara... — I said and gripped the steering wheel tighter
— You're joking...no way! — she smiled like a kid with a lollipop
— Weird. I was always...dominating her.
— Maybe you want her to do it.
— No. She's a friend.
— You had a sex dream with all your friends? If you had one with me, I want to know the details.
— No! Stop, it's disgusting.
Sometimes Liv breaks me down. She is just different. That's why I love her.
— Did you have? — she asked after a moment
— Of course not! — I shouted
I hope it never happens to me...
— Meh.
— I don't know what to think of all this. She started to...heat me.
— I thought she had already started long time ago.
It's different.
— Kinda. I don't know something changed. I don't just want sex, I want to talk to her.
— Amber — Liv said and put her hand on my arm — That's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
— Jesus Christ. Do you really have to be the only one who knows about me and Tara...
— Fate.
— It's all bothering me already. I can't even be honest with her.
I started thinking about all these secrets. About what Sam was like. About their family.
— Why?
— I know things she doesn't. Sam and other stuff. I want to tell her but I can't. She shouldn't know from me.
— It's something serious?
— It's...yeah. It is.
— Can I know?
— I'll stop somewhere.
— Okay.
I parked the car on the sidelines and lit a cigarette. This situation is sicker than it seems. It's not even about my friendship with Jill and Sam. It's much more than that.
— So? — Liv asked
I inhaled harder, wondering whether to admit it. This is difficult and strange.
— They're half sisters — I said
— What?
— Tara's father isn't Sam's father.
— I didn't expect this.
— That's not all. Her father is...— I looked at Liv and clenched my jaw — Blake Roberts. Jill's dad. And that makes Sam and Jill half sisters.
While he was with Kate, he fucked Christine and got her pregnant. If he had known from the beginning, he probably would have ordered her to have an abortion. But he didn't find out he had a daughter until six years later when they returned to Woodsboro.
I found this out when I overheard my father talking to Sam. He asked her not to tell me.
Sam never told Jill that they were siblings. Me neither. She can only know from Blake. But I think if she had known, she would have said something a long time ago.
— What the fuck is going on? — she just asked
— Sam avoids Jill like the plague. Roberts likes to complicate things. And Sam only care about the alimony. It's all fucked up. I'm not even sure if Jill knows.
— Sam should told Tara truth. Not you.
— I know. But I also know she won't. That's the problem. And Jill is getting suspicious. Only me, Sam, Blake, Christina and my dad know this. And now you.
— Wow. Action like in the movie.
— That's right. But enough of my drama. Tell me about you and Chad.