Few days ago, I promised Anika to talk to Mindy and I decided to keep my word. I didn't know Mindy could really still feel something real for me. I was sure she was just having fun too. Or maybe I just preferred to think that way so as not to feel any remorse. Maybe I just didn't want to believe I was using her. I probably should have let her go a long time ago.
Anyway, I should have left a lot behind. For example, drugs. I haven't taken anything since that action in the bushes. Still, when I am alone, I feel like I need it. I feel like I don't exist without it. It's awful.
I walked into the canteen and looked around. Liv, Wes, Tara and Mindy are sitting at one table. Do I really want to do this now? We have a few more lessons after lunch, and I don't know how the conversation is going to go. I wouldn't want her to miss class because of me. I'll talk to her after school.
Just as I turned to leave, I bumped into Chad. He gently held my shoulders to keep me from falling over.
— Are you leaving already? — he asked
I smiled and straightened up.
— I was planning to go out for a cigarette — I lied
— You'll go later, now come sit with us.
— I don't think...
— I don't care.
He picked me up and started walking towards the table. No. No, why Chad? Why?
— This is called kidnapping — I told him
I feel embarrassed when everyone looks at me like this. But I'm not going to try to run away from him, because that would look even worse.
— Liv, I have your baby — Chad said and put me right next to Tara
I tensed up a bit because she is obviously still mad at me. She didn't even reply to my message I sent her last night. I asked if we could talk. I guess silence means "no".
— Our baby — Liv corrected
I smiled at my best friend and stole a crisp from her plate.
— I can't believe spring break is next week — Wes said
— We're finally taking a break from this shit. I just hope Liv and Chad won't come back from a trip with a baby — Mindy joked
Everyone but Tara laughed. Is she really not even going to laugh in my company? I feel like we're going back to what it used to be. But now I don't hate her. I don't want to argue with her.
So she's not going on a cruise with me, I guess?
— Are you afraid of being an aunt? — Chad asked
— Let's pray that the child will inherit wisdom from you, bro — I said
— Bitch! — Liv got mad and opened her mouth
I smirked and stole another crisp. Tara's phone started vibrating. I instinctively looked at the screen and saw the word "mom". I looked at the girl and she quickly picked up the phone and answered it.
— Halo?
The rest of the group continued talking about the time off from school. But I focused my full attention on Tara, trying not to show it at the same time.
— No...Go home...Call Sam...I have no idea...No...Wait...
The call ended and Tara quickly stood up.
— I forgot I was supposed to go to the teacher. See you later — she said
Everyone but me said goodbye. Something is not right here. Tara is clearly lying, something must have happened.
Amber, it's none of your business, don't care.
But I do care a little.
— Hey, Mindy — I said
— Yeah?
She turned to me, and I made sure the others are busy with talking.
— I'll ride you home after school.
— Why? — she asked
— A good deed?
I said the first thing that came to mind. I won't tell her we need to talk.
— That's weird, Freeman — she laughed
— I know. So, yes or no?
— Since you insist.
— Amazing — I smiled — And now I say goodbye to everyone, it's time to support my cancer.
— Idiot — Liv said and others just said goodbye
I got up and left the table. I'm not really going for a cigarette. I need to check on Tara because... because that's what I want to do.
I left the canteen and started walking down the hall. I have no idea where she might be. I pull out my phone and dial Tara's number. I'm hesitating to start the call.
Should I meddle? I'm just complicating Tara's life. I don't think she needs me.
I'll just go out and smoke. If she needed help, she would let her friends know. Besides, why should I care?
I sighed and put my phone back in my pocket. I head towards the exit door. A quick cigarette will calm me down. I've been thinking too much about Tara since yesterday. It's just curiosity about what she has to do with me.
I left school and headed to the parking lot. I put the cigarette in my mouth and started searching for my lighter in my purse. Where the fuck is it?
And at that moment, three figures caught my attention. It's Tara, her mother and some guy. I don't think she's happy with their visit.
Suddenly, the guy shoved Tara so that her back hit the gate. What the fuck? This pissed me off. He's shouting something at her but I don't understand what.
I spat out my cigarette and started walking briskly towards them. Christina noticed me but said nothing. Of course, she's not sober. Being close enough, I grabbed the guy by his clothes and dragged him away from Tara. He's as drunk as Christina, so it wasn't difficult.
Tara looked at me in shock. She probably didn't expect me to be here.
— What the fuck you doing! — he shouted barely standing on his feet
— Leave her. You two — I said — Or...I don't know yet, but I'll think of something.
I know I wasn't supposed to get involved, but no guy is going to fucking jerk her off.
— She will give my money back first! — Christina said
— I don't know where Sam hid it! — Tara explained
— You're fucking lying — that weird guy said
This can't be her father.
— Shut up and fuck off — I lost my patience — We're going back to school.
I took Tara's hand and pulled her closer to me.
— Better stay out of this, Freeman — Christina said — And you'd better not bring my daughter in this whole lesbian thing.
— Freeman? — the guy asked but I ignored him
I stopped and turned to the woman. I want to hit her so much. She was always a bitch. I really thought she'd changed after that rehab. I was wrong. This is probably another proof that people don't change.
— You don't have enough money for vodka? Then maybe start fucking work! — I shouted — How low do you have to go to harass your own child for money?
— Amber, enough. Let's go — Tara said
— Or maybe you'll give us the cash —the guy said — You're rich. Everyone knows how much money your folks have.
— I'd rather kiss Judy Hicks than support your alcoholism. Bye — I was about to leave but something else occurred to me — Oh and Tara's not coming back home. I'll come get her things later.
— Wait, what? — Tara asked shocked
— Good. One less problem — guy said and Christina just shook her head
I pulled Tara towards the school. As we neared the entrance, she yanked her arm out of my grip.
— What the fuck have you done?! — she shouted at me
I sighed in frustration and pursed my lips. Okay, that was a rash decision. But I can't let them treat her like this. She can't live like this.
— He pushed you! You will not be near him. Don't worry, I have a plan.
— What plan?
— You live with me, I'll get rid of that idiot and your mother will go to rehab. Then you'll come home.
My parents are away for a few days on business. I'll tell them Tara's staying here for a while. We have enough space. Also we're going on a cruise soon. I'll figure out what to do with this guy later. I'm gonna help Sam send Christina to rehab. We'll force her somehow. We did it once, we can do this again.
— I think you forgot something in your brilliant plan.
— What? — I asked confused
What does she mean? It's perfect.
— Ask me if I fucking agree!
— Oh...right. I'm sorry honey...no wait, I don't care if you disagree!
— How come you're so mean, even when you're trying to do something good?!
— I guess I'm special — I smirked — Classes have already started anyway, so let's go get your things now. You'll pack up and I'll take you to my place, the house is empty. Then I'll leave for a while, I have some things to do with Mindy.
Tara laughed and shook her head.
— What, for example? Quick sex in your car?
— No. Only you were willing to do so, I use the bed with others — I said irritably, wanting to piss her off
— Fuck you.
— Later. But back to the topic, I need to meet with Mindy. I'll end it all between me and her.
Tara raised her eyebrows in surprise, and I clenched my jaw and looked away. Even though I don't have feelings for her, it stresses me out. We've always had a strange connection, and I plan on ending it today.
— Why? — Tara asked
— Let's go, we don't have much time - I avoided the answer and headed to my car
...
The drive to Tara's house was silent. Same as when she was packing. I carried her suitcase up the stairs and into the car. It was only in my house that we spoke more to each other. I showed her where everything is and where she is going to sleep. I informed her that my parents had left and would be back in a few days. I didn't want to leave her alone, but I had to go to Mindy.
I'm waiting for her right in front of the school in my car. She showed up about 4 minutes after the bell rang. The girl opened the door and got into the car. I smiled at her and she did the same.
— I know you don't want to just give me a ride — she said and put her hand on my thigh
I looked at there and bit my cheekbones. There's something really wrong with me. I manipulate and cheat. I don't care about other people's feelings, I'm always taking advantage of people. This reminds me of someone.
I took Mindy's hand and took it off my leg. She looked at me surprised. And that's the point. Nobody looks at me as a person anymore. They see me as junkie and someone they could fuck with.
— I want to talk.
Mindy bit her lip and looked into my eyes.
— So talk — she just said
I guess it's time to finally do the right thing.
— Do you still have feelings for me? — I asked
Mindy looked at the window in front of her. I crossed my arms, waiting for an answer. I decided there was no point in delaying. We just have to tell each other everything honestly.
— To some extent...yes.
We looked at each other and I nodded my head.
— I guess this conversation won't be pleasant — she said and sighed
— After the way I treated you...I know it was wrong, I shouldn't. Also I thought you didn't take our hooking up seriously. You know what I mean — I sighed and looked into her eyes — But I just want to let you move on.
— I was afraid you'd say that someday.
— I should have said that a long time ago. We can't keep coming back to each other. Especially if it means more to you than it does to me.
It's quiet, and I can see tears in Mindy's eyes. But I know I'm doing the right thing. I do. She can't keep her hopes up. She has to leave me behind. I can't keep hurting her.
— What happened? At party, you wanted something and then suddenly...
— It occurred to me that I act like Jill. And that I hurt you because of it.
In some ways, Jill and I are the same. I can't pretend we're not. I became her.
— Don't compare yourself to her.
— I can't do otherwise. I want to let you go.
— I feel like we're breaking up again.
I'm looking at the school and the people who are leaving. I wonder if Mindy and I would have had a chance if I had never met Jill. If I hadn't become who I am.
— I'm sorry, Mindy — I said honestly
— It's okay — she said crying
She leaned towards me and hugged me. I hugged her tightly and ran my hand through her hair. Glad I finally told her. Ending this is good for us.
~~~~~~~~
SCHOOL STARTED IM TIRED ALREADY
What do you think about Tara moving in to Amber's house?