April 1st 2023
Beyoncé
It's been 11 years since Amariana was taken away and me and Jay were still hurt but we had to get it together for our second child blue who is 5 years old we love her to death but ever since Amariana was kidnapped they make sure to keep her in there sight at all times. I just wish she was here with us for us to raise the children we created and love them.
It was April 1st 9:35 I felt a tap on my arm causing me to turn and opens my heavy eyes from sleep and crying when I opened my eyes I saw my daughter looking at me her hair was out and flowing down her shoulders her eyes hazel brown like mine and her skin smooth and glowing in the sun she had her bear in her hand with a small smile on her face looking at me I got a flash of Amariana and it made me tear up a bit.
"Daddy said to come eat mommy" she said with a smile on her face. I wiped my eyes quickly thanking god she didn't see my tears "ok baby I'm coming"
she ran out the room as I got out go bed I went in the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror my eyes were puffy and red and I was really pale I hate feeling this way but when something doesn't come back to help you from feeling this way you keep thinking about it and your gonna realest the feeling. I quickly get cleaned up and try to fix get myself together the best I could.
"BEYYYY FOOD DONE" I hear my husband yell, after I was done putting my hair in a messy bun I took a deep breath trying to convince myself today is gone be a great day I left the bathroom hitting the light switch.
I go downstairs and see my husband he tries so hard to be positive for me about the situation but he really is hurting. He lost weight she looks pale and sometimes he goes to the car and sits and cries he doesn't like crying around us and it hurts be to know I failed him and our daughter. I sat down at the table and began to slowly eat. I looked over at blue who wasn't eating
"Baby how come your not eating" I asked taking a bite of my cut up pancake
"Mommy who that" she said point to the wall of a picture of Amariana when she had her baby's photo shoot with me for essences
"That's your sister" I said looking down feeling like I was getting ready to cry
"We're is her now" she asked I looked at Shawn and shook my head letting him know i can't do this she asked us every day who it is and we keep telling her
"Baby we told you all of this already" I said in frustration we literally tell her this everyone she asks us but we try our best to explain it in a kid friendly way even though I cry about it sometimes.
"I know but i forgot" she said in a sad tone looking down holding her best close to her chest
"WELL STOP FORGETTING" I yelled feeling frustrated causing blue to jump at my sudden burst of anger. She shouldn't have to be forgotten form is in the first damn place. I looked at blue and she was in tears and I felt bad she is only 5 she doesn't know any better.
"Baby I'm sorry mommy is sorry I didn't mean to yell at you" I said hugging her as she cried into my chest she pulled away from me and ran over to Shawn he held her close and I sighed rubbing my temples as I watched. He whispered in her ear and she noded her head a few times in understanding of her fathers words she noded one last time before they let go and she ran upstairs. Shawn looked at me with a blank mug on his face and I knew what he was thinking
"Don't" I said getting up to going to the sink clean me and blues plates
"What do you mean don't Beyoncé" he said coming to me
"Shawn not right now please" i said cleaning the dish aggressively feeling anger coming because I know how this was bout to go
"So when, when do you feel right now needs to happened I keep telling you stop taking your anger out on everyone we're all hurt just like you and it's not blues fault stop yelling at her about it" he yelled pulling my arm tinting me sprint to face him before I snatched it away
"No y'all are no where near as hurt as me I lost my damn child no I didn't lose her she was stolen from me. My baby was snatched out of that damn house" I yelled cleaning the kitchen as he followed me to make sure he was heard
"She just as much as my baby as she is yours so don't do that I lost a child too Beyoncé and we all are hurt she was a somebody to all of us you can't sit here and feel sorry for yourself about it you need to get up and get your self together."
"So what your saying just forget about it forget about her?" I asked crossing arms waiting for the answer
"No I'm saying you can't just sit in the room and be hurt or angry with everyone like you use to do.you have to handle it differently because we have a child now it was was ok at first before blue but some changes need to happen you can't just sit and be hurt about it all day"
"So what I'm supposed to be happy and jolly about it like it never happened to begin with?"
"No get up and makes some changes and fight for her like I've been doing for you and her all these years I'm not giving up on her I'm still looking and trying to get information but I know it can't take over my life and reality because have a 5 year old daughter and a wife who needs me but I can't do it on my own Beyoncé". He said with a base in his voice.
"Whatever Shawn I'm tired of arguing about this" I turned back to the rest dishes.
"Yeah your always tired" he chuckled sarcastically
"What do you want to hear Shawn how I'm in pain ,How I can't think straight ,how I cry in the dark thinking about my baby hoping she is alive and is healthy, how I can barely get myself together without feeling like I'm about to fall all over again. I would do anything to have my child back anything but these 11 years gave me no luck" i said with tears in my eyes. He shook his head and stood up coming to me pulling me into a hug but I didn't want it I began to fight him off
"Stop leave me alone" I cried shaking my head pulling away from him but he wouldn't budge to let go
"Baby stop baby stop" he whispered I finally gave in and let him hold me as he kissed my head here and there
"You don't understand how hard I try Shawn I try to get up and spend time with blue or go run an errand but I just can't get it together" I cried I been through
A lot in my life but this was the nightmare of them all I never though I would lose a child
"I know and I'm sorry but I'm not sorry for what I said bey you really have to get it together not only because we have blue but we have to be in the right mind to fine her I'm not giving up and I know you wouldn't dare to give up either but you can't let it eat you alive because who ever snatched her is getting what they want and that's for you to give up on her and your not right?"
"No I would never I just don't understand what I did for someone to do this to me I give everyone love and I harm nobody or mess with anyone I've saved propels lives and this is what I get in return" I sobbed
"Not all people are like you bey clearly there some evil" he said into my head I shook my head in response at his words how can people be so cruel. I pulled away and wiped my eyes
"I-I'm I think I wanna go I got he police station with you today we can drop blue off at mamas" I said. He smiled and noded his head
"Ok" I said in a deep breath walking upstairs to get ready. He was right I couldn't keep relaying in this damn room waiting for a return of my child that can't jus that'll end out the blue without any work for it to happen.
I was in the shower now and I'm letting the water hit my body as I was stuck in a gaze of thick thoughts . I was bit nervous to try and do this again the last time I did this and went to the police station with this detective they said there was a chance she could be dead, and I hurt like hell I couldn't beat her hearing that ladies words after that day I never came back and guess what that day was 2 years ago I never stopped looking though though I was starting to lose hope. But they called Shawn saying that it was a different child which hav emu back my hope but I was scared to go back if they came me though otherwise.
"Bey you almost done I got blue ready she just needs her hair done" I heard through the door
"Yeah I'll be out in a minute" I replied as I began to wash up.
After I was done in the shower I lotion myself up actually feeling relaxed and refreshed. I got dressed in a simple sweatsuit I have like 5000 of them for days like this anyways. I did my hair I put it in a simple bun and brushed my baby hairs out and let them do their own thing. I opened the door and saw blue with two ponytails with a cricket part and bangs for some reason.
"Shawn what the hell did you do to my babies hair" I said chuckling walking towards them
"What I thought if I got it out the way now we can leave when you were done"
"Thank you for trying but no" I said with a slight laugh taking them out
"Hey I can do hit right princess?" He said kissing blue ahead she looked up at him them back at the mirror
"Uhhh I have to agree with mommy daddy" she said smiling innocently
"Ok I see how it is I'm not loved" he said walking out the room
"Yeah ok Shawn"I laughed I began to actually do blues hair the whole time she was playing with her fingers looking down I knew she was still upset about earlier. After I touched up her baby hairs I closed everything and put them up before walking back over to her and wrapping my arms around her small waist and looked at her through the mirror.
"Mommy sorry for yelling at you baby I didn't mean to" I said softly into her ear
"It's okay that hurt my feelings" she said sadly looking down
"I know I'm sorry it won't happen again" I kissed her cheek and laid my temple against hers with my eyes closed in silence"
"Mommy?" she said breaking it
"Yes princess?" I replied with my eyes still closed laying against her head
"Will I ever get to meet my sister" i opened my eyes and she was already looking at me through the mirror. I didn't want to say yes to fast but I didn't want to say no
"Baby we're working on that today which is why your going to be going to see grandma" I said standing up from her
"Yay that's means I can play with her she likes dolls like me" she said with excitement
"Well baby she a little bit older is I don't know" I said knowing she was thinking about the pictures of the small Amariana
"Oh" she said sadly
"But that doesn't mean she won't play with you baby I'm sure she will" I said forming a smile she smiled back and noded her head"
"Ok let's go daddy is waiting"
We left out the room and went downstairs Shawn wasn't in the living room I heard a car and I quickly ran outside to see Shawn about to pull out I ran to the car and grabbed blue putting her in her car seat strapping her in before getting myself In the passenger side
"Really you were gonna leave us" I said out of breath
"What you were taking to long"
he said laughing I rolled my eyes as he pulled off.
"So since I'm coming back I need to be filled on what's been happening" I said
"Well they found her information in the system she going by Amariana genae moore thank god she didn't change her first name we wouldn't have made it this far if she did so"
"She changes her damn name the least the bi- I mean woman could've did was left something original to her."
"Yeah well I want to pleased with it bey but at least some answers are coming in detective Reese says she been looking into her files she been gorging switched from school to school her last school was around Jackson."
"So no one knows we're she is now?"I asked looking through my phone at all the schools in Jackson
"No she said she'll let me know when they find anything recent" I noded my head sighing we get so close and then it all fades away everytime
"Don't stress babe we're gonna get her never doubt it" he said kissing my hand.
We dropped of blue now we're on our way to the police station we created small talk mostly trying to add everything up to find out where Amariana is. All I honestly can remember is that woman was in all black. We pulled In to the police station drive way and Shawn parked and turned off the car and we sat in silents.
"Your ready" he asked looking at me as I looked straight head at the doors I closed my eyes and took a deep thick sigh that was being held with my stomach and noded my head.
"Let's go get em."