(CW: angst, mentions of receiving hate and threats, no happy ending)
"I can't do this anymore," you sobbed, wiping away at your tears.
Taeyong's head snapped up, looking at you with teary eyes, "Please don't tell me you mean us."
You nodded, trembling hands going up to muffle your sobs. Everything was awful, your perfect little bubble was popped with one stupid slip-up. You were both usually so careful about being out in public together, only going out at night, dark clothes, masks, and hats to disguise who you both were. You had both decided that after a year of publicly sneaking around maybe you could finally have dinner together. Wrong, so, so, so wrong. A "fan" had taken both your pictures and someone else must have tipped off Dispatch because the next morning you had woken up to pictures of yours and Taeyong's faces plastered on every site you clicked on and countless calls from your manager.
The meeting with your company had been disheartening. Even though you had let them know about your relationship months ago, everything had now fallen on your shoulders. You were bringing a bad look to your group and tarnishing your reputation. It was at least a little hopeful when they told you they'd put out a statement and this would all blow over soon. It felt even more awful sitting beside your manager while she got her earful for allowing you to sneak off as if she were completely responsible for your actions. You had apologized profusely after the meeting, begging for her forgiveness. She of course forgave you, but it didn't ease the pit in your stomach.
Two weeks had passed and you were still under scrutiny. Scrolling through your Instagram, every single post had hate comments that were vicious and heartless. Even your group's page contained the same comments and threats. You had apologized to your members, promising that it was never your intention to have anything like this happen. They understood, some being in their relationships and reassured you that everything would work out. Again, it didn't do anything to ease the guilt and anxiety you felt with the mess your love-filled relationship had become.
Your guilt only grew, learning that your comeback would have to be held off because of all the backlash against the group. You could come back and risk having your worst public reception yet, or come back and not be given opportunities to promote anywhere. You had even overheard a few managers from another group of your company talking about how the company shares had taken a very noticeable drop after the news came out. The pit in your stomach only grew at that news.
"Taeyong, nothing good has come from us being exposed to the public. I can't open any apps because all I see is hate, my members are bombarded with hate too, and we can't come back so we don't make money. I heard them talking about the threats they were getting," you paused as your voice cracked, "The stocks at the company have taken a hit from this too! All this is my fault!"
"It's my fault too, but we can't give up on this- on us. I'll talk to my manager and we can get the company lawyers involved," Taeyong tried, reaching for your hand.
"You're not getting hate like I am Taeyong, you still get to make your comeback and make appearances because no one will assume that my senior is dating me to get his name out. You can keep living your dream, but if I double down this can be all over for me and everyone I work with. My manager almost got fired over this, Taeyong. I've known her since I was 15 and she's the closest this I have to family besides my members this far away from home. I've almost ruined people's livelihoods over this news," you cried with your head in your hands.
"But we know that's not what this is, please, my love. Don't give up on me."
"It's not like I want to Taeyong! My manager will get in touch with yours so a statement can be made about us splitting up," you decided, wiping away your tears as you stood up and left his dorm before he could protest any further.
It was the hardest decision you ever had to make. Nobody understood you like Taeyong. No one in the world could get you like he could, simply because he had gone through the same things you had, he understood the busy schedules, the constant change in time zones, the shoots, the promotions, living with your group members. Unfortunately, that also meant he understood the consequences that could come from both of you becoming public. You had both seen so many peers experience the same thing, and chose to ignore that when it came to the two of you since there wasn't any plan for you to go public any time soon. It didn't work out as either of you wanted.
You were about to step out the door, when Taeyong's voice rang out, "I love you, is that not enough for you? You don't even want to fight for us? Please, just tell me you love me back."
"I can't just think of myself here, It's beyond me Taeyong- beyond us. I will not put my needs and wants before a team of people, I can't do that," You replied, wiping away your stream of tears. "I do love you, but that can't be enough."
It was over and it felt so heartbreaking and awful. You loved Taeyong with all your heart, but you had worked so hard to get where you were, where your group was. You couldn't risk all your hard work and the work of your team going down the drain because you chose to be selfish. In an ideal world, you could live your dream and have your love, but it didn't always work like that.
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