Rosalynn
I managed to make it through my first period but each minute was anxiety filled. I walked down to the teachers' lounge to refill my coffee but regretted it the moment I walked in the room. I had to briefly engage in meaningless formalities while trying to ignore the creepy glances from Mr. Durham and also ignoring the death glare from my next-door neighbor Mrs. Atkins. I know she doesn't like me; she never has. Honestly, I'm not very fond of her either. I think some older teachers just always feel a particular way about teachers whom students take a liking to. I've been many of students' favorite teacher and I think it's because I don't have to bitch at them to get them to follow my directions. And often times, they would rather pick up my class rather than theirs when we teach the same subject. But I can't help that. I still however throw my beautiful smile her way whenever we pass one another so there's that.
First days are usually a walk in the park for me. It consists of the usual getting to know new students, passing out the syllabus and then giving them the rest of the class period to themselves. I'm especially grateful for the latter today. I'm honestly in no mood to do anything beyond that. Although I'm feeling broken internally, I make sure to perk myself up for my students. They deserve to get the best of me and I can't let how I feel affect them. I checked on Charlotte a few minutes ago but she hadn't responded yet. I didn't want to keep bothering her, though. I wanted to give her space to finish whatever she needs to get done and also, I needed to get accustomed to not hearing from her for periods of time. But that's no easy feat for me.
I couldn't stop checking my phone after she had finally texted that she was on the way to the airport. I stood at my door welcoming in my next class but I couldn't stop fidgeting. There was a ball in the pit of my stomach and suddenly I felt so very nauseous watching the minutes get closer and closer to her plane's departure although she probably had about an hour or so. I was suddenly aware of the sweat beads forming at my head. The air surrounding me felt thick, sticky even. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on breathing like a normal person. I opened my eyes and realized students were dispersing quickly. I looked over my shoulder and all seats were filled. I exhaled deeply as I walked in the room, closing the door behind me.
"Good morning, everyone! Welcome to AP English Literature. I'm very excited to meet all of you and I look forward to seeing what great work you all produce this year." I grabbed the stack of syllabi off my table and began passing them around. "As an AP class I expect great things from each of you. I expect everyone to give 110 percent on all assignments. I very rarely offer extensions on due dates. I won't get behind on my work because you've failed to plan accordingly. However, my door is always open should you need extra assistance and you all are more than welcome to come in during a planning period if you need to get any work done and that's for any class you have. I want you all to succeed and I will do what I can to see that through." I handed out the last paper and walked back over to my desk. I leaned against it as I looked around the room. "Ohh goodness, for those of you that have never had the pleasure of seeing my beautiful face around, my name is Ms. Dandridge. Some students just call me Ms. D, whichever you prefer I don't mind." The voice in my head was telling me to look at the clock. I can't. I shouldn't. I need to focus. But I have to. I looked over at the clock. Fifty two minutes. "Uhm, let's see." I tried to get my brain to refocus but everything inside became jumbled. "I know this may seem tedious but it's first day tradition. As I don't know really any of you, I'd like to go around the room and have you all introduce yourselves and just tell me what you want to do in life. Career-wise of course. If you don't know that quite yet, well that's alright. We'll start here." I pointed to the young man sitting in the front row as I went and sat behind my desk.
As each student went around the room, my intrusive thoughts kicked into overdrive. I pulled out my phone to see if I had any more texts from her. I miss her so much. I feel sick to my stomach quite honestly. Literally matter of fact. I feel like I'm going to lose my guts at any given moment. I try my best to listen to my students but I just can't stop thinking about her. This is turning out to be much harder than I thought. I figured the time would pass quickly and before I knew it, she would be on the plane and in the air. But it's painfully obvious. The time is ticking away excruciatingly slowly. Almost taunting me. Can I really go on this way? I mean, can I really navigate throughout my days without her? After everything that's happened this summer.. everything that's happened in the last ten months really. How did I let myself get to this place of feeling so incomplete without her? How did I allow myself to become so enthralled by another person that I have almost no idea how to survive without them? I shouldn't have to, though. I shouldn't have to put myself through hell when all I have to do is .. be with her. Why do I need to pause my love? I don't want to do that. I know, I know its only a few months until her first break but that feels like a lifetime! I don't want to wake up every day without her. I don't want to be without her period.
"Ms. D?" I heard. I looked up to see the students staring at me. "I'm sorry, yes?" "That was the last student. Are you okay? You don't look too hot." The young girl said to me, I hadn't caught her name. "Umm, yes. Look over your syllabus." I simply said as I grabbed my purse from underneath my desk. I went to the door and opened it. Going next door, I gently knocked before I opened the classroom door. "Sorry, Mrs. Atkins. Can you keep an eye on my class for just a second?" I asked the older woman. She had a look on her face as if I've disrupted her in the middle of something major when I'm sure this was only a planning period for her. "Sure." She said as she followed behind me. The next thing I knew my purse was slung over my shoulders and my feet were dragging me down the hallway. I had no clue what I was doing, actually. It's as if my mind and feet are communicating with one another without my knowledge. The next thing I know I'm walking into the front office. "Hi, is Mr. Nguyen in there?" I asked the secretary. "Umm, yes but he's about to go to a meeti.." I nodded and walked to the back office, knocking twice before entering. "Ms. Dandridge, hello. Everything alright?" He asked me. I ran my hands through my hair. "Umm, I ..I have to go. I'm sorry." He stood then, "Don't you have a class right now?" "I.. yeah but.." "Can't it wait until the end of the day? You have to cover your classes." He spoke. Fuck me. This man always gives me so much shit. I remember the one day I took off for Charlotte, he didn't let me hear the end of it. He's an asshole. "I'm sorry, you don't understand.. "No Rosalynn you don't understand. It's the first day of school and I need you here. So please, get back to your class." He sat back down in his chair. I looked at the clock then back at him. "You know what. Yeah, I quit." He looked up at me. "Excuse me?" I took a few steps back. "I. Quit." I heard him calling behind me as I walked through the office to punch out. Ignoring the looks I was getting from bystanders in the office.
I proceeded to haul ass out of the front entrance and into the parking lot. I knew it would take me at least 15 minutes to get to the airport from here. "You're fucking nuts." I said aloud to myself. I don't know what the hell I'm doing but I can't stop myself. I started up the truck and peeled out of the parking lot. "Okay, Ros. So, this is what we're doing huh?" I couldn't believe I was about to go after this girl. I came to my first red light when I finally took a full breath. I just quit my job. What in the actual fuck. I can't seriously be doing this. The light turned green and I proceeded down the road. My mind was racing and I started to feel by body shaking. I need to pull over. I came up to a convenience store where I decided to pull over. I put the car in park and broke down in tears. I held my face in my hands as I shook uncontrollably. I used my car play to dial Liz. Her kids don't start until tomorrow so I'm hoping she answers. After a few rings she picked up. "Hey girl." She said into the phone. "Liz." I spoke. "Hello? Ros, you there?" I cleared my throat. "Liz, I don't.. I don't know." I could barely speak. I couldn't stop crying. "What's going on, why are you crying love?" I shook my head, "Tell me I'm not crazy. I think I'm crazy." "Why do you say that? What's happening?" I checked the glove box for tissues so I could wipe my face. "I just quit my job." "What?" She gasped. "Well why the hell did you do that?" "It wasn't planned! I literally didn't even know what I was doing until it happened. Like, I literally was just sitting in my class and thinking about Charlotte and how I don't want her to go but I know she has to. But I don't want to be without her so I somehow ended up in the office, telling him I quit and now I'm..." My voice died out. "Not you're what, Ros?" I sighed heavily. "I was driving to the airport to go be with her."
The line went quiet. I'm sure she didn't know what to say. "Liz like.. I wish I could describe in depth the ball of knots in my stomach right now just thinking of her leaving and not seeing her for months. I'm like, shaking right now. And I feel stupid too because I'm fucking thirty and I'm chasing behind an eighteen-year-old, ready to give up my entire life like.. I'm crazy, right?" I finished panting. "You aren't crazy Ros. You're just in love." She sighed. "I think you've finally found a healthy relationship after being in a somewhat tumultuous one and you don't want to lose that. You've found someone who treats you amazingly and that genuinely cares about you and your wellbeing and despite her age she checks off everything on your list. So, I mean, yeah, I get it. You guys have spent a lot of time together and I think your feelings have grown so fast and so strong you almost don't know what to do with them. I don't think it's irrational for you to want to run after her like some romcom but I just reallyyy want you to know what you're doing. And if you're absolutely sure this girl is it for you then I say fuck it. Go for it." I couldn't help the smile on my face as I thought about our relationship over the last ten months. Things have surely progressed quickly but I can't imagine myself with anyone else. "Yes.. she is so it for me." She softly laughed, "Then go forth my butterfly. Spread your wings." I looked at the clock on the radio seeing I had twenty three minutes before takeoff. "Okay, I gotta go If I'm going to make it." We hurriedly got off the phone and I pulled out of the parking lot to tail ass to the airport.
I pulled my car up to the first open spot I saw, grabbed my purse and jumped out. I tried running into the building when a man approached me, "Miss, you cannot park there you need to move your vehicle." He said. "I know, I know just give me a second please." I checked my watch seeing the time dwindling down. "No! You cannot park here! Move your car!" This guy.. I took in a deep breath. I don't have time for this shit. "You know what." I started, "The woman I love is about to board a flight in the next 12 minutes and I need to get to her. Tow the fucking car." I finished as I pushed around him. That's just something I'll have to deal with later, screw it. I ran to the closet ticket counter I saw.
"Hi, excuse me I need a ticket for the 10am to New York. Please." I tried to catch my breath as he began typing on the computer. "Ma'am that flight has already began boarding." He told me. "So there's no seats left??" I asked. "There is, but.." he looked at the clock behind him. "Im not sure you're gonna make it to the gate in time." I bit my lip. My mind is so clouded right now. The easiest thing to do would be to just let her go but I can't. I just can't. "I'll risk it. Please." The man nodded and asked for identification and payment and I was thankful he was going as fast as he could. He printed out a ticket for me, told me what gate it was and wished me luck. I checked the time once more seeing I was down to six minutes. I had to move.
I began running through the airport like a mad woman. 'Excuse me' and 'Im sorry' was flying out of my mouth left and right. But of course as my luck would have it, I felt my heel break and I stumbled to the ground. "Fuckkkk." I screamed out of frustration. Then I lost it. I took off my shoe and sat there in the middle of the floor and totally lost my shit. Crying my eyes out because I feel like im in over my head and with time running out there's nothing more I can do. "Ma'am? Do you need assistance?" I looked up to see a man on one of those cart things that drive through the airport. I wiped my eyes, "Im not going to make my flight." I told him. He got out of his seat to help me up. "What gate?" I handed him my ticket and watched as he looked over it. He looked at me for a moment. He pulled a walkie talkie form his waistband. "Have they closed the gate on flight 2107?" We both waited for a response, I bit my lip nervously. "Not yet had a mishap but group three is boarding now." He looked at me, "You're group 4. Hop on, we can make it." I grabbed my shoe off the ground and ran around to the other side. We took off down the halls swerving in and out of people. "Thank you so much, really." I told him over and over. "We're almost there." I kept my eyes open and alert looking out for Charlie as we got closer, praying she hadn't borded yet. We rounded one last corner and its as if God himself or herself personally made sure she was still standing in line to board.
"Charlotte!!" I yelled out. She looked up from her phone and looked behind her until her eyes found mine, a confused look on her face. I jumped out of the cart, turning to thank the man. "I can't thank you enough honestly." I took out whatever cash from my purse and gave it to him. "Thank you, thank you." I turned around and looked at her. Broken shoe in hand, I limped my way towards her. "Rosalynn what on earth are you doing here?" I took a deep breath, "Baby I tried. I tried so very hard to be okay with you leaving. I tried to get through work but all I could think about was you. Charlotte I dont want there to be months in between us seeing each other. I don't.. I dont want to be without you, it physically hurts me to even think about not waking up next to you or even in the same damn city." She just stared at me. "Group 4, now boarding." The woman called out. Charlotte looked back at the gate before turning back to me. "Ros.. I dont want to leave you, you know that. But I have to go." I nodded, "Yeah, yeah I know. Thats why I'm.. I'm coming with you." She raised her brow, "What?" I looked over to see the line slowly dwindling down. "I quit my job today. I walked out and I think I just lost my car too but the only thing that matters is me being with you. I'll.. i'll get an apartment in the city or something. You can still stay on campus and I wont get in your way, you can still have your full college experience but I can see you on weekends, and your birthday. I dont know.. maybe im crazy and maybe you dont even want me to go with you, maybe you need space and thats okay if you dont Charlie but I just had to come and let you know how I feel and.. and if you just need time by yourself I'll understand I just love you and — "Marry me." She cut me off. My heart stopped beating and for a second I felt it fall to the pit of my stomach. "Wh..What did you just say?" I asked her, my voice barely above a whisper. She grabbed my hands and held them as she looked me in my eyes. "Marry me, Rosalynn." She repeated. I couldnt believe what I was hearing. I took my hands from hers as tears began falling from my eyes. I took a few steps back, "Dont.. dont say that Charlotte. You dont mean tha... you dont mea.." I took a second to swallow the lump in my throat. "Thats not funny. Please dont hurt me like that.." I would simply die if she was only joking with me. I began biting my lip so hard I felt like I would draw blood. She took two steps closer to me, "Final boarding call for flight 2107, any remaining passengers please board at this time." The woman announced again. Charlotte wrapped her arm around my waist and pulled me into her. "Im not letting you board that plane as only my girlfriend. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. Of course I want you with me! Rosalynn Elise Dandridge will you please marry me?"
"We're about to close the gate." I heard the woman say to us. Charlotte had a stern look in her eyes that I had only seen once before so I knew in that moment how serious she really was. My lip quivered uncontrollably and my heart was beating out of my chest. But I've never been so sure of anything in my entire life. "Yes." I said. Her eyes widened, "Yes? Yes?" I nodded my head, "Absolutely yes." She held my face in her hands and kissed me so deeply. In those seconds the world stopped spinning. My heart beat slowed and the anxious feeling in my stomach subsided. My eyes flew open, "Charlotte the flight!" She quickly grabbed my hand and rushed me to the door just as the woman was about to close it. "Please let us board! Im so sorry, see we just got engaged and it was sort of unexpected but we're really happy and we really need to board and -- "Its fine." The woman said cutting Charlotte off. "Congratulations." She smiled softly and held the door open for us. "Thank you so much." I told her as Charlotte dragged me onto the plane. Charlotte found her seat and as fate would have it, the seat next to hers was empty. We slid in the seats and buckled in as the flight attendants went over the safety instructions. Charlotte grabbed a hold of my hand causing me to look at her, "Are you sure love? About everything? You really want to marry me?" I looked down at our intertwined hands and smiled softly. I knew I had never been so sure about anything in my life.
"With every part of my being." Her smile widened and she leaned in and kissed me. I didn't know what would happen once this plane landed. I had no plan as of yet. I didn't know what would happen to my belongings here. But I knew I was going to marry this girl. And that's all that matters. Our love is all that matters.
The End 🩷