VEGAS
Being born and raised inside the Theerapanyakul family, Vegas sure have been through a lot. When Pete’s car left, he stood at the entrance for a couple of minutes before one of his bodyguards suggest that it would be better if he waited for Pete inside the house, where it was cozier and safer. Now, sat in one of the comfortable arm chairs that were displayed around the common area on the first floor, and with a cup full of whiskey in one of his hands, Vegas caught himself thinking about all the situations where he was left being truly nervous. About the time when he needed to hold a gun for the first time, when he killed for the first time or when he felt like, whenever was the situation he was in, was going to end up terribly wrong.
But it didn’t matter how much he tried to remember, the first situation that came to his mind was always the same: the day when Pete fainted in his room. Vegas didn’t knew Pete that well back then. On those days, Pete was nothing but a little distraction to him, a little pet that he could do whatever he wanted to. But, at the second he entered his room and saw Pete on the floor burning with fever... that was the first time where his heart pounded hard inside his chest. The first time he felt true fear and guilt. And now... now Vegas wasn’t feeling that different from that day. Now, he saw Pete as his best friend, the person who would bring calm to every storm that he might got himself into and that person was possibly in danger and there was nothing he could do about it.
Since Pete moved in with him, Vegas always had him near his sight, always making sure that Pete was safe, happy and healthy with him. If he was being honest, he knew how much Pete missed his old bodyguard days sometimes, but, secretly, Vegas felt relieved that he didn’t worked as one anymore. That could be a selfish thing to think, he knew, but it was the truth; the simple thought of Pete being in danger or getting hurt was already enough to make Vegas feel on edge.
Now, sat in the middle of an empty room with only the tick tack sounds coming from the big clock above the main stairs, the hours, the minutes and even the seconds with Pete gone felt like eternity to him. Was he going to be insane before Pete comes back?
He took a generous sip from his drink when his cellphone rang. Kinn’s name appeared on the screen and Vegas almost forgot how to breathe.
“What.” Vegas managed to say.
“Where are you right now?” Kinn’s voice was calm, but straight forward.
Vegas felt chills on his spine as the first thought that crossed his mind was that Kinn was calling him to tell that something went wrong with Pete and Kim during the meeting with Yìchen.
“At home.” He said quickly. “What happened?”
“You remember that Pete asked Arm to search for Ha Jun’s family whereabouts, right?”
“Yes.” Vegas almost felt dizzy when a tiny wave of relief hit his chest. “He found something?”
“Well, he wasn’t able to find that much since – as we already suspected – they probably aren’t even registered as citizens. We don’t even know if his wife is actually Chinese or not.” That was true. With the heat of the moment, Vegas didn’t ask details of Ha Joon’s life before killing him. He kind of regretted of it now. “I didn’t say anything sooner because I didn’t want the focus to be out of today’s meeting, but I contacted one of my father’s old contacts inside the Chinese police and I found some things that can be linked with his family.”
“And what did he find?” Vegas asked while pouring more whiskey inside his cup.
“Four years ago, they received an anonymous complaint about an old crematory being used at night time. The current activity was scaring the neighbors that thought it could be linked with drug dealing or gangs activities. When they got there to investigate, they found something weird. First, there were enough evidence that the cremation furnaces were recently used even after the whole place was shut down a few years ago. Second, the place was registered as being property of a man that is currently on the police station missing people’s list. But what truly got their attention was the amount of human and genetic material there. Enough to believe that the whole place was being used by someone to get rid of bodies.” Vegas frowned while Kinn spoke. “Among the evidence they collected there, they found a tag partially burned. The tag belonged to the Children’s Cancer Hospital in Shanghai, where the Huàng Family Manor is located. Does that recall you of something?”
“Ha Joon’s daughter.” Vegas answered.
“Bingo.”
“But why would they be so reckless about it, though? I mean, if you want make bodies disappear and cover your own doings, you can’t be that dumb to the point to leave that many evidence behind.”
“True. But at the same time, I think about our own experiences in the past.” Kinn started again. “You remember why grandpa always told us to never let an important package being delivered without our very own eyes on it?”
“Because people can always mess things up when those are not a real concern for them.” Vegas answered, remembering his father’s words, those who were learned with his own father before him. “You think they personnel were too confident to make sure things were well covered.”
“Why not? Yìchen always acted without having to face any consequences. He has the authorities in the palm of his hands.”
“Apparently not the way he thinks.” Vegas said.
“Well, kind of. The case was passed to another department and he never heard about it again.”
“Yìchen probably was involved on that matter.”
“I don’t have the slightest doubt of that.” Kinn said. “Arm tried to access the Hospital records from the last ten years to see if we could identify the girl and her family by seeing their records of surgeries involving transplants, but a lot of it was missing. It was like they simply vanished all of sudden.”
“But I guess you didn’t give up there.” Vegas said.
“Arm never does.” Kinn confessed. “I contacted our officer again and he said he would investigate and would return to me in a few days. But guess what...”
“He died.” Vegas was more than sure that his answer was the right one.
“His body was found this morning and it’s all over the news there. ‘A Police Veteran that took his own life after being discovered to be involved with organ trafficking’. The newspaper is in my hands right now”.
“Do they know our involvement with him?” Vegas asked a little anxious. After all, if the people who killed the man knew about his link with Vegas’s family, Yìchen would have to know as well and that could mean danger to Pete.
“No. Every time we talked; Arm would delete any evidence that he contacted anyone outside China.” Kinn reassured. “The thing is that we lost the only contact we had there; at least the only one that could actually give us something about Ha Joon’s family. But, to be honest with you, I don’t think they’re still alive, Vegas. These people can fake evidence whenever they like, maybe what Ha Joon was seeing as proof all these years was fake.”
“I didn’t expect them to be.” Vegas confessed. “Especially after I killed him. But I saw them as an opportunity to have some kind of access to Yìchen and his family.”
“I know.” Kinn took a deep breath on the other side of the line. “But we still have the family who lives in Chumphon, maybe they know more about this whole business chain in Jiangxi.”
“Pete was planning to go there anyways to visit his grandparents. We can talk with them and see what they know about it.” Vegas said.
“I was thinking about a trip to China as well.” Kinn said. “After all, we can discover more being there than counting on other people to do the investigation for us.” Kinn’s tone was different than usual, Vegas could almost feel the tiredness on him. “I mean, the Huàng family is literally the only thing stopping us from carry on with our initial plans for the family. So, the fastest we resolve this, better, right?”
Before Vegas could say something else, Ping, one of his personal bodyguards entered the bar carrying a thick folder with him. He placed the folder on the nearest table where Vegas was sat and bowed to him to show respect. That afternoon, while Pete was getting ready for the meeting, Vegas asked Charlie to gather all the information they had about the newly hired personnel and ask someone to bring to him. They were doing a whole investigation among their staff to make sure that no more unpleasant situations like the one in Ekamai would happen in the future.
“Tell me when you set a date to go there.” Vegas said to Kinn. “I would like to go there too to see things for myself.”
“Okay.”
“I have to take care of some things now.”
Vegas hung up, immediately picking up the folder from the table.
“Charlie said you requested those.” Ping said. “Wouldn’t be better to go through it inside the office, Khun Vegas? Here is kind of too exposed.”
Vegas took the rest of the whiskey inside his cup in one go and looked at Ping with a puzzled look on his face. The alcohol was starting to kick in and he was already feeling hot and less troubled on his mind, even if his worries about Pete were still persistent.
“Tell me one thing, Ping.” Vegas demanded.
“Yes, Khun?”
“How long do you work for me?”
“20 years, Khun Vegas.” Ping answered.
“In those 20 years have you ever had even the slightest thought that it would be a better deal to be with another family? Perhaps even earn more than you do with us?”
Ping, who was still facing the ground beneath his feet to show respect towards Vegas figure, quickly raised his head to look directly at him with a startled expression on his face.
“What?” Vegas questioned smirking. “Can’t you answer that simple question for me?”
“I never thought about that, Khun Vegas.” Ping said. “I would never betray the family who took me in one day.”
“Besides the fact that you feel grateful towards us, what’ s the other reason, Ping?” Vegas asked. “You can tell me. I’m not gonna be mad at you...”
Ping stared Vegas for a while. Vegas was known for his tricky questions, his ways of trapping someone into its own words before killing them with a good purpose to waste a bullet inside his gun on someone’s head. That night, Ping was seeing a partially drunk Vegas, worried about his boyfriend, stressed and pissed with his own personnel and annoyed with the way his plans were changing without his control. Of course Ping was scared.
Anyone on his place would be too.
“I-I know what the family do with traitors, Khun Vegas.” Ping answered like saying that was shameful. “I know there is no forgiveness besides death to treason inside the Theerapanyakul Family, Khun.”
Vegas smiled at that answer.
He took his revolver from the holster on the inside of his suit and showed to Ping, who was doing his best to not tremble in front of him while looking at the shining weapon that was being showed proudly to him. With careful and slow gestures, Vegas took five of the six bullets from inside the cylinder, spinning it and putting back into its place right after; with a sadistic smile on his face.
“I’ll go through this folder carefully.” He started. “Without paying much attention about how many days I’ll take to analyze everything. Once I finish, I’ll ask you to call one by one of the people I choose and we’ll play a game. Okay?”
Ping gave a good glance at the revolver and then at Vegas’s face. His whole expression lightened up with realization before he bows again.
“Alright, Khun Vegas.”
“You can go now. I would like to wait for Pete here.”
***
Vegas didn’t know exactly when he fell asleep. He was reading the files inside the folder when suddenly everything went dark; he didn’t know if it was due the alcohol that he kept drinking or if it was due the exhaustion he was feeling as the hours went on.
But he knew he dreamed.
During that little amount of time he spend sleeping while seating in the armchair, he dreamed about Pete. On his dream, Pete was sleeping by his side; his beautiful eyes closed, his thick, long eyelashes slightly brushing his red cheeks while he slept soundly and comfortably by his side. He looked at Pete’s soft black hair and how it was messily spread against the white pillowcase, a view that only Vegas was allowed to see every morning. The way Pete would always open his eyes and smile with them as soon as he saw Vegas by his side, the way his shining red plump lips were always looking very inviting to a morning kiss. The way the sun creeping through the small crevices of their room’s curtain would reflect its light on Pete’s smooth skin and how amazingly it smelled every single morning. On his dream, he felt that he was complete, that his heart had nothing else to desire besides that. That feeling, that view, that person beside him...
Then, Vegas opened his eyes when a familiar hand touched his cheeks that were hot and red because of the whiskey.
“Were you drinking without me?” Pete’s voice filled his ears and Vegas’ s heart trembled.
He quickly got up from the chair where he was sat, ignoring when the alcohol dizziness hit him and took Pete on a tight embrace, allowing himself to bury his face on Pete’s neck and breathe his scent while feeling his heart flutter with relief as he could feel the hot tears fill his eyes. Pete only laughed when he hugged him tighter and pulled him to sit on his lap, falling against the chair once more, with unusual clumsy movements.
“Looks like someone is drunk.” Pete said smiling.
Vegas smiled and – without him noticing – the tears left his eyes, running down his hot drunk cheeks while he stared at Pete’s smile. Carefully, his boyfriend whipped them down with his cold fingers against Vegas’s skin and kissed both of his cheeks.
“I don’t think you’ll want any of the guys see you like that...” Pete teased like he would always do when he was trying to lift Vegas’s mood.
“Fuck them” Vegas said fiercely. “Are you okay?” was the only thing that mattered for him at that moment, while scanning Pete’s figure with his eyes. “Are you hurt somewhere? How the meeting went?”
Pete grabbed Vegas’s face with both of his hands and made him look to own face. Only then Vegas realized that his heart was pounding fast inside his chest and he was breathing much faster than usual.
“Calm down.” Pete demanded. “I’m fine. The meeting was... difficult, but I’m here, right? Besides, we were able to convince him enough.”
That was great news for their business, sure, but honestly, Vegas couldn’t care less about the meeting. They could all gather to discuss that in another moment; the only thing he truly cared about was that his boyfriend was there, alive, safe on his arms. That was all that mattered to him.
Vegas was about to hug Pete again when he saw a band aid that was placed on Pete’s neck and that thing surely wasn’t there before. He frowned while caressing carefully the pale skin around the little bandage.
“This is nothing.” Pete said before Vegas could even ask what happened. “Just a little tiny scratch. I promise you that I’m fine.”
Vegas traced Pete’s neck up and down gently, while looking at Pete’s eyes. He frowned and pulled Pete closer to him, kissing the pale skin around the band aid, absorbing Pete’s scent there and the hotness that emanated from there. Then, he placed his thumb on Pete’s cheeks and rested his lips on Pete’s, kissing him gently like if he put too much force on him, he would break and fall apart on his hands. Pete’s lips were sweet and slightly cold, which made Vegas want to warm them up; after all, he knew that every time Pete got nervous, his hands, lips and feet would turn instantly cold - just one of the little tiny things he learned about Pete after months living together. Vegas closed his eyes and tightened the grasp on Pete’s neck while bracing the feeling of relief from having the love of his life there, on his arms, safe and sound.
He slowly parted their lips apart and pressed the thumb that was caressing Pete’s cheek and placed it on his lips, feeling the skin underneath already warmer than before.
“You have no idea of how awful it felt not having you here with me and not knowing if you were okay or not.” Vegas said while resting his forehead against Pete’s.
“Hey...” Pete said while holding Vegas’s waist. “I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere.”
Vegas felt his chest getting hot and hugged Pete one more time on a desperate need to feel that his presence was real. That the moment wasn’t just a feverish dream he was having. They stayed like that for a while with only the warm sensation between them in the middle of the silence of the room.
“I want to feel you.” He whispered beside Pete’s ear. “Just to know that this is real... that I’m not dreaming about you being here safe in my arms...” Vegas felt a familiar lump starting to grow in the middle of his throat. “Please...”
He could actually see the skin on Pete’s neck tingling.
“I’m all yours...” Pete whispered back. “To only you to keep...”
PETE
Pete felt suddenly hot all over. Since he left the house to attend the meeting in Nonthaburi, there was a cold feeling starting to build on his core. He knew that a good part of that was because of the news he learn just before leaving and the rest of it was coming from the anxiety that the moment brought.
During the meeting he felt anxious and scared; his mind was a mess of thoughts and the only thing he desperately needed was the feeling of Vegas’s touch on his back to soothe him and calm him down. During his old times being a bodyguard, Pete attended countless meetings, got in the middle of countless dangerous situations. In some of them he was alone with Kinn or Khun Korn and in others, the whole team was with him. But, truly, whoever was with him or not, in the past, it didn’t matter since he was confident enough to be calm during all kinds of situations that his work would brought to him. Or so he thought. The real deal was that before he didn’t actually had nothing to loose; it didn’t actually matter if he dies or not. Now, he had a family waiting for him to get home and that feeling... that feeling left him scared for his own life most of the time. He just couldn’t afford leave them alone like that anymore.
Once he entered his home and saw Vegas sleeping peacefully by the main common bar, just the mere sight of him got Pete feeling like crying, but he held back his tears and forced a smile before wake Vegas up. He was feeling the angst of not being able to get his own thoughts and feelings together, but that wasn’t the moment for tears, he thought, but still, when Vegas whispered on his ear and Pete covered his boyfriend’s mouth with his own, one tear dared to left his eye.
“Are you okay?” Vegas asked as he felt that Pete was crying, his hands caressing Pete’s back just the way he wished so badly a few hours ago.
“I’m just happy to be here with you.” Pete said. That was true, not all the truth, but a good part of it. “I love you, Vegas. You know that, right?”
That phrase was something that Pete was more than used to say to his boyfriend now. But, in that moment, he felt like he meant it more than any other time he said that to him. Those words were like a silent request for him to stay, to not leave if things went wrong, to always be like that, like his safe space. It was a silent please to not change ever... to keep both of them like that no matter what happened. And by that, Pete immediately thought about the big elephant in the room that only him knew about its presence.
Vegas smiled and pulled Pete to another tight hug. The hands that were caressing Pete’s back went slowly towards the hem of Pete’s pants, playfully messing with his belt. Vegas’s lips that were once kissing Pete’s shoulder fondly, were now kissing the skin of his neck in a provocative way, making Pete feel his cheeks going red and his face getting hotter by the second.
“I love you, Pete.”
Pete grabbed Vegas’s face and stared at his shining black eyes for a moment. Like he wanted to memorize every feature of Vegas before closing his eyes and gave himself away to him. With his fingers he caressed Vegas’s cheeks that were hotter than usual because of the alcohol, then he placed his thumb on Vegas’s lips and watched he close his eyes, relaxing his face expression in a silent way to say that he trusted Pete more than anything. Pete caressed his soft hair – that was a little overgrown - and kissed both Vegas’s closed eyes. It was on these moments that Pete could see how fragile Vegas actually was. How childlike his expressions were, how open and soft his heart was and how he easily handed himself on Pete’s hands every time he would simply ask for it.
He smiled with that thought. On how amazing it was for him the fact that Vegas was his.
Pete got closer and covered Vegas’s lips with his own, tasting the bitter taste of whiskey and the smoky smell that the cigarettes usually left; he explored his boyfriend’s mouth with his own tongue, tasting every silent word that Vegas wasn’t able to say to him yet, but that he knew by heart just by being with him.
“I want you to show me that tonight then.” Pete said while parting their lips apart. He got close enough to the point their lips almost touched again. “How much you love me...”
Vegas looked at him for a moment and Pete knew he understood, his eyes sharp.
Every time they had sex, they found a way to showing their love for each other with movements, words, pleasure... they never done it one single time without love. But Pete’s request was not literal. He wanted to be gentle that night, to enjoy Vegas’s presence, to feel it and see that he was real. That night, he didn’t want it to be rough or purely pleasurable; he wanted to feel every second tick by, every movement made with care.
“Okay.” Was everything Vegas said.
Pete fixed his position to be sat with one leg at each of Vegas’s side, gently moving his hips forward, feeling Vegas’s arousal starting to make its appearance through his trousers. Pete smiled and kissed Vegas one more time on his cheek, while letting him undo his belt. His eyes were glued on Vegas’s face as he would stare at Pete with pure amazement, without stopping the movement of his hands on Pete’s belt. Pete grabbed his hands – when he was just about to remove the belt - and kissed each palm, with passion, before getting up and walking away just to get a proper view of Vegas. His legs were spread on the armchair as they were making space to accommodate Pete there, his eyes were still locked with Pete’s and his mouth was slightly open, like he was confused with why Pete got away so suddenly.
At that, Pete laughed. He loved to see Vegas confused like that; it was a cute sight for him.
“Come back here”. Vegas demanded with a smile on his face, the type of smile that would turn Pete’s legs into jelly.
Pete watched with a fierce look while Vegas got up quickly and walked towards him with nothing but confidence on each step he took. Pete smiled and started to walk slowly backwards with the buckle of his open belt dangling around while Vegas slowly approached him with that smile on his face. Pete only stopped when he felt the bar’s counter on his back.
Vegas got so close that Pete could feel his breath on his own nose. His boyfriend gave him a devilish smile and pulled Pete up, grabbing him by his under thighs, supporting all his weight, and placing him on the counter, while Pete tangled his legs around Vegas’s thin waist. Vegas movements were subtle, but bold as he started to lick Pete’s neck, making him tighten the grasp around Vegas, moaning low while Vegas finally removed Pete’s belt with one strong pull.
Pete gasped, already breathless, burning with the need of friction on his entire body.
Then, Vegas moved to his trousers button, then proceed on pulling his underwear down to reveal Pete’s arousal, all of that while filling Pete’s neck and cheeks with kisses, making him laugh and giggle. Pete couldn’t do anything but move his hips forward and dig his nails on Vegas’s back hard while his boyfriend would grab his cock and start to massage it, slowly at first and increasing the speed as the seconds went by. The smell of alcohol and Vegas’s perfume filled Pete’s nose, making him blind with pleasure. It didn’t take long for Pete to throw his head back when he was washed with pure bliss while coming on Vegas’s hand.
Vegas only looked at him with a mischievous expression on his face, like he was saying “Already, huh?”. Pete hated that fucking gorgeous expression so much.
Pete could feel his toes curling inside his shoes as Vegas lowered himself, without taking his lips out of Pete’s skin, kissing his neck while Pete would unbutton his shirt clumsily to make way for Vegas’s kisses on his chest. Pete closed his eyes hard when Vegas bit the parts where his belly would do little folds, making his skin tingle and when Vegas started kissing the inner parts of his thighs, he saw stars with his eyes still closed. Vegas grabbed Pete’s thighs firmly while wrapping his hard member with his mouth, making Pete bite his own lips to prevent himself from making too much noise as he slowly laid down on the balcony.
“Vegas...” He said with his eyes tightly closed.
Vegas’s mouth was hot around his hard member and he could feel his tongue caressing carefully there, while the world was spinning around him. When Vegas got up again, he kissed Pete with passion while grabbing his hands and locking their fingers together, reassuring his presence to him.
“Everything okay?” Vegas asked a little breathless between the kisses.
“I need...” Pete was too drunk on his own pleasure to even be able to finish the sentence. “Vegas...”
Pete gasped and bit his lower lip hard when Vegas suddenly placed one finger into him, exploring Pete’s insides while preparing him to the thing he wanted the most. Their kisses were getting hungrier by the second, and Pete could feel that familiar pain when Vegas introduce another two fingers in. Then, Vegas parted his lips from Pete’s just to look at his face, all contorted with pleasure. Pete just couldn’t believe in how much he loved when Vegas’s biggest goal was to give him pleasure before anything else.
“Damn...” He said with his voice hoarse from desire. “You’re beautiful, Pete... Like, impossibly gorgeous.”
Pete pulled him to kiss his lips one more time while Vegas entered him slowly, gasping while Pete tighten the grasp on his waist, pulling him closer, wanting to feel him even more close. Wanting to feel as much as Vegas as possible, like he had spent days without his touch, without his smell and without his presence. Their fingers were locked together again while Vegas move inside Pete, trying to reach his breaking point with the hunger that Pete was more than used to see on him.
Vegas’s movements were patient, slow and full of care.
That night, they were making love with each other, saying the words that were trapped on their throats through their actions and movements, looking at each other as the other was the only one on each other’s worlds.
Perhaps they really were.
“I love you, Pete...” Vegas said before filling Pete with pure hot pleasure. “Very fucking much.”
***
Pete hated hospitals.
Perhaps that hate began due to the time where he got admitted when he was a kid, after breaking his arm while playing with his childhood friends or maybe the time when his grandma got sick and he stayed with her at the hospital for over a week.
To be honest, the reason why he hated hospitals so much didn’t actually matter, but the fact that he was waiting, nervously, again on that scary waiting room while having the same feeling he always did whenever he was inside of a hospital... that was a clear fact.
He closed his eyes and let his head fall against the cold wall behind him, while listening to the ever going beeps, the doctors chatting, the other people there talking with their beloved ones... letting all the sounds carry his mind far away from there while the tiredness he’s been feeling finally took over his body.
When Pete woke up that morning, Vegas was already gone to work.
But, unlikely most mornings where he would feel sad seeing his boyfriend already gone, that morning, Pete felt relief. Sure, it was the type of relief that comes with a strong feeling of guilt, but still was relief. During the time they were laid on their bed, hugging each other right after having sex, Pete thought about telling Vegas that he was pregnant, but every time he would open his mouth, his voice would refuse to leave his throat. And because of that, even feeling Vegas’s presence there, feeling him touch his skin, feeling Vegas kissing him occasionally here and there, Pete couldn’t help but feel suddenly alone.
While Vegas was asleep, Pete silently debated with himself and decided that he would fix things that morning. First, he needed to learn about his situation and know about what options he had; only then he would be able to decide what to do about the whole mess he got himself into. During the night, Pete caught himself placing his hand on top of his flat belly, wondering if that was really truth. And if it was, he wondered if the kid there could feel the doubt that was growing so big inside his chest that he was left almost unable to breathe through it.
So, when he woke up and saw that Vegas was out to work, he quickly got up, took a quick shower and dressed himself with one of Vegas’s black hoodies, grabbing a black cap and putting on his head before getting out of his room and running down the stairs with his cellphone in one hand and the plastic bag where the test was in the other. If one of his friends saw him dressed like that, they’ll probably say that Pete was looking like one of those thugs from the movies, trying his best to not be recognized. As he walked fast through the hallway heading the stairs, he got some puzzled looks upon him as the bodyguards there surely found his whole behavior, at least, weird.
But, if they thought something about it, Pete couldn’t have known since they didn’t comment anything.
“Where are you going?” A familiar voice behind him asked when Pete was about to enter the garage, where Vegas’s cars were parked. “And why are you dressed so weird?”
Pete turned to face Charlie, who was already on her uniform that early in the morning. She had a black mug of steaming coffee in one hand and he holster with two guns in the other, like she was about to place it on herself.
“I’m going out.” Pete said a little nervous, even if himself thought the feeling was pointless when it came to Charlie. “I have a couple of things that I need to solve before my day starts.”
It wasn’t a lie though. The night before, on their way back home, Charlie asked Pete about the test and he was straight honest with her. The test came back positive, still he decided to go to a place where his life was in danger all the time they spent there and he was already freaking out too much to hear about what other people would think about his situation. Charlie only nodded and they kept silent until their car arrived home.
“You want me to go there with you?” She asked with a sympathetic look that made Pete think if it wouldn’t be better to bring her with him. But, at the end of the day, that was something that he needed to deal with alone. “If I was on your shoes right now, I wouldn’t like to be alone.”
Pete felt his heart sink inside his chest. But he only forced a big smile and shook his head.
“I feel better in solving this mess alone. But I’ll call you if I feel like needing someone.”
“Are you sure?”
No.
“Yeah! I can deal with this.” Pete said more to himself than to her.
He knew that Charlie wasn’t buying his fake positive attitude, but she was also very respectful when it comes to other people’s personal space and business. Even of she didn’t believe on him, if Pete was telling her that he wanted to be alone, she would let him be.
That was all the conversation they had before Pete get himself into one of Vegas’s cars, starting the engine with the destiny already on his mind. After all, he said to himself that he would fix things that morning.
A few minutes later, Pete was back at the same place where he had been a few weeks before, tossing the plastic bag on his hands while his mind was debating with him whether would be a good idea or not to get in. But the debate didn’t last too long, after all, he didn’t had exactly all the time in the world to wait until he gathered enough courage to face his situation. Soon enough he would have to deal with it, one way or another.
With a deep breath, Pete got himself into the emergency room, where Macau was brought in a few weeks ago. Now, he understood why Vegas’s brother didn’t wanted to be attended at the family hospital. It was full of bodyguards and other family members who could question him or even report themselves to Vegas, asking why Pete was all alone in the hospital asking to see someone about his current state.
No, that wasn’t a good idea at all.
The place was exactly like it was a few weeks ago and the same nurse was sat at the reception’s counter, typing on her computer while reading from a paper that Pete guessed it was some other patient medical record.
“Good morning.” Pete said with a lower tone that he was intended to.
The woman raised her head and smile at him. Pete felt a bit less ashamed with that smile; it was the kind of smile that warms you up inside and make you feel better already. He remembered about the time where Vegas commented something similar about Pete’s smile and he wondered if he indeed left people feeling like that every time he would smile at them.
“Good morning!” She greeted him back. “How can I help you?”
Pete looked around a bit nervous. The emergency room was not that calm as the other day. The beds were a little crowded and there were nurses and doctors walking around talking with each other while holding medicines, syringes and tones of medical records.
“A bit crowded today, huh?” He pointed.
She smiled politely, but a bit confused on why Pete was doing all the small talk before going straight to the point on how she could help him with.
“Oh... yes. It’s usually like this on weekends where people tends to go out more to drink...” She said. “So, why is the reason of your visit today? Don’t get me wrong, but we’re in kind of in a rush here today; as you can see...”
“Oh! Sorry, sorry.” Pete said, feeling his anxiety rise again. “Hmm... I would like to talk with a doctor, please... hmm...”
She looked at him with an even more puzzled look on her face.
“May I know why is the reason why you want to talk with a doctor today?”
“It’s a bit complicated... hmmm...”
What was he doing?! He wasn’t that slow on the daily basis. Pete was a grown-up man that was trained his whole life to think fast with logic and always be straight forward with his thoughts and wishes. Then, why in heavens his brain felt like it was being replaced with a huge potato?
“I’m sorry.” He said, trying to start over. “I’m usually not that slow. I was here a few weeks ago with my brother in law and we were attended by doctor Sing. Now, I have a little emergency and I would like to talk with him about it, since he’s the only doctor here that I know...”
“Well, Dr. Sing is a trauma attendant, just for you to know.” She explained to him with a kind expression on her face. She looked around and back to Pete. “Would you like to go to a private place? That way you can explain to me and I can find a better way to help you with your little emergency.”
Pete felt dizzy. He squeezed the plastic bag on his hands and nodded at her without saying a word.
“Here, come with me.”
She guided him to a small space at the corner, behind the reception counter. The place had a table and two chairs alongside with a small curtain that was used to give more privacy to who was inside.
“This is the place where we usually do a first evaluation on the patient to determine what kind of emergency he has.” She explained while seating in the chair. “If he’s walking and talking fine, of course.” She signed to him to sit as well. “So, can you tell me about your emergency?”
He didn’t said anything. Instead, Pete juts handed the plastic bag to her, with shaky hands. Actually, he hasn’t said out loud to anyone yet, so he didn’t know how to explain his situation to the total stranger right in front of him. Even if the nurse has been nothing but kind and patient with him, it was still a little hard for him to talk about it.
The woman carefully grabbed the plastic bag and took the little zip lock bag with the positive test inside of it. She gave a good look for a few minutes and then looked at Pete with the same kind face as before, with no judgements or reprove.
“Is that yours?” She asked.
Pete only nodded while biting his lower lip.
“Okay.” She placed the test back on the plastic bag and looked at Pete again. “For this kind of situation, I would recommend you to see Doctor Taya; he’s our emergency obstetrician today. I can page him to let him know that he has a patient waiting for him. Would you be okay with it?”
Pete nodded again. He was acting like a lost kid, he knew. But, on his current situation, he didn’t knew a better way to react than that one.
“Good.” She said smiling. “I would like to do a little examination on you, just to check your vitals so I can pass it to Doctor Taya, is that okay?”
“Yes.” Pete said.
***
The nurse, whose name was Lina, checked his heartbeat and his blood pressure, taking a blood sample right after. By the end of it, he was sent back to the emergency room, but this time, to wait in one of the chairs there. Pete opened his eyes again to stare at the light-blue hospital bracelet that was placed on his wrist by the nurse. There, on black capital letters was his name with the “obstetrician ward” above it.
He looked around, trying to swallow the already familiar wave of nausea that he was having every morning now. The fact that he left home with an empty stomach was not favoring him at all on that. Pete took the cap off and fixed his hair a bit while grabbing his phone with his free hand.
Still no messages from no one in the house. Thank God.
“Pete?” A familiar voice called his name and he froze for a while.
Pete raised his head slowly and saw the familiar face of Doctor Sing looking at him with a bright, but tired, smile on his face. Differently from the last time Pete saw him, the doctor now had some dark circles under his eyes and his beard was starting to grow into a need for a shaving. In one hand he had a medical record and in the other, a cup of steaming coffee.
“Is everything okay?” He asked. “Are you accompanying Macau again?”
“You remember about us?” Pete asked a little surprised.
Doctor Sing laughed.
“Well, it’s not every day that a Theerapanyakul comes to our hospital instead the one that belongs to the family.” Dr. Sing said and Pete frowned.
“So, you knew who we were all this time. I mean, about our family and such...”
“I think that it’s pretty impossible for someone who lives in Bangkok not know who you guys are. Your family name is all over the news pretty much every week.” When Pete remained silent, internally cursing at himself for being so dumb, Dr. Sing smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder. “But don’t worry. I believe a lot in something called ‘doctor-patient confidentiality’. I’ll not tell the first reporter about your visits here; after all, there must be a good reason for you to come here today and not to the family hospital. Am I right?”
Pete felt more relieved with Sing’s words. Doctor Sing calmly took a seat by his side, groaning while stretching his legs. It was quite funny, actually.
“I thought you were busy with the other patients today.” Pete said. “And no, I’m not with Macau today.”
“You’re here, right? I believe that also makes you a patient that also needs my attention.” Pete smiled at that; a little bit ashamed still. “So, what happened?”
Pete just offered the arm with the bracelet on it towards Dr. Sing direction. The other man looked at it with attention, but his expression didn’t changed. Just like the nurse before, there wasn’t a surprise look, neither a judgmental one.
“Should I say congratulations?” He asked while taking a sip from his coffee.
“I don’t know.” Pete confessed. “I don’t feel that congratulate with this.”
“Are you here all by yourself?”
Pete laughed a little at his own disgrace.
“Nurse Lina, you and a close friend of mine are the only ones who know about it.”
“I see...”
Before Doctor Sing could say anything else, a loud voice called Pete’s name, dragging their attention to another man who was standing by the reception counter. He was also wearing a blue scrub just like doctor Sing. There was a stethoscope dangling around his neck and he was holding a clipboard on his hands.
“Good luck.” Doctor Sing said calmly. “Don’t feel afraid to ask all the questions. Dr. Taya might look a little intimidating, but he’s a sweetheart.”
Pete nodded confidently. Or at least tried to do it so.
“Okay.” He said. Thank you... especially for not telling.”
Doctor Sing only nodded towards him with while clasping his hands together to show Peter respect.
Pete stood up with his legs trembling and started to walk towards the doctor who was patiently waiting for him. At the second that doctor Taya saw that he was the patient being called, he opened a big smile towards Pete direction.
“Good morning, Mr. Saengtham.” Dr. Taya greeted him. “I’m Sataw Khemkaeng, but you can call me Taya if you want.”
Pete clasped his hands together and bowed to show respect. Doctor Taya had a calming voice, very much different from his appearance; it was the first thing Pete noticed about him. Compared to Pete, Taya was much taller and had much more muscles than him, which, at first sight, could be seen as something intimidating. He also seemed foreigner with his blond hair seeming freshly cut and his big eyes that were a dark shade of green.
“Are you alone today?” He asked. The question – asked for the second time – made Pete think that it must be very uncommon to pregnant people do this type of things alone for the first time, but he wasn’t offended or anything else by it. “Don’t feel obligated to have someone just because I asked.” Dr. Taya added as he could read Pete’s thoughts. “It’s a common thing to came here with someone but it can also happen to be alone. Whatever is your case today, that’s totally fine.”
“I’m alone today.” Pete said.
“Like I said, that’s also okay. Are you ready?”
Pete nodded slowly, not being that sure if he really was.
“Follow me, then. I want us to have more privacy.”
Pete followed doctor Taya through the slightly crowded place where the beds were, passing by a lot of patients and other doctors on their way. Even if he was almost sure it was something coming from his own mind, Pete couldn’t help but feel he was being watched as he passed. Like the people around him knew about his “dirty little secret”; that made him want to put the cap back on, so he did it quickly.
Doctor Taya led him to a small room by the end of the hallway, turning left, where other rooms with other doctor’s names were displayed there.
“Depending of the emergency, I like to see my patients here.” The doctor explained. “It’s more private and quieter as well.”
He opened the door and made sign for Pete to get in first. Inside the room was a little too cold because of the air conditioner; on the walls, were hanged various frames with anatomic pictures, baby pictures and documents that Pete judged to be licenses granted to Doctor Taya. There was also a bed in the corner, right beside a scan machine and a table with three chairs by it, one in one side and two in the other.
“You might sit, please.” Taya asked while easing himself on his side of the table. “So, Mr. Saengtham, I see that the reason of your visit today is due to a positive pregnancy test. Is that right?”
“It is.” Pete confirmed, a little anxiously.
“I took the liberty to make a blood test to confirm it, since it can be quite normal to get false positives on those pharmacy tests.”
For a moment, Pete saw a faint light by the end of the dark tunnel he was in since he found out about his condition. Maybe it was a false positive?
“The results also came back positive, as I suspected since the lines on your test were pretty strong. So, you’re, in fact, pregnant.”
Even if he already knew that, hearing that being said out loud was at least terrifying. Pete felt his whole body shake and his thoughts suddenly seemed to stop on his head. It was a feeling quite similar to the one he felt when he inside the ambulance that night, holding Vegas’s bloody cold hand. Like the ground beneath his feet had suddenly disappeared.
He was glad he was sat down to hear that.
“O-okay.” He said and his voice came out hoarse.
“This type of news can be a little difficult to hear sometimes, I understand that.” The doctor carried on. “So, I would like to know if you are feeling okay before I continue.”
Pete only nodded, a little numb from all the emotions he was feeling all at once.
“Okay. So, Male pregnancy is relatively new on medical studies; we know a lot already, but not as much as the usual female pregnancy, since the first case was reported only fifteen years ago in Japan. Because of that, those types of medical currencies need a little more attention than the ‘usual’ ones. But I don’t want you to worry about the quality of your treatment here today, okay? I’m an obstetrician specialized in male pregnancies and emergencies, so you’re in good hands today.” His voice was calm and soothing, despite all the scary information he was delivering all at once. “Based on your hormone levels, I would say you’re ten weeks along, but I would like to take an image exam to confirm it. Is that okay to you?”
“I-I guess so...” Pete said.
“Don’t worry, it’s a painless exam.”
Pete knew that. He had taken image exams before, but the possibility of seeing what was growing inside him was at least... scary.
Doctor Taya stood up and walked towards the bed in the corner of the room and Pete did the same. He didn’t quite know how he was being able to stand and walk when he could barely feel his legs, but he managed to do it anyways. He sat on the bed while waiting for the doctor.
“Can you lay down for me?” The man kindly asked.
Pete obeyed.
“I’ll lift up your hoodie to get a better space, is that okay?”
Pete nodded. The doctor put a pair of blue gloves on and grabbed a few paper towels from a little box that was hanging on the machine support. He tugged a few between Pete’s lower belly and the hem of his trousers.
“So, just for you to know, I’ll be putting some gel on your lower abdomen’s skin that might feel cold.” He explained. “Then, with this thing here...” Doctor Taya grabbed the transducer and showed it to Pete carefully. “We’ll be able to see the fetus, okay? Feel no obligation to look at the screen. If you desire, I can turn it so only me can see the image.”
Pete bit his lower lip. Despite being scared as hell, he was also curious to see how things were inside there; deep on his mind, even if he wasn’t ready to admit just yet, he was also curious to know if the kid was alright or not.
“It’s okay.” He said shyly. “You can leave it like that.”
The doctor nodded and squeezed the little gel bottle, putting the cold blue gel on Pete’s lower belly, making his whole skin tingle with how cold it was.
“Okay... let’s see.” He said to himself while sliding and gently pressing the transducer on Pete’s belly. “There we go...”
Pete was staring at the celling at first, his heart pounding fast inside his chest. He could feel his palms sweating and his hands shaking with anxiety. Deep inside his mind, there was a debate to decide if he should look at the little screen or not; if it was a good idea or not. Finally, after taking a deep breath, he moved his head to the side to stare the little screen. First, he looked at the doctor, who was silently pressing some buttons on the machine while looking concentrated at the screen in front of him, like he was taking notes or something. Pete was kind of glad he remained silent and didn’t try to force some kind of weird ice breaking conversation with him; he needed that silent more than he first thought he would. Then, he glued his eyes on the screen and the first thing he felt was... confusion. There was a mess of colors between black, white and gray and some weird kind of hollow spots here and there.
Pete frowned.
“Here...” Doctor Taya pointed at the screen. “You see this little white thing riiiight there?”
Pete nodded. It was little, but not weird. He couldn’t explained that well, but it was like a familiar vision to him.
“This is the fetus.” The doctor explained. “Like I suspected, it’s about ten weeks old. It might be little, but it’s very well developed already.”
Was that what it was inside of him during all this time? That little tiny thing there? Pete felt a sudden lump on his throat and an unfamiliar hotness starting to build inside his chest. That little thing there was a small part of him combined with a small part of Vegas too and that thought... Pete didn’t know why, but he felt the strange urge to protect whatever that was; the feeling, the thought, the kid itself... it was everything pretty much wholesome to him. How a tiny little thing that caused nothing but annoyance and anxiety to him for the last few weeks could, all of sudden, cause so much protective feelings on him with just a single footage of it.
“Is it... okay? I mean, it’s not sick or in a bad shape, is it?” Pete asked a little confused still. “I mean, I discovered about this yesterday and before I didn’t... I mean, I was probably drinking and smoking ten weeks ago...”
Doctor Taya laughed calmly. Judging the way he was acting, Pete could tell that that scene probably happened a lot of times inside that room and in front of him. Doctor Taya was probably more than used with the confusion, the shy questions, the lower tones and the shaky hands and sweaty palms. Pete didn’t know why, but the though made him feel a little safer there.
“It is, don’t worry too much. Most of the people who came to the hospital after finding out they’re pregnant, usually didn’t had a change of bad habits before. What is really important is that, if they decide to keep it, they start a healthier life from now on.” He answered. “But the fetus is fine. It has the beginning of what we know to be legs, arms, a head, the spinal cord and even a heartbeat.”
Heartbeat? Really? Already?
“Are we able to hear it or is it still too soon for that?” Pete asked more confidently this time.
“We can hear it if you want, sure.”
The doctor pressed up a button and the room was filled with the weirdest noise that Pete ever heard on his life. It was noisy and fast, but he could identify the distinct sound of a heart beating.
“Is a little faster than our hearts normally beat, but that’s completely fine for fetuses that young.” The doctor explained the question that was trapped inside Pete’s mind. “With a little bit of time, the heartbeat will normalize to the one we’re used to hear.”
“That’s... not too bad then.”
“Well, I already had all the information that I needed from the exam.” Pete could see that the doctor was being cautious with his own words. “But if you want to see it for a bit more time, I can print the image for you.”
Pete was surprised with the statement, sure. But he was even more surprised with his own will to see the tiny little white thing for a bit longer; just to memorize its traits before the doctor finish the exam. So, without thinking too much about it, Pete only nodded in agreement and the doctor smiled at his reaction.
He gently took the transducer off his belly and the screen went immediately black again and the sound disappeared as suddenly as it began before. Pete felt a little disappointed at that, but didn’t said anything.
“You can clean yourself now.” Taya explained. “And we can go back to the table and talk a bit more, is that okay?”
“Yeah. Thank you.”
Pete raised himself into a sitting position and, with a weird extra care, whipped off the reminiscent of the gel on his belly and fixed the hoodie to cover his whole torso again.
“So, as a doctor, I need to explain to you what your options are this far of a pregnancy, okay?” The doctor said when Pete eased himself back on the chair. He simply nodded. “Even if the fetus is ten weeks along already, abortion is still an option for you. You don’t need to rush to have an answer now; you still have a couple of weeks before this option becomes off the table.”
The doctor calmly opened the drawer on his table and took from there a little flyer and handed to Pete. On the orange paper, Pete could read the tittle “Abortion” in capital letters; he didn’t realize it, but he instinctively placed his free hand on his stomach.
“You can read this and cease any doubts you might have on how is done, if it’s painful or not... the most common doubts people usually have about this topic.”
“O-okay.” Pete swallowed hard and took his eyes off the flyer, feeling a little overwhelmed. “And... what would you say if I planned to keep it?”
“Well, if that’s the case, I would start explaining to you about prenatal care that you would have to take and all the changes that you need to make in your life on this initial moment.”
“Can you...?”
Doctor Taya smiled at Pete and nodded.
“For starters, it comes multivitamins and folic acid. Both of them are very important for pregnant people, especially if we’re talking about the beginning of pregnancy. They are necessary for the fetus development and the pregnant health; so, you should definitely start to taking these.” When Pete only nodded, he carried on. “Then, I strongly recommend to stop any drinking or smoking habits that you might have. And that also includes being around people when they are smoking as well.” The doctor grabbed Pete’s file again and gave it a look. “You see, during early pregnancy is very common for the pregnant person to lose weight, since you have to deal with food aversion and nausea. But, from what I’m seeing here, your weight is a little lower than I would like it to be. So, I also strongly recommend to you to pay more attention on your diet as such as what you eat and the frequency that you eat in a day. I would not recommend to you to skep meals at all.”
“Okay...” Pete said a little hesitant. “Is that why I’m not showing anything yet? Because of my lower weight?”
“Well, it can be. But the thing about showing earlier or later really depends on each person. I can see you have a muscular body, so it might take a little longer for you to start to show.”
“And what happens after?” Pete asked. “I mean, where do I go from here?”
“If you decide to carry on with the pregnancy, you can book another appointment when you reach twenty weeks, that, of course, if you don’t feel anything out of the usual stuff. And by usual stuff I mean fatigue, nausea and the other symptoms you might be experiencing...”
“About those...” Pete interrupted him. “Are there any ways to not feel them as much...?”
“Well...There are a few tips that I see my patients doing for ease the nausea, for example. You can drink ginger tea. It’s natural and it seems to do wonders for your stomach and the nausea as well.”
“O-okay.”
“Another thing that is really important here is exercise. It’s good for your health and for the fetus as well when you exercise, but lightly. You work?”
“I mean... I used to work as a bodyguard before and I kind of still do some activities regarding this job...”
“Well, if those activities bring any risks on falling or hurting yourself, I definitely recommend that you stop doing them.” Pete frowned at that. “By exercising lightly, I mean that you can go on walks, you can work out as well, but without heavy weight, you can do some stretches exercised as yoga, for example. That kind of stuff.”
“I-I see...” Pete said while thinking about any rough exercise he practiced for the last ten weeks. Then, he suddenly remembered about the night before, feeling his cheeks going red almost immediately. “Hmm... what about... you see... ahmm... sex?”
Pete could see that Doctor Taya was doing his best to not smile at his question, so he was a little bit grateful at that. He felt like he was a teenager going through puberty all over again; with the weird questions and the increasingly shame inside his mind.
“Sex is allowed.” He started. “As long as you don’t put too much pressure on your abdomen. But if you have any bleeding, pain or unpleasant discomfort during it, I would strongly suggest to stop and look for medical help. But besides that, sex is allowed.” Doctor Taya smiled kindly to him. “Any more questions?”
“No... I don’t think so.” Pete said. “At least, I can’t think of anything else to ask.”
“That’s okay. You can look for me here if anything – and I mean anything – happen. And you can also ask more questions on your future appointments.”
Before Pete could say anything more, there was a gentle knock on the door, followed by the same kind nurse that examined him earlier. She was carrying a white envelope on her hands and she silently handed to Doctor Taya with a smile on her face.
“This is the picture I told you about before.” The doctor said while handing him the envelope. “You can bring it home with you.”
Pete nodded and took the envelope, feeling strangely satisfied with the possibility of being able to look at his kid again. But, despite the strange good feeling inside his heart, he was also divided. He came to the hospital that morning decided to fix things, but the only thing he was truly able to do was to feel even more confused and doubtful on what the best choice would be. Even if Pete didn’t want to admit just yet, the idea of giving up of his kid was... disturbing to him. After all, he didn’t quite know what it was, but there was a feeling for the little tiny white blur he saw that day.
The only thing was that he wasn’t sure if Vegas was capable of feeling the same.
So sorry for the long wait! I’m back at work, so it’s a little bit difficult to have time to write now, but I won’t give up, don’t worry! About this chapter, I put a lot of effort into it so I hope you guys like it.
This chapter has a bit of explicit sex scene, so be advised! Feel free to comment and to give me suggestions! I hope you enjoy, see you soon 💜