I got out of the car and leaned against the door. I pray that this day won't be as bad as the previous ones. Liv came back to town and gave me a lecture on what I need to change in my life. Yeah, I already know that drugs are not the solution. I understood it even better on Wednesday and I don't want to go into it anymore. Seriously. I don't want to feel it all again.
I also suffered on Thursday. I had to walk to school, because my car was still there.
I put a cigarette in my mouth and lit it. What a relief. I don't know how I would have survived in school without smoking. Probably I wouldn't.
A familiar car parked next to me. Oh. It's Sam and Tara. I guess it will be awkward. Our relationship got weird. When I greeted her yesterday, she ignored me. I said "what's up Tara?" and she walked away like I wasn't there. It was cruel, actually. People usually don't reject me. I don't want to be friends with her of course, but I really wanted to act kind. She helped me when I needed someone. I could even say that she saved me.
Now that she got out of the car, our eyes met. I smiled weakly, her face didn't change. She turned back. Nice. Fuck it. I wanted to be nice but she doesn't seem to care at all. Why did i even try?
I'm still looking at her, meanwhile Sam is killing me with her eyes. I feel it. Calm down bitch. Maybe she also threatened Tara not to come near me? Anyway, that's not important. I don't care about Tara. We don't have to talk. I can live without it. She means nothing to me.
The girl walked towards the school and as she entered, Sam got out of the car. Oh god... When she was close to me, I swallowed hard. I'm mostly not afraid of anyone but this is fucking Sam Carpenter.
What if she found out that her sister is no longer a virgin because of me?! She's gonna kill me! Should I throw away my cigarette and start running?
— Chill Freeman — she said — Do you have a cig?
I didn't answer, I just took the package out of my pocket. She took one and put it in her mouth.
— Fire?
I handed her the lighter still saying nothing.
— I know what you did.
My eyes widened and I looked around for help. There are only cunts that wouldn't help me.
— You could leave this junkie era. Seriously, three days of getting high in a row?
I feel a little relieved. She don't know about what happened a week ago.
— Yeah... you right — I said in a strangled voice — I'm gonna stop.
She rolled her eyes and laughed a bit. Of course she isn't believing me. I don't believe in my words either.
I'm smoking a cigarette all the time to keep from saying the wrong thing.
— Why did Tara help you? — Sam asked suspiciously
— You should ask her.
— I did. I just came to make sure you remember our conversation.
Even without it, I wouldn't be talking to Tara anyway. She still annoys me, nothing has changed. When I'm sober, I can't stand her.
— I do. Don't worry — I said and threw away cigarette filter
— When it comes to you, there's a lot to worry about.
— And who's saying this?
I fucked up. Maybe I shouldn't upset her. I messed up Tara's life, and Sam's sick, so if she found out, I'd be dead.
— Excuse me? — Sam straightened and lower her eyebrows
— No, no. It doesn't matter. I have to go. Bye Sam.
I walked to school very quickly. I will avoid Sam like a fire. I want to live a little longer. Especially today because Mindy and Chad are throwing a party. I decided to go. Who knows, maybe I'll finally finish Tuesday's business with Mindy? I would love to. Sex with her was always good. It's one of the few things, that we can understand each other in.
Walking to my locker, I passed Wes and Tara talking. He's looking at her with those eyes as if nothing else existed, but she's not even looking completely in his direction.
Her eyeballs shifted to the left and found me. I winked at her and she immediately looked at Wes. I smirked and opened my locker. As I took out the books I needed, my phone vibrated. My mom texted me. She sent me photos of the hotel we are going to during the spring break. I don't want to go honestly. Every year we go somewhere with my parents' friends. They have business together. A business for me and their daughter to take over. When I was younger, it excited me but now I can't imagine working with Jill Roberts. I have no idea how I will survive these five days.
...
The twins party keeps getting better and better. Many bottles are already empty. The football players got into a fight, some girl was throwing up behind the house, others are already talking on the terrace about life. I haven't seen Chad and Liv for a while so they must be in his room. Everything is going as it should.
I'm drunk enough to have fun. We are playing "7 minutes in heaven". By "we" I mean me, Mindy, Wes, three cheerleaders, two boys from the basketball team, some geek and my classmate Aiden. Tara didn't want to play, so she's sitting on the couch staring at her phone. She was ignoring me all night. When I came to the same room she was leaving. When I said something she acted like I don't exist.
When after ten minutes the bottle didn't choose me, I gave up. I really wanted to go to the other room with someone, but I hate waiting.
— Ok, play without me. I need to smoke — I said and stood up
I looked at Tara, who already had her eyes on me. I wanted to tell her to take my place, but she turned away. I really have to stop trying. She clearly doesn't want me to talk to her.
— I suddenly felt the need for nicotine too — Mindy said
Tara's head quickly turned in our direction. I smiled and looked at Mindy. I know what's about to happen.
— I'll give you a cig.
— Perfect. Let's go.
We walked to the door and when I opened it for Mindy, someone appeared next to me.
— I need to smoke too — Tara said
I was surprised but refrained from commenting.
— Tara you hate smoking — Mindy told her and gave a sign to leave us
The short girl ignored it and left house with us. We stopped by the garage and I offered the girls a cigarette. I gave Mindy a lighter, she lit her cigarette and exhaled smoke at me. I took my lighter back and turned to Tara. She put a cigarette in her mouth and I lit it. She looked me in the eyes all the time. I like the way her eyes sparkle when she's drunk. I was surprised when she didn't choke. I also lit my cigarette and leaned against the garage.
There is an awkward silence between us. Tara examines me with her eyes and Mindy is staring at her with anger. She's probably pissed that Tara ruined her plans. Come on Mindy, it's not that big deal.
God, I love smoking when I'm drunk. One of best feelings. Tara looked at Mindy and raised her eyebrows as if she didn't know what was going on. I'm slowly feeling uncomfortable here.
— So, are you having fun? — I asked them to break the silence
Tara nodded and Mindy put her hand on my shoulder.
— Yes. But I'm sure we'll have better fun upstairs — she said and she slid her hand to mine
I didn't let her tangle our fingers. I took my hand back and put it in my pocket.
— I don't know. I'm not really in the mood for it today.
After that, I looked at Tara, who calmly exhales the smoke through her mouth. She's looking off into space and looks like she's about to explode.
— Come on Amber...
Tara looked at me as if in warning. What the hell is her problem?
Mindy put her head in the crook of my neck and started kissing it slowly. I let her, even tilted my head back. Tara didn't break our eye contact, but her expression has changed. She's smoking her cigarette calmly, showing no emotion. She is just looking at me. This irritates me a bit, but it's also interesting.
— Stop it Mindy — I said finally
The girl pulled back and looked at me annoyed.
— Fine. I'm going to find Anika.
— Good luck — I said and winked at her
I watched her go, and when she was gone, I turned to Tara.
— Since when...— I stared but couldn't finish
I felt pressed against the garage with Tara's lips on mine. I immediately dropped my cigarette and started kissing her back. Jesus Christ, what just happened? Why did she kiss me? She ignored me just to kiss me now?
Fuck, her lips are so soft. The smell of alcohol and cigarettes makes it even better. Plus it's mixed with her perfume. Some people would be turned off by it, but it actually drives me.
When I tried to remember what her kisses were like, I didn't even think they were that good.
She slowly bit my bottom lip and placed her hands on my shoulders. I grabbed her face and pushed her away. I need to check if she even understands what's going on.
She is looking at me with her mouth opened a little. Tara's breathing heavy and I am smiling. She looks like she wants to. I think I want it too.
— I am here to dominate — I said
I spun us around and pinned her to the garage. She kissed me quickly and greedily, but I controlled her. I slowly sucked her lips to soothe the kiss. What is happening is wrong and should definitely not be happening.
I pulled away a little to look into her eyes. She has her arms around my neck now and I am cupping her face. Fuck this is sick. What if someone saw us like that? This would cause a scandal.
— I liked that kiss. You're great at it, but your sister is crazy and she hates me. I won't risk my life for you.
I let go of her face and moved away enough so that we weren't touching. Tara licked her lips and then clenched her jaw. She looked down and I shrugged. I wiped my mouth with my hand, then turned to go to the car.
I don't want to go back inside. Mindy's probably hitting on Anika on the couch and the rest of people will annoy me. Tara had probably already run to Wes. I'll just sit in the car for a while. I have to sober up.
I opened the door and got in the back. I checked my phone but nobody special texted me. I got a lot of notifications about added posts that I'm tagged in. They do not delay reporting the party. I've seen a few, I look great in all of them.
I put my phone somewhere nearby and sighed. Why did she do it? What tempted her to complicate her life again?
— It was better when she was ignoring me.
The door on the other side suddenly swung open and I jumped because of shock. Tara got fast into the car.
— Fuck Sam. I won't tell her.
I'm staring at her and I don't know what to say. She got closer and grabbed my jeans. I opened my mouth slightly and sighed.
— Come here.
I pulled her onto my lap and put my hands on her hips. I grabbed the collar of her blouse and pulled Tara into a kiss. I immediately put my tongue in her mouth. It doesn't seem to bother her. She's running her hands over me as if I'm the only thing she wants. Finally she placed them around my neck and calmed the kiss down a bit.
— Are you sure you're not making a mistake? — I asked when I moved my head away from her
— This is a huge mistake, but I want to make it.
I kissed her again and she started moving on my thighs slowly. God. She's fucking turned on. She is returning my every kiss and is trying to take control. I slid my hands under her shirt and ran my fingers over her delicate skin. She tensed under my touch.
— You want me? — I asked
— I do.
— I thought you hate me.
– I do — she said convinced
— And that's what makes it all better — I smiled and I kissed her jaw
Then I sucked on her neck and finally I reached her chest. I quickly took off her blouse and tossed it to the front. I put my head between her breasts and started leaving kisses here, my hands are discovering her glutes through her pants.
I ran my fingers up her back until I reached the clasp of her bra. I quickly undid it and Tara slipped it off. I pulled away for a moment breathing hard and began to analyze the view in front of me.
— You are beautiful.
I licked my lips without taking my eyes off her. Tara got up on her knees. She looked me in the eyes and unzipped her pants. I bit my lip waiting for her next move. This is the Tara Carpenter I never knew. She took my hand and slipped it into her pants. I can feel how wet she is.
Did someone switch bodies with her? This isn't the Tara I know. But did I ever actually know her?
— You sure? — I asked and I started to massage her pussy through her panties
— Yes — she whispered
As soon as she agreed, I quickly put two fingers inside her. She moaned loudly and she leaned towards me.
— You good? — I asked, nuzzling into her neck
— Yeah — she hissed
— Move your hips forward and backward.
Tara moved back and began to moving on my fingers. I leaned in to play with her nipples. She is breathing harder and harder. When I gently bit her nipple, she moaned. I leaned back and grabbed one breast with my hand to massage it.
If someone had told me two weeks ago that I would be in this situation with Tara Carpenter, I would have punched them. For real.
I didn't take my fingers out but pushed her to lie down on the seats. I leaned over her, quickly moving my fingers to make her feel good. I can feel her breath on my neck. I ran my thumb over her clit and she tensed even more.
I got to her neck to leave a mark. Everyone will know that little Carpenter was fucked.
— Oh god...
— Thanks, but you can call me Amber — I laughed and I bit my lip with satisfaction
She pulled me in for a kiss. I kissed her for a moment and took my fingers out. She is looking at me breathless and confused. I pulled her pants all the way down. I also quickly took off her shoes and smiled to her. Without saying anything, I just went down her body and threw her legs on my back. I licked her pussy from bottom to top and then sucked her clit.
— Amber...— she moaned out my name
Best thing I heard today, I swear.
I didn't took long for Tara to came on my tongue. She was loud and even pulled my hair from time to time. I looked at her trying to calm down. I got up to sit and leaned on door.
— Did you like it? — I asked
I didn't have to ask, I felt it, saw it and heard it.
She just nodded looking up. She also got and slowly started to pull her pants on. I'm staring at her proud of myself.
— Where is my bra?
— You look better without it.
After this comment, she covered her breasts and started looking for the rest of her clothes. I hooked my finger on the strap of bra and lifted it up.
— Here.
She wanted to take it, but I didn't let her.
— Can I keep it as a trophy? — I joked and she laughed
She rushed to grab the bra out of my hand, but that was unsuccessful. I put my arm around her and looked into her eyes.
— First you have to kiss me.
She leaned foward and placed a short kiss on my lips. I gave her her bra and took my phone to put it in my pocket.
— I'm going to fix myself. See you inside.
I opened the door and got out of the car. I put my hands into my jacket pockets and walked inside as if nothing had happened. I need to wash my hands and fix my hair. I hope it won't be that awkward by the end of the party and at school.
— Where were you? — Liv appeared suddenly — I need to drink with you. I just had best sex in my life.
Yeah, same. Okay, maybe not the best, but one of the best.
— I need to go to the bathroom — I said — I'll find you.
— Wait — she stopped me and looked at my probably smudged lipstick — Did you...
I smirked and Liv screamed a little.
— Who?!
— You don't wanna know. I'll be right back.
— I'm waiting, queen of sex!
I showed her a middle finger and walked into the bathroom. Fortunately, no one is puking here. I looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head. Amber, you idiot...
What the fuck have I just done? I dug my own grave.