Mentions of ED
I audibly yawn, ascending from my mattress.
For the first time in this month, I've gotten sleep.
Sleep that's lasted for more than 5 hours, and the best part is, I didn't have anything haunting me, nothing after me.
Just a well awaited dreamless sleep.
I visibly smile at the newly introduced feeling of energy and satisfaction.
It doesn't count that I used sleeping pills, right?
Not enough to overdose, of course.
I'm not suicidal.
Anymore.
I excitedly hop off my bed and skip towards the bathroom, with a large grin on my face.
It feels so good having energy to do things, being carefree.
Without being high, obviously.
I grab my toothbrush from the side of my sink, squirt a reasonable amount of toothpaste on it and start brushing.
I walk into my walk-in closet and look for a comfortable outfit, preferably one that covers my bruises and scars.
Speaking of which, my bruises are healing, not-so-fast but still getting the task completed, over time.
And my scars.
The shallow ones are slowly closing up, but the deep ones.
No progress whatsoever, making me wonder if I'll ever eventually be able to wear short-sleeved shit without being so.. insecure of them.
I sigh, harshly pushing the invading thoughts to the back of my mind and focusing on the present better things.
I firstly grab some new underwear, then pick out a skirt and a slightly oversized sweatshirt, with slightly transparent tights.
I strip out of my clothes and avoid the mirror on my left, that seems to be desperately calling me.
After dressing, I quietly walk towards the mirror.
I frown at my appearance.
Dark eyebags underneath my eye and a scar across my cheek, a healing one I've been covering with concealer.
I apply minimal make-up, not wanted to overdo, also covering the intense eyebags under my eyes that seem to be expanding over time.
I plaster a small smile on my face and walk towards my nightstand.
I check the time.
7:45am, Friday, no school today.
7-fucking-45am.
My eyes widen, that's the longest I've been asleep in a while.
I instantly think about Stefano.
What would he do?
Thoughts cloud my mind, turning my grin into a frown.
I sigh, pushing the thoughts away, just like how I brought them in.
I approach my door, still with a small smile.
I look okay, I am okay.
I still can't help that lurking feeling that Stefano is still out there, somewhere to get me.
Planning something much worse.
Just waiting for good timings.
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I furrow my eyebrows, slightly concerned that Azalea isn't down yet.
She's normally down before all of us.
"Does anyone know where Lea is?" I ask, allowing my curiosity to take over.
"Uh, no, isn't she normally really early to come down? What if she's been kidnapped again?" Elliot worriedly suggests, earning a glare from Nicholas and Aidan.
Steps slowly come from down the stairs, and judging on how light they tread, I assume it's Lea.
"Good morning," she mumbles, flashing a quick smile at all of us.
A chorus of 'mornings' are said as she takes a seat on the loveseat.
I smile at her and she sends me one back, but no happiness in her eyes.
Instead, anxiousness or anticipation swarms in them.
And I'm assuming she's anxious.
I furrow my eyebrows, in deep thought of what she could be so scared about.
I mean, it can't be us, right?
It could be.
Giovanni's intimidating presence, Aidan's rbf, Elliott's concerning addiction to food, Nicholas' permanent emotionless facade and me.
I'm not sure what I've done, but unlike these animals, I'm self aware with a big-ish ego.
We all have our reasons.
"Breakfast now?" Giovanni's sudden voice booming through the room breaking me out of my flooding thoughts.
Everyone, except Elli who's enthusiastically nodding his head like a guy who's on crack, nods their head normally.
Azalea grimaces at that, probably thinking it went unnoticed.
Not by me though, and most likely not only by me.
Another thing that definitely doesn't go unnoticed is her eating habits.
I know we all stay quiet about it, not really bothering her about it, but it's because we don't want our bambia stressing about us stressing about her.
Maybe she has anorexia, it's the only reasonable cause for this, right?
Except, she wasn't given enough when she was with her kidnapper..
Now I'm thinking about it too much.
She looks okay, she is okay.
Right?
No, she's not.
I don't think she is.
I'm not sure if I'm the only one, but I see directly through her happy display.
She's the furthest thing from fine, she's trying to convince herself she's fine.
Perks of studying psychology.
From the flinching, small smiles, zoning out.
I notice it all.
She's been trying to breakthrough, but something keeps triggering her.
Something or someone.
I notice I'm the only one left in the room.
I look up and see a worried Azalea staring down, gently shaking me
"Are you okay?"
Are you okay?
"Yeah, I'm fine. Azzy, just promise me one thing."
"Sure.."
"Tell me if anything is wrong."
Realisation quickly drowns her expression as the panic submerges.
She nods, clearly lying.
Her eyes widen as she looks everywhere but me.
I fixed a puzzle, I'm missing two pieces.
What's triggering it?
What the fuck happened to my baby sister.
Fucking hell.
I'm being told obvious, way too fucking obvious.
He knows.
"Tell me if anything is wrong?"
It echos, I can't get it out of my head.
The panic submerges.
The panic of someone finding out my most hidden secret.
One that was never meant to get out.
I nod, unable to speak.
He smiles at me and exits the room.
My eyes blur with tears.
I quickly wipe them with my sleeve and go to the dining room, where I see everyone looking at me.
They all know.
No, no they don't.
They look normal, usual.
Not like the knowing look Elijah was giving me.
He knows nothing.
I can't have him know anything.
I keep my head down and quickly walk to an empty seat, blinking away the tears.
No one was supposed to know.
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