𝓒HAPTER NINE.
Love Is A Graceful Journey, But Sometimes, It Can Lead Us Through Rough Terrain. When Facing Problems With Girls Or Anyone, Remember To Stay True To Your Priorities. Love Is Important, But So Is Your Growth, Self-Respect, & Personal Well-Being.
- 𝒥uan Collins
𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐈 | VOLUME ONE.
❝ LA FAMILIA ❞
[ HARLEM, NY ]
Ascending the stairs, they were met with a gruesome scene of bloodstained floors and a lifeless bodies. The injured people on the ground, grappling with bullet wounds across their body, was either attempting to alleviate the pain or grasping for their final breaths. The sight was deeply unsettling. Firearms started to drift towards the exit, and Juan observed Wayne's associate hurrying outside, while guests were fleeing from the rear in a state of fear. Amid the chaos, Juan's primary concern was the safety of Malik, Roscoe, and Jade, hoping they had managed to avoid harm. However, the urgency was to prioritize their own safety, particularly given that he was accompanying Emauni. — After being informed by Sosa that threats were directed at Emauni's life, Juan recognized the weight of responsibility he bore. Any harm to her would be attributed to him, as he was the last seen with her. Thus, caution was of the utmost importance.
"This what we gon' do, you stay here and-" Facing Emauni, who stood behind him on the final staircase, he was met with a profoundly shocked expression. She interrupted him mid-sentence, clearly disagreeing with his proposed plan. "Hell no! I'm not staying here by myself, are you crazy?" In a semi-yelled tone that only he could hear, she expressed her reluctance. Being alone was the last thing she desired. Normally, she would have been surrounded by a team of seven men in situations like this, ensuring her safety. However, in the current scenario, she found herself with only Juan, a man she scarcely knew and was still uncertain about. "You wanna die?" Growing weary of her attitude, he asked her in a serious tone, refusing to tolerate her behavior any longer. He had reached his limit of being caught in conflicts with her, and this was definitely not the opportune moment for such disagreements.
"Obviously not." Responding with a matching attitude, she conveyed her determination while tilting her head slightly. This gesture aimed to emphasize the significance of staying alive, not just for herself but for both of them. A bullet whizzed perilously close to Juan, followed by a gunshot that prompted both of them to instinctively take cover. The gunfire persisted, prompting Juan to make eye contact with Emauni, signaling for her to retreat downstairs before he closed the door behind her. He returned fire in the direction of the gunshots before positioning himself behind the opposite wall and pressing his back against it. His alertness was evident as he vigilantly scanned his surroundings, using the large window to observe the ongoing chaos outside. He witnessed Malik safeguarding Sincere towards a car amidst the exchange of gunfire, the tense situation leaving Juan in a precarious position.
"Psst." Amid the chaos, a voice called out to him. He scanned the surroundings, trying to pinpoint its source. The voice "psst" again, this time from behind an upturned table that served as a makeshift shield. He cautiously shifted his head to identify the person, his grip on his gun firm and ready for any threat. His relief was palpable as he locked eyes with Roscoe. The sight of his brother put his heart at ease, assuring him of Roscoe's safety. Through hand signals, Roscoe directed Juan's attention towards the shooter's location. With a clear line of sight to the gunman's hiding spot, Juan remained vigilant. As Roscoe positioned himself to engage any approaching assailants, Juan continued to watch, prepared to take action if needed. The sound of three cars approaching rapidly filled the air, their engines roaring as they entered Wayne's driveway. The car doors swung open, and a barrage of gunfire erupted from the individuals within the vehicles. The onslaught resulted in more casualties being added to the already grim scene on the ground. The chaos made it difficult to discern whether the attackers were Wayne's associates or their adversaries.
Amid the distraction caused by the unfolding outdoor chaos, the gunman who had been targeting Juan revealed himself, poised to take a shot at him. His gun was aimed squarely at Juan, but before he could fire, Roscoe's swift action intervened. A single shot from Roscoe struck the assailant straight in the brain, causing his body to convulse before collapsing to the ground. The impact of the shot resulted in the gunman's blood splattering onto Juan, leaving bloody stains on his face. "Fuck!" Roscoe rose slowly, his leg visibly injured, as he limped over to Juan. The evidence of his earlier injury was clear, as Juan could see that Roscoe had been shot in the leg. "Shit man, we gotta get you out." Supporting Roscoe by placing his arms around his shoulder, Juan attempted to assist him in walking towards the rear exit. However, his attention was drawn to the open basement door, a sight that was not in line with how he had left it. The realization struck Juan that someone was currently in the basement, prompting him to react swiftly and decisively.
"Someone's in the basement." With care, Juan positioned Roscoe behind a sizeable homemade garden structure that had been set up in the living room. This strategic placement concealed Roscoe from view, ensuring that anyone who might enter wouldn't immediately spot him and allowing Roscoe to remain well-hidden. "What?" Though Roscoe appeared puzzled, he regarded Juan with a perplexed expression, seemingly questioning whether Juan had lost his rationality in considering the pursuit of an individual who had merely taken refuge in the basement. "Emauni's in there." Juan swiftly communicated his intention to Roscoe, loading up Roscoe's gun and replacing it with his own, which had a greater number of bullets. Anticipating Roscoe's potential need for the weapon, he acted without waiting for Roscoe's response. Without hesitation, Juan dashed toward the basement and descended the stairs. As he reached the bottom, he was met with a tense scene: a man was holding a gun on Emauni, who was positioned roughly three feet away from him but still in the center of the room.
"Where is he? Where is Wayne?!" Unaware that Juan was right behind him, the white man yelled at the top of his lungs, his intent clearly to provoke a reaction before resorting to shooting. "Kill me then, because I'm not telling you shit!" Emauni's response seemed to further enrage the man, evident from his deep breath and agitated movements as he marched menacingly toward her. "You fucking little bi-" Just before the man could lay a hand on Emauni, his advance was abruptly halted by a bullet piercing through his stomach. Gasping in agony, he faltered and turned, his trembling hand attempting to aim his gun at Juan while holding onto the bullet wound. In the midst of this struggle, Emauni swiftly reacted, delivering a forceful kick to his knees. The impact caused him to topple backwards, hitting the floor face-first with a groan of pain. "Let it be the last fucking time, you dare to put your hands on me!" Emauni pressed on, intensifying her assault by repeatedly kicking him in the stomach, inflicting further pain. Despite his gasps for air and weakened state, he attempted to crawl away, using whatever last ounce of strength he possessed to distance himself from the ongoing confrontation.
Juan approached Emauni, handing her his gun to conclude the situation. She took the firearm and fired three shots at the man, ending his life. His body lay on the ground, a pool of blood forming around him. Despite the brutality of the scene, Juan couldn't help but be captivated by Emauni's strength and capability. They exchanged glances, the evidence of their ordeal marked by the blood stains on their faces. The intense fight they had shared, during which Emauni had been hit and choked, left her with visible bruises around her neck. Nevertheless, to Juan, her resilience and strength shone through. "Yo, Emauni!" A British accent resonated down the stairs as a man descended, accompanied by a few others. He appeared deeply concerned for Emauni, observing her bruises and noticing the gun in her hand alongside Juan. His gaze shifted to the lifeless body on the ground before he approached her, reaching out to take the gun from her hand.
"What are you doing here?" Surprised by the presence of the man, Emauni inquired with a hint of disbelief. Juan, closely observing the newcomer's features, noted that he bore a striking resemblance to Wayne, albeit taller, younger, and more athletically built. This uncanny resemblance left Juan perplexed, uncertain about the man's identity and his connection to the situation. "Pops, sent me out here for you. He's safe and sound, we had to get him out of here and come back to handle the rest. We couldn't find you, fam. Where were you?" As the man began to recount his recent activities, his gaze scanned the surroundings before settling on Juan. It became apparent to Juan that the man was Wayne's son. This revelation left Juan confused, especially considering that Sosa hadn't mentioned anything about Wayne having a son. The newfound information raised further questions in Juan's mind, making him wonder if there were more undisclosed aspects to the situation.
"I was here, with Scar. He actually helped me." Emauni's gentle touch on his arm conveyed recognition for Juan's actions, implying her gratitude for his intervention. She acknowledged that his presence might have prevented the situation from escalating further. Meanwhile, Wayne's son appraised Juan from head to toe before meeting his gaze once more. His foot tapping revealed his contemplation, as he tried to gauge Juan's demeanor. He ran his tongue over his teeth, pondering what to make of Juan, a figure that seemed oddly familiar to him. "Feels like I've seen you somewhere, can't pinch my nose on where tho." Addressing Juan, Wayne's son spoke with a hint of suspicion in his squinted gaze. The mixed feelings he harbored about Juan were evident, and his curiosity drove him to want to uncover the truth.
"I roll with Sincere, if that's what you tryna' say." Responding to Wayne's son, Juan adopted a confident posture, fully aware that the situation was becoming more complex. He understood the importance of his body language, knowing that any subtle movements could fuel suspicions. Maintaining his composure was crucial as he navigated this tense encounter. "'Mm, aight. I'm Cain, Wayne's son. Pleasure to meet you." Wayne's son extended his hand in a gesture of reconciliation. Juan hesitated for a moment, studying the offered hand before finally shaking it. As they exchanged the handshake, Cain's gaze remained fixed on Juan. It was difficult to discern the nature of his feelings; his expression conveyed neither positivity nor negativity. Juan realized that Cain was much more inscrutable than he initially assumed, and there seemed to be a deep-seated resentment brewing within him.
"Good, I'm happy y'all got to know one another. Now, let's please get out of here." Emauni spoke up before proceeding up the stairs, carefully navigating her steps to preserve her heels. After their interaction, Cain released Juan's hand and made his way up the stairs, gesturing to his associates to deal with the body. Juan respected their space and walked in a different direction, ascending the stairs as well. The encounter made it clear that Wayne's involvement would be challenging with Cain's presence. It was an unexpected turn of events, deviating from the initial plan and lacking any forewarning. Juan understood that the road ahead would be much tougher now. He hoped that his actions might earn him some favor in Wayne's eyes, considering he had taken care of Emauni. Despite the difficulties that lay ahead, he anticipated discussing the situation with Sosa and the group, seeking their insights and guidance.
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❝ — BEYOND THE WALLS
OF INTELLIGENCE, LIFE IS DEFINED.
I THINK OF CRIMES WHEN I'M IN A
NEW YORK STATE OF MIND. ❞
- N.Y STATE OF MIND, NAS.
ALBUM; ILLMATIC. 1994.
[ OPENING SEQUENCE— ILLMATIC I. ]
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During the long ride home, his gaze remained fixed on the stars, which seemed to shine and move in sync with the car's pace. The moon's graceful presence within its circular frame captivated him. Everything around him turned into a hazy blank, resembling a fever dream. Echoing voices surrounded him, while he rested his head against the window, only for a headache to gradually take hold. As his eyes closed and he inhaled deeply, a sense of tranquility began to wash over him. Red flames, fire arms, shootings, screamings, blood, Mya & Jody, building tearing apart, football, little infant. His mind was trapped in an endless loop of memories, replaying scenes relentlessly, almost as if he had regressed to the day his parents passed away. However, everything shifted when Roscoe's reassuring hand landed on his shoulder, jolting his eyes open and pulling him back into the present moment. "You good?"
Zoning out had become a regular occurrence for him, almost like a habit ingrained in his daily life. It was almost unsettlingly normal to experience traumatic flashbacks. However, what truly haunted him was the survivor's guilt, a burden he carried privately. Juan was adept at concealing these struggles, but Roscoe, who himself battled random flashbacks, knew. Those moments when he drifted off, body frozen, weighed heavily on both of them. While it had been more intense during Juan's youth, it had somewhat eased with age. Yet, above all else, it was this very aspect that Juan despised the most. "I'm straight." In a frigid and distant manner, he retorted with a stern tone, causing Roscoe to retract his hand from his shoulder. Roscoe understood not to pry or engage during these moments of exchanged moods. He returned his attention to the task at hand, applying pressure to his leg, which was swathed in a torn tee-shirt.
In that precise moment, they found themselves on the journey back home. Sincere's associates had swiftly located them after Cain resolved the immediate situation. Emauni was sent back to Wayne's location, the farewell rushed and unsaid. Malik had been safely dropped off at Roscoe's place after successfully guiding Sincere to safety ahead of the rest. Malik's primary mission had been ensuring Sincere's security alone, and while Sincere returned home unharmed, the loss of key personnel would complicate future operations. Now, seated in the back of Sincere's driver's car, Roscoe and Juan allowed the driver to steer them towards their destination; home. The weight of today was undeniable, setting the stage for an impending conversation with Sosa to address and hopefully resolve the event that unfolded before them, a discussion they planned to have after school tomorrow.
As they arrived at Roscoe's home, they caught sight of Malik's silhouette moving within the living room. The timing was fortunate since Maria and Carlos were on a night shift, sparing them from witnessing the blood-stained scene that would have undoubtedly triggered panic. What set Roscoe's house apart was the fact that each of them possessed a key, including Malik. It was a shared space, a place that belonged to all of them. "Thank you." Juan expressed gratitude to the driver before stepping out of the car and heading in the opposite direction to assist Roscoe. Following their familiar routine, he gripped Roscoe's arms, counted down, and aided him in standing on his feet, taking into account his limping leg. After closing the car door, they made their way up the porch and entered the house. Malik promptly approached them upon their arrival. "Yo, what the fuck?" Malik's shock was evident as he observed Roscoe's leg injury. Without hesitation, he joined Juan in assisting, grabbing Roscoe's other arm. Together, they guided Roscoe to the living room and gently laid him down on the couch, their combined effort ensuring his comfort.
"Don't worry 'bout me, man. Sincere's sending his help tomorrow morning before school, just gotta keep this shit clean." Malik sat beside Roscoe on the couch, listening attentively to what he had to share. Although seeing Roscoe in such a state was difficult, Malik was thankful for his survival and regretted not being able to offer assistance when it was needed. "Y'all serious about going to school tomorrow?" Even though it felt strange that they were expected to wake up early for school the morning after such an event, it had become their routine. Adjusting back to a regular life after their past experiences was something they had grown accustomed to. "Attendances ain't a joke, too many of 'em and we might not end up graduating. I already got a nice warning by the principal, not taking a chance." Juan opted for a sarcastic tone as he discussed the principal, recognizing it wouldn't be wise to pressure her. Both of them sighed in agreement, acknowledging the accuracy of Juan's perspective.
"Matter fact, y'all seen Jade tonight?" Confused, he inquired about the encounter, simultaneously taking off his shirt and meticulously tidying up, attempting to rid himself of the blood. Despite his doubts, he considered the possibility that seeing Jade might be a hallucination, yet the experience felt undeniably genuine and tangible. "Jade?" Roscoe questioned her sudden appearance with a touch of bewilderment, wondering about her origin in the context. However, Malik appeared to grasp the topic that Juan was referring to. "Nah, I've seen her. She walked in with a man by her arms, he looked older than us tho." Malik proceeded to provide Juan with information, receiving a slight nod of comprehension from him. Juan then settled onto a sofa, contemplating how he could possibly recover from what happened between them.
"Never knew Jade to be that type of girl, surprised she was even there." Roscoe included, his tone carrying a mix of confusion and a hint of disappointment. He maintained his focus on the wound, monitoring the blood loss from his leg as he spoke, the wrapping aiding in applying pressure and managing the situation. "It's not just it, I saw the man speaking to Sincere. He must know who he is, we should get more details tomorrow." Malik concluded his explanation, and both of them concurred on the need for further details. Juan, however, held a stronger curiosity regarding her involvement, recognizing that perceptions of innocence could sometimes be mistaken. He carried a sense of regret for not showing up for her and ghosting her, compounded by the fact that he was caught kissing Emauni. He acknowledged the challenge of repairing it and was aware he needed to find a way to make amends.
The uncertainty of whether she had been injured or left before the events unfolded was evident. Juan's silence, however, triggered overthinking as he pondered various scenarios. Unbeknownst to him, both Malik and Roscoe recognized his uncharacteristic silence, exchanging knowing glances. Eventually, Roscoe broke the silence by posing a question. "Real question tho, where were you with Emauni?" Roscoe's teasing tone prompted a chuckle from Juan, breaking his silence. As they all chuckled together, it became apparent that something had transpired, leading to their shared laughter. "Y'all niggas won't believe it." Juan's statement piqued their curiosity, prompting further inquiries to uncover the details. Their persistent questioning eventually led Juan to start sharing the story of what had occurred between them.
"We kissed, I'm talkin' like nasty ass kiss. As soon as shit was 'boutta go down, she stopped and the same minute Jade walks in, thinkin' she found the bathroom or some." Juan started summarizing the situation, causing both Malik and Roscoe's eyes to widen before they burst into laughter, finding it hard to believe what Juan had just revealed. They realized that the situation was likely more complex, especially since Juan had ghosted her after they were supposed to have a meaningful encounter. This revelation seemed to mark the beginning of some drama in their lives. "That's it?" With a smile on his face, Roscoe inquired further, expressing his interest in knowing more details. Juan playfully scoffed in response, but he was willing to share more information since it seemed to amuse them.
"Nah, Emauni told her off and she left. A huge argument then started when she thought that was my girl, then boom, the shootout happened." Juan concluded his explanation, provoking strong reactions from both of them – a mix of shock and engagement. To Malik and Roscoe, it seemed like Juan had found himself in a complex situation resembling a love triangle. They were intrigued and expressed their readiness to learn more as Juan continued to share stories. However, Juan's demeanor shifted to seriousness as he recalled the more crucial aspects of the situation. "The most fucked up part is that, Wayne got a British son." In a serious tone, Juan shared the information, causing both Malik and Roscoe's expressions to shift in response. The unexpected revelation left them puzzled, as their previous knowledge of Wayne portrayed him as a single man with no children, save for a deceased twin brother, parents living out of the country in retirement, and a niece under his care.
"Nigga what?" Malik's confusion deepened, and he squinted his eyes in response. The British aspect of the situation seemed to be the most perplexing to him. "Swore down, nigga name is Cain and they look just alike." To convince them of the seriousness of his words, Juan even provided a name. The revelation was entirely new to both Malik and Roscoe, and Juan looked forward to discussing this surprising information with Sosa and the rest. "Ain't gon' lie, this whole shit giving me a headache. How 'bout we clean ourselves up, get rid of our clothes, sleep on it, then take care of this shit tomorrow?" Roscoe shared his thoughts and ideas for the remainder of the night with them, his gaze shifting to the clock as he recognized the limited time for sleep. He began to feel dizzy, indicating the need to conclude the discussion. Both Malik and Juan agreed with Roscoe's suggestion, and they all stood up together, assisting Roscoe as they prepared to wrap up the conversation.
"Bro, you heavy as fuck. It's prob' from all those fat ass food you be eating." Malik lifted one of Roscoe's arms and placed it around his shoulder, while Juan did the same with the other arm. Together, they supported Roscoe and moved in unison, making their way towards the stairs."Them bacon, eggs and cheese." Adding to Malik's joke, Juan chimed in, which prompted laughter from Malik. However, Roscoe's gaze lingered on Juan for a moment, then shifted back to Malik, his expression showing a hint of piercing scrutiny. "Loud and wrong, eating pussy will make you strong. You should know that about your sister." Roscoe playfully responded to Malik's joke with a remark he knew could be hurtful. This caused Malik to halt in his tracks, looking at Roscoe with a surprised expression, seemingly taken aback by what he had just said.
"What nigga?" Malik swiftly responded by kicking Roscoe's wounded leg, causing Roscoe to stumble backwards and let out a grunt of pain. Roscoe's arm slipped from around Malik's shoulder, and he hopped onto his other leg while exclaiming, "My leg, my leg!" in a playful manner. "Damn Malik, you ain't had to do all that." With a smile lingering on his face, Juan struggled to stifle his laughter at Roscoe's one-legged hopping. Roscoe picked up on Juan's amusement, prompting Malik to firmly return Roscoe's arm around his shoulder as they continued walking toward the stairs. "Shut the fuck up with that bitch ass smile on your face." Roscoe responded, fully aware that Juan's words were not genuine. This led to both Malik and Juan playfully scoffing before they synchronized a countdown to take their initial steps up the stairs, aiming to assist Roscoe in his hopping.
This served as a significant bonding moment for them, even in the face of traumatic experiences and challenges they encountered. These shared experiences wouldn't hinder their determination. Despite any differences, they were always brothers, bound by family ties. Roscoe fondly referred to them as "La familia," symbolizing their unwavering support for each other. As the outside darkness gradually transformed into a pink morning sky, the sunlight streamed through the windows, casting a shadow of their united figures on the wall. This core memory was worth holding onto, a reminder that moments like these are fleeting, as the uncertainty of tomorrow always lingers.
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©𝐆𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐔𝐃𝐄
PRESENTING; — ILLMATIC I.
𝓒HAPTER NINE.
Nas once said ; Time is Illmatic.
A phrasing to emerge through illmatic. — that death is all around you so you shouldn't waste a minute of your time on earth, while acknowledging that time is always moving forward and it's easy to get stuck in a rut in your life.
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— 08/23/23.