SCARLETT PARKER
Five Years Ago
"So how are things going with you and Harry anyway?" Emma passed me the small-ish bottle of flavored vodka we decided to bring to the party.
I shook my head in disbelief, inhaling my cigarette and holding the smoke in my lungs for a moment. "He's so hot."
Drunkenly so, Emma laughed harder than she would have if she were sober. "I asked how you two are doing, not if you're attracted to him."
"I know what you asked," I laughed back. "He's hot, so I'm happy about that."
As if she needed to look at him to decide for herself, we both watched him toss a ping-pong ball across the table in the center of the yard. His hair was unkempt and long to his shoulders, and I swear he was taller than he was when we met. His T-shirts were starting to fit him tighter in the arms, and his tattoos looked darker on his tan skin.
"Okay, you're right," she muttered in defeat. "But how are things going for you two?"
I smiled involuntarily as he spilled his beer from laughing at something Niall said to him. "We're doing okay, yeah."
"It's been how long now? Two years since you guys have been dating?"
"Mm," I frowned with a quick head shake. "We're not dating. We're just having sex and hanging out."
"Oh, right, right," she spoke with great sarcasm. "And you're happy calling it that?"
I looked over just in time to see him lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe his mouth, flashing his toned chest and abs in the process. "I'm really happy."
"Do you think you'll marry him?"
The smoke came flying out of my mouth as I choked and gripped the arm on the pool chair I was laying on. "How could you possibly think I'd want to marry him when I just said we're not even dating?"
"It was just a question, why are you freaking out?" She giggled, pointing at my face until I slapped her hand away.
"I'm not freaking out, but it's a stupid question," I relaxed back into my seat and took a swig from the vodka as I turned my attention back to Harry.
Did I want to marry him? No, but not because I didn't want to marry him, specifically. I just didn't want to get married in general because what's even the point? It's just a piece of paper and it's just a way for a man to make a woman their property. It was a stupid sentiment and one I didn't need or want.
"You're so sensitive," Emma still laughed to herself as she stole the vodka back. "Harry! I need to tell you something!"
"Shut up," I sat forward and tried to slap her again, but the damage was already done as Harry came leisurely jogging over to see what Emma's stupid question was.
"What's up?"
"Scarlett was just telling me that she wants–"
"To be your partner in the next game," I cut her off before she could plant an idea in his mind that no one needed him to have, though I had a feeling she wouldn't have actually said that anyway.
"Oh," Harry laughed his stupid cute laugh with his stupid cute dimples. "Yeah, that's fine."
I felt my heart beat faster as he held onto both arms of my chair and leaned in until I could smell his cologne and the alcohol he had been drinking all night. When he kissed me, I had to breathe out through my nose and resist the urge to reach out and undo his jeans right there in front of the whole party.
"Are you staying at mine tonight?" He spoke close to my mouth, and I just nodded like a fucking idiot while I tried to think of some actual words to say.
"Are you gonna let me eat candy in your bed this time or am I not allowed?"
He hung his head to laugh at the memory from the night before. "You can do anything you want in my bed, how's that?"
Christ. Who does he think he is? Me?
"Anything? I don't think you know what you're saying," I warned, to which he tilted his head and kissed me in the other direction with his hand purposely traveling to my bare thigh in my shorts.
"I understand just fine, babe," he kissed me once more, flashing me a pair of bedroom eyes that he absolutely learned how to make after spending too much time with me.
Maybe marrying him wasn't such a bad idea after all.
***
"Do you remember that?" Emma cackles. "When you laughed at the idea of marrying him? And now you're waving that ring around like you just won the lottery!"
"God, he looked so good that night," I drop my head back and groan at the memory of him. "I miss his long hair so much."
She shoots me an annoyed look. "You're avoiding the topic! You're engaged!"
"I know that, thank you," I laugh and adjust my ring with my thumb, feeling the smooth diamond like I have every single day since he put it on me. "I can't believe it, but I guess I can at the same time."
"You can't believe that you're engaged?"
"In general, yeah, but I mean that I can't believe he proposed to me."
She blinks at me with an otherwise flat and blank expression. "You're kidding me, right?"
I roll my eyes, understanding what she means without asking for clarification. I'm just having a hard time explaining it to everyone, it seems. "I'm just surprised because it's no secret that Harry is better than me, and I'm surprised that he still wants to marry me after all this time and everything I've put him through."
Her expression softens just slightly as she sighs like she's frustrated. "Scarlett, that boy loves you more than life itself. And you know what that means?"
"What does that mean?"
"That means that we need to take these shots and celebrate that anyone is willing to tolerate you forever," she raises her glass to mine, and we both take our two tequila shots back to back.
"Now," she drums the table with her palms. "Tell me everything, I wanna know everything."
"I already told you everything!" I dig my cigarettes out of my purse and light one up.
"No, you told me everything with your twin brother and little sister within earshot," she reminds me. "I wanna know everything from my best friend's perspective."
"Okay, I'll tell you," I nearly cut her short to make her laugh as she raises her hand to catch our waiter so we can order another round of drinks. "For starters, he just made the trip super romantic from the beginning, and our hotel was ridiculous. I mean, you saw the pictures I sent, right?"
"Yeah, you had an insane view," she crosses her arms over the table. "Did he do like the rose petals on the bed shaped like a heart and everything?"
I wrinkle my nose, laughing at the way she cooed like she was already picturing it in her mind. "No, but I'll save that idea and hand it off to Niall if you think that's cute. Not really my thing."
"Oh, fuck off," she throws her cocktail napkin at me. "If Harry made the shape of a heart with roses on your gorgeous hotel bed with an Eiffel Tower view, you'd be excited."
"Maybe," I tap the ashes of my cigarette into the tray on the center of our outdoor table. "But yeah, I guess I should have known something was up just by the way we were having sex even before the engagement. Looking back now, each time sort of felt like it might be the last if that makes sense. He was just really taking his time and he was just acting way more 'in love'."
"And you didn't hesitate at all?"
I pause as our margaritas arrive, licking at the salt rim before having a sip. "I did, but not because I couldn't decide. I was just shocked and it took me a second to process the whole gesture. I knew I didn't want to say yes just to say it, so I needed that extra second to be sure that I was sure."
She nods a bit more seriously, without that same teasing smirk. "Can I ask what made it different this time? I mean, obviously, you two have had more time together and it's not like he officially asked you to marry him back then, but just the topic of it is what sent you running for the hills."
"I don't really know, to be honest," I shuffle the ice in my glass with my straw. "I guess part of me knew that if I said no, I would lose him, and there was no reason for me to say no anyway. I love him and I've already established that I can't live without him like I thought I could before. There's no more bouncing around with older men and running away anymore. I was never more miserable than when I did that."
"Well, I can't say I'm not happy that you've come to that conclusion," she tilts her head at me. "If anyone deserves a love like the one you have with Harry, it's you, Scar. I wish I could tell you how happy I am for you and him, but I can't seem to find the words."
My jaw drops as I suddenly sit forward to lean over the table. "Are you crying?"
Her tears fall as she laughs up at the lights above us. "It's just nice, that's all! You've grown so much since we met as just stupid eighteen-year-old kids, and I've loved growing up with you. I mean, we've been there with each other for all our biggest moments...you more than me, I suppose."
"You mean like after Niall finally deflowered you?" I wiggle my brows, earning a smiley eye roll from her.
"Yes, like that, but also...I dunno, I just feel really happy to also have seen you and Harry grow together and as individuals since the beginning. I think you've loved him for a lot longer than either of you realize."
I squint skeptically at her. "What do you mean?"
"I mean...take that night, for example–the one when I first asked you if you wanted to marry him at that party and you freaked out. You couldn't see the way you were looking at him when he came up to kiss you, and he was a drunk idiot so he couldn't either. But I could see the way your whole head followed him anytime he moved, and I could see the way your posture would stiffen when he even glanced at another girl. You came a long way from telling him you were busy so you could have sex with some other guy when he wanted to see you."
My heart genuinely sinks in the worst way as I think back to the very beginning of Harry and me when I was still doing my own thing and hooking up with other guys. Though, I think there were only two after we met before I swore off anyone else.
"I guess it's pretty cool that you've seen it all, yeah," I agree. "I can say the same about you and Ni."
"Yeah, but this isn't about me and Ni," she smirks. "Now, back to the proposal."
"Right," I chuckle and start to go over every single detail with her, down to the entrées we ordered.
I guess I feel a little dumb for not thinking that there was anything more to that dinner than just a nice time, but I'll never forget how it felt when I knew something was going on. My heart was racing, my skin prickled with both nervous sweat and chills, and he had never quite said my name the way he did when we were dancing before.
"We both cried a lot," I continue, choosing to laugh rather than get emotional about it all over again. "I think part of me was only crying because he was crying because I knew those were tears of joy and relief. It was like when he cried after I told him I love him."
"Scarlett!" She points accusingly at me when I clear my throat and blink rapidly to rid the tears as they start to pool at my waterline.
"I'm drunk!" I lie to defend myself...sort of. I'm only buzzed. "It's just insane to know I have that strong of an effect on him."
"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" She groans in frustration. "He would die for you, no question about it."
"Mm," I smile to myself as I finish my drink. "I need another shot."
Her hand shoots up to signal to our waiter again...and again...and once more until we're both slurring like idiots and know to cut ourselves off before we have to go through the embarrassment of our waiter doing that for us.
"I'm so happy for you, but I'm so jealous," she finally confesses as she takes my hand to see the ring closer again. "I wanna be engaged so badly, and I thought Niall was going to ask me forever ago."
"He's probably just nervous," I hiccup and wiggle my finger to watch the diamond glimmer. "There's no way he doesn't want to marry you."
"But how do you know?"
I stare back at her until she starts to understand how stupid that question is. "I don't know, maybe because you're the only woman he's dated since you met. You're the only woman he's ever had sex with, for fuck's sake."
"Yeah, but sometimes I worry that he's going to think about that and wonder if maybe he should do some more exploring before he settles down, y'know?"
"No," I quickly respond. "You don't see the way he looks at you either."
That makes her blush as she closes her eyes and tries to hide her smile. "I love him so much."
"I know you do," I laugh and nudge her ankle under the table. "If Harry can muster up the courage to ask me to marry him, Niall will absolutely be asking you. Probably soon, too."
"If you find out that he is, can you make sure it's not a public proposal? I mean, what H did with you would be nice but I want it to be just us like that. I don't want it to be in front of everyone."
"Of course, but I think he already knows that," I remind her, to which she nods like she knows that's likely true. "And, while we're on the subject of engagements and weddings and all...I was hoping you'd be my maid of honor."
"Well, duh!" She giggles as I break out into a smile. "I thought you'd never ask."
I roll my eyes only because we both knew that question was coming sooner or later, and then we get caught up talking about all the wedding details that I have yet to sort out. Like I told Harry, I know I want to have the ceremony in Italy, but I have no idea what else I want or what else we can afford. If I were in the good graces of my parents, we could probably get married in a castle and then live in that castle afterward if we wanted, but that's not the case. I don't have much to my name now that I quit Pleasing.
"Small weddings are in, babe," she shrugs and sips from the watered-down tequila at the bottom of her glass.
"I guess, yeah."
As a follow-up question, out of nowhere, she asks, "So what about babies? Have you thought any more about that?"
"Jesus," I laugh, rubbing my eyelids without disturbing my makeup. "I haven't thought about it too much."
"Then why are you smiling so big?"
"I'm not," I defend myself...while smiling.
Emma raises her brows at me, waiting for an explanation.
"I don't know," I shrug and think about it a bit more seriously. "I'll be honest and say that the idea of having his children really excites me, and I'm always the happiest when I do something to make him happy."
"But?"
I zone out a bit as I let myself picture the whole scenario, which isn't something I allow myself to do often. "Dude, I'd just have no fucking clue what to do with a whole baby. Like, am I supposed to read the books and shit? What do you do when it's crying and won't stop? It can't talk so it can't tell you what's wrong, and I'm impatient. And I like sleeping in, and I like doing whatever I want whenever I want. I'm a selfish bitch, but at least I admit that, right? I mean, I think the worst thing I could do is get excited about the idea of having a baby and then not want it once I have it. So, what my mom did to me and Seth."
She's not smiling anymore as she nods back at me, taking a moment to absorb everything I said. "I think you definitely have valid reasons for being afraid, but just remember that you'd be doing it with Harry, who you know is the most caring, loving, and patient person in the world. And don't sell yourself short, either. I know how it feels firsthand to be one of the people you care about, and you've been there for me one hundred percent of the time. I can imagine your baby would be your first priority."
I nod, holding my chin in my palm. "I just don't know because part of me has this major desire to have one just so I can give it the life and the love that I always wanted as a child, and I know Harry would be the best dad in the world. It could be so healing, but it could be a disaster and it's not like a baby is an item you can just return to the store if you change your mind about it."
"I agree, and I think it's great that you're already thinking that far ahead, which is more than most mums do. It seems like a lot of them like the idea of having a baby but not the reality of it, and then they're stuck with a baby they don't want. And also, I'm not trying to convince you or pressure you to have one, that's obviously between you and H, but I just want you to have the reassurance from the people who adore you that you're an amazing woman and person. You'd be an incredible mum someday if that's what you want."
My smile slowly returns as I nod in appreciation. "Thank you, babe. Means a lot."
"Course–"
"Scarlett?"
I freeze at the sound of an all-too-familiar accent, widening my eyes at Emma as she smiles up at someone slightly behind me. Resisting the urge to laugh, I twist my torso and see Raf standing there in a white button-down tucked into black trousers. He looks good, objectively speaking.
"Oh, hi," I act surprised like his accent didn't give him away already.
"How are you?" He smiles back at me, but I know that look. "I didn't know if you were still living in London."
"She's engaged, buddy," Emma snaps and points at my hand on the table.
Raf's smile fades. "Oh. Engaged?"
I laugh, honestly just as shocked as he is. "Yup."
"Well...you look very nice," he offers a less enthusiastic half-smile. "Good to see you."
"Yeah, you too," I clear my throat when I suddenly recall the wild sex we used to have. It makes me miss Harry.
"Oh my God," Emma mouths as he walks away. "I forgot how fit he was."
"Stop it," I laugh and glance over my shoulder to see him leaving with a woman who looks closer to his age than me. Good for him. "Speaking of fit, I need to go home and see my fiancé."
"God, is it actually one o'clock? What is Raf doing up so late?"
"Emma!" I squeal out a laugh as we both set down enough cash to cover our bill.
"Sometimes I miss your messy phase," she keeps laughing at me as we stand. "The stories were entertaining."
I smile at a text from Harry asking if I might be coming home soon. "Trust me, it's overrated."
It's almost 2:00 by the time I'm trying to stumble in quietly through the front door, but my lack of stealth doesn't matter when I hear Harry laughing upstairs as he calls out my name. Whispering loudly, I tell him to be quiet so he doesn't wake up Hailey.
"She's sleeping over at her friend Kendall's house tonight," he chuckles as I trip in my heels twice on my way to him, too tired to take them off before I settle myself onto his lap. "Wow, you smell like tequila."
"Mhm," I push my fingers through his hair, and I can feel how not sober my eyes look as I blink at him with a slow-growing smile.
"Guess who I saw right before Em and I were leaving?"
"Who?"
"Raf," I giggle at the way his face instantly falls like he's annoyed by me. He even looks away and gives his attention to the TV and his hands drop from my waist to land on the couch. "Don't be mad. I told him I was engaged."
"Yeah? And what'd he say?"
I quickly press my lips to his jaw before he can see me smiling more. Maybe it was a bit of an ego boost to see the way Raf looked a little disappointed to see the ring, and maybe Harry isn't helping by being upset that I even saw Raf at all. I love a good jealous man.
"He cried a little bit," I tease.
"I'm sure he did," he scoffs and keeps his hands off me still.
"H," I let him see my smirk as I pull back with my hands on his shoulders. "Are you jealous?"
He shrugs with an indifferent head shake. That means yes. "Why would I be jealous of an older billionaire man that you spent six months traveling all over Europe with?"
"If it's any consolation, I always thought about you during," I drag my hands down the front of his soft navy Ralph Lauren shirt that goes with the joggers I gifted him.
"Mhm," he stays still but reciprocates the slow kiss I offer. That's all it takes before he's tilting his head to give me another, and he takes it upon himself to hold my waist before I can make him do it.
"I missed you tonight," I lean my body forward until his back is against the couch again and our chests are pressed together.
"Are you sure? Sounds like you had enough company."
"Harry!" I drop my jaw as he slips his hands up my stretchy tube top to squeeze both breasts, and he does it with the smuggest smirk. That's a look he would have given me when he was twenty-two.
"Let's go to bed," he takes his hands back to tap my ass over my shorts for me to get up.
My brows shoot up in surprise as I laugh down at him. "Who are you and what did you do with my fiancé?"
He smiles and scoots forward to stand with me in his arms since I apparently didn't move fast enough for him. "He's pissed off that you spent the whole night with your ex. Did his dick even work at that age?"
"Oh my God!" My laugh sounds tired and hoarse. "I saw him for less than two minutes, and I don't think you actually want an answer to that question."
"Amuse me anyway," he exhales, dropping me down onto the bed so he can undo the ankle straps of my heels.
"It didn't work," I smile with my thumbnail between my teeth. "Not like yours does."
"I'll take that," he tugs his shirt off from the back collar and drops it on the floor, leaving him in the matching joggers as he reaches over to unbutton my shorts.
The moment before he climbs up on the bed to settle on top of me, I can easily picture him that night when we went back to his place after that party. We were both drunk enough to be a bit sloppy with our movements, but sober enough to draw out the foreplay until it was past 4 AM. I was crazy about him and I was so aware that I had him wrapped so tightly around my little finger that it was cutting off my circulation.
And now he's sighing against my lips as he holds the side of my thigh to make sure it stays circled around his waist, and he's pressing his hips into mine to make sure I can feel just how into me he is. For some reason, that's the moment right there that I'm confident enough in wanting to have his babies that I almost said it. Almost.