I think I'm loosing it.
I haven't got an ounce of sleep, just staring out the window, watching the stars float through the night sky.
It's become practically daily, a coping mechanism.
I think I have school tomorrow, how fun!
No sarcasm intended, it's been a while since I last went to school.
But that doesn't mean I didn't educate myself, of course I did.
By going to the library as much as I could, which would normally end up as me being called a lot of slurs and bruises.
Anyway, I think I have the right amount of knowledge for a 15-year-old.
Wait, shit, I think it's today.
I sigh and hold my head in my palms.
I hop off my couch and turn to check the time on my alarm.
5:25am.
I think I'll have enough time to get ready.
Wait, I don't have my uniform.
I audibly groan in frustration freely fall onto my bed.
I sit up, deciding if or if not I should go to Giovanni's office to ask for my uniform.
I silently debate, before hearing light footsteps approach my door.
My eyebrows furrow, as I automatically sit up with a neutral facial expression.
The person quietly knocks, so quiet that I don't think I would've heard it if I wasn't paying attention.
"Come in," I say, allowing the person the come in.
My eyes widen in slight shock but I quickly recover and give the person - the maid a small smile.
I'm just assuming they're a made since they have the same uniform as the other workers in this.. mansion.
"Don- I mean- Sir Laurier requested we give this to you for your school today," She informs, suspiciously stuttering at the start.
But at least it's confirmed, I do have school today.
"Thank you," I say, smiling in gratitude.
She sends a light-hearted smile towards me before scurrying out of my room, respectfully closing the door after her.
I stand up and walk towards my bathroom, ready for a shower.
I close the door behind me and lock it.
I undress, purposely avoiding the mirror.
The mirror that holds my reflection.
My bruises, pain and misery.
I sigh turn on the cold water, cold like the ones back in London, at Stefano's.
__________________________________
I wrap myself in a towel then step out of the bathroom, heading to my bed, where the uniform is.
It's pretty, I can give it that.
I guess I can make it work.
Stupid private schools though, I don't think you have to wear uniforms in public school.
Privileges of being rich, I guess.
I get dressed into it, making small adjustments so it looks more to my preferences.
I glance over at the side of my ed to check the time.
6:25am.
Not that bad, a whole hour thinking and dressing.
I reach out to get my phone, but remember it was confiscated for a week, perfect.
I can improve on my plan.
Or, I can write in my diary.
I'll go for the second, seems more fun.
Plus, I haven't been updating in the past few days.
I can do that later, I just remembered I wanted to talk to Nicholas.
I'm not one to trust my gut, especially since it's my gut, but I have this really strong feeling that something has been upsetting Nicholas for a while now.
Maybe something bad.
What if he got abused?
Or worse, what if he was the abuser and the guilt is slowly eating him alive?
Right, nevermind.
I don't wanna find out.
Updating diary it is.
I set a 35 minute timer and get writing.
All the recent events linger on those lone pieces of paper.
I write away, anything on my mind plastered onto the book.
Ink delicately flows through the pen, leaking onto the pages.
Time flies, and the 35-minute-timer ends, sending off the high-pitch beeps that bounces off the walls.
I flinch at the sudden noise, sigh, then turn off the alarm.
I close my diary and put it on my top shelf, just like where it was before.
I don't care about anyone finding that book, it's my journal I really care about.
I exit my room and see Nicholas walking down the stairs.
I quickly catch up to him so I don't get lost.
A question lingers in my mouth but I refrain myself.
"I can tell you have a question, Azalea. You can ask me." He shrugs, knowingly.
I sigh in relief.
"Are you an abuser?" I blurt out, eyes widened and instantly putting my hand over my mouth.
"Shit, I meant-"
He abruptly stops and turns to look at me with a raised eyebrow before chuckling in amusement.
"No, Azalea. I'm not an abuser."
"I didn't mean that, I meant, why are you so distant?"
"Well when you're second in hand to the ma- fuck, I mean, I really missed you." He says, smoothly covering up his mistake.
I narrow my eyes at him but don't take any notice in it.
"You can always hang out with me." I mutter, smiling genuinely.
Damn, I've been smiling a lot more since I've been here.
"I know, just a time I'm not so busy." He whispers, frowning slightly.
"What?" I ask, having not heard him.
"Nothing, let's get going."
I nod as we make our way to the front doors.
I see Aidan and Elliott already waiting there for us.
Aidan looks like he couldn't give a single shit but Elliott looks thrilled.
He's jumping up and down, in excitement I'm assuming.
"I'm so excited for you to go to school, Azzy!" He says, enthusiastically smiling.
"Are you high?" I question in genuine concern.
Aidan hunches over, laughing, hard, Nicholas just chuckles while Elliott looks at me agape.
"I didn't mean to-"
"Save it, Azzy, I can't believe you." He disappointedly says, enhancing the affect by pouting miserably.
"I'm so sorry- I didn't mean it, I swear!" I apologize eagerly.
"Wait, I'll forgive you if you get me some snacks!" He whispers, not so quietly.
"Yeah, of course." I accept, smiling.
"Thank you, Azzy!" He says, ruffling my hair.
I groan silently while I fix my hair.
They look at us in amusement for a while before making our way to these sexy ass cars.
I'm not even kidding, they're so damn gorgeous!
I smile at a matte red Bugatti and walk over to it.
"Can I take this one?" I question, soundlessly praying they say yes.
"Sure, Elliott can ride with you," Nicholas says, nodding towards Elliott who's smiling at me already.
I smile back, hopping into the driver's seat.
"The keys are in the glove department!" Aidan informs me.
I nod and open the department.
My eyes widen as I stare agape at the silencer and dagger in the department.
"What the.." I trail off, quickly grabbing the keys.
I take a minute to compose myself.
After a minute or two, I start the engine, ignoring the curious gaze from Elliot I felt on me.
We speed away towards school, but I can't help but over-think about the gun.
Now that I'm thinking about it, Nich, 'Lijah and Gio always have a gun or a dagger tucked in their waistband, and they're always avoiding questions about where they work.
What the fuck is going on in this house?