court of lies | robert's rebellion

the labour

"the hottest fire burns blue and her eyes were no exception"

281 AC, Oldtown

"You look beautiful."

He was as handsome as he usually was -even more so today. She was not a maiden who didn't know a thing about sex until she got married, she was not some ignorant Northern lady, no, Olenna had taught her everything she needed to know about sex and all that about it. So that she would be prepared, and know what to do and what not to do when men all around her went after her with lust.

She knew how to manipulate men by playing right into their fantasies -which was something Alerie had mastered in. She knew how to be discreet and safe while doing to act, she knew how to keep it a secret from the world, and she knew how to take her own pleasure -which most of women did not due to lack of proper education. And she knew that in order to make the act as pleasant as possible, she knew she had to choose the man for the job right.

And she always had an excellent taste in men -physically, not characteristically. She was terrible at that one.

She had notoriously skilful lovers in the past that was the dream of every maiden and widow -matrons of all regions. Leyton held a big court, filled with many young knights -soldiers, entering in and out. Even though she had a period of blissful youth where her brain did not work as it did now, she knew the dangers of entertaining a lord or a lordling outside of wedlock. There never could be a trust between them of secretion and not even Leyton could protect her from such a scandal because she was too young back then.

She remembered her first time doing the act. It wasn't a night to be remembered actually. It wasn't horrible by any means, he wasn't cruel to her, he took his time and tried to make her feel comfortable but her choice was as young as she was and didn't possess any great knowledge of the act. It was blind leading blind occasion and while she was certain that he still remembered the night with great pleasure, the same couldn't be said about her. After hearing -and reading, many things about it, she thought it was going to be a mindblowing experience -it was not. And she remembered feeling unsatisfied, even wondering where was the appeal of it.

She had done it because it was a forbidden thing to do. Something she shouldn't have done, and she found it very thrilling, the adrenaline in her body was too high that night. The excitement of the possibility of being caught -and the satisfaction of Leyton possibly going mad with anger, drove her to try it out -and she did regret it afterwards. The fear crept in.

She was a spoiled child, she would always be the first to one to admit that. Her father was a horrible man and her mother was a problematic woman but if there was one thing they were on the common ground; it was her. Gerard, surprisingly enough, always wanted daughters instead of sons but his first wife gave birth to three heirs instead of a long-desired girl. So she was her father's favourite child. He did anything she wanted even though she was a baby and couldn't actually want something. She heard many times how he took her to council meetings in his arms when she was only a few days old and how he insisted her cradle stay in his chambers at night, how he fed her and all.

He taught her everything a father should have taught to a son. Archery and horse riding. He made her sit at a small chair next to him during the meetings, took her on hunting trips, and make her sit in his lap when he held council and sat on his seat. He taught her how to write and encouraged her love for reading. He was the best father a girl could hope for. And he loved her, she knew that.

It would be a lot easier if he didn't. It would be a lot easier if he was not the perfect father but an abusive one. It wouldn't hurt this much if he was a horrible father just like he was a horrible husband and a human being in general.

Her mother, on the other hand, was her only child and Maester deemed even before she was born that Jenica Westerling most likely would not be able to give birth again. She had narrow hips that made everything harder in the labour and were thinner than her peers. The pregnancy was hard and labour bloody, it took days for her to be born. So she chose to spoil the child she had instead of trying for another.

She taught her to sing and to play music, to appreciate art. The fashion and the meaning behind the colours and jewels. She was so very young when she lost her mother thought, and it probably was the reason that she was not an art person now. Songs saddened her, she didn't like to dance, bright colours made her nauseous, and she had no passion for drawing. The only thing that she kept doing, that her mother had taught her, was care of the meanings of the colours and jewellery. That, she believed in, that she felt closer to her mother.

Jenica was not the perfect mother -no one was the perfect mother. But she loved her child. And she loved Gerard's other children -but she never loved Gerard. She was six when the tragedy happened and her father's infamous rage scattered around her lifeline but even at that age, she knew that her parents didn't love each other. Gerard had mistresses and even though it wasn't a direct indication of the lack of love, the constant arguments that ended with sex were. Of course, it took years, and a similar experience, for her to understand that whatever they had was just toxic.

And her mother paid greatly for it because their passion ended sooner than later.

And Leyton, horrified, yet quiet, by the things their father did, kept spoiling her when he too died. She did everything she wanted to do, she read whatever she wanted to, she visited wherever she wanted to, and she woke up and ate and slept whenever she wanted to. The most expensive jewels were gifted to her, the most glorified fabrics were hers, and she got everything she wanted even before she said she wanted them.

And the price was the lack of her family.

Leyton didn't know what to do with her, Rhea didn't want her so off she was to Highgarden, under the care of Luthor and Olenna Tyrell. Sure, Mace was like a brother to her now and both Mina and Janna -Mina more, were her closest friends but after getting traumatized by everything, she didn't need richness and gifts, she needed a family.

And Leyton let her down in the time of need.

He wrote to her every two days, for years, even though she didn't answer most of them. Visited her at any time he could, sent her teachers and masters and Maesters and modistes and foreign merchants and maids and everything he thought she needed yet none of them was enough. When she returned back to Oldtown, she was a stranger to her own family and the castle that was her home once.

Not anymore.

She never forgave Leyton for taking her family away from her but also she loved Leyton more than anything else in this world. He was her brother, the one who protected her during the thunderstorms at night and when she had nightmares after her mother's death when things were too loud between her parents. And Leyton was always there, no matter what when she needed him truly. Even when he was angry at her, even when he was disappointed in her. Any time she said that she needed him and any time she didn't even have the power to tell him that she needed him, her older brother was there to cuddle her.

But she wanted to make him feel pain the way she did. She loved disappointing him, she loved causing trouble for him, and she loved quarrelling with him. Gods, she would swear that the sky was red instead of blue just to piss him off. And sometimes, when her past managed to catch up with her when she was overwhelmed by her own emotions and felt threatened by her own memories, she just chose to take it all out on Leyton.

Alerie was the perfect lady, the daughter that every lord would dream of. She was obedient -though opinionated, delightful to be around, loved flowers and had an interest in gardening, highly educated and intelligent, obeyed the social norms and made Leyton proud, so proud. She was now married to the most important man in the Reach and gave the heir and the spare that was needed and managed to find her own happiness in her beloved husband and sons.

Atera was not like her, she could never be like her. She had the mouth of a sailor, loved defying men and the social norms, was not obedient by any means, didn't want to marry, didn't want to have children, wasn't ladylike and preferred the friendship of men rather than women.

So it truly wasn't a shock for her to have affairs outside of wedlock -and Leyton was not the kind of man who would chastise her for it. The main problem was not the act itself but rather her choices of men.

After that first night, she went to Leyton, and told him what happened -cried a little, she did not remember that part well. And Leyton took it well, was very sweet and concerned, comforted her, provided her with moon tea and never mentioned anything ever again, kept it as a secret between siblings.

She hated it.

She wanted him to be angry, to be filled with rage, for him to scowl with disappointment, with displeasure. She didn't want him to be warm and understanding, she wanted him to be cold and distant and to yell at her and to have an argument with him.

So she chose her next lover more carefully.

Paxter was a childhood friend, a good friend. They always loved to flirt with one another and she knew that he would love to engage her in that content and it wasn't that hard to allure him into it either. Sure, he did not want to ruin the friendship but which man could say 'no' to her to begin with? She was drunk, she didn't remember the night exactly. She remembered he was sweet -which bored her, and it wasn't anything memorable. It was no different than her first night, she didn't enjoy it completely. She felt like something was missing.

Paxter was a handsome man, he always was, and she always accepted that. Just he was not her type, not even close. He wasn't that tall. Yes, he was taller than Atera, but not that tall. He had a boyish look on his face, not very man-like. His hair was curly and he was ginger. His green eyes were alluring, yes, but not so much and she wasn't sure if she preferred him with or without a beard.

And he was just overly extravagant for her. While she admired fashion in men, she couldn't help but find a certain appeal in simple clothes.

When she told it to Leyton -which Paxter didn't know that she had, he didn't freak out. It wasn't when she was in a semi-exile in the Arbor, she was six and ten when this happened, long before her actual crimes. This time Leyton went as far as frowning, but still, did nothing.

And she realized that she wasn't taking risks. She wanted to get a reaction and was determined by it.

Then came some of Leyton's favourite knights, his squires or the men he trusted. And with all of them -though the numbers weren't that high, she could feel that his patience was running thin. He had sent all of them away from his service but did nothing to scold her.

Leyton was always great at mind games.

Then the whole shitshow with Jace happened and she regretted every second of it. He didn't happen just to piss Leyton off. She was feeling heartbroken and betrayed and wanted to rip Leyton's heart apart and knew that Jace would do the trick. She just never guesses how much his heart would exactly get broken.

Their relationship was never the same again, and she feared it never would be.

This was the reason why she sacredly hid this secret; her affair with Vortimer. She didn't know what she was thinking, she didn't know what he was thinking. She only knew that Leyton could never find out about this. Or else he would never forgive them and Atera was trying to realize that she never truly wanted to hurt her brother.

Vortimer Crane was a mistake that she would never repeat again.

"Is this truly what you chose to tell me right now?", she turned to his tall and powerful figure with an eye roll -and a deep breath she tried to hide. He was wearing one of his rich lord outfits and was leaning against the door frame. "Truly? Amongst all the things you can say to me, you choose to be shallow?"

"I am choosing to compliment you after a hell of a journey.", he said with a soft smile.

She knew why she was attracted to him. And Gods damned that it wasn't just the thrill of him being forbidden or the excitement of him being a lot older -and arguably wiser, more experienced. It wasn't his tan skin and hauntingly beautiful green-grey eyes or beard that burnt every inch of skin that it touched or jet black hair that she loved to pull. It wasn't his rolling, velvety accent.

It was because she was self-destructive.

She knew there was something very deeply wrong with her.

"A hell of a journey that I thought it ended but apparently didn't even properly start.", she sent a look to the man, Vortimer did not see her that way -either way. She had no idea what drove the man to lay with her because she knew damn well it wasn't lust (a part of her, a very dark part of her, thought it was Leyton who sent him to her, just to torture her mind) and she knew that he was uncomfortable with everything. Vortimer was a trusted friend of Leyton and a good advisor to his council. Atera needed him as her brother's best friend, not as a lover with dubious intent. "The Ironborn are coming to raid my city. And then the Braavosi, I believe, and then the Velaryons -or vice versa, and then other merchant companies and many others.", she said in a breathless way and Vortimer listened to all of her rants with understanding eyes. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like that.", she repeated herself with a child-like fury -truly, the only missing thing was the small tapping of her feet to the floor and she would return back to age five. She loved to throw tantrums when she was a child. "Like you pity me."

"I do not pity you.", his strong features crawled into a frown. "On the contrary, I don't think I have ever admired you this much."

"Bullshit."

"No, it's not.", he pushed himself forward and entered the room -though he did not approach her "You did what I couldn't, what any of us couldn't. You could give up, return back to her grace's service or run to Essos, be safe and sound, and live your life with richness. You could go to Arbor or to one of your friends and wait until Baelor fixes it. But you didn't. Instead, you chose to fight back and I am very proud."

"And are you proud of Leyton too?", she decided to take out her venom from him. He would understand. "For fucking things up this greatly that many had to die and many will have to die? Are you going to pat your friend on the back for almost ruining everything? Will you comfort him and tell him that none of them was his fault?"

"I will not do such a thing.", his eyes were patient. "This all is his fault.", she felt taken aback by this comment. Everyone she knew was worshipping the ground Leyton walked on. It felt different, strange, wrong, to hear someone roasting him. "Everyone warned him, all those years ago not to marry her. We all knew she was bad news but I understand him too.", his eyes got stern. "Meredyth's loss affected him truly."

Oh, Meredyth.

And a darker, and very insecure part of her thought maybe he slept with her because Leyton slept with his sister. Maybe it was all just a game, a way to get back at Leyton for what happened to his sister.

Just like the way why Jace interacted with her.

She didn't want to believe it was true, she didn't believe it was true. Vortimer was too good to be this awful but she could never know.

"And one moment of weakness led all the way through here.", she said with a fake cheerful way but didn't even have the energy of playing.

"What happens next now?", he took another step towards the middle of the room. "The city needs a leader, Atera.", he said after seeing her confused looks.

"The signet ring-"

"Oh, fuck the signet ring.", he rolled his eyes. "Baelor cannot arrive before the Ironborn siege, it is impossible.", they both knew that. "Neither Arvel nor Doric are here, Garth is with Baelor too. And Leyton is sleeping, no one knows when he will wake up. The council is filled with traitors, men who are already bought.", he looked at her expectantly.

"What do you suggest?"

"What do I suggest?", he took another step and suddenly he was right in front of her. He put his hands on her upper arms and she knew that it was a gesture of worry. "The council cannot be trusted, not even in their best days. I suggest you stop pitying yourself and take a stand with pride.", he straightened his spine but his words were too soft. "Take the lead, sit on Leyton's seat and rule the city through the siege."

"I am not a soldier.", the only thing she could say was this due to her brain freeze because of what he implied. "I don't know anything about sieges."

"And you don't have to. Leave that to me and to other trustable men. Let us gather the original Hightower army back and prepare defences. I know how Ironborn attacks and Paxter knows how to defeat them. All I need you to do is to rule. I want you to tell those men to 'fuck off' and gather the council I know you can. This city needs a leader or they will fall right into the arms of the Ironborn."

"Vortimer, I cannot.", she took a step back. Her face was heard and her heart was beating fast, she felt the immense urge of throwing out but she held her composure. There were tears in her eyes. "My choices ruined me.", she admitted brokenly. She did not deserve to rule the city, she had committed the worst of the crimes. There was no going back from this.

"Yes they did.", he was not going to play the fool or try to give her some fake reassurance. "You ruined everything and created more problems for your own nation. You made a terrible mistake and you are going to pay for it once Leyton wakes up.", he closed the space she opened and put his hands on her again, this time more firmly. "But you need to start your redemption at some point. You cannot run away from your mistakes forever."

"What are you trying to say?", she asked with defeat.

"There is a debt that you have to pay. What you have done-"

"What I have done is my own undoing.", she shook her head. "It is my sin, I don't have to pay it to anyone. And I do not regret it.", her face grimaced with disgust. "The only regret I have is not to do it sooner."

"In the absence of your brothers and his heirs, as the sister of the Lord of Oldtown, it is your duty to take the lead.", he reminded her. "Not Alerie nor Malora, but you. It isn't a choice, Atera. I am not urging you to chase a dream, I am urging you to do your duty."

"Vortimer, I cannot.", she said more desperately this time. "I cannot, I am broken.", her voice cracked and tears filled her eyes. "I cannot find it in me to be strong for the entire city."

"And you are going to let the vultures roam around your brother's body and wait until they sell the city to the Ironborn?", he said with disappointment. "You are better than this."

"I truly am not.", she closed her eyes for a moment and confessed it with a half-smile. "But none of you are ready for this conversation."

*

"Are you alright, my lady?", he asked to her that night, once again they were on the balcony, watching the dark sky under the cold air. "You are going to be ill.", she would think maybe he was worried for some reason if his voice wouldn't be this dispassionate.

"I am going to be fine.", she knew she was going to be ill rather badly, she loved the strong winds but her health was always weak. "I just need a moment."

Arthur was torn between asking what was wrong and minding his own business. His job was to keep her alive, yes, to protect her from her enemies physically. But he had a terrible feeling, a sort of understanding, that maybe her biggest enemy was herself.

"As you wish.", he murmured, didn't indulge any further but couldn't find it in himself to leave.

"I often wonder what choice I have.", she said a moment later, she was feeling like she was going crazy and needed to vent her mind to someone. She knew at least Arthur Dayne had no one to share them as leverage. "In all this grand scheme of things. What choice does any of us have?"

"I heard things.", he said a heartbeat later. Feeling the same desperate need for human contact. "Why you never told the truth to Lord Hightower if you knew it all this time?", she didn't answer so he continued, feeling he was crossing a very big and prominent line but was too tired of his own maze to care. "I think you were avoiding a confrontation.", he suggested, it was his job, to know people. When she remained silent, he continued, pressing the wound even further. "I think you are blaming yourself now. For not putting an end to all of these when you first learn it all. This is why you are being reluctant to take the lead now. You are not hiding away not because you killed your brother's wife but because you let things come this far."

"You are talking nonsense.", she made a pathetic attempt to dismiss the subject but was not brave enough to turn to look at him.

"I think not.", his answer was plain and simple and a part of him, a part that he fight back to press every single day, enjoyed seeing another one in pain. "I think you are desperate for forgiveness and think that if you stop thinking and deciding and instead start obeying others, you will get it.", Atera turned to him with a look of shock. "I can tell you now that it will not work."

"Be careful, Ser.", she warned him with a rising deep frustration. "You are in a dangerous zone."

"The only forgiveness that you are seeking, the only forgiveness that can heal you is your own.", he concluded. "And I believe in order to get that you need to stop hiding like a child and instead face the world like a brave person.", the momentary fall of eyes gave the answer to Arthur's silent question. "But you can't, can you?", he realized it with a tragic amazement and his heart filled with empathy all of a sudden. "You are the true ruse here.", he said with a frown. "Not the Ironborn plan but you.", he took a step forward and forgot the scenery for a moment. "You are merely pretending to be brave.", Atera's face fell slowly and breath got faster while tears formed in her eyes. "Atera Hightower -the woman who ushered the salvation of House Hightower. But it is a lie, is it not? In truth, you've been living in fear. Self-blaming for everything and doubting over every act. It must be exhausting."

And then he saw it.

For the first time.

The sickly paleness of her skin, the dark shadows and the bags under her eyes, the unhealthiness of her hair and the way her nightgown was too big for her.

She was slowly dying, killing herself.

"It is.", she accepted with a brief raise of an eyebrow while she forced her face to get sterner.

And Arthur wanted to scream; I know how you feel.

He too was a coward who was living a lie after all.

A lie of being an honourable knight.

*

It wasn't hard.

It wasn't that hard.

Anyone with the right motivation, hard work and true intention could do it.

It wasn't that fucking hard.

She was a Hightower, she was a highly intellectual, educated lady with too many ideas who begged Leyton to sit on his council for years. She was not the kind of person to back down when things were getting serious. And well, this was only for a short time, right? The city just needed a head to stand strong against the Ironborn. Baelor surely would return soon enough to relieve her from her duties.

So it truly was not that hard. She could do it. This was her house's legacy.

This was her father's legacy -and while she wanted desperately to ruin that, it was also Leyton's legacy.

It could be hers too.

When she left her room, Arthur was standing at her door and even though she didn't explain anything, she had a feeling that he understood her emotions and knew what she was doing. As they walked down to the stairs right through the great hall, she thought how lonely she was, how allyless she was.

Doric was in Gods knows where and Alerie was in the capital. Her uncle probably didn't even give a shit about them. Both Mace and Paxter were horrified by her actions and refused to talk about her. Due to long years of being absent, the people in the court didn't know her, they didn't like her. She only had Alea that she could trust -and her nieces but the latter would never be involved with the politics she had to give up the former to protect Leyton at least for a while.

They would rip her apart and feed her to the sharks at her first misstep.

"We must simply give up!", she heard the muffled yell through the wooden door when she stood in front of the great hall.

The guards shared a look and sent a small glare to Atera, wondering what she was going to do. But she stood there, her heart was beating fast and she could swear that her vision got blurred a few times. She felt like she was having one of those attacks that she didn't know what were. Usually, a calming drought or Malora's weird flowers helped her but she couldn't leave now.

She gritted her teeth and lowered her head to avoid curious glares. She closed her eyes and started to count to one from ten in order to calm herself down. She was holding her breath and giving it out through her mouth or she was going to pass out right there.

Ten.

Of course, she could do it, she was a Hightower. Her father's only daughter, she would be his chosen heir if he could find a way to disinherit three of his sons. He took her to council meetings with him, he groomed her, unknowingly, for this exact moment. She was not going to fail him, she was not going to fail her people, and she was not going to fail herself due to detached fears.

Nine

Of course, she had friends. Paxter would die for her even now, despite their vast differences in crucial events. Mace was not only her friend but her family too. He supported her did he not? When it would be wiser to stand back down and let it happen. And Alea was her best friend. She was not alone.

Eight.

What could those imbecile lords say to her? They could not reject her, they could not go against her. It was her duty, her birthright to take over the rule when there was no one else to do it. They would have no choice but to obey.

Seven.

She wasn't a threat against Leyton or Baelor. How could she? They were her family. She loved Leyton more than anything therefore she loved Baelor, despite their disagreements. But Leyton didn't love her therefore Baelor didn't love her but it was okay. She loved them enough at the expense of herself. She internally grimaced because of that. They did not deserve her but she was not going to focus on that today.

Six.

It's not like she wanted to rule. If she would, she would marry with Mace or with Paxter or with the fucking crown prince but she didn't. She never enjoyed ruling, it was not her cup of tea. She loved the power, yes, and had the talent, yes. But she simply didn't like it.

Five.

The city needed her. It was in ruins, Oldtown was the most glorious city in the entire realm, but now it was stinkier than the capital. People may dislike her, Faith may dislike her, but those were her people. Wasn't she also sworn into protecting them? Wasn't it also her duty to ensure their safety?

Four.

Ironborn would wreck the city. They would kill every man, torture every elder, rape every woman, and destroy everything important. Piss on their Sept and tore apart the Citadel. How could she let such a thing happen? They were not threatened by a normal siege but a doom, an eternal, cannot fixable doom. Ironborn were savages. She couldn't let her fears rule her.

Three.

She wasn't a believer, she never was. Leyton did try a lot but he never prevailed. But Alerie was a believer. She went to the Sept every morning, she prayed for hours on her knees and she believed the great plan that the Seven had for them. And according to her sense of belief, Atera was exactly where the Gods wanted her to be. And those Gods were her Gods even though she didn't believe them. They were her family's Gods. And maybe they knew something Atera herself didn't know.

Two.

And what of all the wonderful things she could do? She spent years condemning Leyton's choices and arguing with him about them. And now, she had the chance to actually do something. How could she refuse it? Now, she could make decisions. She can punish and reward whoever she wanted, she could end the conflicts all over the city. She could do so much good with it all.

One.

And of course, taking the lead would give her the right to keep Jacen under her claws.

"My lady?", one of the guards dared to ask her when she opened her fiercely burning eyes. His eyes were focused on her nails -she dug her nails as deep as she could and destroyed herself within seconds. But she didn't seem aware of it. "Should we open the door?"

Should they open the door?

There was a very good chance of her fucking everything up.

"All I am saying is that in order to fight, we need a fucking regent, do we not?", she heard the same voice again and her eyes twitched with annoyance. "Do we have a regent? No. No. So I say, let us surrender to the Ironborn with peace."

She didn't hear what he said in continuation. This was enough for her to decide. She made her face cold and made a motion for the guards to open the door. She took a nervous breath when the doors opened but no one was looking at her.

No one.

She felt the need to turn back and ran to her chambers like a child but she was not a child any longer. She straightened her spine and slowly started to walk towards the majestic seat of her family. With every step she took, more and more people started to notice her. When she came into the middle of the room, the minor lordling Stuart something was still talking about why surrendering was the most brilliant idea.

She spotted Paxter and Mace, both leaning their backs to the wall and Paxter openly rolling his eyes. But then he saw her and swallowed a curse while hitting Mace's chest and pointing at her with his head, all while pushing himself forward to stand properly on his two feet.

"Who is there to lead us?", Stuart yelled once more while she climbed the steps one by one.

The whole noise in the room got cut off. Only Stuart was speaking, his back to the throne, he was not seeing her but everybody else was just watching her with widened eyes.

Atera didn't mind them all and tried to swallow down every horrifying image that popped into her mind and the memories that tried to resurface. She sent one grimacing look and for a short moment of time she felt like she couldn't.

Her father sat on this seat once, not that long ago and ordered things that ruined countless people's lives. This seat was made of blood. How could she sit on it?

Oh but she was a sinner too, was she not? There was no need to lie to herself. Many people thought she was not a true Hightower, much more thought she was a bastard, and even a part of her own family thought she didn't fit among them.

Little did they know that she was cut for it to be with?

Many looked at her and saw the shadow of her mother's tragic end, they looked at her and lusted after her appearance. They had seen the beauty outside but not the fucking emerald beneath it.

No one had a clue that maybe she was her father's daughter. Not her mother's.

She closed her eyes one more time and then with one elegant move she sat on the seat, hands gripping the sides. Stuart turned his back with confusion when he realized people were not listening to his grand speech but looking somewhere.

"Go on.", her voice cut through the silence. "You were saying something."

Stuart looked at her for a second and then started to laugh. It was moving, shaking laugh and it seemed to go on forever. Paxter closed his eyes and tilted his neck, he put a hand on his belt but before he managed to take out his knife, Mace put a hand on his chest with warning eyes.

"She needs to do it.", he said simply.

She was looking like a beautiful statue with only her raised eyebrow breaking the scenery.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me.", Stuart leaned forward and yelled through her direction with great insolence. The court did not know her, no, but they knew if there was one thing she didn't tolerate it was insolence and disrespect. "A woman?", he mocked and turned to the rest of the nobles. "Are we going to follow a fucking woman, truly?"

"Is my sex a problem for you?", she was forcing herself to be patient. "I am a Hightower, am I not?", he narrowed his eyes and took a step forward to say something with disgust but she didn't let him. "And you are my servant, are you not?", this cut through everything he intended to say. "A servant to House Hightower. Which means you ought to follow me. You all are.", she roamed her eyes around. "We are not going to surrender to Ironborn. We are going to defend our city with honour."

People started to whisper among them.

"I am not going to get orders from a cunt!", he had a false sense of security.

Atera had to ensure power if she wanted to prevail.

The solution came to her easily.

"You are going to take orders from me.", she smiled at him. "But first, you must learn obedience.", she was aware that she sounded terrifyingly like her father and saw the way Mace scowled from the corner of her eyes. "Guards cut his tongue out."

Some people gasped but she was not going to take it back. They wanted Atera to take charge, have they not? She was taking the fucking charge.

"You cannot do shit.", he yelled again with spite in his eyes and Atera's smile only grew -it was reminiscing a snake than of a noble lady.

"This is an order.", she said with a normal tone but it was too cold, the Hightower soldiers all around the room shared a look.

They were loyal to the Hightowers.

Two of the guards approached him behind and held his arms. "You cannot do it.", he smirked once more while she leaned her back. She made a head motion and her face didn't change once while his confident yells turned into desperate screams.

She was looking directly at the eyes of Vortimer, who was watching the whole scene from the doors.

*

"You weren't that afraid after all then.", he said to her before she entered her chambers and she stopped for a second.

"I copied my father.", she said silently without looking at him and Arthur didn't comment on it. They shared a border, he knew a thing too much about Gerard Hightower and he could say with ease that he saw nothing of him in her today. "I watched him sit on that high seat for years and command the people around him with ease. He was cruel and tyrant-like for others but I admired him.", she admitted with shame. "He wasn't cruel or tyrant-like to me, he was stern, yes, but it only meant he knew what he wanted and would do anything to get that. I used to think this was an admirable trait.", she turned her head slightly but not enough to see him. "You must think me as naïve."

"Every child would worship their father.", he said with a shrug. "It is in our nature. We are programmed to see them as God-like, untouchable figures. Respecting and admiring them comes to us easily. But seeing their faults and admitting them not so much"

"Yes, exactly.", she agreed softly and with a frown. "What do you think will happen next?"

"War, I imagine.", he was a knight, he did not fear war nor he feared death. "They are going to attack no matter what. You cannot make a deal with the Ironborn.", despite what her useless council said in order to push her into submission to the 'wiser men'. None of them would dare if they would be in Dorne right now.

It was funny, how one border changed everything.

"We do not have troops, we do not have funds in the bank or any solid gold in our hands, we do not have the devotion of the Faith, wiseness of the Citadel nor the power of people. Don't you think it is a losing game?"

"You don't win wars with useless motivation speeches, my lady."

"The wars you had participated in taught you this?", she rolled her eyes.

"No, your uncle did.", he almost smirked but failed with the momentary freeze of the woman. He wondered if she had at least one family member she was not cross with. The answer was probably no. Arthur knew a thing or two about people and she was the grudge-holding type. "Whom I think you should write and ask for advice."

She made time to turn to him slowly with an annoying smile. "I would rather see this city fall before I ask advice from my uncle.", she said with raised eyebrows and Arthur almost laughed -though he didn't know what exactly was this amusing. "Though, as my jailor in this city, you must correspondence with him quite enough for both of us."

"Jailor?", he couldn't help but let out a brief laugh and saw the way her eyes widened with surprise. "That's the first time someone feels trapped under my protection.", he tilted his head with amusing glitter in his eyes. "Is this you projecting your own inner guiltiness in my job, my lady?"

He was taunting her.

He knew he was taunting her.

And there was a wretched part inside of him that fucking enjoyed taunting her.

He had no idea what was wrong with him or where this sudden outburst of energy came from. He was never this rude to people, he didn't like japing at all. This was ...Oswell speaking. This was Ashara's way own communicating, Oberyn's favourite pastime of entertainment.

Not his.

Yet, he couldn't stop the glimmering of his eyes and couldn't silence the enjoying part in him. It was refreshing to focus on something else than the demons in his mind.

It was refreshing to fucking taunt her.

"You had many admirers before you were a kingsguard, right?", she blurted out after a moment of locking her eyes on his smile.

"Excuse me?", he asked with sudden raise of eyebrows and a true surprise at his tone.

"Many women and men were ready to throw themselves to your path, I imagine.", she said and he knew it was not a compliment. He knew her enough to know that it wasn't a compliment. They had civil conversations before in Dragonstone and in their journey. But he tasted her wickedness enough to know this was the second. "A total killer who haunted those poor lustful ladies and lordlings.", she was almost pouting and Arthur was waiting for the final blow, truly curious about what was it. "They were worshipping you."

"Is this now you are channelling your inner thoughts?", he couldn't help to say and saw the way her lips crawled into a true smile. It was small but it was a real one. "Would you like to throw yourself into my path?", he knew this was crossing the line, he knew this wasn't taunting but ...teasing. But he liked the feeling.

Atera gave her breath through her mouth while tilting her head with a knowing smile and Arthur find it ...adorable.

"I would,", she raised her chin. "if you wouldn't choose to throw yourself to the king's path instead."

He had no idea what this feeling was. Just the fact that it was fucking burning.

Or maybe it was more like coming alive?

He wasn't sure about the difference.

"And let me guess,", he took an unintentional step towards her -didn't even notice it until her scent filled his whole being. Apples and lemon -with the heavy scent of peony. He thought that he liked it. "you are a total thief if I am a killer.", one of her eyebrows arched delicately. "Stealing hearts left and right, leaving those poor men and women wanting more. Never saying sorry and moving on with ease."

"Should I mourn for them instead?", she pouted mockingly. "It is not my fault that I am an attention catcher."

"Attention catcher?", he repeated with a laugh. "Is this how you see yourself?"

"Why, would you describe me otherwise?", she taunted him again, enjoying this playful conversation, feeling like she could breathe amongst in darkness. "I have many big enemies that would use other words if you are interested in."

"Who cares what would they say?"

"My other minor enemies, I venture.", she let out a dry chuckle. "They say I am a seducer witch.", she raised her chin with widened eyes to make an impact and Arthur heard himself laughing once again.

"I always like the bad ones anyways.", he blurted out and something flashed through her eyes. "It is easier when you make no promises."

"Surely being a kingsguard helped that."

Arthur sent her a reserved smile this time. "A kingsguard is sworn into celibacy, my lady. But well, from a certain point of view, yes, it did help that."

"Such a pity.", she said, openly observing him up and down, sending some kind of a tingling feeling to his entire body. "I might have thrown myself to your path."

"You don't mean that.", he wrinkled his nose. "You would rather pull me into your path, I don't think you are the type of doing the former."

"Maybe, maybe not.", she sent him a mysterious look. "We can never know."

*

A week later...

"You don't seem afraid of the height.", Arthur heard a very familiar voice -a voice that he could recognize even in his dreams now, they talked that much with each other. "I can't say the same for most men."

"Most men don't grow up in tall castles.", he was lying. He was afraid of the heights but he remembered Oswell's words 'fear is what keeps you alive', and he truly needed to feel alive even for a second.

Atera approached him from his behind, he was standing on the balcony between halls. It was a special place for Atera, she's been hiding here forever, and seeing someone, especially Arthur was weird for her.

"Is Starfall that tall?", Arthur turned to look at her and faced with a kind smile. "I've never had the chance to look around. I had been unconscious the whole time."

"The castle itself is not that tall.", Arthur began to speak a few seconds later, and Atera took a few steps forward, and stood next to him, both were watching the sundown. "But there is this tower, the Palestone Sword. Ashara's favourite place in whole Starfall."

"Tell me about it."

"You seem interested."

"Maybe I am.", she sent him a side look but completely turned to him when she realized he has been watching her already. "It's too early and I can't sleep, some story would be nice to hear."

"You can't seem to sleep these days, are you sure that you are alright?"

"I am doing just fine. It's just too cold and I will not deny the fact that I am nervous. We are not prepared for anything and I never lead a battle before -nor a city.", she hugged her wolf posts more, trying to warm herself.

"You are not alone."

"You didn't lead a battle before too."

Arthur didn't have any counterarguments. "Everything will be fine, your uncle will arrive in time. And you still have time to go to the Starfall or-"

"You know I would rather die in here than to run away. I did that once, I will not do it the second time.", she said strictly and turned to watch the redness in the sky. "Also my uncle isn't here, and there isn't even one thing that signals his upcoming arrival. We all are alone here, in a city that is filled with half a million people who would not just rather see me dead than face Ironborn, but they would love it."

"She was born there.", Arthur said after a few minutes.

"...in a tower?"

"Yes. We are all born in weird places.", she didn't ask but he continued. "Andric was born on the castle grounds, literally born on the castle grounds. Mother-", his voice cracked a little. "was on her daily walk and he decided to come early and the Maester told them that it was dangerous for her to walk, so they just made her lay there, it took a long while but then he was born. Ashara too came earlier than expected, on sunset, she was looking from that tower, waiting for her guests to arrive and my sister decided that it was the best time for unexpected guests, she took the longest time to arrive. And Allyria was born in stables. Normally the Maester told her that maybe she shouldn't ride while pregnant but she didn't listen and after returning from a ride, she started to give birth on the horse."

Atera smiled widely, closed her eyes felt the wind and the peace, Arthur was giggling in a low voice too.

"What about you?", she asked while her eyes were still closed and now Arthur was watching the sun.

"What about me?"

"Where did you born?"

"On a watch tower."

"Where, Ser? I need stories.", she rolled her eyes and Arthur smiled.

"My parents were travelling through villages and when they were passing the Torentine, they caught up in a sand storm and went to the nearest watch tower, which was in ruins but it was a shelter nonetheless, and I -obviously, came when I was expected."

"I assume it is your favourite place in Starfall?"

"It still is in ruins and far away from the castle but it belongs to me. It's who I am, my past. Every time my mind went too far to endure, I would run away there. To calm down, to relax. It's in the middle of nowhere, and when I go there I feel so small like my problems don't matter, they are not important. Just a tiny ship in a great storm."

"I love storms.", she blurted. "I miss storms. I miss the rain."

"A storm would save this city.", Arthur watched the sky with nervous eyes. A storm would mean their salvation because the remaining Oldtown fleet would have a chance of a strike.

"Yes, it would.", she said. "My offer is still holding on, go to your home, don't die here. Where it is so close but also so far."

"I am not planning to die. It's too early for that.", he shrugged.

"If you stay, know that you will not fight."

"My lady-"

"Cut the bullshit Ser, the prince would kill me if something would harm you."

"I doubt that.", he was in a mood today.

"Look,", she said taking a deep breath. His electric blue eyes were crowded and clouded, but nevertheless, it felt like she was looking to his soul. "sometimes we say things we don't mean and do things we regret when we are hurt. I don't know what happened between you before that but I can tell you this; he truly cares about you. I've heard all those stories, the Last Dragon and his Sword of the Morning, the inseparable duo. It was you against the world, and I am sure you two will find a way to reconnect."

"Have you ever had that kind of a friend? A kind that you love more than anything and yet you can't seem to do one thing right and fail them over and over again?"

Yes, yes she had.

And that friend abandoned her.

Sure, the Shield Islands were under attack and Paxter's priority should have been that but leaving without commenting on Rhea hurt her. He just said 'goodbye', offered no explanations, promised to return as soon as possible, kissed her head and left.

"I was never in your shoes before.", she smiled with grief, she didn't have friends any longer. "But I was in his. I had a friend who betrayed me countless times, and went behind my back even though I made her everything she was."

"What happened then? Did you forgive her?"

"Forgive her?", she laughed loudly and sadly. "No. No. She wasn't like you, she would tell me that she did those things to protect me from myself-"

"That's what I said to Rhaegar every single time."

"But that was a lie.", she deadpanned. "She was lying, she never cared about me. Just was good at manipulation and I was naïve enough to believe her. You are not like this."

"How do you know that I am not making up excuses to him to protect myself?"

"It's a good thing that if you want to protect yourself too. A relationship -whether between lovers or friends or family, shouldn't be one-sided. No one should devote themselves to one person at the cost of themselves. It's healthy if it's two-sided."

"That's not what he thinks."

"He'll come around when he calms down, I am sure of it. He seems like a sensible person.", she sighed when she looked at the sky again. "I missed my chance of wishing on my name day, did you know that?"

"When was it?"

"On winter solstice. Haven't you heard? I was born on winter solstice, during the moon eclipse and the queen constellation appeared in the sky. It's a story everybody whispers still."

"It's a magical one."

"Not magical enough apparently.", she muttered. "Not like born during a sandstorm though, that's more adventurous."

"And yours is more elegant.", he waited a little. "You've been in the tower on your name day?"

"No.", she simply said. "I got stabbed by my cousin on my name day."

Arthur didn't know what to say but saw how she rely on the balcony rail, closed her eyes and truly wished.

"I miss the rain so much, I wish it would rain now. If the name day wishes are true then that's what I wish. It doesn't even have to be a storm, just a drop of rain."

Arthur felt the sadness but before he managed to turn around a loud thunder and lightning brightened the Oldtown and a loud rain started to fall down, washing away Atera's doubts.

Maybe they were going to survive after all.

*

And they did survive.

Arthur only remembered the glimpses of it while the Maester tended to the wound in his arm under Atera's frustrated gaze.

The siege had started relatively calm with rain but no sign of the wind. She was all alone with only Mace and Vortimer and a council of fools by her side.

Baelor and Garth were in Braavos with Arys and Victor.

Paxter left to aid the Shield Islands.

Alerie was in the capital with her uncle.

She still didn't know where Doric and Arvel were in exile in Essos.

All alone, trying to defend a city that hated her.

She had ordered the Starry Sept to be open to place people there. The Hightower army contained 20 thousand mighty soldiers, normally, now she had five thousand at most -and three more being Florent supporters, no one around her had any military experience. And the majority of the people hoped for the city to be lost.

Atera didn't.

She had a ruined pride and a million things she haven't done and a duty she shouldered.

"Does one bad act ruins every good one?", she asked him at some point when the main ship of the Greyjoys was seen in the harbour, they couldn't see the sea, that's how crowded they were and the cannons were hitting them left and right.

"Doubt so.", he murmured. "It doesn't seem fair, why?"

She sent him a look and turned to look at the one more time before she gave a head gesture to one of the soldiers. He got his answer when a bright green light covered his senses and he had to turn his back away only to turn again a second later with a horrified look on his face.

"What was that saying?", Atera didn't turn her head away and the green flames of the wildfire looked majestic in her eyes. "Everything is acceptable at love and at war."

Yet, it wasn't enough.

"Men are departing.", one of the commanders rushed them in a breathless way.

"What?", Atera was frozen in the past half an hour, listening to the ongoing screams with an expressionless fire. "No, they are traitors, they will not do such a thing!", she said with a horrified face and started to climb down the steps to reach her commanders. "This is a fucking bullshit.", she stopped midway and yelled to Arthur -who was following her. "What is the meaning of this?", she roared when she entered the courtyard.

"It never is wise to anger the army.", Arthur said to her quietly, one hand on his sword. "Especially not in the time of war."

"Do you know who I am, Sers?", she asked loudly and the chief commanders bowed their heads.

"Of course, my lady.", one of them said, he didn't seem like he was departing, unlike the rest of them. "You are Atera Hightower."

"Then stop preparing to run away like cowards and listen to me for a second.", she snapped and the loud noises got cut off, she was aware that Mace rushed to her side while the other lords watched the scene from afar, hoping she would get killed. "Oldtown is invaded by Greyjoys and the Florents!", it was known that Rhea's brother Axell escaped and now teamed up with them. "Since when the Reachermen cower in front of the sight of Ironborn and run from the war with their tails between their legs?", she spat and Mace holds his breath.

They never did.

"They say Lord Leyton is dead and Ser Baelor had abondened us all.", the one that answered her informed her again. "Men do not want to fight on a lost cause."

"If Lord Leyton would be dead I would tell you so myself because he is my fucking brother.", her eyes were filled with tears and she was shaking. "Ironborn are here to rape our women and kill our men, torture our children. Axell Florent supports them to take what was never his or his whore sister's. This is not a fight you should endure for the sake of the nobles nor the rich men because you are not rich men and you will not get any richer after this war.", she continued. "But this is your city as much as it is mine and it is our war. I am here, I am not fleeing. I will not flee even if the city falls and I will die in the city that I was born, under the same sky that I looked up to my entire life. If you do not have the same courage fuck off now but know when we shall prevail in this war, I will come after all of you one by one and hang you all for traitors."

Oppositing the army usually never end well for the nobles -except this time.

"Light the tower.", she said when she returned back to the top of it.

"What?", one of the men dared to ask.

"This is a lighthouse essentially, no?", she said with a cold face and focused eyes. "And my ancestors lit the fucking way green every time they entered the war, Ser. Light the damn tower."

And then the hurricane came with the royal army, with the Velaryon ships, with Baelor and Garth, with Arvel and his Braavosi support.

And Atera decorated the city gates with their heads -Axell Florent's being more prominent than the others.

*

Two days later...

It was a sunny day, filled with fresh air and blossoming flowers with enchanting scents all around. And she was riding a brown mare with a newfound serenity with guards behind her. She didn't know where she was going but also she knew where she was going.

When she spotted an empty area between trees, she dismounted her horse and then realized the men in front of her. Her family members and her close friends.

There was Paxter at the front, holding a beautiful red apple to her, Mace and Daven were behind him alongside Baelor and Garth, Arvel and Doric. Atera smiled at her long-time friend and took a bite from the apple and then suddenly the scenery changed. She could hear the butterflies and the sunlight blinded her for a moment, when she opened her eyes, she saw her father, he was holding an arm to her which she accepted gladly. She was looking at him without blinking, realising after many years how majestic he actually looked. But a moment later he was gone and she was inside a wooden box, trying to get out but failing. She was pushing and pulling the wooden cells, trying to breathe, trying to calm herself down.

It was a fucking trap.

She saw Rhea approaching her with a torch and a smirk, and Jacen was behind her and Leyton -and everyone she saw as a friend, they all were laughing at her, at her idiocy, at her foolishness, at her naivety.

How could she fall into this trap?

But as she leaned down and set ablaze her wooden cell, she saw her father again, far away but so close. Looking at her with disappointment.

"What are you doing?", she heard him say.

She could hear her own screams and feel the actual pain of the flames and she could hear the loud and echoing laughs of happiness of her friends and family -no, not friends and family, the laughter of her enemies.

Yet despite all the sounds around them, she could hear his voice loud and clear and he was shaking his head with disappointment.

"Why are you still holding back?", his voice was clearer now. "Have you forgotten what they said to you? About you?", she closed her eyes, still could feel the pain of the burning but she would prefer to burn alive than to hear those words. "Have you forgotten what they did?"

"No.", she shook her head but she was talking to herself, not answering her father. She kept shaking her head and closing her eyes tightly, she didn't want to hear it.

"They think you are a monster.", he pressed the words, his voice getting louder and louder.

"No!", she screamed as loud as she can. She was not going to hear those words, she was not going to give in, she was stronger than that

"Prove them right.", she opened her eyes and saw her father looking directly at her with that familiar desire for blood.

"Father!", she woke up screaming.

Her whole face was covered in sweat and she was sure that her heart stopped beating due to all that breathing. It took her a few seconds to realize that her nightgown was actually on fire. She had fallen asleep in front of the fireplace, reading a book, cuddling with herself. She probably turned too much in her sleep due to the nightmare and now the end of it was literally inside the fireplace.

She wanted to scream as instinct but couldn't make a sound, she quickly pulled her leg and her hand blindly found a pillow and she started to hit it while she held a cup of water with her left and threw it to it. She let out a loud voice and threw herself to the floor, it took a couple of minutes for her to calm her breaths and completely wake up from the nightmare.

When she got up, she quickly looked at her leg. There was no pain so she thought it was that bad but when she looked, she saw nothing. There was only a slight redness, it wasn't even red, a pinkish colour, and even though she pressed her fingers hard on it, she didn't feel any pain.

She thought she had imagined what happened, due to a nightmare clouding her mind but when she looked at her nightgown she could see the black marks on it.

She was having a terrible day.

*

"May I ask if something had happened, my lady?", Arthur asked her the next morning while they were rushing to the courtyard -Doric had returned apparently. "You don't seem well."

"You just know how to make a woman happy, don't you, Ser Arthur?", she stopped walking abruptşy just to send a fake smile at him.

She was lucky that he was adjusted to the sudden movements due to Rhaegar stopping walking or starting walking when he was too caught up in something. Or else the heavy metal of his suit may have hurt her. And she seemed shaken enough.

"I just meant if you received a threat or something else.", he felt the need to clarify, he had no idea what that feeling was. But he felt overly nervous for the woman. "You seem tired as if something kept you away from sleeping. If there is something I can help, I would be more than happy to get involved with it."

"You men think that you can solve every crisis with your big and heavy swords.", she let out her breath through her nose with a mocking sound and she rolled her eyes. Her nerves were tense, her patience was thin and there was an unimpressed look on her obviously tired face. "Classic.", she stopped again and turned to him completely -they were lucky that there were no nobles at that side of the wing, Arthur made sure it was all clear to watch possible threats. "Well, let me tell you this Ser; not every problem can be solved with savagery and brutality."

"I didn't mean it like that.", Arthur shook his head with a mix of disturbed frown and an offended grimace. "Let me rephrase it.", he chose to offer her a kind smile. She was obviously having a bad day, there was no reason to anger her further. "Is there something I can help, my lady, not my sword?"

"I heard there are head doctors in Lorath, called therapists.", she raised her chin. "They listen to your problems and try to offer help.", she explained quickly. "Are you a therapist, Ser?"

"Don't have the education but people say I am a good listener.", he realized from the tiredness on her face that she in fact didn't sleep well -a nightmares clouded her night, maybe, and he was experienced in nightmares. He had his own demons, as did Rhaegar and Oswell. "And maybe we share the same wounds."

"Did your father cut off your mother's head and made you watch it when you were six?", she asked with zero movement in her face, deadpanned, basically, but there was something burning fiercely in her eyes that Arthur felt bewitched for a second. "No?", she didn't let him answer. "Thought so.", she murmured and took a deep breath, Arthur didn't know what to say. "I know that you just wish to help me because you are a knight and you knights have some code of honour,", she rolled the words with impatience. "But please, please, stay out of it. I am not a talkative person on these matters. I do not think you are too. You just saw a lady in distress and all your manly parts wanted to interfere -I understand the impulse, but-"

"I doubt you understand anything.", he cut her speech off. He was a knight of the kingsguard whose duty was to protect the royal family but now he was in a Gods forsaken city, trying to approach her whims delicately. Surely, he was merely doing his duty and she didn't owe him anything but a simple kindness wouldn't hurt. "Being rude to people doesn't make them respect you.", he looked down on her, she deserved such scolding. "It only makes them pity you, and I doubt this is a feeling that you would like."

She seemed she was second-guessing herself for a moment. "I had a nightmare."

"Figured so.", he said harshly.

"I almost burnt myself."

"Excuse me?", he leaned forward with confusion, thought he heard it wrong.

"I probably turned too much, when I woke up my nightgown was on actual fire."

"You must see a Maester.", he declared after sending her an unhappy glare, her talent of finding herself in a life-threatening situation was starting to bother him. "And before you object, let me remind you; it is my duty to keep you alive, so, Maester, now."

*

281 AC, King's Landing

"Father?", he asked eventually. "Do you think Rhaegar reached Oldtown yet?"

Aerys turned to him thoughtfully. "He should have."

"He told me that I can visit him and Elia anytime I wanted when I told him that I was going to miss him.", he dropped his toy and approached his father. "Can I visit them, father?"

"We don't know when will your brother return to Dragonstone, Viserys.", he didn't want to refuse it but he knew that he would never allow it. "We shall speak once he does."

"Does he have to go? To Dragonstone I mean. Can't he stay here like he used to?"

"Your brother is a married man now with his own child. He is the Prince of Dragonstone, he must reside in his seat or else he cannot secure power.", he didn't know why but with Viserys next to him, he reached for some sense of clarity, the voices in his mind got quiet, he felt like he was young and brave once again.

But the thought of Rhaegar ruined everything.

Sending him to Dragonstone was basically signing his own death warrant at this point but he had no reason to keep him here -he would be more dangerous in the capital, in the court, where he was close to the throne and the council.

"Would you come with me when I visit them?", he climbed onto his lap and Aerys secured it. "Mother always said we three would go there together because you would miss them too. She promised me."

"Has she?", he asked with disinterest. Rhaella's pathetic dreams never meant something to him. "Of course we would, my little dragon. Once your brother returns."

Before Viserys opened another subject the door opened and Jonothor entered. "The Lady Cersei Lannister, your grace."

He raised his eyebrow, put Viserys back to his feet and stood up. "Let her in, and escort my prince to his chambers. Do not disturb us."

*

281 AC, Oldtown

"Alerie?", Malora pulled her sister's arm and whispered into her ear. "I saw Grandfather and Corlys talking with the lords Atera sent from the council last night. Something is going to happen.", but before Alerie managed to say something to her, she left.

Alerie just wanted to sleep and wake up to find everything fixed, but sadly for her, life didn't always go as she wanted. She knew the moment she saw her maternal family that something was going to happen. She loved them dearly but it didn't blind her to their faults -like it blinded Baelor.

She was aware of the hatred their bore for her father and she was aware that when such an opportunity presented itself, they would not back down.

She didn't blame Vortimer for anything, not really. She grew up calling him 'uncle' too because he was both her father's best friend and the actual uncle of her half-siblings. While Baelor had to spend his entire childhood as Lucerys' hostage and got brainwashed, Alerie and Malora were free to stay with their father -simply because they were girls. Lucerys ruined the lives of their mothers and then didn't care about them, all of his hopes were set on Baelor's shoulders. He was waiting for the day Leyton died and Baelor ascended so that he could finally save the already ruined prestige of his house.

He didn't count Alerie and Malora and she was debating with herself now; why would she count him now?

She knew Vortimer wasn't after the regency but simply wanted to protect Leyton's life. Alerie wasn't naïve, she knew the moment Baelor was appointed as regent, it would open a window for Lucerys and Corlys to kill her father and while he made some grave mistakes, she was not going to let him die in this way, therefore, she had to prevent Baelor from appointed as the regent.

But she couldn't give it to Garth and open a huge drift between two brothers -one that they could never mend.

If she supported Baelor -the other half of her soul, her twin, her father would die. Corlys would have a seat in the high council of Oldtown, corrupting the city just like he corrupted Driftmark. They would use the Hightower influence and treasury to boost their own house and the city, ruining Hightowers in the process. Baelor was a strong heir and would be a strong ruler but not when he was under Lucerys' influence. But if Leyton died now, it would be too easy to do so. She was a Hightower first, a Tyrell second -and not a Velaryon in this lifetime.

But if she backed up Vortimer and supported Garth -brother but half-brother at the end of the day, she would once again throw Baelor into the arms of Lucerys and this time, it could end with a war. It also would let Faith delegitimize him, excusing the fact that their parents married with Valyrian customs, therefore, he is a bastard -but that would make her and her children bastards too and it could go all the way of her marriage annulment with Mace.

The third option -the one that Faith supported, was to give it to Humfrey, the actual bastard, and therefore Alekyne Florent. Which she would rather die.

She couldn't see a fourth option, another way and her time was ending and it was obvious that Lucerys and Corlys already set their game up and planned her father's murder.

"They think he died but we are not telling them.", Denyse rushed to her side and whispered to her ear. Alerie was happy that at least one sibling outside of their bubble (Alerie, Baelor, Malora and Garth) had their wits inside of their head. "I had ordered the guards to block the passage to his rooms. My uncle and yours are fighting and I think Atera is going to murder one of them.", she snorted. "I truly don't want to be cynical but I find it hilariously ironic that both of them were her lovers once."

What?"

"When was Corlys her lover?", she said with a disgusted face, there was no way this was true. She had more self-respect than that.

"Not Corlys but Jace.", she rolled her eyes. "I am just happy that Alekyne is such an ass that she'll not sleep with him too."

"Seriously?", she sent her a judging look. "We are on a threshold and you are talking shit about her affairs? Now?"

"I need to focus on something else or I'll lose my mind.", she nodded but then her face fell. "Alerie, I must tell you something."

"I really must go inside.", and figure out what to do.

"I am going to back Garth if it comes to that.", she said with one breath. "And not just me but Leyla and Alysanne too."

"Why?", she gulped like a fish. "We all are siblings-"

"Yes, we are.", she nodded and held her hands. "And I do love Baelor, this is not against him but-"

"Cranes are your family.", she said with an emptiness in her chest. Should Velaryons be her family too? Should she choose them over her own father?

"No.", she grimaced. "I mean yes, but no.", her eyes softened. "If Baelor takes the regency, father will die.", she deadpanned. "We all know that and I cannot risk it, I am sorry. I do not like your family, I never did and I love my father more than I love my halfbrother -because this is what we are.", she looked emotional. "I hate it, and I feel like a horrible person for thinking such things but in the absence of our father, we are not Hightowers. You, Baelor and Malora, you three are Velaryons, Garth, me, Leyla and Alysanne are Cranes, Lynesse is a Florent and Humfrey and Garth are whatever they are."

"They would conquer us if we are divided.", she said mindlessly. "Father and his siblings never made such a diversion."

"Yes because Uncle Arvel is in exile and Uncle Doric doesn't care about anything. There is only father and Atera at the end of the day, and he would rather die than call her his half-sister."

"Atera was always away too-"

"But never truly was away, no?", she seemed confused. "She feels like she was never here and that we are not close but she was always there even when she was not. Father always talked about her, she always wrote letters, and she visited frequently. This is her home as much as it is ours. Her influence was always there."

Alerie always hated scheming and plotting.

She truly hated it.

But she was a Hightower at the core, these things came to her naturally.

"Denyse-"

"I just want to say that I love you.", she squeezed her hands. "And I love my nephews and I truly hope these dark clouds will disappear and the sun will shine on us again but until then, I must stick with my own family and protect my father."

"It shouldn't be our job to protect him."

"No, it shouldn't.", she agreed with a forced laugh. "But what choice do we have? I cannot let Velaryons take over the castle, I am so sorry. I just wish that one day, we will be able to forget all this and unite once again. Until then, sister, take care of yourself and my nephews.", she placed a kiss on her cheek and left. Alerie could feel Malora's gaze on her.

Her mind knew what to do but her heart didn't want to comply.

"The rumours are not true.", she shushed everyone with a firm tone and the loud voices got cut off, and all turned to look at her. "My father is not dead so you all can calm down.", she looked into the eyes of the minor lords, and landed knights -unimportant pieces that her grandfather pushed their way. "And he is going to announce his regent."

"Whose word are we going to trust?", Vortimer was frowning. "His?", he sent a look to Baelor. She knew and she knew that he knew that this wasn't a slight against him, he just needed to rally the crowd but damn it hurt. Vortimer was more of an uncle than Corlys and Jace combined. A part of their childhood. "Or mine?", he realized the hurt he caused so he took a deep breath and made himself look complicit too -a gesture Alerie would never forget.

"You will simply have to trust my word.", she raised her chin and people actually gasped -she never realized how annoying it was and she continuously gasped. She could feel her husband's gaze on her, trying to understand what she was doing. "I am the Lady of Highgarden, wife of your liege lord. So if you will not dare to doubt my word or question my alliance, I am going to go in and talk with my father.", no one dared to say a word against hers. She could see the way her grandfather smirked, she couldn't take it, no, she had to do something. "And my great uncle, Ser Gerold, will accompany me so if one of you forgets himself, he will be there to confirm my words.", and with that, Lucerys stopped smirking.

It was Alerie's turn.

While walking towards her father's chambers she saw Atera's suspicious eyes but look at them with expressionless ones.

"You should stop undressing my niece with your eyes, we are in the middle of something very important.", Doric leaned to his right and whispered to Mace's ear.

"I am aware.", he whispered back, turning to him. "Though it is not something I can help, I love it when she yells at people."

"How come you never showed interest in Atera then?", he grimaced with confusion and Leyla and Alysanne actually turned to them with speechless faces. "She always yells at people."

"Exactly.", he let out a humourless snort and his gaze fell on Alerie's walking figure once more. "She gives me headaches."

"I can hear both of you.", she whispered back to them, even though there was a column between them -she could see and hear them well enough. "And I cannot possibly give you more headaches than you give me, Mace.", she added, her eyes never leaving Alerie even when she closed the doors of the chambers, she was expressionless, and could feel Vortimer looking at her but didn't turn back to him. "And that match didn't happen because I refused you, not because you refused me."

"I would rather die than marry you.", he said as kindly as possible.

"I look at you and go dry like sand.", she snapped back, turning her head to him and narrowing her eyes in a friendly manner. "If you were my husband, I would poison you."

"If you were my wife, I would drink it."

Doric started to laugh loudly while everyone's attention turned to them and Atera rolled her eyes and went to Vortimer's side, showing who she supported to all of them while Mace rubbed his face.

Garth was sitting on the chair, his hands were covering his face, he was hungover -or drunk, he wasn't sure, so embarrassed with Vortimer's actions, knowing he had the right mind but still felt awfully guilty, felt like he was a usurper whose after his own brother's rights.

And Baelor was watching him, one arm around Malora who lost her focus once more. He wanted to go to his side, reach out a hand to him and tell him that he knew it wasn't his fault but couldn't. He was born for this, this was his right and he couldn't just give it up just because some lords didn't like his grandfather. He also didn't believe in all the conspiracy theories that his siblings apparently believed. He would never let them harm his father. It wounded him gravely that his siblings thought otherwise.

"What are you doing Alerie?", Gerold asked with a frown when they entered the room, he sent a soft look to Leyton's sleeping figure. "You shouldn't get involved with these games."

"He is my father, they are my brothers and my grandfather and my uncle and it is my house, Uncle Gerold.", she said to him while approaching her father's side, trying to convince herself that she was doing the right thing. "Who should get involved with this game if not me?", she sent a worrying look at him. "You don't think we can wake him right at this moment, right?"

"The poison that they used is too powerful Alerie, I am sorry. I give him at least a fortnight to wake up and then a moon to recover fully."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.", she closed her eyes. "Doing one bad act doesn't make you a bad person, right?", she wanted to be assured.

"One bad act doesn't wash away the good, no.", Gerold was a soldier, he had long stopped believing in such things. "But one good act doesn't wash away the bad one too and most of my peers had been careless with their decisions. With time the lines got blurred and they couldn't see where they were standing any longer. It is a very delicate line to walk on."

"Family, duty, honour.", she opened her eyes. "Words of House Tully."

"Yes.", his tone was like questioning, he had no idea what this was about.

"Family comes first, yes?"

Duty meant the regency belonged to Garth because as the Lady of Highgarden, it was her duty to enforce laws and by all the laws of the Gods and the men, he was Leyton's rightful heir, therefore the rightful regent in the times of his absence due to war or sickness.

Honour meant the regency belonged to Baelor because it didn't matter how they were married, Leyton did marry Lady Alyssa Velaryon and Baelor was his first child, the eldest son, his de facto heir, therefore the rightful regent in the times of his absence due to war or sickness.

Family meant the fucking fourth way.

"Yes."

"Should it come first?"

"I never put my family in the first place.", he was not a man who regretted his choices, he chose a path and now almost three decades later, he was going to stand by his decision. "Cannot say I regret it."

"Not even when my grandfather executed Lady Jenica?", she wondered. "Didn't you want to be here?"

"If I were here, I would kill Gerard myself and would be a kinslayer.", he always admitted that.

"Not even when my grandfather got killed?"

"I was relieved that someone else did the job for me.", he deadpanned and Alerie nodded solemnly.

"I am not you, uncle.", she muttered while looking at her father. "I must protect this family from itself even though it would mean that I have to tear it down myself."

"When Alerie comes out and gives the ring to Baelor,", Lucerys whispered slowly with little motion. "we are going to do it."

"Everything is set and ready, Father.", Corlys answered the same way. "He is not going to make it out to the next day."

"What if people would think Baelor did it?", Jace wanted Leyton dead as much as they did but still, he had questions.

"Let them.", Corlys answered instead of their father. "Better for us."

"He is our nephew."

"And my grandson.", Lucerys sent a look at him. "You don't see me complaining with emotions."

"My father had spoken.", Alerie entered the room with enthusiasm.

"They are going to make their moves.", Alysanne was watching the Velaryons with disgust.

"How do you know?", Leyla turned to her.

"How do you not?", she scoffed, Vortimer wrapped his hands around both girls and placed kisses on their heads.

"Do not worry, everything will be fine.", his eyes lingered on Atera after she turned and rolled her eyes with a mocking smile. "Trust your sister's intelligence."

"I would if the said sister wouldn't be Alerie."

"Leyla.", Atera warned her with a firm face.

"What?", she shrugged. "She is too emotional, she can never go against father's wishes and we all know that he would choose Baelor.", she shook her head. "This is going to be a disaster."

"Hush now.", Vortimer shake her a little and placed another kiss. "Everything will be fine as long as we believe everything will be fine."

"He thanks all of you for your unsaid good wishes.", she was acting like this wasn't such a big decision but a normal afternoon. "I couldn't bring myself to tell him that all of you are after his seat."

"I told you.", Leyla whispered with disappointment.

"She has a plan, you idiot.", Alysanne rolled her eyes. "Or else she wouldn't go there.", Leyla would say something but Atera winked at Alysanne, proving that Alerie indeed had a plan.

"He had given the accounts of the state to Lord Kevan, his chief advisor.", she bowed her head to him. And raised the signet ring. "He had agreed with your concerns and decided that the city shouldn't be without a leader until he wakes up. If the Gods would decide to end his life, my brother Baelor will succeed him as his eldest son and heir.", she smiled at her brother, and her heart twitched. "But,", all the laughter died and they all waited for her next words. "until then, he chose,", her eyes roamed around the room and found Atera in the corner. "his sister, my aunt, the Lady Atera as his regent."

She was aware that the world was still moving. She could hear the gasps and loud whispers, she could feel the curious and shocked gazes on her, she could feel Vortimer's hand at her back but she couldn't bring herself to do anything.

She realized that Alerie approached her and was saying something to her while holding the ring only when Vortimer pinched her back lightly.

"-he wants it back.", she said in a cheerful way and the crowd laughed. She saw Baelor, looking like a lost puppy in the corner and the spiteful looks of the Velaryons.

"You just signed my death warrant.", she managed to whisper while looking at the ring that Alerie placed on her palm.

"Better you than my father.", she snapped back with a lovely smile on her face. Then she moved to the middle of the room. "My father also wants to see his family, since he is awake, so please move fast."

"Smile.", Vortimer moved to her front to cover her frozen face and whispered into her ear. Leyla and Alysanne were looking at her with widened eyes "Atera, smile, now.", he gritted his teeth while he himself was smiling.

"I didn't want this.", she managed to whisper.

"I don't fucking care right now, dear.", he wrapped an arm around her waist and placed a kiss on her cheek, pretending like he was celebrating her. Doric walked past them without breaking eye contact.

"I don't want to see him.", she whispered back. "Can't you go in my place?"

"We both know this is not happening.", he moved to her other cheek, acting slowly on purpose. He was trying to give her time. "He is not awake, this is all Alerie's doing. And now, she wants to see you all, so, move.", he put a hand on Mace's chest while he was following Doric. "Not now."

"I am family too.", Mace argued.

"You are too, Vortimer, you are his former brother-in-law.", she whispered swiftly, finally managing to close her palm but Vortimer opened it again.

"Immediate family only, so we both will stay.", he sent a look at the girls. "You too."

"Why?", both objected at the same time.

"This is going to be a grow-up talk, I don't want you to get involved with it.", he took the ring from her palm and held her right hand delicately. "I am your guardian since your father is ill, and I forbid you.", he sent them a serious look. "Not available for negotiation. And you,", he turned to her and placed the ring on her ring finger. "smile and move.", then he pushed her forward, almost causing her to trip.

There was Leyton's sleeping figure inside the room and his children; Alerie, Baelor, Malora, Garth, Denyse and his siblings; Atera and Doric.

"Dark days cannot seem to end.", Alerie felt the need to say while they were all faced with the cold hard truth.

This was Alerie's decision.

"It could have ended.", Baelor said with unfocused eyes, as if he was in a trance. "The sun could have been born."

"And who is this sun, Baelor?", Atera felt like her heart stopped ever since she saw Leyton again. "You?", they all turned to her and she raised her eyes to Baelor's shocked ones. "Because I know for one that anyone who cares about him would say such a stupid thing."

"Atera.", Doric warned her gently. "Not today."

"When?", she turned to him. "We are looking at his father's almost dead body and the only thing he can think is the way that he lost the chance to murder his own father in a non-complicit way."

"What the hell are you talking about?", Baelor raised his voice. "Speak rightly to me. I am-"

"Nothing.", she snapped at him, she was feeling so sick for having such a conversation in the presence of Leyton when he was in this state but she couldn't stomach the fact that he was feeling sorry for this while seeing his father's true state. "You are nothing from now on, you always were nothing in here.", she spoke with disgust. Somebody needed to open his eyes to the reality. "And you are always going to be no one here until he dies."

Garth rubbed his face with trouble, he seemed like he was going to cry. "Atera plea-"

"You are crossing the line.", he spat and took a step towards her. "I am sick of your constant disrespect and-"

"I do understand Lucerys and Corlys, truly.", she raised her chin and raised her voice to match with Baelor's. "They have been waiting for this moment for years, after all, more than two decades and they were imagining his death. But you?", she raised her voice even more -she wasn't yelling though. "What has gotten into you to cloud your judgement and blind your concise conscience like this? Hmm? Did Braavos change you this much in this short time that you look at your father when he is in this state and still long for an ounce of power or have you been always like a blood-sucking cockroach and we took you for a man?"

"For Gods sake!", Denyse rubbed her face and turned to Malora -who was surprisingly listening to the conversation with pure attention. "Should we interfere?"

"No.", she declared, both Alerie and Garth's horrified looks found her. "They need to get it out of their system. If Baelor cannot face this now, he never can."

"This is your father.", she spat. "You carry the same blood as him. And now, instead of praying for his health, you are after small plans."

"What plans are you talking about? This is an ugly and incorrect accusation."

"Is it a lie?", she questioned with frantic behaviour. "Isn't this what you want? You and those dogs you call family? Isn't this what you desire in truth? You chose to turn a blind eye to his murder just so you can take this fucking ring.", she took a step towards him, they were too close now, fuming with anger. "All of your supporters are screaming for your name, calling you the Lord of Oldtown already without shame. They want him to die and you to replace him because he is strong and you are not.", she hit to his chest with her pointing finger. "And despite this disrespect, you keep your silence. Because you like that they are saying these."

"This is my birthright.", he spat back. "I was born for this. My father had promised me. If there is someone whose after little plans, it is you."

"Enough, Baelor.", she interrupted him. "You and your new friends and those Velaryon dogs... You all think that this castle belongs to you. You name anyone who doesn't agree with you as the enemy. If you want to see the real schemers and plotters, turn around and look at your grandfather, look at your uncle. They have been plotting to kill my brother -your father."

"I am sure they were.", he nodded with a mocking face and Atera actually raised her hand to punch him but Doric held it back and pulled her to himself.

"When none of you were here, I was.", Doric interfered. "We sired from the same father, born from the same mother, and grew up under the same roof.", he spat to all of them. "My love, respect and devotion for him in unquestionable.", he looked to them all. "And I know the same can be said for all of you. If I had a doubt, I would kill that person myself.", he looked to Baelor and Atera respectively. "Stop with this nonsense now. You all may believe what you believe, but I will not hear another word about it."

"There is only one thing that I believe, brother.", she pulled her arm back. "Our brother is going to wake up and get healed and then make anyone who wished otherwise pay.", she curtsied deeply to Leyton and left the room.

*

She hated everyone and everything.

It wasn't an unusual thought for her still she never felt it this passionately before.

She sat there and watched the way Alea braided her hair into one complex braid and filled it with jewelry, letting it fall to her shoulder. She was wearing the same satin fuchsia-coloured gown with the back cape that she wore in the tourney at Storm's End. A little more than a year ago, still she felt as if a lifetime passed.

"You are not going to do something stupid, no?", Alea asked, sending an anxious look to the ring on her finger. "You were careless with Ser Baelor yesterday, you must play it cool today. There are too many people who would love to see you fall. Do not give them an advantage."

"They do not need an advantage, they can easily kill me while I am walking in the halls.", she shrugged. "There is no one that protects me."

"There is Ser Arthur.", she frowned. "I heard that after yesterday, Ser Gerold asked him to guard your door at night when he was available. And he also added a few more knights to your household -and replaced your captain at guards."

"He did?", she wondered with disinterest, her hand was caressing the ring.

"Yes, his name is Finnan, I met him and I think he is safe.", she turned around and sat on the makeup table to apply the cream onto her face comfortably. "You know I am never wrong about people.", Atera rolled her eyes and Alea rolled hers back. "Do not cross with Lady Alerie."

"She basically told me she would prefer me to die than Leyton."

"You would prefer her to die than Leyton.", she said pointedly and sent her a look while this time applying blush to her cheekbones. "You both are on the same page after many years. You always judged her for being too emotional and advised her to use her head more. You cannot cross with her now just because she did the exact thing you told her to do."

"I can do whatever I want to do.", she raised her hand. "I have the fucking ring."

"This ring means nothing.", Alea shrugged. "They still can kill you and him and place Baelor or whoever they want into the seat of Oldtown. This doesn't give you security. The friendship of the Lady of Highgarden and the protection of a kingsguard gives you this. And your uncle's title and reputation scare everyone away.", she looked directly into her eyes. "But not forever."

"I know all these, Alea why are you telling me?", she asked with a tired tone and Alea gave her the grape-coloured lipstick.

"Because sometimes you require people to tell you the things you already know.", she stood up and sent her a judging look. "And sometimes you still choose to do the irrational thing."

I shouldn't have killed Rhea.

"I do not regret it.", she said shamelessly and applied the lipstick -she had to admit that she looked beautiful, as usual.

"What do you think it will be the Velaryons' reactions?", Alea wondered with worry.

"They will force me to abdicate.", she said but then frown to herself and spoke with confusion. "Though the regents cannot abdicate, I guess? Yes? No? Well, it doesn't matter.", she rolled her eyes and stood up, fixing her gown. "They are going to force me to give the ring to Baelor."

"Then don't.", she shrugged and Atera laughed at her dryly.

"You and Leyton are too similar, did anyone tell you that?", she shook her head. "Things are not that simple."

"Why is that? You know if Ser Baelor takes the regency now, the Velaryons are going to murder your brother and terrorize the whole city. So the answer is clear; do not give the regency to him. Clung into that ring and title as if your life depends on it."

"My life kinda depends on it.", she narrowed her eyes. "Corlys would strangle me with pleasure and I doubt Lucerys would care about me -though he might be reluctant because my uncle is here but still, my life is not some precious thing to those people. They are going to strike the moment they see a weakness.", she huffed while her eyes got sterner. "They wouldn't pry around Garth if he were named as the regent. But they will come after me, they will think it is easy, just because I am a woman.", she was furious about that. "And the whole blame will fall on Alerie even though my uncle confirmed her words. They will blame her for lying and scheming just because they can, just because she is a woman."

"Silencing them would only make them think that you fear what they say.", she tried to reason. "But letting them talk would fuel the fire of your own death, so you must be very careful. It is a fragile line that you are walking."

"I always walk on a fragile line.", she turned to Alea. "Lucerys will want to negotiate and would hold Corlys back for a while. He thinks I am of no consequence and that I cannot handle the pressure. Worse, he knows that we are in dire need of help because while we beat the Ironborn, they did not leave the Reach completely. Our fleet is destroyed and Paxter still is in the Shield Islands, protecting it against the raids. They know that we cannot get our hands on the gold in our fucking bank due to losing the trust funds, they know we cannot bribe anyone or build a fleet. They know that there are three thousand soldiers who can start a revolt at any minute and we cannot do anything about it. They know we are weak and he is going to offer support in exchange for me giving the regency to Baelor.", she narrowed her eyes. "But they also know that I will never accept such a thing. That I would rather the city turn into ashes in my hands than theirs. That I will never give them the satisfaction. Baelor probably already went them and cry, that little insurable bastard.", she winced at the last word and scowled to herself.

Alea didn't mind it. "What then? They are not going to let it be."

"No, they will not. Before the day ends, another part will come with another offer. They are going to limit my choices and prevent the people from helping me. They will force me into choosing two options -both being their options. I am either going to give the regency or something equally horrible."

"What could it be?", she wondered.

"I have no idea."

And she was right about their mindset. Lucerys did what she thought he will, gave her an ultimatum and demanded the things she already predicted all while threatening her.

But she had to admit, she was not expecting the second offer at all. The sheer audacity of it, shook her to the core.

Edwell Celtigar, the Lord of Claw Isle, Lucerys' nephew by marriage (his aunt was Serena Celtigar, Lucerys' late wife, the mother of Corlys and Jacaerys) and one of Prince Rhaegar's bannermen, asked for an audience in the middle of the day and she curiously accepted him.

"Lord Velaryon came to me.", he said after some point. "And made me an offer."

"Hmm, did he?", she was not surprised -though something in her alarmed because why on earth he was telling her this?

"A place in Prince Rhaegar's court and a seat in his council."

He wasn't a handsome man -neither a clever one. His eyes were that creepy shade of blue, his face filled with malice and his hair made him look like a loser -though she heard from many ladies that they found him incredibly charming.

She thought it was the most stupidies thing she ever heard.

"And how is he planning to do such a thing?", she mocked. "He cannot even add his own sons there. He has no power over the prince's household."

"No, he does not.", he agreed. "But Princess Elia does.", Atera raised her eyebrow slowly, trying to calculate if Elia would do such a thing -she didn't know her that well.

"In exchange for what?", she decided to end the conversation.

"Your life.", he deadpanned and Atera was surprised by the lack of fear.

"Oh.", she raised her eyebrows but then laughed at his face. "Whatever are you talking about?"

"Such raise of station would make me gain more but I cannot survive there with only the princess' support.", he scoffed. "The prince would only listen to her as long as she entertained him in his bed which by all records, she cannot."

She had to bite her tongue not to curse him or slap him silly. She was going to make him pay for that comment sooner or later.

"What do you want from me then?", she asked.

"I want you.", he took a step towards her and by instinct, she took a step back.

"What?", she spat, the anger was rising from within.

"Marry me, together we would unite our houses. I would give you the fleet you desperately need to protect the city and with you being married to a lord, the bank would give you those trust funds you need to build this city back and run everything in its tracks. You would be under my protection and neither of the Velaryons would dare to go against you. The other lords would stop coming after you because now they would know that there is a man at your charge. And when your brother wakes up, we would return to Claw Isle. You would start to serve the princess again one of her ladies and with that, I would enter both the court and the council and no one can throw me from there. With time, that Dayne woman she favours would marry too, so you would become her chief lady in waiting and we would have everything we ever wanted.", she wanted to laugh at her face but held herself back, minutes passed and he asked. "Will you not say anything, my lady?"

"What can I say, you thought of everything.", she said with a fake impressed tone, her mind was working too fast, she was thinking multiple things at once. "I need time.", she managed to say. "I need to think first."

"It is either your life or-"

"My life.", she snorted. "There is no difference."

"You have a day.", he concluded and left.

Arthur watched him leave with narrowed eyes, otherwise emotionless face. He looked at Atera's lovely figure, this colour had suited her beautifully. "Did he say something to bother you, my lady?", he couldn't help but ask when he saw her delicate face wrinkled with rage and worry -and humiliation, one hand was on his sword.

He never liked the man to begin with and if he caused trouble to the lady he promised to protect, he could just go and slit his throat for the insolence.

"No, no.", she shook her head. "I just need time."

"Are you sure?", he knew that he shouldn't press but she didn't seem well and it ...shattered something in him. And when she looked up at him with a deep sadness in her eyes, he felt like his heartbeats were getting faster -due to the air being hot, he tried to convince himself. "I can make him pay, otherwise."

"I heard that my uncle asked you to guard my door at night.", she said instead. "I do understand why you must feel compelled to agree but do not worry. I will talk with my uncle, you don't have to do that."

"I didn't agree because I felt compelled, my lady.", there were no emotions on his face. "But because I think you need the extra protection, now more than ever."

"You are a kingsguard. You need to be with the prince."

"Ser Gerold usually guards your brother's door and Ser Oswell is always with the prince. It wouldn't be suitable for me to sleep at night anyways when my sworn brothers did not."

"Arthur you are wounded.", she said with confusion and the lack of a proper title made his heart stop momentarily. He had no idea why he liked it this much -probably because he missed being simply Arthur, not Ser Arthur of the Kingsguard, the deadliest knight alive. "You must rest, not stand at my door."

"With all due respect my lady,", a small part of him wished to address her without her title too but he silenced it quickly. He was a kingsguard, he was not allowed to have close relations. "my commander and I had agreed on this matter. As long as it troubles you, I shall continue to my duty."

"It only troubles me if it would trouble you.", she seemed to not be able to find the right words.

"It does not.", his face, he supposed, should have gotten darker due to his thoughts and that was why she was this surprised. "I will be at the door, my lady, if you shall need anything."

*

"I am your brother, I am trying to protect you!", he said with an offended tone half an hour later.

He had visited her, she mentioned the proposal and now he was losing his mind over it, promising to kill him with patience and delicacy so he would feel eternal pain before he died.

Atera only rolled her eyes.

"And you think I am incapable of protecting myself?", she turned to him with a swift movement, hurt too clear on her face. "You think I am that pathetic that I need my older brother every time someone insults me because I am so weak that I cannot give him the answer he deserves?"

Doric was looking at her with shock. "I would never-"

"Because you are wrong!", she snapped, there was a childish temper on her face. "Because you weren't there and I protected myself when Rhea and Jacen took over this city!", she closed three fingers on her right hand and connected her forefinger and thumb, putting it on her chest. "I protected this city and half a million people that live in it when the Ironborn sieged us! I think I am capable of protecting myself now, I do not need you."

"I never said you needed me.", he sounded heartbroken. "And I am sorry for not being there when you needed me but-"

"There is no but.", she snapped. "You weren't there when I needed you and now I do not need you anymore. You let me down.", she knew she was being unfair, so unfair, but couldn't handle being cuddled now.

She expected Doric to fight back only to leave her chambers with tears. She stood there, mouth open with surprise, thinking what she had done to deserve such a hysterical family.

*

"I heard what happened.", her uncle entered her chambers with a warm expression.

"Which one?", she took a deep breath with a headache, she was sitting on her couch, reading a book.

"All of them I guess?", he offered him a smile and sat next to her. "You don't want Arthur at night duty, you fought with Doric and Celtigar proposed your marriage -and Lucerys threatened you."

"All true.", she smiled and closed the book.

"Your mother was the most beautiful bride I had ever seen.", Gerold said out of nowhere and her smile got erased. She and Gerold had a cliff between them. He was Jenica's best friend and did nothing when she died, and Gerold couldn't look at her as he did because she reminded him of her. They never spoke about her before, it was a silent agreement and she didn't like that he broke it. "And the saddest one.", he added with a smile. "She wouldn't want her only daughter to be like her."

"Those days are long gone, uncle. Just like my mother.", she bit her tongue until it bled and then added. "And I am not that little girl any longer, in need of protection, you will never see her again."

"I know that feeling, Atera, trust me, I do.", he sighed, his eyes roaming around the room. "You cannot change life, it changes you.", he patted her arm. "This is Lucerys' game, you shouldn't think otherwise.", she didn't. "You shouldn't accept the offer.", she didn't have the time to think about it yet. "Trust me and your brother. You are still so very young, even though you claim to grow up. We know it better than you, we can protect you better than you. Tell him that you say no and let us handle it. Alright?", he asked with a small pressure in his eyes and a soft smile and she only manage to nod.

She hated everyone and everything.

*

She woke up after an hour or so of sleep, crying to herself while laying on the bed, feeling overwhelmed and cornered and as if she lost. She stopped her tears when the door opened, she couldn't deal with Alea now but when the steps didn't stop in the middle of the room and she smelled the cologne, she understood it was not Alea.

It was Jace.

She pretended that she was sleeping as he came close to her bed. She cursed herself mentally for not having a dagger under her pillow. She didn't think that much caution was needed when Arthur mostly stood vigil outside of her chambers at night. But now Jace was here and it was so easy for him to cut her throat.

It surprised her that she didn't feel anything about this possibility.

He sat on the other side of the bed, she couldn't see his movements but she knew that he knew she was awake. "Sometimes when I sit in a tavern at night, surrounded by my crew, a certain sadness falls on me.", he spoke with softness. "I don't where it comes or why it comes, it just does and I feel like something is missing. And then on my way to my ship, I see all those homes, hearing the laughter of families -men, women and children. I close my eyes and imagine that I have that kind of life."

She knew him better than he knew himself. That kind of life was not it for him. He would marry, make a few children and then got bored, and abandon all.

"More than once, I closed my eyes and my mind -my heart, imagining you in that scenery. We are not Jacaerys Velaryon and Atera Hightower in those dreams, we are just you and me, living in a modest, humble home, you cook and take care of our children, I work at the harbour but when I come home, you are always there and we are happy. It is you and me but a different you and me, in another life."

She couldn't believe his entitlement and selfishness. Even in his dreams, he didn't care about her, he didn't know her. Her reluctance for marriage wasn't out of a rebellion against Leyton but for fear and her coldness towards children wasn't out of trying to be different but because she simply couldn't have them.

"In a life that you love me. In a life that we can have if you refuse him today. In a life that we can have if you say yes to me instead.", he sighed and put a hand on her arm briefly. "We can have this, all of this if you just say yes to me.", and then he left.

She could never like a man like him -who would betray not only her by letting the Edwell Celtigar plot by also betraying his family by doing this in the last minute. He didn't know her, he didn't love her, he didn't even respect her. He thought he knew the mask on her face, he thought he loved the beauty of her, he thought he respected her by giving her 'another chance'. While in truth he just wanted to have the upper hand against Lucerys and Corlys because they scolded him about the boys.

He dared to make this offer because he thought he owed it after helping her. Because he didn't see her as a human being with emotions and thoughts but as a prize to be won. Because he just wanted a Hightower to increase his power.

She couldn't believe that she was blinded by his charms once.

"Alea?", she called a few moments later and her friend entered. She knew if Alea didn't let him, Jace could never enter the room, she also knew that she didn't allow him to hope for a match between them but because she knew Atera needed something to clear her mind. "Prepare me a bath, please. I must look beautiful."

And beautiful she looked with her teal dress and emerald jewellery with a beautiful crown. The sun was in her hair and the moon in her eyes. And everybody looked at her while she walked into the main hallway and whispered about her beauty for the first time after a long time.

She was a lucky child. She was the apple of the eye of her father, the most respected Lord Gerard, and the part of her mother's heart, the most envied Lady Jenica. And when she was a little older than a child when she was a girl, she was already the most beautiful one in the castle, and in Oldtown and in the entire realm.

People could claim it is Ashara Dayne or Cersei Lannister but one look at her, and the answer was obvious to all.

All the precious and expensive jewellery in the harbour came to her, all the rare fabrics were offered to her, and the richness of her late parents belonged to her. Everything, every luxury in her life had been recherche, and unique to her. Everybody wanted to be her -including her own nieces. Every woman in the world would die to be on her shoes for one day and men all around the realm would kill -and did kill, just to have her favour, just to touch one hair strand, just to set their eyes upon her for a second.

She was not the most important woman in the realm, no, but by far, she was the most precious one.

She was better than both Edwell Celtigar and Jacaerys Velaryon and the likes of their families were nothing when compared to hers. It was an insult to even hear the proposals. They were the sons of disgraced lords and lickspittles while she was the daughter of the most feared and loved lord in the Reach.

They were simply not in the same race and yet, both dared to speak to her -which made her fill with rage.

How could they?

Oh, but she knew how could they.

Because they knew -at least were aware, or hoped, that the woman they see wasn't her true self, no, she was like a reflecting jewel that faded with every passing day. They knew she was nothing without Leyton behind her. They knew she would fall from grace too quickly and too hard the moment Leyton dies because of Baelor.

They knew her days were limited.

But she knew herself better than that.

She was fading not because of Leyton but because of herself. She was her own enemy, her mind and her heart were in a never-ending battle, forcing her to choose but if there was one thing they agreed that her days were indeed limited.

And maybe it was a good idea that it was her who ended it.

Her heart was dying slowly due to the betrayals all around, her mind was weak and damaged, and she could feel herself slowly turning against her. People were dying, people were suffering, there was an apocalypse all around her and yet, she was standing in the middle of a burning room, in the middle of a wretched siege, in the middle of the war that is going to end all the wars, and she was alone.

Alone.

With no one to hold, no one to trust, no one to believe.

She was frozen in time while people were born and people died, while men swore oaths and broke them without a single thought, while women suffered and suffered and then suffered some more. Life was going around her -without her, with all its reality and pain. And she was alone.

And no one was asking her how was she able to continue.

The worst storm was happening inside of her, not in the sky, and there was no dawn coming for her. And the secrets she held in her heart was poisoning her more and more, breaking her to a point that she didn't know how to move on and the vultures that wore the skin of men were roaming around her, forcing her to make a mistake.

She could give up and throw herself from the shiny beacon that she just threw Rhea or she could choose to fight and survive and prevail.

While she did not cower from the former option, something in her forced her to choose the latter. She wasn't sure what it was. Maybe she wanted to say 'fuck you' to everyone who was expecting her to fall, or because she wanted to annoy people to the point that they would fall, or maybe she wanted to read one last book to Willas, or play one last catching game with Garlan, or visit the Arbor one last time or maybe gain another scolding from a certain kingsguard.

Or maybe she just didn't want to die and her depression was just a game of her own mind playing on her.

Nevertheless, she made her choice -a choice that she knew Leyton would hate, yet, who was she to tell 'no' when the others wanted to play?

She entered the room, she could feel the surprise of the people in there due to her looking like her old self -rich and beautiful. She walked towards her seat with a straight spine and sat down with elegance and Lord Celtigar was the first one to approach her.

"I thought and I thought.", she said when he finally asked her about her decision. "And I made my decision. I accept your proposal."

*

"What was that?", Gerold entered the room with fury and Atera started to count to ten to calm herself down. She was facing with the window, not with them, both of her hands were on her waist.

Alerie and Garth were inside of the room -with Alea and Finnan, and Gerold entered with Lewyn and Arthur.

They all were tense.

"What was what?", she asked with a bored tone without turning to him.

"We had talked about this, have we not?", he snapped. "I told you not to do that. How could you step on my word."

She closed her eyes tightly, there was no need to lash out her anger at her uncle, no matter how much he deserved. Alerie sent an anxious look at her. She already fought with her, and Arvel and Baelor and Doric. There was no need to add Gerold to that list.

"Uncle Gerold maybe we should talk about this matter when we all calmed down.", she stepped up to play the mediator. "We all are rightly surprised and we all have opinions about what happened but yelling them wouldn't work, right?", she turned to Garth for support.

"My sentiments exactly.", he murmured. "Alea?", he made a head motion for her to remove Atera from the room.

"Yes, maybe it would be better if you rest first.", she said with a hopeful tone and put a hand on Atera's shoulder but she shook it off and sent an irritated look. She didn't like that her best friend sided with Alerie -they were not talking at this point, and she wasn't going to listen to her, even though she was right.

"I don't need to rest, I don't want to rest.", she almost hissed and Gerold couldn't stop herself.

"What would Leyton think?", he said and something just broke inside of Atera.

Her tolerance, probably.

"After my mother's death,", she turned to them with a silent aura on her. "I wasn't able to move on for a very long time.", Gerold took a deep breath. "I was just laying in my bed, not eating, not sleeping, not doing anything. Leyton visited me every day.", she smiled to herself, she wasn't looking at them, her eyes were focused on the floor. "He brought me food -but never forced me to eat, he just stayed with me, read to me, he wanted me to know that he was on my side, no matter what and even though everything had changed, nothing had changed.", she closed her eyes and took a shaky breath and continued.

"You realized that my rooms are Leyton's old rooms?", she looked at Gerold with a smile, nobody knew what she was trying to say, just hoping that she would finally explode and relax. "I cannot fit in there anymore, it is too small for me but when I was young, it seemed bigger than the whole world.", her smile grew bigger. "After her death, I had problems with sleeping for a very, very long time because the nightmares didn't seem to get away, they just got worse and worse and worse.", her eyes started to get teary. "And I had no one.", she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, it was hard for her to reminisce. "Except Leyton.", she widened her eyes briefly and let out a dry chuckle. "So I went to him, every night. He actually separated his bed with Meredyth just because of that -so that she could sleep better. And we would stay all night, he would tell me about the stars and history, he taught me how to play chess and tried to teach me a few different languages, politics, everything and read me until I fell asleep.", she had to stop for a moment and swallow her cry, took another deep breath to calm herself down.

"Leyton is my brother.", she looked at Gerold again. "And once, he was the only family I had because the rest chose to abandon the ship before the storm even approached.", Gerold straightened his shoulders. "And he is good.", she whispered the last word. "He is good and compassionate, he has such a big and wonderful heart and lots of love to give to others. He doesn't discriminate, just helps them all, he doesn't judge people, and he doesn't punish people. He has the talent to see the best in the worst people and he holds onto that part and makes them better. He believes in people and that they can change. He is a good man, a great man, the best man I know. And he is my brother and there is no one in this world that loves him more than me or knows him better than I do.", her smile got erased and her eyes started to burn.

"So when you stand there, uncle, and tell me that maybe I am making a mistake, and maybe I should stop -you are wrong.", she nodded to herself. "Because there is no 'maybe', I am making a mistake, I should stop.", she took a step forward. "And when you tell me that Leyton wouldn't want me to do any of this, that he would be horrified with everything...", she tilted her head. "I know that too. But to be honest? I don't fucking give a damn about what Leyton would want."

"Atera-"

"No.", she raised her hand to stop him from talking. "No.", she shook her head to herself, she was starting to get angry. "What did being this good ever gained him something? His wife (whom he saved from a brothel, legitimized, married and named as the lady of the castle) cheated on him with his cousin, sired bastards and planned a coup to murder his entire family -and actually almost murdered him. His cousin (that he took it to his home when his own mother and brother fucking loathed him because he was an honourless cockroach) fucked his wife in his home and made him call some bastards 'son', murdered his own brother and tried to murder us all. His council abondened him, the Citadel closed its gates, his fellow lords just stood there and watch, the Faith turned their back on him and now his people are defending that whore instead of feeling sorry for him.", she was breathing fast and voice was getting louder. "He is a joke in front of the entire realm. People are going to whisper his back forever. Even in the eyes of his own family he is nothing more than a disappointment because him being good doesn't make us respect him, it just makes us fucking pity him for being this weak.", she yelled the last word.

"Where is duty? Where is honour? Where is sacrifice? Where is the fucking justice in all of this? He gave and gave and gave and made those people something and now they think they can overstep him. Leyton is weak! Leyton failed! Leyton didn't change fucking anything because the world is not the way we want it would be. The world is a wretched place filled with wretched people and if we do not take a firm stand against them, they would destroy us.", she turned her back and ran her fingers through her hair, turned back to them once again.

"I know that Leyton would find it in himself to forgive Rhea, I know he could forget Jacen's doings, I know he would show patience in this shitshow and I know he would accept those boys as his sons and I know-", she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, pinched her nose. "-I know that he would want me to forgive and forget and accept the situation with patience but I am not Leyton!", she yelled as loud as she can to make that clear. "I am not him, I never was. He was good, I was not. He loved people, I did not. He hoped for the best, I accepted the worst. Even when I was a child, I didn't believe any value that he did, even when I was a child, I knew it was fucking bullshit. I know that Leyton would tell 'fuck off' Edwell Celtigar and would chastise me for even thinking about saying yes and tell me that I don't have to scheme and plot for every breath I take, I know that he would send the Velaryons away, wouldn't even lower himself with playing with them. I know he would donate too much gold to the Faith and to the Citadel to earn back their loyalty, give gifts to his people and send all those traitors that we know they are living in the castle but I am not going to do any of those things.", she was firm and determined. "And not because I am enjoying it because I am not, I feel like I am going to lose my fucking mind but I will because Leyton deserves fucking justice and he is not going to take it himself. So it is my duty to do so."

She took a few steps towards Gerold, there was a hysteric aura around her and she pointed out to him. "I am not expecting you to understand the bond between the siblings, I am not expecting you to understand or at least emphasise with love and respect one can feel for their brother-", Gerold gritted his teeth and fisted his hands, she was in a dangerous territory, both Arthur and Lewyn looked at him. "-because you chose to sell your brother to the king but I am not you either!", she yelled and Alerie gasped at it.

"Maybe we all need to calm down.", Garth tried to interfere but she did not let him.

"It might be easy for you to stand back and do nothing when the wolves tear apart your brother but unlike you, we have an ounce of honour in us -again, something I do not expect you to understand or emphasise. So please, uncle, with all the sincerity in my heart, fuck off because you are not a part of this family, you gave up that right a long time ago, you weren't there when any of us needed you and we learnt to live without your presence so your meddling right now only disturbs us."

*

"Are you going to chastise me for talking like this with your Lord Commander?", she asked before turning to him. She had memorized the echoes of his footsteps already, didn't have to look at him.

"I have no right to make a comment on such a delicate subject, my lady."

"No, you don't.", she agreed with a murmur. "Yet, I had a feeling that you might."

Arthur didn't say anything else but kept approaching her until he dropped the blanket securely on her shoulders. She was sitting on a pergola and it was dark and cold.

"I prefer not to get involved in family drama.", he said instead and kept standing near her. It was dangerous to be here.

"You were right.", she was hugging herself and seemed really sad. "When you said that something was going to be born after the storm. You were just wrong about what it would be.", she sighed. "I might have won the battle but I am losing the war.", he didn't say anything and she turned to look at him with annoyance. "Will you not say anything?"

He seemed he will not at the beginning but then shook his head. "You are focusing on the wrong problems and plot for every basic task. Your plans and your lies are trapping each other and you lose even the safest bets.", his words were harsh but he knew that she wanted to hear exactly those words. "You don't need any other enemy or someone to step in your way. You are very successful at destroying yourself."

*

She needed to take her mind off of her duties -and from her sorrow because she was truly feeling like her head was going to explode. She was refusing to go to the Maester's side to take a painkiller or a sleep drought and she didn't even remember the last time she rested.

"Brother.", she entered his chambers -guest chambers. "I hope you are comfortable."

She had little to no memories of Arvel. Yes, they were siblings but when she was a child he was fostering away and when she came to an age of having long-term memories, he was already feuding with their father, living his life in semi-exile and wouldn't prefer to spend time with her in the days he was residing in Oldtown. After Leyton's ascending, he was forbidden to enter the city completely and she had never seen him again. A few letters passed a very long time ago but nothing in recent years.

This man was her brother but she had no idea who he was.

"Of course I am.", he stood up from his desk, and was writing a letter. She didn't want to guess the address. "This is my home too, after all."

He was charming, just like Leyton. Doric and her were too standoffish when they were compared to the others. Both could be lovely when they wanted to but chose to keep a neutral, even cold vibe around them.

"Yes.", she offered him a smile. It was a fake one, both knew it, still pretending everything was normal.

"Please sit.", he offered her the couch. "You seem tired."

"Due to light, I believe.", she had dressed up today. Was wearing a seafoam gown with high necks and her hair was in a single braid -though it was complicated, and falling down to her shoulder she let Alea apply cream and blush to make her face seem normal. She was wearing a rich jewellery set though no crowns or headpieces, she already had enough headache to begin with and didn't want to add more pressure. "We usually keep a glass chandelier in our chambers but since this is a guest room and we had no idea you were coming-", it was a slight at him, she wanted to make sure that he heard it. She would never defy Leyton's judgement on Arvel because even though he proved that he could send his siblings away, she knew he would never send them into an actual exile like this if their crime wasn't big. She wanted him to know that the only reason he was here was because she didn't have the time and the energy to deal with him. "-but I'll give the order to fix it."

"You are quite looking after me and I must say that I am surprised.", he leaned back to take a look at her. "This room, those clothes you sent, the guards -though I am not sure about the reason for their existence, to protect me or to protect others from me?"

"I heard that you are prone to misunderstand things. We just survived a siege and this castle contains many enemies of us. I am merely trying to protect you."

"Ah.", he raised his eyebrows briefly. "I must thank you for it, then. And now the lightning... I wouldn't expect such attention after your words the other day."

"I came here to visit you to talk about any chagrins we may have at each other.", she decided at that moment that maybe it would be wiser to have Arvel at her back -now that Doric was not. "Those words I said where not come from my heart.", she made a demure expression. "It is no secret that when compared to you, I always kept a more close relationship and bond with Leyton and Doric. Because I never had the chance to know you, truly. I spent my childhood with them and you were barely there and when I started to grow up, you were already left. I think I contained a disappointment in me all these years for not having you at my side when I needed you the most.", she pretended that she couldn't look at him. "After my mother died, I needed my family but you weren't there.", she turned her head away.

"There are many things you don't know.", he seemed to buy her act and placed his finger on her chin, making a soft motion to make her look at him. "Not all of us have clean past and Leyton always was an emotional man. I never wanted to leave my family but I had no other choice."

She was sure that he was lying.

"Now I see that just because I am close to them, doesn't mean we must be enemies.", she widened her eyes just a little to give herself an innocent look.

"I couldn't agree more.", he seemed truly happy -victorious? "There is no point of meaningless quarrels, life is too short to be angry at each other -life is too short to be angry at a sibling."

"I want to forget what happened the other day, I admit that I share Leyton's emotional ways and Alerie's hysterics.", it was bullshit. "I am aware that I couldn't think straight at that moment and I insulted you. I wish to pretend as if it never happened if you accept my apology. Let us not ruin the love, respect and innocence between us."

"I had already forgotten it.", he patted her hand and sent her an impressed look. "You grew up a lot. I am impressed with the woman you become though I miss the girl you were."

She knew he meant the fact that she was an innocent child, not some grief-stricken woman but she couldn't help to turn her smile into a cold one. "You are not the only one, brother, many will. I was easy to kill."

*

"Lady Atera?", a surprised voice called for her when she left her brother's chambers and when she was on her way to her own chambers through the main hallway.

"Your grace.", she turned around and made a curtsy. "Good evening."

"I haven't seen you yesterday, I hope you are alright.", he was seeming sincere but not actually concerned, still, she appreciated the attention. Being in the crown prince's good graces would give them a little more protection until Leyton healed. "After,", his eyes found the signet ring on her finger and briefly pointed toward it. "...everything, your silence did worry me."

"Thank you, your grace, but I can assure you that everything is alright. I was just busy with my family.", which was bullshit, she laid on her bed the whole day and refused to do anything else and from the prince's slightly narrowed eyes, she understood that he knew she was lying. "It is rather crowded so I have to give my entire day to them. I was actually returning from a visit with my brother."

"Ser Arvel?", his courtly manners helped him to hide the surprise in his tone but still surprised he was. "You two seemed tense the other day."

"Childish grudges and nothing more.", she sent him an assuring smile. "My head was clouded by sadness but now I can see crystal clear that there is no need nor place for pointless sacrifices in family bonds. We are adults, we can communicate like adults."

"Something many siblings can't do. I am happy that things turned out well for you.", then his eyes found her fingers once again. "I wouldn't want to pry but I heard that you accepted the alliance therefore the marriage offer of one my bannermen yesterday. Lord Edwell Celtiar, if I am not wrong?"

That brainless cockroach.

"You heard it right, your grace. We are to marry as soon as possible.", they knew she would throw off the ring once Leyton woke up, so of course they were going to push her into the marriage at the earliest convenience. "It benefits both of us."

It benefited him more.

"I must say I am rather surprised with your answer.", he raised his chin and sent her an observing look. "It is known that you refused much more profitable offers in the past."

Did he mean himself?

"I was-"

"And I was under the impression of you didn't desire a marriage.", he didn't let her finish. "Or more likely my princess was under the impression of it.", he was demanding answers but she wasn't sure whether he wanted her to admit defeat or was he as bothered as her about this match.

"People can change.", she wasn't going to accept either. "Our thoughts evolve, this is what makes us human."

Rhaegar had chosen to trust and support her when nobody did so he thought that he deserved a better answer than this and the head tilting proved that. Still, he knew she probably didn't trust him -which was a good thing because he didn't trust her completely too, so he decided to be more transparent since he expected the same.

"If me or my wife would be aware of such a sudden change in heart, we would find you a better match.", he knew why she said 'yes' but wanted to hear it from her. "With one of my grooms, as a lady in your position deserves."

If he were a cruel man, a match between her and Jon didn't sound that bad.

"Lord Celtigar is one of your bannermen as you said, surely you do not think that less of him."

She was good, and Rhaegar accepted. "Lord Celtigar is a young lord that still has a long path in front of him. He is going to be better, I do not doubt it. But I would prefer a lady in your station to marry with a more senior lord -and I know Elia wouldn't wish less.", he took a step towards her. "Also you know very well that he is not a part of my court.", he gave a nod in slow motion to make her aware that he caught her intention. "As one of the former ladies of my wife, it would be appreciated if you ask for her blessing before you said yes.", and now he gave her an out.

She either had to accept it and build a barrier between the two or she would refuse it and show her true colours and Rhaegar finally would be able to give an assessment of her.

Atera smiled at that. He thought that he trapped her.

"Princess Elia and I made an agreement and that agreement ended the day I left her service, your grace. While I would be flattered by her grace's blessing, I do not require it.", she took a step back. "I find Lord Celtigar a very suitable match. But if your grace,", she tilted her head with a winning smile. "would like to bless this union in the place of your wife, we would humbly accept it. And if your grace would like to add the future husband of one of his wife's former ladies to his court, we would be honoured."

Rhaegar wanted to chuckle but even though she won, he didn't want to admit it just yet and instead bowed his head with respect. "Good evening, my lady."

"Good evening, your grace."

*

"Are you going to stay there every night?", she took a deep breath with the familiar sight of Arthur Dayne. "Shouldn't you rest, Ser?"

"Ser Gerold asked me as a favour.", he simply answered. "And I don't stay here every night -or all through the night. Only when I deem it necessary."

"And why do you think it is necessary tonight?" after manipulating Arvel successfully and not falling into the prince's trap, she decided that she wanted to play with him. "Is there an anonymous threat against me? Again?"

Arthur sent her a patient smile. "If you woke up today and if you are going to wake up every day, it is because we value those anonymus threats, my lady."

"You can call me by my name.", she rolled her eyes. She liked when those proud lords referred to her as such but she liked to think that she and Arthur were at least passed through that phase. They knew each other for more than a year and they lived in the same place before. "It's not like we met yesterday."

"It wouldn't be appropriate."

"Why? Is there a law that forbids it?", she rolled her eyes. "No, there is none."

"My lad-"

"Arthur,", she interrupted him and something burned in Arthur's chest for a heartbeat. "you are guarding my door while I sleep inside, I sincerely think that we are passed that phase."

He seemed like he was going to say something but sighed and nodded. "As you wish."

"As you wish what?", she leaned forward and raised her eyebrows in a pressuring manner. "I am waiting.", she sang and Arthur rolled her eyes -which was the most human reaction he gave and Atera actually enjoyed that he broke the kingsguard mask.

"As you wish, Atera.", he sent her a fake smile.

*

"Everyone knows how much I want father to wake up.", brothers were walking in the garden with solemn expressions. "Gods knows even if people do not and yet, Atera accused me of having other dreams. Tell me, brother, what have I ever done to deserve such words from her?"

"It's not like you did something.", he breathed out nervously. "But the state our father in and the things she went through to come here... You know she presses her emotions until she doesn't feel anything and then she lashes out at a person that most certainly doesn't deserve it. She is tired, not in herself. Even Doric fears for her."

"It's just we were never close, to begin with.", Baelor said with trouble, not feeling well enough to deal with this. "But this? I didn't deserve this."

"She will realize her mistake, how unfair she was, and will apologize.", Garth let out his breath through his nose with a small voice. "I mean, she will not apologize,", a small smile appeared even on Baelor's lips. "but at least she would do some jest to smooth things."

"I swear that this is all I wish."

It was that night that Atera called for him after her fight with Alerie during the council. She wasn't wearing anything extravagant, just some bronze coloured, sleeveless underdress and a gold chain necklace that covered her neck and above her breasts.

"Welcome.", she said with a dry tone, she was seeming pensive, as if she was somewhere else instead of this moment.

Both looked at each other, neither said a thing and they moved to her couches with silent movements. Knowing her chambers were his father's old chambers, did not help to ease the tension. When Baelor realized that they were looking at each other as enemies rather than family, he took a deep breath.

"This coldness between us saddens me, Atera.", he decided to play the bigger person. "I understand how this is hard for you, I have many siblings and even the thought of one of them getting harmed empties my lungs of breath.", he try to put on an emphatic mask. "But you must see that this is hard for all of us, not just you.", he was older than her after all, surely he could play the bigger person. "This isn't a time for arguments and quarrels, you know it too. On the contrary, we must show a united stand against our enemies."

"Do you think it is possible?", she asked with such a soft voice that it was hard for Baelor to see the mocking behind it. "When your maternal family, the Velaryons, love you this much and when this love hangs around my brother's neck like an axe?"

"Atera he is my father.", he let out a dry chuckle, he didn't have to stay there and express himself to her. He knew she already knew all these but now for the first time, Baelor could see how tired she actually was. He knew everyone was worried about her but now he saw for the first time the reason why. The madness inside of her eyes. "Do you think there is a possibility of me harming him or letting a harm coming into his way?"

"I do not think you would harm him, no.", she agreed, she wasn't that blinded, yet. "But that family of yours could do -and would do, if this ring-", she raised her hand. "-would be on your hand now. You cannot deny it."

"You are angry with me.", he stated the obvious. Realizing it was hurting her too -which surprised him.

"For years, both Leyton and Alerie pretended this reality wasn't actually the reality. They pretended that the Velaryons were not just sharks, fucking vultures, roaming around the entirety of the Hightower legacy. But now their greed reached a point that even Alerie cannot deny it any longer, to a point that even Alerie felt the need to take a stand against it. How do you expect me to trust you when even Alerie puts a line between her and them but you do not do the same? How do you expect me to believe in the sincerity of your words when your word nothing to me? You love them more than you love your father, do you deny it?"

"I deny it.", he said without blinking. "And you are the last person who could judge me with my love towards my maternal family."

"If you dare the bring up Jace now-"

"Oh no, not him.", he made a disgusted face. "I don't care who you fuck, I only wanted to say how similar we are to each other."

"I have nothing in common with the likes of you."

"Hmm, is that so?", he wondered. "Because if I am not mistaken you too have a maternal family that would love to see my father dead.", he deadpanned and Atera seemed to be taken aback. "So tell me, aunt, why are not your loyalties questioned while mine are? Aren't the Westerlings pieces of rotten vultures like Velaryons or does this comparison only applies to my family?"

"Because unlike me, you have a dream.", she answered with a weird look in her eyes. "And unlike my grandfather and uncle, yours have a dream too. And all of you are too fucking close now.", she spat, her face twitching with anger. "If you think I am going to let you have it at a silver plate, you are wrong.", she wasn't threatening him no, she was way past the point of threatening someone.

"I was born for this, Atera.", he leaned forward with annoyance. "I am my father's eldest son as he was his own father's eldest son and before him and before him. For thousands of years, House Hightower passed from father to son and our legacy continued. I do not need your fucking permission now to take what is rightfully mine."

"Except that it isn't rightfully yours, is it not?", she raised an eyebrow. "Under the Faith of the Seven, Alyssa was not your father's wife.", Baelor's face twitched. "Which means you are nothing more than a bastard.", she raised her hand. "And those boys are bastards of a kinslayer, as we all know. This simple logic of legitimacy eliminates three of four of my brother's sons, and leaves only Garth.", she leaned back. "It is rightfully his seat and make no mistake, nephew of mine, he was being trained and educated for this too and again, make no mistake, you will not ascend to this seat easily if the worst would fall upon our house. Your biggest threat will not even be me."

"Garth would never go against me."

"But this is the beauty of it, don't you think.", there was an almost insane look on her face. "Garth doesn't need to defy you or your rule, and he wouldn't do it at first. But there are people who would. The fucking High Septon, to begin with. Faith is no longer our friend, I doubt if they ever were. Your reign would end before it started with Velaryons behind your back."

"Is this the moment you are going to tell me what exactly you've been feeling about me?"

"Oh, I despise you.", she said as if it was an easy answer. "You are more Velaryon than a Hightower, weak and full of malice."

"I hate to break it to you,", he leaned forward and whispered. "but there are many people -even more than people who would oppose me, that would think that you are more Westerling than a Hightower, scheming and full of malice.", he got close to her and he whispered to her ear. "You and I, we both are the same, aunt.", he looked at her face for a while -absent of all of her past glamour and he felt a certain sadness in him. His father loved his sister therefore Baelor loved her. And for a long time, he thought Atera didn't like Leyton therefore she didn't like him but now he was seeing clearly that the reason why Atera didn't like him was because she loved Leyton too much. "If the worst fall upon to our house and my father dies, I will send the boys to the Citadel to be trained as Maesters and declare them -publicly, as bastards. Jacen will be executed for his crimes against our family. And Garth will be my right hand, the captain of my guards, the castellan of the castle in my absence, he'll have a seat at my council.", he looked at her, feeling a desperate urge to express himself, a desperate need to be understood. "He is my brother.", he pressed the words. "Just like my father is your brother too."

"I loathe your father.", she admitted with a small smile. "That's why I don't trust you.", she held his hands almost in a motherly way. "I always wondered why you and me could never get along ever since we were children together and now I see.", she seemed sad for a moment. "Your rise will be our doom."

"These words belong to my grandfather.", Baelor said with a sudden need for air. "And these eyes are his eyes. It will never matter what I say.", he stood up. "You are Lord Gerard's daughter. You think everyone is just like you."

She stayed there, frozen in time for a moment then she calmly stood up, approached her desk and held the poison in her hands. At the end of this, one of them had to die. She wasn't sure who was yet. Baelor or Jacen?

Or Atera?

She started to feel that overwhelming need to breathe and she threw it to the floor -it didn't break while she started trying to calm herself down.

One of them had to go.

*

"You asked for me?", he entered her chambers with worry for the hour was quite late. "Atera?"

"Yes, in fact, I did.", she said rather calmly, she was sitting on top of her desk, just looking at her bed. "Thank you for coming.", her voice was nonchalant but Vortimer had to be an idiot for not being able to see the state she was in.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?", he shook his head affectionately. "Why you must have to destroy yourself to heal?", he pulled her to himself and held his hands between his, raising the nails so both of them could see the devastating damage she did in there.

Paxter would ask why she couldn't grieve like any other human being did if he would be here.

She missed her best friend. And hated the way the Reach had to come before her.

She sat next to him at the small edge of the bed, both were watching the fireplace across, and she was playing with her hands.

"Leyton was the first friend I made.", he said a moment later. "We met under the elm tree in the back garden -the private area of the lord, where you can see for the lord's chambers.", he tried to paint the picture to her, but he knew she did not walk in there. "I was a boy who was hiding from even his own reflection and Leyton the dutiful heir, he was obsessed with keeping everyone entertained for the feast of your parents' wedding.", he let out a dry laugh. "We actually met thanks to their wedding. Your mother had insisted that she entered the sept on top of a horse and she was determined to have a silver mare -as in the myths. Your father had to postpone the wedding for almost half a year so that she could have the horse she wanted. I didn't know Jenica well but Meredyth quite liked her so when she learnt that she was obsessed with the idea of that horse, she asked me to bring forth one of ours.", he sent a look. "You know that the Red Lake had always been a rather mythical place. I had brought the horses, I had tied them under the elm tree because I wasn't feeling well enough to face the others and Leyton had found me there. We met there over the years for various of topics, with time it turned into a place of courtship for him and Meredyth and our bond slowly started to die out -I am not going to deny that. What happened to her wasn't his fault and he had saved her, yes, he treated her better than most men would do and they were true friends. Just... that bond got slipped away out of our reach, you know.", his eyes lost their focus. "I have been walking for endless hours in the shadow of that big tree in the last week. Mindlessly praying for him to come again."

"I have three glasses of sparkling water every day.", she said almost half an hour later. "All three look the exact same and I choose one randomly and I drink it.", she was not looking at her, face grimacing time and time again with every nail-digging she did. The pain made her feel alive. "One has the Tears of Lys in it.", Vortimer's neck snapped towards her direction but she kept on hurting herself. "I wasn't lucky so far, I cannot even manage to die but well, new dawn, new day, new tomorrow, right?", she looked at him and her mask broke down piece by piece. "Right?", with a swift move he pulled her to his chest and while she cried in a heart-wrenching way, he caressed her hair.

He truly needed that new dawn, new day and new fucking tomorrow.

*

She had enough, truly, madly, deeply, she had fucking enough.

This was all she thought while she lay in her bed, looking at the ceiling at that night. She wasn't herself in the past week, too consumed by the grief yet still too scared to face her problems. She was nothing more than a crying mess and she had enough of people's pitying looks.

She had enough.

With a sudden burst of energy -or maybe it was just the beginning of another panic attack (as the Maester called it), she stood up from the bed, her vision got blurred momentarily, yet she managed to steady herself. She took a deep breath and tried not to mind the numbness in her chest and the tingle in her hands.

She was not a child who was afraid of her own shadow any longer.

She could do this.

She was wearing a simple, sleeveless, ankle-length white nightgown, she pulled her favourite robe. It had fluffy glass blue, see-through sleeves, it was long and waved as she walked, it had golden circles on its arms and was the same colour as her eyes. Her hair, looking white due to pain and grief, was falling back to her waist straightly.

She left her chambers. Both Finnan and Alea looked at her with worry but she made a hand gesture to them to stop and since she did not head to the balcony but moved inside of the court, they chose to follow her silently behind. Both had a gut feeling to guess where she was headed. Even though Finnan just joined her service, he started to understand her actions better than most.

She walked and walked and walked -it felt like she was walking for weeks when she reached the golden-cornered big door. The door of the Lord of Oldtown. The door of her brother's chambers. There were two guards in the hallway, both bowed when she walked past, and another two in the halfway in the corridor, both too bowed and now there was another two that crossed their spears in front of his door. They shared a look.

"Lady Alerie said we are not to let anyone enter without her leave.", one of them dared but Atera just looked at his face, as dead as possible.

They opened the door shortly after and she entered the place she dreaded the most while Finnan and Alea stayed outside.

And there he was, her eldest brother, her protector, her lord. The great Leyton Hightower.

Laying in his bed as if he died and nobody noticed.

"I hate you.", she said after a minute. Her face was expressionless at first but with a more detailed observation, one could see the way her lips slightly pursed towards the outside in a judging manner and how her eyebrows were raised a little. It was a tiring expression to make but Atera seemed like she didn't mind. "I fucking hate you, you know that?"

And there was a part of her that believed in this.

"I hate your weakness.", she looked at him, and didn't mind the tears, she wasn't blinking. "I hate your kindness, I hate your compassion, I hate your goodness, I hate the fact that you listen to your heart instead of your fucking head because it is such a waste.", she could feel the rising rage within her. "Because you are the smartest person I know, and yet the way you waste your potential fucking infuriates me. It fucking drives me mad because you are not the kind of person who would fall into such a scheme. You are not the kind of person that would let that witch manipulate you for years. All that intelligence you have is wasted on you. And I fucking hate you for that. For having the power to change the world around you but choosing not to because you are a fucking coward.", her face broke down one second and she blinked fastly to prevent tears from falling. "And I hate you for making me a coward just like you."

She closed her eyes and took a shaking breath, she could do it. She approached him, hearing her own heartbeats as she sat on the bed. He was looking healthier from close up as if he was just sleeping. "You won countless victories over the span of almost four decades.", she said with a low tone. "You had richened us, glorified us, took the power of our house to an incomparable level. I never thought,", she took another breath but this time a tear fell down. "never, to see you this desperate and pathetic one day. You were supposed to be my brother, you are my brother,", her voice cracked and she couldn't keep her mask on any longer. "you shouldn't be allowed to be like this. "Just for one whore,", she held his hands as tight as possible. "you spent my love for you. You ruined our bond, your ruined Baelor's bond and Alerie's bond, and your children will never look at you the same way they did. They are not blind to your mistakes any longer. And now your Gods are making you pay it.", she let out a pitying sound, her tears were clouding her eyes and falling down to her cheeks -a few fell onto Leyton. "I don't want to feel sad for you, I don't want to cry for you. I wish to be indifferent to you after everything I went through because of you -after everything your own children went through because of you. I don't want to be able to feel like this even if I want to.", she said with a spat.

But then she felt the hand between hers, how fragile it was. Her brother was magnificent once, he was seeming larger than life as if nothing could harm him, nothing could kill him. As if he would live on and on and on. They had fucking ruined that etherealness of him.

"All I wish for you from now on is for you to die in peace.", she pulled her hand back and deadpanned with dried tears. "Because this is what is best for everyone. Even for you."

But her heart ached.

"I didn't mean that.", she gave her breath with a cry. "No, no, no.", she shook her head, tears were falling faster than before. "I swear I didn't mean that, I didn't. I wanted to but I didn't.", she was shaking and crying uncontrollably, it was good to get it out of her system for good. She leaned forward and placed her forehead on his arms and cried with all her grief and pain.

"Was it worth it, Leyton? Truly? For one woman, was it worth ruining everything? What did we ever do to deserve this?", she knew she couldn't get answers now but asking into oblivion helped her. "Love doesn't mean this.", she closed her eyes and let her final tears to fell down. "This is not what love is. It should be pure and uniting not destructive. This isn't love.", she stood up and moved towards the door and sent him one lost look. "Please don't die."

And then she wiped her tears, the doors opened and she took a deep breath.

It was a new dawn, and a new day tomorrow.

If she would stay a moment longer, she would hear the weak voice of Leyton calling for her, finally waking up.

It seemed the grieving was over.

*******

This chapter is just 28973 words of Atera gaslighting everyone and herself according to her moods and driving everyone crazy.

In the draft of this chapter, I planned to devote it entirely to the siege part but the more I write it, the more I decided to dive into Atera instead and show the fragile line she walks between being a genius or losing her sanity -and as for now, she is closer to the latter than the former.

I inspired Atera's dream from a scene from The Tudors and a TikTok sound that I don't know where it belongs to and the monologue she gave to Gerold is inspired by the TV Show, The Last of Us, and during the siege, there is a scene between her and the soldiers and that is inspired by The White Princess. And Atera's general mental health from The Great.

Welcome to another section of "no one cares but let's know our characters better"!

Today I want to share their MBTI Personality Types with you all.

Atera is an ISTJ-T (which is the same as Ned Stark (she probably would throw herself from the beacon of the Hightower if she knew that) and Stannis Baratheon (which again, she would throw a fit (and I also think Maekar had this personality type too, of course, both Arwyn and Gerold have this one too)), and also with the likes of Hermione Granger and Inspector Lestrade -as you may know)

Elia is an ENFJ-T (which is the same as Daenerys Targaryen (she probably would ask Atera to throw her from the beacon of the Hightower for the reasons you'll understand as the story goes))

Arthur is an ISFJ-T (which is the same as Catelyn Stark (protective mama wolves, truly), and also with the likes of Dr Watson (addiction for adrenaline) and Steve Rogers (he's so MCU Steve Rogers coded which hurts because I kind hate the MCU Steve Rogers) and Will Turner -all those three men are known for falling in love with positively problematic women sooo)

Rhaegar is an ENFJ-T (which is exactly the same as Elia's soo, soulmates)

And Ashara is an ENFP-A ((the only one who's not a turbulent character which I find it hilarious), which is the same as a very intellectual manipulator like Peeta Mellark, and Phil Dunphy (aka the best (overreaction, sure) sitcom dad), and Spider-Man (I find her more similar to Tom Holland's version))

*Atera is a 'Turbulent Logistician' -which is a very common personality type so she's not that special. Her role is being a 'sentinel' and her strategy is 'constant improvement' -even though she feels the contrary.

*Both Elia and Rhaegar are 'Turbulent Protagonists' -which I find OVERLY fitting. Both of their roles are being a 'diplomat' and their strategy is 'social engagement' -as we all know.

*Arthur is a 'Turbulent Defender' -are we even surprised at this point? And his role and strategy are the same as Atera (soulmateees)

*And Ashara is an 'Assertive Campaigner' -she is in the same category as Elia and Rhaegar, a 'diplomat' and her strategy is 'people mastery'.

And what do those 'strategies' mean?

For Atera and Arthur, 'constant improvement' means; being quiet and individualistic, success-driven and prone to perfectionism

For Elia and Rhaegar, 'social engagement' means; having a restless energy, and a wide range of emotions, and they are typically high achievers

And for Ashara, 'people mastery' means; being confident in her abilities, quick to share her opinions and enjoying open communication with social interactions.