February 25th, 2021:
I feel lost. The one thing I know how to do right is study. So that's what I've been doing, and I'm pretty sure my grades are improving. Orchid said I should try talking to Qibli or one of my friends, but I didn't. I don't want to be a bother. For what it's worth, Orchid does help.
"*"
We were all on Qibli's sofa, including a new member, Lynx. She seemed suspiciously close to Winter, and Kinkajou and Qibli pretty much spent the whole night whispering to each other theories about them.
"I think we should watch a movie," Kinkajou suddenly said as she walked back into the living room with a bowl of popcorn. She set it on the table before us, grinning from ear to ear. Based on Qibli's smug expression, it was clear he was in on whatever scheme Kinkajou was plotting next. "But in couples!"
"What?" Winter asked, slightly frowning as Lynx nervously laughed.
"Basically," Qibli elaborated, "what I think she means is that we should pair up. You know, with our other half." He reached over and tugged me closer to him. "But since you don't actually have a girlfriend, I suppose you could chill with Lynx."
"Supposedly," Kinkajou agreed, plopping down beside Turtle, who was hiding a smile. Winter shot all three of them a deadly glare that Lynx so happened to miss.
"Or we could just watch a movie," Winter suggested, narrowing his eyes on Qibli. "You know, like normal people."
"Are we really normal, though?" Turtle questioned reasonably.
"Was thinking the same thing," Qibli said, transferring his grin to Turtle, who grinned back. "What do you think, Moon?" He nudged me and I shrugged in response. Talking didn't really amuse me nowadays.
"Well, what movie?" Lynx asked when she managed to form words without blushing. "Horror?"
"I vote romance," Kinkajou announced.
"Horror," Winter said, leaning back against the sofa. "Something gorey."
"Romance," Qibli voted, making Kinkajou grin.
"Horror," Turtle opposed. "Looks like horror movie it is."
"Hang on," Lynx said. "Moon didn't vote. I don't think that's fair." Everyone transferred their gazes to me. "Moon, what do you think?"
"You guys can go ahead," I said, standing up. "I don't want to watch a movie. Besides, I've procrastinated long enough on my homework. I'll be in Qibli's room if you need me." I paused. "And by 'need', I mean someone's-dying need me."
I turned and walked upstairs intending to head straight to Qibli's room, but the universe had different plans.
"Hey," Deathbringer said, sliding in front of me, stopping me in my tracks. I blinked at him.
"Hi," I said before taking a step forward to walk around him. He stopped me once again.
"You up for ice cream?"
"*"
Snow whirled in the air and drifted to the ground. The snow was pretty deep and it felt like it was freezing. Of course, vanilla ice cream did not help at all, but it did taste pretty good.
"This might just have been your smartest idea yet," I joked as we stood by a snow-covered tree. We were in heavy jackets and Deathbringer had given me his beanie.
"You should know," Deathbringer said, "you might get sick from this."
I shrugged. "I will have been worth it." Deathbringer chuckled, slightly shaking his head, I licked my ice cream before glancing up at Deathbringer.
"Why did you bring me here?" I asked quietly. He looked down at me for a moment before looking up at the snowing sky.
"Moon," he said, "why didn't you tell me about Secretkeeper?"
That stopped me. I looked down at my ice cream as snowflakes drifted onto the top of it. In all honesty, a part of me didn't know the answer to that question. Sure it was about how I didn't want everyone all over me, but it was also about me not wanting to believe Secretkeeper's state.
I quietly ate my ice cream, not knowing how to answer the question.
"You don't have to answer," Deathbringer said a moment after he realized I wasn't going to respond. "It's just... you told all of us she was fine."
"I wanted her to be," I said even quieter. "I wanted to believe she was doing great, actually. I just... it was harder than I thought. I... I don't know. I'm sorry." I paused before finally looking up at Deathbringer. "How come you didn't have a funeral for your mother?"
"She wouldn't have wanted it," Deathbringer replied calmly. "She never acted like a mother to me, but the love was there. I could tell." He leaned back against the tree. "It's weird, isn't it? Having someone you care so much about one minute and then losing them the next?"
I stared up at him, seeing the pain in his eyes and then the stubbornness to hold it back.
"Everybody dies," Deathbringer continued gently. "It's a part of life. It's just that sometimes... I wish it wasn't. I don't want to ever see Glory die, but I know she will."
"Is this supposed to make me feel better?" I asked, on the verge of tears.
Deathbringer sighed, his breath crystalizing in the air. "No. I just... humans tend to realize what they have when it's gone. That's the problem, and we know what that's like. We have to... treasure what we have." He pushed himself off the tree, turning to face me. "I know you're grieving, Moon, and it's hard and you feel like you just might cave in, but don't. You still have so much to live for."
The tears that trickled down my cheek were cold, but Deathbringer reached forward and wiped them away before draping an arm over my shoulders and pulling me into a tight hug.
Thank you.
"*"
The bell rang, indicating the end of class. In an instant, I was standing up and gathering my stuff in my arms, heading for my locker. I froze at the sight of my locker.
Flowers and sticky notes were taped all over my locker.
Sorry for your loss.
We hope you feel better!
We're here for you if you need us.
And a bunch of bullshit. I reached forward and ripped off every sticky note, crumpling it in my hand before letting it fall to the floor. I tore off the flowers out of anger and shoved them in Turtle's hands as he walked up from behind me.
"Oh--uh, thanks?" Turtle said in pure confusion.
"Who did this?" I angrily asked, waving at my locker that was now empty.
"Did... what?" Turtle asked, squinting at my locker. His gaze slowly drifted down until he saw all the sticky notes on the floor. "Oh. Pretty much the whole grade." I stared at him.
"Seriously?" I demanded, and he slowly nodded. "This is so stupid! I hate everyone!" I angrily opened my locker and took out my backpack, swinging it over my shoulder before slamming my locker shut. Turtle blinked at how mad I got.
"Are you okay?" Turtle slowly asked, glancing down at the flowers in his hands. "Are these for me?"
"Give them to Kinkajou if you want," I said dismissively, walking past him.
"Hey, Moon," Qibli called, catching up to me with Kinkajou. "Kink's coming over today. Do you... want to walk home with us or would you prefer to walk alone?"
I searched his face for a brief moment. "I'll walk with you guys." I held out my hand and Qibli took it in an instant. Kinkajou grinned as Turtle walked up to us.
"For you," Turtle said, handing Kinkajou the flowers.
"Aww!" Kinkajou cooed excitedly. "Thank you! They're so pretty!" I quietly chuckled as we walked out the doors of the school.
"Hey, where's Winter?" I asked, looking around.
"Who knows?" Qibli asked. "I've been trying to reach him all day. Either he's ignoring me on purpose, or his phone is dead."
"Considering the situation, it's probably option one," Turtle snorted. We walked all the way to Qibli's house, talking and laughing and talking. Well, I was a little distant, but I tried to be more present than usual.
Qibli reached forward to unlock the door to his house, but it swung open before he could even touch it.
A tall, sleek woman stood in the doorway. Her hair was pale blonde and frizzy. Her eyes were black and beady. Her lips curled up into a dangerous smile, which slightly frightened me.
Qibli's hand fell from mine and I turned to look at him, noticing the way he stared up at the woman in disbelief.
"Oh, no," Kinkajou breathed.
"Hello, Qibli," the woman said meekly. "How are you?"
"Mom?" Qibli whispered, and I gasped.
"I never liked it when you called me that," she said thoughtfully. "Anyway, I'm here to take you back, so hurry up."
Oh no is right, Kinkajou.
<3