Punguzhali Pov:
"Why did you said like that?" i asked him as soon as we both entered into my room.
"So what do you expect me to do there?" he asks me by turning towards me.
"They are just some bullshit people, we dont need to give any explanation to them."
"Yes, but that bullshit people will keep on asking you the same things if i didnt interevend and explain them." he says.
I sighed.
"Thanks" i says to him after sometime.
He smiled at me.
I too smiled at him.
I dont know what to say apart from thanks, he is treating me differently from others. He is giving me a respect. He is trying to protect me. I dont know how to feel.
"So how about you show around me your favorite places to me?" he asked me.
"Sure, let me get ready...."
"You look like a human being, thats enough come lets get going." he says while grabbing me with him.
"Thats the school i studied" i told to him by showing him my school.
"Mmm little far from your home right. "
"Yeah"
_________
"Mumma its enough" i says to her.
"Mapilai has to know everything about you ammu. Wait."
"This is shs, look at her."
"Wow kuzhal, you are wearing a saree in your small age. You are looking way too cute." he says.
I looked at him.
My heart suddenly started to beat fastly.
I looked away.
'What happened to you punguzhali?.'
'I think its just a high BP or something else . He jist said you are looking cute thats it' i told to myself.
"Yeah mapilai, she used too cry soo much. As every relatives used to pull her cheeks whenever they visit our home. " mom says..
He laughed.
I slowly looked up at him.
The sight of him laughing, did something in my body.
"Kuzhal, even i know the pain." he says and just like that he pulled my cheek.
But thsi time i didnt shout like with others, i kept looking at him who is talking something with my mom.
'Its just nothing. I think you might be having some stomach upset. He is your best friebd.' i told to myself.
"Kuzhal we shoud frame this cute picture of yours. Look at this" he says by grabbing my right hand on his, and showed me a picture.
I looked down at our hands.
"Im. I.... Feel sleepy." i says and walked inside my room.
I immediately entered into the bathroom only to do a face wash.
"Punguzhali, its nothing. He is your best friend."
"Yes yes he is my best friend." i again says to console myself.
Why the heck, did i felt a different sensation......
"Fuck you punguzhali" i shouted at myself.
"Dont dont even start to like him. He will not reciprocate and dont forget about your syndrome you are not meant for the love shits and all." i told to myself.
I heaved a sigh.
"Its just kinda a crush, might be just attracted. Yes that would be the one. Okay you can control your heart. You are a strong woman right" i told to myself and washed the fcae. And walked out only to see him.
"I got your few pictures, once we go home we are going to frame this." he says while keeping his phone on the table and lied on the bed.
"Good night" i heard him while am switching of the light. Then i walked towards the bed and lied beside him with a gap.
'What happened to me suddenly.' i thought.
___________
Time skipped:
"What happened kuzhali?" swapna asks me.
"Nothing babe"
"Then why are you not attending your mom's call.?"she enquired me.
"Its nothing"
"Common kuzhali you are not being good now a days. What happened?"
"May be i will attend the call." she says.
"No babe stop"
"Come along with me" with that she grabbed me outside of the hospital.
"Tell me kuzhali. "
"Mumma, is aksing me to check a docyor to undergo for a vaginal dilation. "
"Ohhh"
"If you want you can do it right..."
"Are you out of your mind or what swapna. Why i have to undergoe that?. One its unnecssary, two even if i did am i going to hvae a intercourse with him? No right. He will not accept me ever." i frantically says to her.
"What happened kuzhali"
"What happened to me?. Am doing good, its just that my mom is all giving me a lecture to me saying that. Mapilai looks like he started to accept you by forgeting his late wife, so its the time for me to undergo that according to her."
"Is it because of vaginoplasty or is it becuase your husband didnt accepted you yet kuzhali?"
"What do you meant by that?."
"You are feeling restless, is it because of your mom's words or is it because of your husband not accepted you as his wife yet."
"Look swapna, i dont have any feelings for him. The same goes for him too. So its a draw. I dont have to undergo that operation just simply." i says to her.
"Kuzhali are you sure you dont have any feelings towards him?"
"I dont have any" i told to her.
"If you say so."
"You are having kuzhali."
"No i dont have any." i argue with her.
"Go and tell your mom that you will undergoes it later but not now. Because am damn sure you will need to undego it, you know it will be useful for you." she says and walked away.
Arghhh.
___________
I knocked the door and waited.
"What is it?" ajay asked me.
"I.. He... Do you know where your brother would be now?" i aksed him.
Its been four mobths i conversed with anyone in this house other than my husband.
"I dont know. " he says.
"Past months he dont had any time to speak with me, it is always you." he says.
I sighed.
"Am sorry."
"Its fine. Atleast he is being happy thats all i need. But that doesnt mean i will accept you as my sister in law. You are not suitable for him, you are just wasting his life." he says to me.
Okay what i have to do now.
"He will return home. Dont wory just go and sleep." he says yo me.
"Actually the time is 1 clock. Its already very late."
"He wont stay in home most of the times. So dont worry he will be back by tomorrow."
"Actually he will call me everytime if its going to be late. But today he didbt. Even i called him his phone which is switchwd off. I even called his office only to know that he is off today. Am just worried. If you help me with giving any of his close contacts that wouke be helpful. "i says to him worriedly.
" he will come soon. You dont have to worry... "
" Please, am just worried what if some acci.... " is toped.
"Please go and sleep he will be back. This is how he used to live back. So dont wory we know about him. Dont think otherwise.." he says with that he closed the door.
Without knowing what to do, i just walked back to my room.
I closed the door and slided down..
" Where are you thiraviam? " i asks at no one.
The past few hours are really terrible for me. I was kept standing on the balcony and waiting to see his car. But no he didnt arrived. Even he didnt come to pick me up, i thought he must be busy so i came to home by myself. But now too he didnt come.
"Where are you thiraviam?" i again aasked him..
I tried calling him again. But the same recorded voice is all am hearing. I feel terrible.
Even i didnt seen him in morning. I thought he is having more work. The last i seen him is yesterday night.
I sighed. My tears were falling on its own.
What if something happened to him?
My thoughts got stoped as i heard the knock on the door. I immediately stood on my feet and opened the door with a smile thinking as hin.
But its his brother.
"He will be back by tomorrow morning dont worry. Please refresh and sleep, and stop crying." he says.
"How do you know about it surely. Am worried like hell" i shouts at him..
"I didnt even seen him on morning, he is not even attending the phine for the whole day and now his phone is sswitched off. And he is not yet retirned home an worried like sick. And now you are here...." he cut me off.
"Today is shreya's 10th death anniversary. So he will be in different place to spend...." i didnt heard any other thing from him.
'Might be in his facourite plwce.'
"I will be going." he says and walked away.
I immediately picked my phone and walked down and looked for driver.
Luckily he was sleeping in the outhiise, i just called him and asked him to drive me to the beach.
After reaching, i asked driver anna to wait.
I just walked towards his place where last time i shared about my syndrome.
He is there. Thats when i felt okay, i wiped mu tears.
I gone and took an seat besid him.
But he didnt look like felt my presnce.
I looked at him.
Who is looking at the sea waves with so much of sadness.
"You know i can be a good listerner" i says to him slowly and kept my hand on him.
Thats when he turned to my side.
"What are you doing here?" he angrily asked me.
"I told you right i would be a good friend. Friends wont leave in tough situation." i told to him
He turned away
"How did you come here that too at this untime."
"By car."
He nods.
"You can share with me your sadness thiraviam. As i said i will be a good listener. If you share with me you will feel good. " i told to him.
But he didnt said anything.
'Maybe he wont open up...'
"I loved her so much" he starts.
I looked at him.
"I still love her"
"I still cant accept that she my love is not with me."
"It was love at first sight." he says with a smile.
"I seen her in a orphanage, when i went to celebdate my birthady with my family in the orphanage."
"She is a orphan." he says.
I didnt intervened him.
"She was asking evry children to form in a line, to get the food. She was very beautiful inside and out. She was such a selfless person i have ever met which i got to know after knowing her."
"From that day i started to visit the orphange every day."
"We both slowly started to speak."
"At one point, we both started to friends then it turned into a love, we both started to love each other. And i decided to marry her with my family approval. So i bought her to my home and introduced her as my girlfriend. My parents too accepted her. With my parents blessing we both got married after 8 years of our love. "
"The days which i spent with her in marriage was the happiest days of my life."
"There wont be any time, were i would be away from her. As we both went to the same offuce, she will be working in my cabin. And even she will be in the home with m ein the same room. It will be awalys with her. By 3rd month, she got pregnant with my baby. So then the joyous doesnt have any boundness. "
"But then that tragedy happens, only to end my happiness." he says with a sadness.
"By 8th month end she had a severe pain. We immediately admitted her, but we couldnt able to svae her, as it was a crtical pregnancy which i was unaware of it as she hided it from me. If onky i know about it earlier, i would have asked her to abort the baby. But she hided it from me only to leave the wotld with our dead child with herself. "
He stopped.
"Both my love and little bubdle of joy left me in this world alone."
"Sh.. Sh... She left me.... The one woman on who i savoured all the love left me alone in this vast world."
"After that day, i didnt had any motto to live the life."
"Till this day, i was waiting for her as if she will be coming into my arms anyday."
"I miss her so much"
"For my every problem she will have the solution. But now i only have a piles of problems without any solution."
"No one shoukd undergo a situation like this. This is cruel. "
"Cruel life, living without the important persons in my life. Am just living a corpse life thats it."
"It was a girl."he said after sonetime.
"We both had a girl baby. But my angel didnt seen me, she doesnt wanted to see her dad. She just like that left me." he told to me.
"10 years, its been a decade of leading a life without my love. A decade of hell. For 5 years i wouldnt able to concentrate on anything. I was just a maniac person nothing else. Thats when i started to go to other places. The room always remibds me her. Where we both fought, loved, our baters each abd everything it reminds me. That shows how much of an unlucky bastard am, who couldnt able to live a life with her."
I wiped my tears.
I holded his hand.
"Dont hold back your tears thiraviam" i says to him after sometime qs he didnt cried while telling too.
But didnt heard any of his reply.
"Thiraviam, please dont hold back your tears. It will just lead you into more depression." i says to him.
"As i said earlier i just living this life like a corpse, just because i dont have a strong heart to take up my life" he says.
"Pleae stop saying something like this. "
He smiled at me.
"I understand that nothing can compensate your loss. But shreya wont like to see you like this thiraviam."
He looked away.
"Dont hold back your tears thiraviam." i says to him while intervening my fingers with his.
I slowly made him to lie on my lap..
"Its okay to cry thiraviam. Even i will cry whenever wont feel gpod." i says to him while running my fingers on his hair.
After sometime i felt my clothes are geyting wet.
I coulf hear his sobbing sound. And i too let him to vent out his tears.
Authors note:
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