Chapter 20: Rachel Williams
The problem of having a last name "Williams" means that you are almost always last in line. Since the fear simulation was going by last name alphabetically, Rachel was in one of the last groups still sitting in the auditorium.
Luckily, her best friend ZiWei Zhang was still chilling with her.
"I'm kind of scared," ZiWei said, tapping her nails on the back of the chair- something she always did when she was worried.
"There's nothing to be scared about," Rachel said, giving her friend a reassuring smile.
"I wish I was as confident as you," ZiWei said. "Anyways, have you talk to Derek lately?"
Rachel sighed. "Not really," she replied. "He's been missing a lot."
"Where does he go?"
"I think to see Katelyn."
"Katelyn...Hathaway?"
"Yup."
"Why??"
"What do you mean why?" Rachel asked.
"Not to be rude," ZiWei said. "Katelyn isn't as pretty as you."
"Pretty doesn't make you a good spy."
"It should at least get Derek..." ZiWei trailed off.
"Oh hush," Rachel said. "Derek and I are fine being friends."
"Rachel Williams," a teacher said. "You're going in."
"Thank you," Rachel said, standing up. "See you later, ZiWei."
"Bye. Good luck!"
Rachel walked down the dim halls with her short heels clicking against the linoleum.
"Hello," she greeted the lady in the white lab coat.
"Good afternoon, you must be Miss Williams?"
"Yes," Rachel said, taking a seat.
The lady went through the same process as she did the entire day; set all the equipment in place and then using a calming voice, urged Rachel to close her eyes.
"She's such a pretty girl!" a hushed giggle rang through the air.
"Oh, Beth, she's beautiful!"
"She is a darling!"
Rachel's eyes fluttered open and she realized she was laying on a bed surrounded by plush pillows.
"Those blue eyes...Beth!" a woman laughed.
Beth was Rachel's mom. Rachel saw her mom look up from a thick textbook.
"It's Rachel's study time," Beth said, closing the book with a thud.
Within a blink of an eye, it was just Rachel and her mom.
"Mom?" Rachel asked.
"Yes dear?" she asked. "Are you just going to lay there in bed all day? Spies aren't lazy."
"Yes Mom," Rachel said, slipping out of bed. She noticed the frilly nightgown she was wearing, it had been her favorite as a child because it made her feel like a princess.
"Sit down, Rachel," Beth said, setting the large book on the table in front of her. "We're going to start reading this together ."
"It's too hard..." Rachel began saying.
"Spies aren't lazy," Beth repeated. "Rachel, you are a pretty girl but spies need more than looks. You need substance in your brain."
Beth flipped open the book to the very first page. "Read."
Rachel tried but the words kept changing. They flickered to different languages every other word and at first they talked about the cardiovascular system but then it turned into a Latin poem.
"I can't!" Rachel screamed, her eyes blurring and her head throbbing.
"Rachel," Beth said, always calm. "Take it slowly. Keep reading and you will improve."
"No! I don't want to!" Rachel exclaimed, pushing the book away.
"Rachel..." Beth said, more sternly. "Do you want to be a good spy?"
"I- I do..." Rachel said, quietly.
"A good spy needs to work hard, right honey?"
"I really can't read this book..."
"You always give up..." Beth said. "I'm disappointed in you. Why did you inherit your father looks but not my brains?"
"Daddy...?" Rachel asked. She hadn't seen him in years. "Can I see him? I'm back home!"
"Rachel, you know you can't."
"Why not?"
"He will distract you."
"He won't! I promise!" Rachel exclaimed, springing up from her chair.
"He doesn't understand the training you're going through," Beth said. "He is too simple of a man. The only thing he'll think of is to take you out for ice cream..." she said, shaking her head.
"I like ice cream-"
"Do you know how important your body is?" Beth asked. "It's made to save the world and you're going to poison it with junk food?"
"Can I just go see him?"
"I think you should study your Latin...it's atrocious."
"Latin is DEAD language!"
"Rachel, go to your room."
"I want to see my dad!" Rachel yelled, looking for a door. She ran to the white walls and pressed herself against them. "I want to get out!" she exclaimed. "I've had enough studying! I just want to see my dad and my friends..."
"Maybe one day," Beth said, still calm. "But now you must focus on your training. You clearly aren't intelligent enough to work in a prestigious lab but I think Co Ops is fitting for you. You have appealing looks and your fitness is decent."
"Mom!" Rachel said, through her teeth. "Can we for once not talk about spying?! How about we talk about shopping, boys or even the weather?!"
"What a waste of time," Beth said, standing up. "Study your calculus book instead. I'll make you some nice healthy dinner."
Rachel heard her mom walk out of a door she couldn't find. Her head whipped around and she was back in a room with blank white walls. She wasn't allowed to put posters up because they would be too distracting.
"I have to get out!" Rachel swore to herself. She walked over to her plain wooden chair and desk. With both hands, she grabbed the chair and hoisted it into the air. With a loud crack, she slammed it against the wall. A piece of white fell to the ground but Rachel couldn't stop. She bashed the chair against the wall over and over until her arms burned and white dust filled the room.
With a clatter, the chair fell to the ground from Rachel's lead like arms. She could barely lift them but when the dust cleared, she realized she was still imprisoned. This time the walls were made of fractured mirrors. There were hundreds of Rachel Williams looking back at her of all different ages. There were slightly more awkward times with her top teeth missing but also when she started getting older. Rachel had always been a nice looking girl but all the images of her on the wall started making her self-conscious.
"Oh my god..." she gasped as one caught her eyes.
Rachel approached a large chunk of mirror where her reflection was completely undressed. She tried to use her hands to cover herself.
"Why do I look like this...?" Rachel whispered, hugging herself. The girl in the mirror's body looked too perfect. The more Rachel stared at her naked self, the more Barbie like her figure became until it looked unnatural.
"Stop!" she exclaimed as she got skinnier and skinnier until she could count her ribs. Then the weight skyrocketed and her curves began filling out. Rachel gasped as rolls of fat rippled across her body.
All the reflections made her self-conscious. Too skinny. Too fat. Too perfect even.
"No! No! No!" Rachel screamed, hitting her fist against the mirror but her hand went completely through. Rachel took a deep breath and slowly began walking into the mirror which looked like molten silver.
Slowly she passed through into a dark room.
"Rachel Williams..." a voice in the dark said.
Rachel walked over to the single hole in the wall where light shone through. She slowly bent down a little and peeked into the hole. She saw a group of teachers sitting around for lunch, chatting.
"What do you think of the new freshman?" one teacher asked.
"This year, there's potential," another said, nodding.
"We have Minako's daughter."
"I'm very excited to see if she can exceed her mother."
"Hopefully her end isn't as wasteful..."
"Also the new Mercedes girl."
"Right, Jane Mercedes. Brilliant with computers."
"Definitely a modern spy."
"Sammy Cross, so charismatic. I met her during first period. She'll win over anyone she speaks to."
"What did you think of Rachel Williams?"
"Hmm...her."
"She quite the looker," one finally added.
"She is talented," another agreed.
"I feel like she attracts too much attention. Easily distracted."
"It's the opposite of Katelyn Hathaway...I never notice her until she speaks up."
"Rachel is going to struggle in the real world...especially since she said she wants to do Co Ops..."
Rachel staggered back. It was always this same old saying. She didn't want her face to look like this but it was just how she was born. Her mom told her not to use her pretty face, teachers wondered if she would be too attractive for Co Ops.
"Hey, what are you looking at?"
"Derek..." Rachel breathed as the lights went on.
"What's up?" he asked, sitting on a desk in the classroom.
"Nothing much, you?"
"I just wanted to tell you something..." he said, approaching Rachel.
Rachel felt her heart rate increase as he stood uncomfortably close to her.
"Derek?"
"Shh..." he said, hugging her.
Rachel suddenly felt enveloped in his warm embrace. They stood there for a few minutes without speaking.
"What did you want to tell me?" Rachel asked, smiling.
"You're really hot."
Rachel pulled back. "That's it?"
"Yeah, you're really pretty," Derek repeated.
"I-" Rachel felt her lip quiver.
"Derek...?" another voice said.
"Katie!" Derek said, his eyes lighting up.
Katelyn stood at the doorway, dressed in white.
"Katelyn..." Rachel said. Then it was like she became invisible.
Katelyn ran into Derek's arms and Derek held her close. "I love you..." he whispered into the top of her head. "I love everything about you. You're passionate, smart, witty...funny-"
Rachel squeezed her eyes shut and ran from the room. She broke out of the school into the drizzling rain. There was only a moment of peace before lightning flashed across the sky and thunder clapped loudly.
If Rachel had one petty fear, it was thunder storms. Ever since she was a child, she hated the loudness of storms. The rain grew heavier and Rachel found herself stumbling across the mud slick grounds of the academy. Sure, she was popular in school but in times like these, she never felt more alone.
Pressing against the large tree in the middle of the quad, Rachel crouched down, hoping the storm would pass over her.
Just then, a bolt of lightning crashed into the tree causing the earth to shake.
"HELP!" Rachel exclaimed, jerking up.
Immediately a soothing hand rested on her shoulder.
"Everything's alright, honey," the lady said, calming her.
"God...that felt so real..." Rachel said, sniffing. She didn't know why she felt a cold shiver go down her spine.
"It's supposed to be," the woman said, handing her a Dixie cup of water. "I was looking at your heart rate charts and brain waves. You are quite interesting. You don't have so much fears as you do inner turmoil."
"That is true...I felt more insecure in my dreams than afraid," Rachel agreed.
"Did you learn something at least?" she asked. "Something you need to overcome?"
Rachel immediately nodded. "I'm just not sure how to overcome it..."
"You will," was the encouraging reply.
"Thank you."
Rachel was released from the chair and headed back to the dorms. She didn't want to be alone but she knew if anyone ever knew she fell in love, everyone would just roll their eyes and say "so predictable." Of course, she would be the unfocused one. The one more concerned about boys and her physical appearance than her career.