During the week Elda had spent in Sweden she had finished and recorded a song collab, performed at a festival (where she met a really sweet girl who made Elda sign her tote bag) and done many interviews with countless interviewers asking about Jan and her life outside of Sweden. Her answer had been mostly true as she said she preferred to live where no one recognised her, yet she could still continue her Swedish career. She simply left out the part about never being able to leave Jan, never wanting to be away from him for too long.
As she got back to Jan, where he now was in London, someone she didn't expect reached out though. It was Ivy. And it wasn't that weird per se that she had reached out, they were still friendly with each other even if they weren't as close as before. What was weird was what she had wrote in her text. "Do you ever miss us?" It read. And that was not a conversation Elda wanted to have through text, it left too many opportunities for misunderstanding. So, the next day before they first lesson Elda pulled Ivy from the classroom to a more secluded place to try to talk to her.
"I think we need to talk" Elda said, trying to approach her carefully. She had trouble interpreting the expression on Ivy's face, but it seemed to at least convey emotions of desire, cautiousness and some guilt as well. Ivy seemed to go over some thoughts in her head before she finally spoke up. "I have a feeling we want to talk about different things" she finally said, in a weak tone Elda had never heard her use before. "But I need to tell you how I feel no matter what you have to say, is that alright?" she said with a bit more confidence, sounding more like herself. Elda simply nodded softly as an answer.
"You're something special Elda. I wasn't toying around with you like I know I've done with other people, what I felt for you was real. It is still true. You can't deny that we weren't something special." Ivy said, engaged in her opinion. This particular thing was hard for Elda to hear, because she could deny it, she was doing it in fact. Elda knew she had to tell Ivy that, and she knew it would hurt her.
"Ivy" she started slowly, taking a breath to prepare for what she had to say. "You know I would never wish to hurt you, and you are special to me, I won't deny that, but it has never been in any romantic way." A look of irritation crossed Ivy's face at that statement. "Don't deny what you felt just because you for some reason regret it now Elda, will you please tell me I wasn't hallucinating" she said exasperated. Elda looked at Ivy with pity in her eyes before she uttered her response. "I can't do that Ivy" she said quietly, the pity in her eyes being conveyed in her voice as well. "I'm sorry to admit I never had any feelings for you, they were always strictly platonic. Perhaps sexual at some point but never romantic. You must have seen that Ivy". She continued. Ivy's face twisted but she stayed silent for a moment. "Stop that" Ivy said quickly in a quiet voice. "Don't do that to me."
"Ivy, I had a great time with you, and I did enjoy it, but I was forcing something that weren't meant to be. I won't go back to something like that." She said, starting to get a bit annoyed at Ivy's constant insistent behaviour.
"So, what about us then? You'll just forget and deny what we had?" Ivy said, getting annoyed as well. They could both feel an argument incoming, and although none of them wanted it they didn't try to stop it coming either. "There is no us anymore Ivy, you're you and I'm me. And I thought we already agreed we could stay friends, that we weren't meant to be more."
"You're the one who said that Elda, I simply agreed because I didn't know what to do at the time."
Det finns en plats som ingen annan har
Tomrummet som blivit kvar
Jag kan inte fylla de än
Nej för jag minns i varje andetag
Stunderna som du och jag
Aldrig kommer dela igen
(There's a place that no one else has
the empty space that's left
I can't fill it yet
No, because I remember in every breath
The moments you and I
Will never share again)
Åh nej det finns inget vi
Det finns bara du, det finns bara jag
Inget annat kvar
Och du vill ha mig bredvid dig i sängen nu
Men jag stänger av, du får inget svar
(Oh no there's no us
There's just you, there's just me
Nothing else left
And you want me beside you in bed now
But I turn off, you get no response)
Days went by, and Ivy tried to call Elda multiple times, settling for texting her as she didn't answer. Elda didn't ignore Ivy because she didn't want to talk to her, she simply didn't feel like talking to her on the phone, because she could sense the conversations she would bring up.
"I've been thinking of what you said" Ivy said with newfound confidence as she approached Elda after school a few days later, offering to walk her home. Elda watched Ivy curiously, waiting to hear what she had to say. "You've met someone else, haven't you? And you don't want me to be in the way." That last part was less of a question and more of a statement. What scared Elda was how right Ivy was, even if Elda hadn't met anyone recently and that Jan had always been there. And the situation wasn't quite as cruel as Ivy wanted it to seem, it's not that Ivy was in the way for another relationship, Elda simply didn't like her like that, and she would have ended things with Ivy even if she didn't have Jan. On the contrary it would've been cruel to keep leading Ivy on. Elda got lost in her thoughts and her silence was enough of and answer for Ivy. "Of course," she whispered. "You've found someone better" she said accepting defeat as if she hadn't wanted to accept her own theory before.
They continued walking in silence and Elda had yet to speak up. "It's Jan, isn't it?" Ivy finally said, as if she had been going over the options in her head before settling for the obvious option. Elda quickly turned her head towards Ivy, looking at her with wide eyes, still not uttering a word. Her reaction made Ivy nod her head, realizing she was right.
They arrived at Elda's apartment building where they both knew Jan was waiting since his last class for the day had been cancelled. "Well, guess I'll leave you to your boyfriend now" Ivy said with a bittersweet tone, and Elda didn't have the strength to oppose her.
Åh jag kan inte komma för jag är med nån annan
Inga sms kan få tillbaka mig nu
Du behöver inte veta, vi är inte tillsammans
Sluta ringa, snälla
Du får mig att tappa andan
Får mitt hjärta att stanna
Inga tomma löfte kommer rädda dig nu
Jag kan inte komma för jag är med nån annan
Sluta ringa snälla, det är slut
(Oh I can't come because I'm with someone else
No texts can get me back now
You don't have to know, we're not together
Stop calling, please
You make me lose my breath
Make my heart stop
No empty promises can save you now
I can't come because I'm with someone else
Stop calling please, it is over)
As Elda walked inside the door she threw her stuff on the floor, releasing a sigh and closing her eyes to calm her swirling thoughts. As she opened her eyes again, she was met with the questioning gaze and raised eyebrows of Jan. "Ivy thinks we're together" She blurted out to answer Jan's silent question. "And I didn't deny it" she added, now more cautious of her tone, looking at Jan with guilty eyes. That last addition to Elda's statement made Jan's expression change to a more fazed one.
"Why?" asked Jan, lowering his volume. Elda slightly raised her shoulders in a questioning manner before answering. "I'm not sure. I think I mostly wanted to give her a reason to give up on me, and I know that might be cruel, but I didn't know what to do Jan, will you please tell me what to do?" She begged desperately. Jan broke their eye contact, looking away before answering. "I won't put up an act and pretend to be your boyfriend Elda, but I'll give you some time to tell her yourself, so in the meantime I won't expose your lie." Jan still didn't meet Elda's gaze, seeming angry at her for what she had done. Great, Elda thought, I don't want the person who wants me but the one person I want doesn't want me back. What Elda didn't know was that Jan didn't react like that because he doesn't want Elda but rather that he wants her so much it would break him to only have Elda for pretend. It would be like giving him a taste of something he didn't have to make him yearn for it even more.
The next week the tension between Elda and Ivy were still high and Lily had enough of it and planned a night out for the four of them, hoping they would all be able to have fun together as usual. Seeing as they all attended a music school, they decided to go to a karaoke bar. Even Elda thought it was a great idea, that was until Ivy went up on stage, singing My heart will go on and never once looking away from Elda. Elda tried subtly shaking her head at Ivy, trying to convey her dislike for the situation, but it only made Ivy more content on continuing. Lily conveniently chose to go to the bathroom as she got to know what song Ivy had picked.
When Elda got home that night, she received an incoming call from Ivy. She dutifully ignored it, putting her phone on silent.
Vill läka nu
Vet precis vad du gör men det biter inte som förut
Mеn absolut, du är bra på att vara omöjlig
(Want to heal now
Know exactly what you're doing but it doesn't work like before
But absolutely, you're good at being impossible)
Åh nej det finns inget vi
Det finns bara du, det finns bara jag
Inget annat kvar
Och du vill ha mig bredvid dig i sängen nu
Men jag stänger av, du får inget svar
(Oh no there's no us
There's just you, there's just me
Nothing else left
And you want me beside you in bed now
But I turn off, you get no response)
Åh jag kan inte komma för jag är med nån annan
Inga sms kan få tillbaka mig nu
Du behöver inte veta, vi är inte tillsammans
Sluta ringa, snälla
Du får mig att tappa andan
Får mitt hjärta att stanna
Inga tomma löfte kommer rädda dig nu
Jag kan inte komma för jag är med nån annan
Sluta ringa snälla, det är slut
Jag är med nån annan
(Oh I can't come because I'm with someone else
No texts can get me back now
You don't have to know, we're not together
Stop calling, please
You make me lose my breath
Make my heart stop
No empty promises can save you now
I can't come because I'm with someone else
Stop calling please, it is over
I'm with someone else)
Another few days went by and while her attempts had lessened Ivy still tried to call Elda at random times and gave her long looks in the classroom. Elda decided this had to end.
"Ivy, could we talk?" She said as their teacher had put them together for an assignment. Ivy simply looked at Elda, nodding as an answer. "I think this has to stop now" she said confidently yet still gently. "I think there's someone much better for you, someone you're meant to be with. Just open your eyes and stop focusing on us two and you'll see it" She continued just as gently, as if she was afraid Ivy was a bomb who could explode any minute.
"What are you talking about?" Ivy said. "You don't have to gaslight me into thinking I like someone else just because you have a new boyfriend."
"I'm not trying to gaslight you; I'm just telling you what I've been observing. And...Jan isn't my boyfriend. I'm sorry I lied."
"Oh because exposing one of your lies makes me believe you more?" Ivy said, suddenly very engaged in the conversation. "Why the hell did you lie about that?"
"I don't know...technically i never said anything, you were the one making guesses." Elda answered carefully.
"Oh" Ivy then said. "It's because you want him to be your boyfriend, isn't it?"
"That's not the topic we're discussing now." She said quietly, avoiding Ivy's gaze. "Just, consider what I told you. Open your eyes Ivy and you'll realize I'm not the one for you. It is over"
Åh jag kan inte komma för jag är med nån annan
Du behöver inte veta, vi är inte tillsammans
Sluta ringa snälla, det är slut
(Oh, I can't come because I'm with someone else
You don't have to know, we're not together
Stop calling please, it is over)