Red vs Blue : Mirage

By SILVETfighter

29K 991 92

Former mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a n... More

Notice before you read
Bio
Season 1: Why are we here?
Red gets a delivery
The Rookies
Head Noob in Charge
The Package is in The Open
1.21 Giga-Whats??
Check out the Treads on that Tank
Don't Ph34r the Reaper
After Church
A Shadow of His Former Self
Knock, Knock. Who's There? Pain
Down, but not Out
Human Peer Bonding
Roomier Than it Looks
How the Other Half Lives
A Slightly Crueler Cruller
Points of Origin
S1 Finale: Last One Out, Hit the Lights
Season 2: Everything Old is New Again
Motion to Adjourn
Red vs Bleu
The Joy of Toggling
Sweet Ride
Last Words
Nobody Likes You
Nine Tenths of the Law
In Stereo Where Available
Radar Love
I Dream of Meanie
Room for Rent
Me, Myself and You
An Audience of Dumb
Aftermath, Before Biology
What's Mine is Yours
Nut. Doonut.
Dealer Incentive
S2 Finale: K.I.T. B.F.F.
Side Story: Horizon Finance Part 1
Horizon Finance Part 2
Horizon Finance Part 3
Horizon Finance Part 4
Horizon Finance Part 5
Horizon Finance Part 6
Horizon Finance Part 7
Horizon Finance Part 8
Horizon Finance Part 9
Horizon Finance Part 10
Horizon Finance Part 11
Horizon Finance Part 12
Horizon Finance Part 13: Finale
S3: The Best Laid Plans
Visiting Old Friends
Let's Get Together
You're the Bomb, Yo
Make Your Time
We Must Rebuild
New Toys
We're Being Watched
It's a Biological Fact
Heavy Metal
Roaming Charges
Silver Linings
Episode 50 Part 2
Have We Met?
Let's Come to Order
Hello, My Name is Andrew
Defusing the Situation
Calm Before the Storm
S3 Finale: The Storm
S4: Familiar Surroundings
Hunting Time
Fight or Fright
Fair Competition
Lost in Triangulation
The Hard Stop
Previous Commitments
Looking for Group
Exploring Our Differences
Setting a High Bar
Getting All Misty
Talk of the Town
Sneaking In
You Keep Using That Word
Getting Debriefed
Under The Weather
Right to Remain Silenced
Things Are Looking Down
Two for One
S4 Finale: The Arrival
S5: You Can't Park Here
Got Your Back
Baby Steps
Sibling Arrivalries
The Grif Reaper
In Memoriam
Strong Male Figure
Yellow Fever
Brass Tacks
The Nesting Theory
Spelunked
The Haystack
Terms and Provisions
Missed Direction
Where Credit is Due
Biting the Hand
Tucker Knows Best
Loading...
The Wrong Crowd
Uncommunicado
Same Old, Same Old
Repent, the End Is Near
S5 Finale: Why Were We Here?
Season 6: Reconstruction, Chapter 1
S6: Reconstruction, Chapter 2
S6: Reconstruction, Chapter 3
S6: Reconstruction, Chapter 4
S6: Reconstruction, Chapter 5
S6: Reconstruction, Chapter 6

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By SILVETfighter

Church, Caboose and Tucker are standing over Church's body.

Church: I am not happy about this.

Caboose: I have an idea. ...I HAVE AN IDEA!

Tucker: Yeah, we heard you the first time, Caboose, we were just ignoring you.

Caboose: Since you possessed that Red guy, and took control of him, why don't you just possess your own body?

Church: Oh I see, so that way I would be living inside of my own dead body.

Caboose: Yes.

Church: Unable to move, just, laying there, rotting in the sun for all eternity.

Caboose: Yes.

Church: Okay, Caboose, I'll be sure to get right on that.

Caboose: I think you are a mean ghost.

Tucker: Dude, you really stink.

Church: What?

Tucker: Your body, it stinks.

Church: Tucker, the first chance we get, you are going to bury my body.

Tucker: Quit your bitching, nothing's going to happen to it.

Church: It's a freaking indignity! My body fought hard for this army, and it deserves to be laid to rest.

Tucker: Get over it, you're already dead. What's the worst that could happen now?

Caboose: Hey, Church, look, birds! Why are they flying around in circles?

Church: [as a sigh] Nuh, God.

Cut to Grif and Simmons on the Red Base.

Grif: Okay, I'll go again. I spy something.. that begins with...

Simmons: Dirt.

Grif: Damn! How did you-

Simmons: Well, because you did rock last time. That's all that's out here, is rock and dirt.

Grif: Yeah, this canyon sucks.

Cut to Tucker and Church watching Tex and Rayner fix the tank from the cliff's edge. Caboose is behind Tucker looking through the sniper rifle.

Church: How long do you figure until Tex and Rayner fixes the tank?

Tucker: Not much longer. They said it's going pretty well. The gun's almost working, and then they'll get it moving again.

Church: [sarcastic] Oh, that's just fantastic.

Tucker: Why would that upset you?

Church: Because as soon as she gets the tank online, she's gonna use it against the Reds, and they're all gonna die.

Tucker: The Reds dying is a good thing.

Church: No, Tucker, it's not a good thing. As soon as we beat the Reds, Tex is outta here. And I still haven't figured out a way to get that A.I. out of her head.

Caboose: A.I. ...

Church: Shut up, Caboose. And if I don't get it out before she leaves...

Tucker: If she leaves you won't ever find her again.

Church: Right.

Tucker: So what're you gonna do?

Church: I guess I'm gonna do the only thing that I can do. I have to warn the Reds before she fixes the tank.

Tucker: You're switching sides?

Church: Sorry, guys. I don't have much choice.

Caboose: Church, uh, wha-what happens when the Reds out here.. to stop Tex, and then they come also with guns and they find us..?

Church: I'll try to help you as best I can. Good luck, guys.

Church fades away.

Caboose: Does this mean I should try to kill Church now?

Tucker: I tell you what: kill me. I promise not to come back.

Caboose: Hey! LOOK AT THIS. [focusing on Donut]

Tucker: No.

Caboose: They have A GIRL. They have a girl!

Tucker: A what?

Caboose: A girl, a girl! Look! Pink armor!

Tucker: Oh man, how come they get a girl?

Tex: [from below them] Uh, you guys realize that I'm a chick, right? And that I'm standin' right here?

Tucker: Yeah, Tex, but when we say a girl, we mean a girl-girl.

Rayner: [emerges from behind Sheila] Yeah, your personality doesn't exactly scream 'feminine' charm. [Tex shoots at him but he dodges] Aha! Too slow.

Tex: Grrgh! [turns to Tucker and Caboose] Care to say that again to my face!

Caboose and Tucker: [backing up from the edge of the cliff, out of Tex's sight] Nope!

Tucker: Wait a second. If Tex heard that, do you think she heard Church's secret plan to warn the Reds about her?

Caboose: I don't know... but I think I know how to find out.

Caboose steps back up to the edge, looking down at Tex

Caboose: Hey...! Tex! Uh... Did you hear Church's secret plan to tell the Reds that you were fixing the tank?

Tex turns back to the tank then Caboose backs up to join Tucker.

Caboose: I don't think she knows. [fade to black] ...Unless she can read minds... She can't read minds, can she? ...Can you hear what I'm thinking?

Cut to Tex and Rayner.

Rayner: So.... what are you gonna do about that?

Tex: We're almost finished anyway. Once we finish I'll just use the tank and kill all the reds. Besides, what can those idiots do to me inside a tank.

Rayner: Ooh, feels like you just jinxed yourself.

Tex: I don't jinx myself.

Cuts to black.

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