8:01 am
"Women like me do not fall gracefully,
We stumble over our spines, trip over our vowels,
And collapse into your arms.
Our hearts are open books,
Russian novels containing fifty pages
On the way your voices drifts across
The telephone wires each night.
Our hearts are first drafts,
Unedited verses about each and every person we
Have ever loved: the stranger on the subway, the girl who gave us a balloon,
The boy who stole your virginity
But not our heart.
Women like me will love you from a distance of a thousand syllables
While laying in your bed,
We will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible,
And when we leave
You will finally understand why storms are named after people."
I was reading a poem by Katrina, M.K. the other day and was so fascinated by its beauty which transcends through the nature of every girl I've ever met. Destroying a man in the most beautiful way seems tragic for me but the act itself is inevitable. Especially... loving someone from a distance. Those words caught my attention. It pierces through your heart like a bunch of pins flying on the air ready to tackle their target. That is a real heart ache.
11:45 am
I am back to where I started. I am wondering around to seal my fate, my future. I went out through the streets of New York hoping that I can't recall the last time I had Grey's Papayas. The first bite is always magical. This has always been a treat for me and her.
Me and you. We were always a team. We would always know what to do and when to do it. Our lives were perfectly planned out... It was so perfect that we began stretching ourselves to a point where we can no longer stretch back to our old aged love. We are each other's toxicity. But in spite all of that... I still love you.
1:07 pm
The other side of this street is a building that has been in my dreams for the past year. People with happy faces can make your day. It was so powerful that you can carry their smiles into another. I know I'm no longer welcomed there. Maybe when the time comes, I will have the guts to open up the door, drop everything on the floor, and just beg for forgiveness. For now, I will just walk away. Yes, I am still scared. Call me a coward but that is what I really feel. I'm not yet ready.
Leave this place behind. But never you.
1:47 pm
"Yes, yes, I'm on my way. You know it's really hard to catch a cab here in New York and don't forget the traffic.... Yes, I will be there maybe around half an hour... Okay, okay, okay...I will hang up now... Bye!"
That was a very good friend of mine on the phone, Louisa. She wanted me to be on time for the call backs but I think I will be late. I'm hoping that everyone's gonna be late because of this traffic. Oh please, oh please, oh please.
I went over with the audition piece and kept singing it in my head. This is the final call back... I HAVE TO NAIL THIS! I am so nervous and I think my heart will explode. The director will be there and Andrew Lloyd Webber himself! Let this be a good day. Please!
2:47 pm
Yes! I finally made it! I went inside the building and ran onto a flight of stairs to get to the fourth floor. Already, I saw Louisa tapping her right foot while holding a folder close to her chest
I approached her with a sorry look while fiddling with my hands.
"Am I late?" I asked.
"Nope. In fact, we're early. The audition won't start until 4:00pm, however, the staff are already inside on that room over there." Said Louisa pointing to a door near the end of the hallway. "We can impress them. Mr. Webber really wanted you and me to play the part, however, we have to win the approval of the director first. That is the crucial part of it. But I really don't mind playing the role of Meg."
I smiled as I gave her a hug. "C'mon. Before anything else, we need to do our vocal exercise."
We went to a door that says "Waiting Area". Automatically we went in and practiced our audition piece as the room flooded with girls who also returned for the call backs. I must say... that a lot of these girls has potential.
Suddenly...
"Oh God!" said Louisa looking at a text message.
"What?" I asked quickly with my eyes widened.
"I'm sorry. I have to go. There is an emergency and I need to leave immediately. I'm really sorry!" said Louisa standing up and headed straight through the door.
Typical... I know there's no emergency.
I knew she would back out. She's always like that when everything's hits her like "this is real". I don't know why I stayed friends with her. Honestly, she's dragging me down. Too much negativity. She would always make excuses for this stupidity. She won't get far from this business because she doesn't know how to grab an opportunity.
4:00pm
Finally, the door opened and my name is called at once.
****
(AJ's POV)
8:01 am
"AJ, I am telling you that is not the point." Said Alastair leaning towards me.
I wiped my face in dismay as I breathe out heavily.
"Brother, listen to me. I am not moving out of my apartment... I like it there and it really annoys me when you keep intruding in my private life. Why are you sticking your nose in my business, anyway? I'm perfectly fine, alright?"
"Really now? Why don't we ask someone if you really look okay, shall we?" said Alastair sarcastically. "Hey, you there, Kristina..." grabbing her by the hand and dragging her to our table, "- what do you think of AJ?"
She looked at me and said, "W-well... I... amm..."
I looked away as I drink my coffee. I hardly speak to her these past few days ever since we got back from California. I heard her... I heard her saying "I love you" to Jessie. She meant it and it hurt. I don't know why but it did. I know I have no right to feel this way...
I wish I could just wake up and all these feelings will be gone.
Yes, there is one thing that Jessie has and I don't... it's her.
11:45 am
I'm still at the café together with Alastair when suddenly Jessie came in and sat with us. She looked a little pale.
"Jess, what's wrong with your face? You looked like you've seen a ghost." I asked.
"Buddy, you know I love you, right?"
"Hardly, yes?"
"W-well, I thought it w-was her. Sh-she looked like her... b-but it's not her." Said Jessie uncomfortably.
Jessie keeps rubbing her eyes like she's stressed about it. Though, I didn't understand a thing she said. I guess it was one of her bright ideas for a show at The Riff? She always has this look when an epiphany shows up and I think it's showing now.
1:07 pm
It's time for me and my brother to leave the café. We just finished the possible stage design proposal for the show and later on we will show it to Mr. Webber. I hope he likes it this time. Redesigning the whole set is hard work and time consuming! Of course, if my brother didn't forget to hire a new stage designer after he fired Lorenzo maybe we wouldn't have to do it ourselves!
"Come along, AJ. We need to be early. I don't want to get stuck in traffic." Said Alastair collecting his things from the table.
"Don't worry... I know a short cut." I said standing and placing the strap of my sling bag over my shoulder.
Suddenly, I heard a crash. When I glance over, it was Lizzy who dropped her tray of dirty dishes with her face shocked and glued to a view outside the café.
"What the hell?" shouted my aunt when she saw what happened. "What the f*ck is wrong with you? Clean that f*cking mess up!"
I immediately picked up her tray together with the dirty dishes while Lizzy just stood there frozen.
"Lizzy, are you okay?" I asked in concern.
She looked at me almost teary eyed as she covers her mouth with her shaking hands.
"What's wrong?" I asked again placing my free hand on her shoulder. This is beginning to bother me. What did she saw that made her act up like that? I looked outside through the window but there's no one there. What is happening?
Alastair, tapped me on my shoulder signaling me it's time to go.
2:00 pm
We got to our building just in time for our mandatory meeting with Sir Andrew before the callbacks starts. We showed him our design plan for the stage and finally he approved! Thank God! I thought I was going to lose it. Me and Alastair even prepared a speech on our way here for Mr. Webber if once again he wanted to redesign the whole thing. But it turns out we didn't have to. It's a good thing I guess, because my brother here will include the foulest word that Mr. Webber might not heard before. Yikes!
3:55 pm
It's almost time to start the call backs. Our production assistants distributed the profiles of our auditionees on our long table as we sat down.
As the director, I am sitting on the middle of the table in between Alastair on my right and Mr. Webber on my left. Finally, the microphone has been placed on the middle of the room ready for use.
Greg who just arrived came over to me and whispered, "AJ, we have a little situation. I don't know if you will like it but-"
"Not now, Greg. I have a lot of things in my mind right now and I don't think I can handle a little situation. Maybe later.."
"B-but... It's important." Insisted Greg.
"We should start now." Said Mr. Webber cutting in.
"Ye-yes, sir. Right away." I said. "Greg, we'll talk later, okay?"
Greg nodded but his face is still little bit concern. I'll just ask him later.
"Please call the first auditionee." I said to an assistant. He went out right away to get the first girl.
4:01pm
As I hear the door open, I also opened her profile inside the folder. I was stunned when I saw the name on who was going to audition first. A cold sweat started to rise, my hands are getting numb as I dwell on that name which I have long forgotten.
"Hi. I'm Samantha Hailey Parker."
I looked up and it was her. There she was.
No... It can't be...
Sam...
"Alright, darling, I'm sure you know the audition piece that I have given you. When you're ready." Said Mr. Webber.
"Yes, sir. I'm ready." Answered Sam.
As I hear the intro of the song, my heart ached. Once again everything that I tried to forget came back in an instant. All the pain that has been long forgotten came to life again. Sam... Sam... Sam, why did you came back? Is it to haunt me with your memories? Is it to torment me with your words and let me cry in my bed for months and waking up still crying over you?
No...
"Think of me, think of me fondly
When we've said goodbye
Remember me, once in a while
Please, promise me you'll try"
I looked down as she sang the most beautiful song from the Phantom of the Opera.
I don't want to remember you. I don't want to see you... I was okay...
Alastair held my hand and squeezed it tightly.
"AJ, I'm here." Whispered Alastair.
"We never said "our love was evergreen"
Or "as unchanging as the sea"
But if you can still remember,
Stop and think of me"
I've tried so hard to forget you and now you're here.
"Recall those days, look back on all those times
Think of the things we'll never do
There will never be a day
When I won't think of you"
Mr. Webber leaned over to me and said, "I hope you don't mind... but I think we have found our Christine. I want her to play the lead. She's a fantastic singer and I can see here on her profile that she came from humble beginnings. I always love an underdog. But of course, as courtesy, we must finish all the girls who will audition but I want you to talk to her and tell her she got the part."
"Y-yes, sir."
As the song came to an end, we all said our thank you as Mr. Webber gave me the signal to stand up and talk to her.
She bowed down and went out of the room. I went out as well and saw her already going down the stairs. I ran down to her and called out her name.
"S-Sam."
She turned around and gave a bit of her smile. I was in a trance of disbelief.
"Hi, AJ. How are you?" said Sam in her sweet soft voice.
I just looked at her and I'm almost tearing up. Why are you here? Why did you came back? Why did you leave me? Those were the questions I wanted to ask her but for some reasons... I can't open my mouth.
She came closer to caress my face. "That song was for you. I knew all along you were working with Sir Andrew and he wanted me to audition for his play. I didn't hesitate... I went right in to the audition thinking that I might see you again and I want you to know that I'm here now and I'm sorry." She hugged me tight as I stood there still stunned on what was happening.
This is surreal. I often dream of her and this moment right here.
"Not a day passed by that I don't think of you... and what I did to you. I'm so sorry, AJ."
TO BE CONTINUED...
Author's note:
If you have time, please, please, please try to listen to the song 'Think of me' so that you can get a hint on what was AJ feeling when she heard Sam singing it. You can also look for the whole lyrics of the song. Anyway, hope you liked my update! Ciao!
Ms. Lee.