XAVIER ROCKWELL
"I know you've already watched the video." Jordi's voice reverberated from behind as I was pulling a clean shirt to wear. He finally decided to start the topic.
I closed my eyes, paused and took a quick breath before eventually agreeing to what he just uttered. "Yes, I did."
"I was drunk that night, Xavier. A-and I don't know what I was doing." Jordi went on pulling the I'm-drunk-and-I-didn't-know-what-I-was-doing card on me. "I gave in to the temptation and I am very... very... very sorry for what I did."
I turned around looked at him in the eye with a straight face and it's as if I wasn't affected by what he was confessing to me. I started slipping on my shirt. "Of course I know you were drunk. You're at a party. You should be drunk."
Jordi was staring at me and I don't what was going through his head because I'm not giving him any sort of emotion. "You sound like you're..."
"Like what?" I immediately cut him off knowing he's about to describe my current situation. I pulled out my undergarments and began slipping on them.
"I-I'm sorry, Xavier. I mean it. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about it as soon as I got the chance. I was just scared to lose you, babe. You're the love of my life and I just got really scared because I don't know h-how or when to say it." I could clearly hear how Jordi's voice was cracking up the void and even though a part of my soul wanted to drop the stoic act, the heartless part of me clearly had the upper hand.
"Yeah, apology accepted." I groaned out with a straight face.
Jordi was just staring deep into my eyes. "You sound like you're over it... You sound like you're not... you."
"Psh..." I scoffed into a chuckle simply shaking what he said off of my shoulder. "It's me. I haven't changed, bro. This is still me."
"Xavier..."
"What else do you want to talk about?" I asked having already felt done with this conversation. I guess part of me being done with this was because I don't want to just lose the act and be a mess.
"Are we going to fix this?" He inquired.
I paused for a while, the look on his face was genuinely asking me if we are going to settle this. I thought I was going to say something else and I did. "I mean, yeah. We've already fixed it. You came here, you apologized and I accepted your apology. That's it. Let's call it quits."
"W-what do you mean?"
"We're done." I smiled at him keeping my face straight although deep inside, I'm a mess. I don't want to cry right in front of him. I think I've cried one too many times right in front of him and this time, I shouldn't be crying. This wasn't my fault.
"No..." He exclaimed and paused before eventually shedding a tear. "T-this can't be happening, Xavier. I love you so much. You're my... life."
"Psh, come on, Jordi. Get over it."
"GET OVER IT?!" Jordi screamed out. Of course, I was also startled that I managed to say that phrase but I'd rather stand by it.
Thankfully, Tristan finally arrived. The knocking on the door was loud enough for both Jordi and I to hear.
"Oh, hold on, someone's knocking." I walked out of the room.
Before I opened the door, I had to take a moment to breathe. That conversation was inevitably intense and I was right all along. If it took way longer than that and Jordi broke down and went on his knees before me, I probably would've dropped the act. I had to be tough on the outside, that's how I learned to live. I also wanted to see Jordi feel the pain. It's not the same but at least, I'm not the only one locked down in a miserable universe.
I wore my best smile before eventually pulling the door open to see Tristan looking much rather dashing. "I'm glad you could make it!" I cheered.
I let him in. "Yeah, sure, sure. I thought you were really angry at me. I bought you some chocolates as a simple peace offering." He said handing me a box of chocolate packed in a heart-shaped box and wrapped with a red ribbon.
"Oh, you didn't have to but thanks anyway."
"W-who's the guy?" Jordi suddenly showed up from behind just as I was expecting.
"Oh, hey, there you are." I looked over at Jordi and now, I was acting as if I was happy to see Tristan. The truth behind it was I'm not really happy to see the guy. I just thought of a plan and so far, it is working on my favor. "This is Tristan; Tristan this is Jordi." I was compelled to introduce them to each other.
"Hey, Jordi!" Tristan greeted Jordi and as he stepped forward to have a simple handshake, I immediately noticed how Jordi was uninterested with Tristan. "Oh, you're not a handshaker. I see."
"Jordi is my younger brother. Anyway, my brother's just about to leave, aren't you, Jordi?" I looked over at Jordi.
"Oh, yeah, I...I was just about to l-eave." Jordi's voice was sonically cracking up and I thought he's going to stay but he just walked out of the place.
I may have overdone the plan that was formulated on my mind. The plan was just to make him jealous but I never thought I would actually break up with him. It was a spontaneous decision on my end. I didn't really plan on severing the relationship that we have. Maybe breaking up with him was for the best and I'm just going based on my feelings. I don't really know anything about it and maybe I'm going to regret breaking up with him at some point. However, at this point in my life, I do think I made the right decision based on my emotion.
"You and your brother don't look alike." Tristan uttered the instant that Jordi shut the door behind him. Tristan looked really dressed for this when I'm not really planning on hanging out with him.
"Oh, yeah. Different dads, different face." I replied walking over towards the kitchen. I don't really feel the best knowing the fact that I just broke up with my boyfriend but I don't have anyone to blame because that's a decision, I, myself have come up to.
"Oh... I see." Tristan followed.
"Do you want anything to drink?" I asked and since Jordi was already gone, I thought my predicament was already gone but then I'm left with one more problem. How do I lose this Tristan guy? Sure, I was the one who asked him over and maybe now, I have to hang out with him.
I was just so entangled with the plan of making Jordi jealous and I'm pretty convinced I did the job done. However, I never thought I would be given another problem on hand. Tristan's definitely cute too, he got a nice clean haircut, his skin was glowing, he got some style only people on his age have. Though, I don't think he's my type at all and I remember him having a boyfriend which meant he was cheating on his boyfriend too.
"Uhm, anything." Tristan mumbled.
"Anything? Scotch?"
"Anything." He asserted seemingly shy to suggest anything.
"Alright, scotch then..."
I grabbed two glasses and brought out the scotch from the alcohol closet. When I was cleaning last time, I found this closet filled with different alcohol. If I knew that closet existed beforehand, I would've already consumed everything. I poured each of our glasses and then sound of alcohol gushing into the glass sounded like music to my ears. Somehow, I wanted to get drunk tonight.
"Cheers?" I asked raising the glass in the air.
Tristan gave me a wide and seemingly sticky smile as he grabbed the glass right in front of him. "Cheers!"
We both took a quick sip of the scotch. "So, did you broke up with your boyfriend?" I began inquiring about his boyfriend. I was purely curious about his situation.
"Oh, no...no..." He shook his head as he slowly grabbed the nearest high stool and took a seat. "Have you heard of this thing people call open relationship?"
"Open relationship?" I cinched my eyebrows utterly confused.
"Yeah. Open relationship is when a couple are okay with each other having affairs with someone else as long as they know everything about it." Tristan elaborated but I still don't get it.
"Huh?"
"Okay. It's like this, my boyfriend's okay with me seeing other people and I'm okay with him seeing other people." Tristan explained in simpler terms and I did get it.
"Something like that exists?"
"Yeah, the world's a very complex place, man. There are couple that people call throuple."
"Throuple? And what does that mean?"
"It's three people in a committed relationship."
"Oh, damn. I didn't know about that."
"Yeah, you're still young and I'm judging based on your skin." Tristan divulged. "How old are you again?" Tristan asked and I got nervous for a while.
"Twenty. I'm twenty." I ended up lying to him and I don't even know why.
Tristan and I enjoyed continuing the conversation while drinking scotch. I asked to take a photo with him and he said yes. I actually learned some stuff from him that I haven't heard before and it's mostly about relationship. He told me his story with his boyfriend, how they met and how they basically had fights here and there.
The conversation was going so smooth and fun up until the moment he asked me if I'm willing to have a threesome with his boyfriend. I was quick to decline the offer knowing that I'm still recovering from what happened just an hour earlier. Thankfully, I wasn't drunk as fuck that I'm still in my senses because if I was, I probably would've agreed to it. It's kind of messy for me to join something like a threesome. As soon as I declined Tristan's offer, I glad that he's not super assertive with it.
Tristan eventually decided to leave after we finished having our drink. His boyfriend called again and he was definitely being honest with me because he even introduced me to his boyfriend. He asked me if I was interested in going to the same bar where we met for the first time but I aggressively declined. I'm already drunk and I just want the time to myself. I want to take the time to let what happened earlier really sink in.
As I laid down on my bed, I started thinking of Jordi once again. I just broke up with him and maybe that's just the right decision for now. Maybe Jordi needs to find himself because I know I have to find myself too. I got really lost when I learned about him cheating on me and while I do still have passionate feelings for him, I needed to find myself first. I can't continue loving someone when I'm lost.