The ones who suffer from anxiety, depression or other mental health issues, are not always the most happy people.
And you? You had all of this at once. You had anxiety, depression, social anxiety. And you not always could control it.
There's was a days that you were happy and then sad at once. Sometimes you could just be angry at yourself and for the people who around you, and then you hurting them.
And sometimes you just, being you. Like anything is wrong with you. But the problem, that every single time you felt happy for second, it's never stayed for so long.
You never knew how to control it, especially not at school, when the whole place is with a lot of people, and you can't control your own thoughts. Every single person in the hallway, you thought he was laughing. At you.
You couldn't control it, until you met someone who helped you the most with your anxiety, and since then you're in better state.
He was there for you at your lowest point and he helped you get out of that. He helped you even when you thought you can't do it.
This person was the best part of your life.
Matt sturniolo was the best part of your life.
Since him you knew exactly where you belong and with who you belong.. you just wanted to be with him forever no matter what.
No one in school knew that you and Matt dating, except your friends and his brothers. The problem Matt we're one of the popular kids.. so it's wasn't a really great idea for two of you to tell someone.
You got out of your class and you walked to your locker. When you opened your locker you saw a note falling out of the locker. You looked at this and picked it up. On the note were Matt's name and a smiley face.
'Hey love, Meet me at the cafeteria in the break. Well, it's mean next lesson, love you Matthew.'
You smiled a little and looked for him or someone you know .
You decided to skip the math class and just chill at the library with your book and your music until the break .
You heard songs that made you feel better, made you feel like you don't have any pain in the world. You just felt better. No matter what, you feel better with your music.
Finally break. You went to the cafeteria like Matt told you, you sat with him on the lunch even no one knew you guys dating.
-
Matt saw you there, he saw you there looking at what to take for lunch and he just smiled at you. "Hey, I'll be right back." He said to his friends.
You saw some guy ran to you with a blue team jacket and number 4 on the back. And the name of the school. You recognise it's was Matt. He were number 4 of the lacrosse team.
"Hey!!" You said, you didn't hugged him for not being suspicious to the others. "Hey, how are you." He said and he just smiled at you.
"Good. I'm just taking food, should we sit apart today?" You asked looking at his friends staring at you and him. "Nah, they will be fine.." Matt looked at his friends and smiled.
"Are you sure?" You asked. "Yeah of course.. just take you some food and come fine? I'll be there.." he said and gave a side hug, or like you called it.. friends hug.
"Are you friend with y/n?" Some guy asked Matt. "Yeah." Matt sat next to Chris his brother and . "Since when? I thought you were dating Millie?" Nathan says. "Nah, it didn't worked out.. and me and y/n just friends." He replied. "I heard she have a lot of Mental issues." Some girl said.
"Yeah she is crazy, I don't wanna be close to her that much, she look not okay." "She is on drugs." Some boy said and Matt lost his mind, they were talking about you, his girlfriend.
"Chris come on." He said to Chris and took his things. "Where are you guys going.." Nate asked. "Sit alone, with my crazy girl." He said and looked at you going to another table.
"Fine, leave." They said and Matt did. Left them. For you.
-
You finished your break and walked to history class, you walked to your locker but some girl closed your door on your face. "Hey y/n." It's was Millie, she tried to date Matt once and she is the captain of the music group.
"Hey Millie, can I help you?" You asked to be polite. "Yeah, can I know what going on between you and my boyfriend?" She asked. "Who is your boyfriend?" You asked her, sing so confused about it.
"Matt.. sturniolo.. we got out since last month." She said, you got nervous, like you fighting your anxiety. "We're just friends, and he told me he is single." "Are you sure?" She got close to you.
"Because he is not." She got mad. "Yeah it's what he said, I promise." You got really nervous that your heart was beating so fast and your hands shaking. "Liar." She said.
"Hey Millie, I promise, I'll never do it to you and Matt and I just hung out sometime, and he just helping me with my anxiety that's it." You said to her and she didn't believe .
"I know you're doing shit with him! You're just a slut who stool everyone boyfriends, and now you stool mine." She shouts at you when all the kids stood there and laughed at you.
You saw Matt standing there but he couldn't see who is yelling at you. And then he saw you running out of the hallways to downstairs. "Y/n!" He shouts when he ran after you. "Matt!" Millie shout at him and he turn around.
"Leave me the fuck alone, she is my girlfriend. I need to go to her." He shouts when the whole school hears his voice. People start talking. "But I thought.. we.." "we're not. We went out together once, and I didn't want this either. So fuck you millie." He said and ran out of the hallway.
"Y/n?" He called when he got to the lowest floor. "Are you here? I looked for you everywhere.." he said.. looking for you.
He heard you crying and followed your noises. "Baby, are you okay?" "Don't." You said. "Matt go back to the class. I don't need you." You said. "Are you sure?" He asked.
"Matt. I don't need...
"Me?"
"Stop Matt, I don't need you!"
"Are you sure you don't need me?"
"Jeez no!" You shouts and hugged your knees and put your head down. Matt just sat next to you and hugged you. When you felt matt touch you just fall inside his arms with crying.
You couldn't think of anything else, all your head was a mess. A huge mess.
Matt knew it, he knew how you feeling so he didn't said anything, he let you cry, let it all go.. that's what he did, all the time.
Let it all go..
"Why am I such a baby?" You said and pick your head up. "You are not." Matt said. "So why am I crying over a girl that I don't even know?" You looked at him. "Over you?"
"Me?" Matt raised his eyebrows. "Yeah.." you played with your fingers. "W-why?" Matt asked. "Because I'm afraid.. all the time." You told him. "Of what are you afraid baby?" He holds you hands.
"From you to not loving.. me." You said and the tears fall down on your face. "No.. don't say it." He wipe your tears away with his hands. "So why this girl made me so unloved?" He asked. "Hey. Listen to me. You're not unlovable, fine? It's your head saying that. It's not the truth, okay?" He said.
"It's feeling like that." "It's not, I promise." He said, biting his tongue. "I promise you. You're loved." He adds. "Matt... please don't say bullshit." You said , and from crying, your breath was hurting.
You try so hard to clam yourself down, but it's got to loud and too bad. "Matt. I can't breath.. it's so hot here." You said and trying to clam down. "No, shit." He said. "Look at me.. it's okay." You saw your hands shaking.
"Oh god." You said and he just holds your hands. "Look at me, breathing in and out. I'm here I'm not leaving, never." He kissed your forehead. "Breath. Keep breathing." He told you and he just helped you breathe. Copying you breathing and calming you down.
"I hate this." You said. "Yeah.. but we gonna get through it." "We?" You raised your eyebrows. "Yeah, we. I'm not leaving you.. never, I'll never leave."
"I'll never let you go, I want you close to me more close then my own life. I want you with me for lifetime and to the next one. Okay?" He made you blush. "Really?" You smiled.
"Yeah, my red cheeks girl." He put his hand on your cheek. You loved Matt's warm hands and when they touched you? It's was your happiness.
"I love you." He said. "If I've never said it before, so just want you to know.. I love you." He smiled at you. "I love you too."
"Now, can I take you out of here?" He offered you his hand and you took it. "Let's go.." he whispered and get you close to him.
In the night, everyone already loved you because of you and Matt relationship, and you didn't have to hide anymore.
Not when you're with Matt. Never.