"And all we went through, we ain't see eye-to-eye
But what you told me way back, you was a ride-or-die
So if they give me one, or give me two
Or if a nigga gotta sit down and do a few
Before I go, baby, I gotta know, what would you do?
Would you find someone new or would you stay?
Like the hoes when they lay with me?
Puppy eyes when I go, sayin'
"stay with me"
Aw, girl, you bad as Hell
And yet I'd love to -
But see I got a girl I'm really makin' love to
Therefore I'm feelin' a lot more guilty when I rub you
That's why I skip
all of that kissin' when I fuck you
Flush the condom down the
toilet then I skate
I had you, but you can't have me, I never stay"
I sat in the back of Sean's escalade. Scrolling through my old phones pictures. J cole singing in my ears and all I could do is think about her. What the hell am I doing? I'm messing with different girls every night and believe me it's good but I didn't realize I was just fucking. I felt nothing and I barely kissed them let alone feed them lies about being with them. I realized that with Santana I made love and this whole time I thought I didn't know how. I felt guilty about how I've been treating her. She didn't deserve it. She has always been my ride or die and I did her so foul. It felt too good and the fact I didn't want to stop. I had to end it. Our relationship would've been too messy. Maybe we can reconnect in the future but right now i'm worried about me and my music.
Sean pulled up in front of my condo complex. It's real nice and luxurious. I've been meaning to check out the pool & jacuzzi sometime. Maybe later.
I gave Sean a fist bump and left out the car. My two body guards Craig and Eric right behind me. Surprisingly no paparazzi surrounded the complex but they're always lingering around somewhere.
I checked myself in and told my boys it's alright for now. I'll call them when I get ready to leave. I'll probably stay in for the day. Thinking about it. I did have to meet up with my mom later. I haven't seen her in months and now she wants to see me? I wanted to tell her to go to hell, but I agreed to meet up this afternoon.
It felt so good to lay on my king size bed. My sliding glass doors leading to the outside gave a nice view of the beach. I would've never thought I'd be here. I haven't blown up yet but I have a feeling in just a couple years I will be up there.
I drifted off to sleep. Not bothering to change my clothes either. When I woke up I got a call from this lady that works in the lobby.
"Sorry to bother you Mr. Carter but, you have a visitor. Should I send the person up?"
My mom wasn't playing about seeing me. I didn't want to deal with her now but, I guess I have to.
"Yeah no problem. Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Walking into my kitchen I poured myself some soda in a glass cup. Leaning against my counter I thought of what I was going to say to my mom. She had left me, but I still felt love for her.
Hearing a knock at my door I sighed. Why this early? Setting my glass down I walked across my living room. Opening the door I was surprised to see Jay. I haven't seen him in awhile but we talk from time to time. It felt really good to see someone familiar in my life.
Stretching the door open wider I said, "Wassup J-"
It was too late and I was shocked as hell when his fist collided with my jaw. I even stumbled over my feet and fell to the floor but I caught myself. I didn't know how to feel at the moment. I lay there clutching my jaw.
"Oh you hit it big and forgot about everyone else huh?" Jay hissed. Pure anger in his tone of voice. "You forgetting about the people that always been here for your ass when your crackhead ass mama wasn't. She took your money and hauled ass. Looking like a fool when everyone warned you that yo mama wasn't no good. But yo stupid ass ain't listen."
"What you thought? That y'all was gonna be some big, happy family?" Jay laughed at me. "How can you fix something that's already fucked up? And my sister," his voice changed from amusement and back to anger.
"I told you not to hurt my sister. She been here for you the most and you treat her like shit. Man, I thought yo ass changed but I was wrong. At least your mama was right about one thing. You ain't shit and you're never gonna be shit."
My blood was boiling at that point. My hands balled into a tight fist. Jay has went too far. I would never cross the line when it comes to family. My mind was telling me to calm down and don't hit him, but my body spoke for me.
Getting off the floor my right fist swung at Jay but he saw it coming and weaved my shit. My left fist got him though when I came in for the kill. I was too pissed off to care as my fists swung left to right. Jay got a few good licks in though but I was getting his ass.
Both of us having our sets up trying to block each others hits. Jay had got me good when his fist managed to upper cut my ass and still come across my face. That's what got me heated.
"Fuck nigga!" I had said, tackling Jay on to my floor. He tried to kick me off him but nah. He was punching back but my blows were coming in harder to the point he had to block his face from receiving them hits.
I felt two pairs of hands grab me from behind as I was pulled off Jay. These other security guards had pulled Jay back as he tried to swing at me. Nigga look crazy.
Spitting some blood out his mouth on to my carpet he spat at me. Spit and some blood getting on my face. "Nigga you dead! Fuck that brother shit!"
Wiping that shit off I laughed at his ass. "Could've killed me a few seconds ago when I had that ass on my floor fuck nigga."
Jay tried so hard to get to me and the rage in his eyes I had never seen before. We ain't 'neva fight like this. I felt bad that we did and that we got to this point. Plus the fact that I beat his ass. Jay talk too much shit and today he couldn't back it up. Dude can fight but his ass stupid if he thought he was gonna try me, and whoop my ass.
Security let me go. One of them asked if I knew him. "Yeah. It was just a misunderstanding. I don't want to press charges." I let Jay off the hook. Even though we just fought I wouldn't be able to look at myself if I did him dirty by pressing charges.
On there way escorting Jay out he said one last thing before my door shut, "You dead to me Cavonte. Don't come back. You ain't got no family round my side."
If I said that didn't hurt it would be a straight up lie.
6:07PM
I sat down at this cafe. I didn't know the name nor did I care. All I could think about is the fight between Jay and me. What the hell am I doing? I'm where i've wanted to be since forever. As happy as I should be i'm not. I've been leaving the past behind and moving on with zero fucks. I was caught up. I cheated on the one person who believed and loved me more than anyone. I fought my brother. I barely hang with my little sister anymore. I don't even keep up with old friends and I ditched Damond as my manager. Now i'm sitting at this cafe alone, and a bunch of hoes texting my phone. People that I barely talked to hitting me up like we best friends. I rather have my family. Fuck this fake shit. I messed up big time and all I want to do is fix it.
"Baby," I heard her voice. Familiar but so distant it seemed.
Turning my head I saw my mom standing behind me. She looked the same but she lost a lot of weight. She wore a short cut wig along with some makeup. Some army shorts on that seemed to be a size too big for her. A short, white see through shirt on as well. She looks bummy. I never thought she would let herself go like this.
She tried to touch my face but I turned my head away. Not wanting her to touch me. "What happened to your face? Who did that to you?"
Looking at myself through my phone I saw that I have a cut under my black, right eye. Jay got me good there. I had some other cuts but not too bad. Scoffing I said, "Now you care about me?"
She took the seat in front of me, "I always cared about you. How's my other baby doing?" She rubbed at her arms as if she was cold. Her eyes showing little interest in the subject. She didn't care. Picking up her menu she looked at what she wanted to eat.
"Fine. What you want?" I said, cutting to the chase.
Rolling her eyes she said, "Why you always think I want sum? I just missed my son that all."
"Don't fucking lie to me!" I hissed at her. Almost shouting too. A few people stared but I don't care. "You checked yourself out of Rehab, you packed all your shit without saying goodbye, and you took all of my money! You left us to fend for ourselves. If it wasn't for Mr. Diego I don't know how we would've survived."
She set her menu down. Sadness read in her eyes along with regret. "I'm sorry. Once you get hooked on these drugs it's hard to get off. I was going through so much and i'm sorry. I'm here now Tay. I promise I will change. I want us to be a family again." A single tear slid down her cheek before she wiped it away.
My eyes watered a little. For so long i've wanted an apology. For so long i've been waiting for her to say we can be a family again. All it had to take was for me getting famous. Damn. Ain't that cold?
"It's okay I trust you. No disrespect but I think it's time to let that fantasy of you and your mom living happily ever after again out your head. She don't care about y'all and if she did she sucks at showing it. I know that's yo mama but sometimes blood ain't thick and you got to let them run they own course." Santana's voice lingered in my head.
Setting my own menu down. A single tear dropped on to it. Wow. Ain't life a bitch? Reaching into my pocket I took out a few hundred. Sliding it across the table I saw as her lips turned into a smile. She always did love money more. "I want you to take this and I want you to go. You ain't my mom and i'm done with you. Walk outta here like you did a few months ago. If this is what family is about, fuck it. I don't ever wanna see you again. Don't call me nun. Hope life treats you well." I even kissed her forehead and walked away without looking back. Ignoring her shouting my name to stay.
I packed a few things from my closet and placed it in the backseat of my Lamborghini. I'm coming back but I think it's time I fix a few things. I lost who I was, but i'm willing to find my way again.
"It's nothing personal
It's just that all of them women you slept on were working though,
They was saving up
New niggas came around, they've been waking up with,
I swear, you don't know this city anymore
They might've loved you before
But you're out here doing your thing
They don't know you... "
Sure they do they're just not as sincere
It's crazy all the emotions forgot in a year
She like, "why you even give a fuck you not even here"
Well out there there ain't nothing for me, and I think I need to come home,
Tell me, who did I leave behind?
You think you got to me
I can just read your mind
You think I'm so caught up in where,
I am right now
But believe I remember it all."
Club Paradise blasting through my speakers on my way towards Fort Lauderdale. It shouldn't take me long to reach the house. Even though Jay didn't want me there I was willing to take a chance. I was willing to fix my problems. I was willing to take Santana back. I love her and this time i'm going to prove to her that i'm the one. That I would never hurt her again. All I want is her. All I want is my family back.
9:33PM
I stopped by at Kwik Pick near my old house. I missed kicking it at this store sometime. A few guys stood around the store as usual. I didn't pay them no mind. Some of them checked out my car. Looking like they ain't never seen no car before. I was eager to get home but, I couldn't wait to see Santana. Taking out my phone I scrolled through my contacts and dialed her number. I wanted to make up for it now just in case things didn't go well with Jay.
She didn't answer. I called her again. She didn't answer. I called her two more times before giving up, and leaving a voicemail.
9:42PM
'Hey you've reached Santana. You know what to do.' Beep.
Leaning my head against the steering wheel I placed the phone to my ear, "I know you hate me. You probably don't even want to speak to me again. I wouldn't want to speak to me either. I just want to let you know that i'm sorry. That I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm such a fuck up. I messed up a good ass relationship over nothing. I never stopped thinking about you. I love you so much Santana. I may not say it a lot but damn girl you got my heart. I wish I could go back in time and erase all the times i've made you cry instead of making you smile. This voicemail bout to end I just know it but, I just letting you know i'm going to fix that broken heart. Fix us. I don't ever want to lose you again. I love you."
Sending the message. I licked over my lips real quick before opening the car door. I was hungry as hell.
9:46PM
The niggas standing outside nodded whats up to me. I nodded whats up to them too. I made sure to lock my car twice. These niggas round here known for stealing.
Walking round the store I picked up some chips, a honeybun, a soda, and I even got me a hot sausage. I was hungry as hell.
It's funny how the man in the store seemed to charge me more than the usual price. He lucky I ain't beat his ass but, I let it slide.
9:51PM
Walking out the store I couldn't wait. Taking a bite of my sausage I ate it. I was too hungry.
"Nah. I know this nigga ain't that stupid to bring his ass back round herr." I heard Rah's voice. My throat dried up and my body froze.
He was on one side of me and some other dude was on my right. Some even stood near my car. Oh hell nah.
Rah stood in front of me now. A wide, sinister smile on his face. "Look at em. Boy in got some fresh clothes, shoes, and ooh look at dat car. Nice ain't it." He told his friends. "This boy know he ain't never look this fresh."
They chuckled. Rah continued to seize me up. "Damn. I knew I was gonna see you but I ain't know this early. Made my night."
A snarl crossed my lips as I looked around for an escape. I'm a dead man if I stay here. "What you want money or sum?" I hissed at him.
Him and his boys laughed.
Taking all the money I had on me out I threw it at Raheem.
"There you go nigga."
Raheem's laughter stopped and he looked pissed off. A couple of his boys started picking up the money because it look like he wasn't going to. "That was so disrespectful. Damn, I know yo mama ain't got class but you should know better."
When I saw him reach for his gun I dropped my bag and I made a run for it. I heard a shot and thank God it didn't hit me. The minute I hit the corner I heard another shot. "Ah!" I made out a terrifying scream. I felt a bullet shoot right into my side. As much as that shit hurt I kept running.
I pressed my left hand on the wound to stop some of the blood. Jumping someone's fence I kept running. "You dead boy!" I heard Rah shout along with some laughter.
Hiding behind someone's shed I couldn't control my breathing. I was terrified and in pain. Taking off my jacket I tossed it somewhere. Half my white shirt is covered in blood. I'm sweating and trying so hard to calm down. Please God don't let me die tonight please. I begged him silently. It ain't my time.
Taking out my phone I called 911.
"911, what's your emergency"
"Someones trying to kill me. I need help i've been shot. Please. Help me." I begged. Scared for my life at this moment.
"Just calm down sir. Do you know your location? And whose trying to kill you?"
I ain't never been no snitch but damn. "This dude name Raheem I don't know his last name. I'm near the Kwik Pick store in Lauderhill. I'm hiding behind someone shed. I don't know the address."
"Are you black or white? & how old are you" She had the nerve to ask as if that made a difference.
"I'm black and I'm 18. I just need some help please i'm losing so much blood. I don't wanna die." I choked up. Refusing to cry.
"It's going to be okay. Now, can you describe what Raheem looks like? I'm sending someone out now."
"He's tall and dark skin and he has a brush cut. Shit." I ended up cursing cus of the pain and this lady annoying the shit outta me.
"Y'all see him?" I heard a voice but it was distant but near. I took off running again. I heard feet shuffling behind me as another gun shot went off.
"Help me please!" I begged this lady. Fuck it I ended up hanging up. I heard more shots being fired.
"Somebody help me!" I shouted as I ran down the street clutching my side. "They trying to kill me! Somebody please!"
10:13PM
I could hear police sirens in the distance and the sound of a car coming. I took off and hopped somebody fence. I knew the car belong to Rah and his crew. Hiding in a bush I ditched my blood drenched shirt. I was finding it harder and harder to breath. I don't wanna die. I don't deserve this.
10:27PM
I heard some movement. Sounds of a pair of feet moving through the backyard. I became alert and slowly crawled out the bush. Scraping my wound along the way. Once out I took off running.
"Aye!" I heard some man say. I didn't stop I kept going. I didn't look back.
10:33PM
I had made it to the street when I saw a flash of a light in my face. I saw two police cars.
"Stop! Put your hands up now!" One of the officers yelled.
I didn't understand. I was the one shot but their acting as if I was the enemy. "Help me I've bee-"
"Put your fucking hands up or i'll be forced to shoot!" The other cop yelled.
My side is killing the hell out of me and if I move my hand more blood would spill. I can feel myself drifting off and any minute I could pass out from all the blood I lost. Doing as the officer said I held my hands up, "I need hospital." I begged them.
I felt a sharp pain and made a mistake by reaching for my wound. That's when I heard a shot go off and felt a blow right through my chest. I knocked hard on to the ground. All I could remember yelling was, "Why did you shoot me?" before everything went black.
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